Horrible panicking when I feel out of control

[Spirit3106]

Hiya,
I've always had this really frustrating problem. I've ridden for ~8 years, ridden at tons of riding schools, hacking, started part loaning the last year, so you'd probably think I'd be a lot more advanced than I am...

But I'm really not. And it's all because I've always had a really big issue with panicking, specifically when I feel out of control.
On a horse that I feel confident on, I'm great. I love jumping a course, going for a gallop, trying new things. The thing that makes me feel confident on a horse, is knowing that I have brakes and can stop at any time.

But that isn't the case, of course, on a horse that gets any bit forward, strong, excited, spooked etc,. I've had some really awful experiences over the years with horses taking off, and while I've never had an injury resulting from it, the whole experience of being stuck on a horse in a situation I can't safely get out of has really stuck with me. It can feel like nobody really understands it, or has ever felt the same level of fear when riding that I do. It's held me back so much and it's so frustrating because I'd love to progress, but every time I get pushed outside my comfort zone, I completely freeze up. I tense and I can't think beyond trying to immediately stop the situation before it escalates.

I went to view a new potential part loan a few days ago, his owner said that he's a confidence giver and was a first loan for a tween coming off riding school ponies, so I thought he'd be easy for me.. He was very forward and felt quite strong (to me!), like he wasn't trying to kill me in hindsight but I felt awful on him and at the time couldn't think of anything other than how anxious I felt.

It feels so embarrassing because I love being able to perfect and work on my skills in all my hobbies/things I enjoy. And horses and riding, is genuinely my absolute favourite thing to do, above all else. And it's the thing I'm the worst at, I've been doing it for so long and I've always tried so hard but I have this mental block that I feel like I can't overcome. I'm kind of just feeling so discouraged by how much my anxiety and fear limits me. Does anyone have any suggestions or advice? It really feels like I must genuinely be the most anxious rider in the world at times!

 

[Dave's Mam]

I absolutely & completely understand & sympathise as I can be very much like this. Often with absolutely no reason at all.
May I ask if you are female & around peri / menopausal age?

 

[Spirit3106]

I absolutely & completely understand & sympathise as I can be very much like this. Often with absolutely no reason at all.
May I ask if you are female & around peri / menopausal age?

Thank you, it helps to know I'm not alone I'm only early 20s! It often feels like a lot of other people my age don't worry about "what ifs" like I do which makes it more isolating as well

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Sports Psych!

I've not ever really had a seriously bad experience with horses but life has 'lifed' and I've been unwell and it really put the fear part of my brain on high alert.

I've done loads of reading around, watching videos, which has all been valuable but I've recently started sports psychology sessions and my god I wish I had done it sooner. It's still a work in progress but the progress is there and I can feel it build week on week now.

That and a patient instructor who will work with you. I don't think my instructor has always 'got it' but that's kind of understandable when my logical brain agrees with her about things, but 'the fear' is illogical. The sports psych is helping things keep out of that 'but this doesn't make sense space' and focused on building sense of competence and developing strategies to change the relationship with anxiety and riding.

The balance is finding things just outside your comfort zone but that don't tip you into panic zone, because no one learns anything there except that they'd rather not be there again!

One of the biggest things I would say is absolutely do not give yourself a hard time about being anxious. It just makes the feelings more of a 'threat'.

Also I don't think it's all that unreasonable to find a sense of confidence in having brakes when riding. I think probably most riders would be frightened to some degree if they genuinely had no brakes when riding!

 

[Korg]

I'm sorry that you're struggling with that. I used to be very anxious when I did not feel like I had control. Exposure therapy helped me, mostly by learning that while I cannot always stop the horse, I can manage the situation. I've ridden horses who've jumped around, ran away, reared et cetera. You can't control a horse that completely refuses to be controlled. You can, however, control your own balance and the horse's balance with your weight. Feel comfortable that if the horse does run away, you'll be okay. That sometimes has to be good enough. Learn how horses react when they bolt. Most run about 200-400 metres, that's not too far.

And, it is okay to dismount if you feel insecure. It's not a competition for sitting the longest on the horse. If there is something in front of you that you think the horse will spook at, jump off and lead past that thing. Or just take a break without further reason, your horse won't mind.

