Hilarious things that farriers & trainers say!

[kit279]

I love our farriers, they're a really funny bunch of lads and always making me laugh.

E.g. on Parelli "well it's got to be better than tying the horse up a tree with its legs behind its ears"

On my TB - "that horse has Grade A1 sh*t feet. Woah woah, don't make her cry!"

The most hilarious part is watching them do the invoices when they gang up on the younger apprentices and make them do the sums in their heads...

Anyone else got any funny quotes rom their farriers or trainers? (I've got a miserable cold today and could do with something to make me giggle!)

 

[Eira]

''Sarah please go in to the corners of you circle'
My response - 'Peter circles do not have corners'
'Sarah stop being a no it all and get back to riding the coners

'

Not that funny but makes me giggle

 

[JessPickle]

at xmas we had a yard christmas do, after we all went bowling. Farrier was doing extremely well I asked

"What is your trick to getting so many strikes"

He responded

"I pretend those pins are that little [****] of a pony ******"

What he didn't realise is said ponies owners were near by OOPS!

 

[kit279]

Oh yes, a great one from my riding instructor.

Her:- "You see that whip? Use it."
Me:- "Er, I am using it"
Her:- "Use it on yourself!"

 

[pinkcatkin]

My farrier was reminiscing about a client who would be wearing just a bikini bottom when holding her horses to be shod. He said it made it quite difficult to keep his mind on the job!

He also calls all our horses "Trigger".

 

[starsky]

My trainer
"I want you to sit deep in the saddle, move your hips like you're straddling your boyfriend"

 

[Eira]

Another one from my trainer -
'Tits out ,fanny in Sarah !!! '
I proceeded to wet myself laughing
as he screemed down the arena
'come on Sarah stay in one postition your not pissed off your face on Sambuca with Louie now

'

just as my mum came round the corner , never lived that one down

Still not sure what he meant

 

[kit279]

Lol. I overheard the following at a local yard (same farriers)

Girl:- Can you shoe my horse this time please? Last time A did it and they just fell right off hile I was eventing.
Farrier:- That's cos he's looking at your arse not your horse's feet...

 

[Twiglet]

This morning my farrier called me at 7.30am and said:

'Why the f*ck is your f*cking horse in the field? How am I meant to shoe it when it's up to its f*cking ears in mud??'

(I *might* have forgotten that he was due out today - ooops)

 

[CorvusCorax]

RI: "You're riding like a f***ing dodo!"

Then proceeded to tell the other instructor a few days later that I "had (the horse) going lovely"

???!!!???

The only person in the world I don't resent paying to yell and swear at me

 

[Damnation]

This is from when I first got my mare.

Me: I just can't sit to her canter!
Instructor: USE YOUR ARSE, ITS BIG ENOUGH!

>_<!!

 

[emma_lg]

Sorry had to laugh at that one!!!

I've had...
Instructor: 'Sit back, sit back...too late...again'!!!

Instructor: 'It helps if you breathe Emma...it should come naturally and will help your riding ability....and shut your mouth..which I know doesn't come naturally to you'!!!

 

[DiablosGold]

Not my instructor, but a lady who teaches who fed my horse a mint then expected hijm to walk happily away from her.

"Don't TAP it, WHACK it!!"

 

[stencilface]

Do dentists count?!

My dentist calls all the horses 'snowball' (none of them are grey!) and once played a trick on us by dropping a huge horse tooth on the floor while he was rasping and pretending it came from my horse's mouth! Hilarious!!
Plus he is a tiny man, and has an 'assistant' and I always think of him as a magician beacuse of this.....

 

[Keltic]

Instructor shouts ...Kick like sh*t kick like sh*t!!......
or (overheard when friend was having a lesson) Use your whip its not to scratch your fanny with.

 

[Governor]

Funniest was Donn Collins at Warks Col. It's a shame the accent doesn't translate too well in text.

'Hit it! Hit it! Hit it! Now sit back yah...BACK!'
(G bucks if you use a whip)
(Most comments followed by 'yah?')

The other hilarities are his examples of sitting deep in canter (aka pelvic thrusts), half halts and tempi changes. No wonder he has his own facebook tribute.

 

[MagicMelon]

Ive had "God, you're so blonde" several times from 3 different trainers

!

One comment I got about a million times PER lesson was "lift your hands" but imagine it yelled in a Dutch accent! It drove me INSANE. Honestly, I would have to have my hands practically under my chin before he'd shut up about it! I only lasted 4 lessons with him... (only had to have him due to Uni Team!)

 

[Kat]

I hate it when they say "Don't you dare fall off" As if you'd fall off if you could help it!

My old instructor (who was quite "forceful" in her approach - but brilliant) coined a brilliant new insult when she called some numpty who was very outclassed in our jumping lesson a Spazwang!!! We nearly wet ourselves!

And upon seeing a dizzy blonde woman ride in on her new palomino pony declared "Oh look its horseback barbie!!"