Hope its worth it

PurplePickle

PurplePickle

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I'm giving up my horse to get married next year, he goes in 2 weeks

I am so torn between the two although constantly being told I should put people first!

Not all bad I can have another after we have moved/settled etc (thats if kids dont enter the scene i have a sneaking suspicion minds will change then)

Apparently I am expecting things that not everyone can have and in a dream world, Ive had horses since 12 its my life not a dream
Not all bad I'm keeping my driving pony as I said if she goes i do! had her 12 years and thats a deffinate NO! lol
Anyone else done it and managed to get back into riding again?
 
Why do you need to give up your horse to get married? Not being arguementative, just wondered about your reasons - I got married 9 month ago and never even considered giving up my horses.
 
Why would you need to give up horses to get married? Have I missed something?
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I'm not really sure why you are having to give up your horse when you can have one once you are 'settled', what difference does it make?
If I was told to give up one of mine to get married I don't think the answer would be all that polite!!
 
Had a 13 year gap,did not have horses when I met my OH as was working in London in Casino's....after we had been married two years, and was walking the dog on Epsom Downs,we saw people out riding....I said 'I would love to get another horse.' and he said go for it....OK did not have one when we met,but he knew I loved them....TBH sometimes it's good to have a break from them,but while I worked in London I always had this ache to be near horses,instead of a roulette wheel!
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Are you being told you have to give up your horse??? I get the impression thats the case ( sorry if im wrong ) I am getting married next year and wouldnt even consider selling them. In fact it was my OH that made me buy them after i lost my old pony!!! Either way if i was made to sell them to get married id be staying single
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If you are being "made" to sell them you will soon regret it and even resent your oh for loosing your horse.
 
I understand weddings and new houses cost money, and it's all unsettling but is there no way you can work round this? I know if it were me (I'm getting married to, congrats by the way!, and I have two small children) I would do ANYTHING to ensure I could still keep horse.

From what i understand you have two atm, so I guess giving up one isnt quite the same as being told to give them up altogether.

Could you not loan the other out for a year?

I'm really sorry, but if your OH is asking you to give up horses altogether or telling you to sell one despite you not wanting to... well he hasnt your interests at heart has he?
 
Echo Silent_Night - we have just bought our first house having got married in the spring, and it certainly is expensive! However we discussed it at great length, and eventually decided to mve to an area about 2 miles from our ideal location, where we could get a house that wasn't much smaller than the ones we had been looking at, for almost £50k less, allowing our mortgage payments to drop sufficiently for us to be able to keep the horses! To be fair one of them is my husband's (of the 4!) and one my mum's (but she can't really look after her very well), but its me that is the one that is passionate about horses, however OH understands that and would never expect me to give them up!
Being married really doesn, IMO, change anything. We are exactly the same people, both as individuals and a couple, that we were before, I just got a nice ring!
And, when we do hopefully have children, I like to think OH is aware that even then all that will change is that he will have to do more of the work with the horses and learn to lunge my arab!
 
Crikey, mine wont let me sell mine!!!! I think I would have to go too, and he doesnt even ride!!!

I had a huge gap and it makes no difference so long as you are happy. If finances are the problem then that cant be helped.... If its a jealosy thing then hold on tight
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[ QUOTE ]
I'm not really sure why you are having to give up your horse when you can have one once you are 'settled', what difference does it make?
If I was told to give up one of mine to get married I don't think the answer would be all that polite!!

[/ QUOTE ]

Ditto....My horse always comes first! People may argue with that, but hey, thats how i feel.
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Don't do it. Your not in a dream world, lots of people get married and keep horses. My lovely OH is working his backside off to buy a bridle for my horse for christmas cos he knows how important she is to me. I'm keeping him and my horse for life. If he was the sort of man who'd ask me to choose between him and horses he'd have been gone a long time ago. You keep your expectations wherever you like and aim higher, he sounds like the wrong bloke.
 
Well where we live at the moment the livery is expensive around here, and we would be saving a fair whack to put towards getting married and moving in April, of course after these two big outlays we wouldnt need that amount of money and I could probably go back to getting another.

OH has been very good about horses, in fact he was the one forced me to travel the 3 hours to go see the one thats going, but now everyones on at him, his boss, parents etc saying I am living above my means! at the minute i am starting my business so he is having to foot the bill a lot of the time so I dont feel I can say no when its not all my money.