 

[Spirit3106]

I'm sorry that you're struggling with that. I used to be very anxious when I did not feel like I had control. Exposure therapy helped me, mostly by learning that while I cannot always stop the horse, I can manage the situation. I've ridden horses who've jumped around, ran away, reared et cetera. You can't control a horse that completely refuses to be controlled. You can, however, control your own balance and the horse's balance with your weight. Feel comfortable that if the horse does run away, you'll be okay. That sometimes has to be good enough. Learn how horses react when they bolt. Most run about 200-400 metres, that's not too far.

And, it is okay to dismount if you feel insecure. It's not a competition for sitting the longest on the horse. If there is something in front of you that you think the horse will spook at, jump off and lead past that thing. Or just take a break without further reason, your horse won't mind.

That's exactly how I feel. It can be tricky to expose yourself to feeling out of control with horses, since they have a mind of their own and you can't really control how out of control things get! I never thought about how far they can actually bolt, that's good to know (generally I don't have problems managing to stay on but I just hate sitting through it!).

Thank you for your kind advice I definitely know that I struggle with my own mind. When things start going wrong I know what I should be doing with my seat, my hands, my breathing etc., but my brain completely blocks me from doing the right thing.

 

[4Hoofed]

Try a sports psych, maybe even if they do hypnosis?

Rationally more people really ought to be scared of riding.

With the potential loan horse did you get to watch it ridden by the owner first? I am not half as brave as I once was but I find it if I can watch them being ridden first?

Another idea is there are a few places that run confidence clinics etc now. One of them is a stunt riding place which seems pretty good.

 

[Dave's Mam]

Thank you, it helps to know I'm not alone I'm only early 20s! It often feels like a lot of other people my age don't worry about "what ifs" like I do which makes it more isolating as well

I've never been really confident, but menopause floored me with crippling anxiety in all aspects of life.
I wasn't greatly confident even when younger.
I hope you do get some good ideas & I will follow!

 

[Korg]

That's exactly how I feel. It can be tricky to expose yourself to feeling out of control with horses, since they have a mind of their own and you can't really control how out of control things get! I never thought about how far they can actually bolt, that's good to know (generally I don't have problems managing to stay on but I just hate sitting through it!).

Thank you for your kind advice I definitely know that I struggle with my own mind. When things start going wrong I know what I should be doing with my seat, my hands, my breathing etc., but my brain completely blocks me from doing the right thing.

Yeah, they certainly do have a mind of their own. Try finding horses who don't bolt, but do other shenanigans instead. I would for example not put you on my project pony who solves problems by bolting, but my mare who's not always so kind, you could probably handle. She does not bolt, though she can do a bunch of other things. You'd be scared of riding her, I can pretty much guarantee. But probably not more than you could control. If you can find such a horse, I think that'd be good for you. Human instructors can be very useful, but sometimes you have to learn (teach your own brain) from your partner (the horse).

I think you need more time, too. I was about 16 when I got more confident, and have been riding regularly since I was 6. Had my own, mostly multiple, horses since I was about eight. It takes time to learn, that's okay. Riding is a special sport too, as horses and the situations you get in are all so different. That's also what's fun about it.

I also agree with those advising talking with a sports psychologist, that might give you some tools too.

 

[Spirit3106]

Try a sports psych, maybe even if they do hypnosis?

Rationally more people really ought to be scared of riding.

With the potential loan horse did you get to watch it ridden by the owner first? I am not half as brave as I once was but I find it if I can watch them being ridden first?

Another idea is there are a few places that run confidence clinics etc now. One of them is a stunt riding place which seems pretty good.

I'm definitely going to look into something along those lines. I'm a bit skeptical about hypnosis etc but at this point I'd be willing to try just about anything to get over the block I have lol

I did ask the owner if I could see her riding him first! She seemed to have no issues with him so I was happy enough to try him although I was feeling nervous (always do when I try out a new horse).

 

[Spirit3106]

I've never been really confident, but menopause floored me with crippling anxiety in all aspects of life.
I wasn't greatly confident even when younger.
I hope you do get some good ideas & I will follow!