However when it is all my money and the business has got going I will have what the heck I want lol, but there is always this feeling of 'you cannot put animals before people' I blame his parents they keep enforcing that opinion

Anyway its done now he goes in two weeks, but there will be a huge reavaluation if there is any more sign of stopping me having horses in the future

I guess now its happening I'm just feeling very sorry for myself and rather deflated.

Oh and yes sig pic thats my welshie!!
 
Hi Summerleft
I got married last December, and I sold my last horse in June of that year. The wedding was part of the reason - I was keeping him at my parents farm and I ws finding it very stressful trying to find the time to deal with him, work, and all the wedding plans as well. I just felt like I was being pulled in too many directions and I wanted more time to actually get involved in planning what was MY big day after all! The money was less of an issue although he did pay for my honeymoon
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BUT it was entirely my choice to sell him and I had been thinking about it for a while for reasons entirely unrelated to the wedding. Nobody forced me into it and if I hadn't wanted to then I wouldn't have, no matter what anyone else said!

I managed precisely 6 weeks after the wedding before buying the little horse I have now, but it was always my plan to buy another once I had the time and resources to be able to concentrate on giving it the time it needed. I don't regret selling the last one at all, because I made the decision for the right reasons and not because I was forced to for financial ones.
 
Hi Summerleft

I very rarely get involved with things on here, but your post struck a chord with me.

I got married last month, and although it cost a fortune, I would not for one moment ever ever consider selling my boy, he is my life and comes WAY before hubby.
At the end of the day, is it worth parting with a good friend (I am presuming you have strong feelings for the one that is going) to save money for a few fancy table decorations and a rolls royce to have pictures taken with?

OK OK, I am generalising here, and I would not for one moment wish that someone did not have the big day they have always dreamed of.

I suppose you just have to think how much he means to you, and weigh it up against what you want to get out of your big day that is going to cost so much/ be so important that giving him up is the only way.

You don't have to spend a mortgage on a photographer, cake and cars for it all to look perfect. Just saying you are getting married puts £££ infront of peoples eyes.

I know you say that it is all finalised and he goes soon, but I just can't comprehend it. Even if you are using your OH money for this interim while you get your business up and running (good luck btw).

I truly hope that your day is everything you wish for, but also I hope that the decision you have made does not come back to haunt you.
 
I don't understand why it's the busines of his parents or boss what he does with his money, especially as you'll be earning again soon. There is no need to go to ridiculous lengths for a wedding. I went to Krash 'n' Burn's (love the new avatar, by the way) and it was a fabulous day. I know she worked really hard to get the money and time together to arrange it and the run up was very stressful but I also know that she would have given it all up if the only option was to sell her boy.

I've never wanted to get married but I know that I could not give my horse up for the sake of one day - how can you measure possibly a lifetime of companionship against one day? It seems to me that everyone else is telling you what to do when it is not really any of their business which makes me think you might regret it.
 
You say it is not your other half and everyones on at him, his boss, parents etc saying I am living above my means!

Well I say he should stand up to them. I never have and never would have given up my horses to get married, and as it isn't for him it is for a load of busy bodies, Goodness I would tell them where to get off in no uncertain terms, Disgusting!

I would find a loan home nearby for him for a few months till you get your business up and running, but I sure wouldn't part with him. In the long run I think you will regret it if you let him go under pressure, and you will end up resenting your other half and his family to boot because you obviously don't want to part with him.
 
Hmm,dont know what to say.
On one hand it sounds as though you are being forced to give him up when you dont want to BUT also sounds like its the right thing to do(even if it hurts like hell).
Maybe in a year or so when you have moved,got bussines off the ground ect it would be a better time to have another horse and you still have your mare so not as if you are being forced to pack in horses alltogether.

Good luck,hope all works out-if there is time to back out of sale and you really want to keep the horse I would find a loan home for the time being personaly.
 
Thanks all, feel really sad today, its not just the wedding i am doing that on a shoestring , would you believe I have most of it down for £500, then parents are buying a dress.

Its also the moving home afterwards and how much hes costing at the minute. OH's parents lent him some money and so ae saying they have every right to say what he does because of that! I wish he hadnt borrowed it really its not a huge amount.

Wheels are in motion now anyway so cant do anything about it. What annoys me I suppose is that he would tell me to ignore what my parents say yet his parents he says 'they have a point'! He must feel beholden because of the money thing.

arghh!
 
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