I know from seeing my own mother's experience that anxiety is common in menopause, I can only imagine that trying to be confident doing a high-risk sport becomes extra difficult! I hope we can overcome our anxieties

 

[alibali]

Riding is expensive and it's meant to be fun! Otherwise why spend all that money? At the moment you sound very much like you are focused on improving your riding which is laudable however I would suggest that you focus less on improvement and more on having fun

Why push yourself out of your comfort zone and make yourself nervous and miserable when you could redirect your attention into doing more of the type of riding you feel confident doing and enjoy yourself instead? You never know the more fun you have, the more you might relax and the greater your comfort zone might become, if it doesn't then what does it matter so long as you are happy doing what you are doing?

Not everyone has to be a world beater, sometimes good enough is good enough (particularly if you are enjoying yourself!). Be kind to yourself, take the pressure off and enjoy what you're doing

 

[Spirit3106]

Yeah, they certainly do have a mind of their own. Try finding horses who don't bolt, but do other shenanigans instead. I would for example not put you on my project pony who solves problems by bolting, but my mare who's not always so kind, you could probably handle. She does not bolt, though she can do a bunch of other things. You'd be scared of riding her, I can pretty much guarantee. But probably not more than you could control. If you can find such a horse, I think that'd be good for you. Human instructors can be very useful, but sometimes you have to learn (teach your own brain) from your partner (the horse).

I think you need more time, too. I was about 16 when I got more confident, and have been riding regularly since I was 6. Had my own, mostly multiple, horses since I was about eight. It takes time to learn, that's okay. Riding is a special sport too, as horses and the situations you get in are all so different. That's also what's fun about it.

I also agree with those advising talking with a sports psychologist, that might give you some tools too.

Yep, that's the thing! If you could reassure me that a horse would absolutely NOT bolt/take off, I wouldn't mind things like spooks and being difficult. That's exactly what I feel, I've always struggled in lessons as a lot of instructors just can't grasp how crippling my anxiety is, but I've been finding loaning really helpful to take it at my own pace. I'm trying out a different horse by the same owner next week, she's supposedly a bit greener in the arena but a lot more laid back than the one I have tried, which seems like a trade-off I could handle if so!

 

[Spirit3106]

Riding is expensive and it's meant to be fun! Otherwise why spend all that money? At the moment you sound very much like you are focused on improving your riding which is laudable however I would suggest that you focus less on improvement and more on having fun

Why push yourself out of your comfort zone and make yourself nervous and miserable when you could redirect your attention into doing more of the type of riding you feel confident doing and enjoy yourself instead? You never know the more fun you have, the more you might relax and the greater your comfort zone might become, if it doesn't then what does it matter so long as you are happy doing what you are doing?

Not everyone has to be a world beater, sometimes good enough is good enough (particularly if you are enjoying yourself!). Be kind to yourself, take the pressure off and enjoy what you're doing

Definitely true! If you'd asked me as a teenager I would've angsted about how much I want to be the bestest rider ever and whatnot. These days I do just really want to enjoy it! Generally I feel I'm getting better at just focusing on enjoying the journey.

The only issue is that I feel it can really hold me back from opportunities. Like for example, right now I may be getting the opportunity to get a fantastic loan deal with great hacking and opportunities to have more fun in the arena with which I'd absolutely love to do, except if I'm too anxious to handle the loan horse when I go to try her then I'll miss out on that chance!

 

[Boulty]

I find that one of the things that makes me feel confident is predictability. It is possible to feel confident and relaxed on a horse who can be quite spooky but flags up very clearly what they are about to do, does it and then moves on with life in a fairly consistent pattern whilst feeling unhappy on a horse who isn’t actually doing anything specific but who feels tense & on edge and like they MIGHT do something but you’re never quite sure what that something may be or what might trigger it. (& IME a lot of horses who give off those kinds of vibes have an issue somewhere, possibly a physical one, making them be like that)

Having some sessions with a confidence coach or sports psychologist might help you work through some of this / to be the person the horse needs you to be to help them keep it together.

I will say if it’s only certain horses that are triggering these feelings it might be your intuition trying to tell you something though and it is perfectly ok if you were to decide that for the moment (or forever) you only want to ride horses that make you feel “safe”

Oh and if you feel a situation is deteriorating don’t ever feel bad about hopping off and dealing with it from the ground if you feel safer and more confident doing so. (Definitely worth spending time instilling good groundwork manners into anything you ride to make this a safe option, although I will admit there was one horse I used to own that I was almost always safer onboard. If I owned him now I’d have the tools to fix that but didn’t at the time)

 

[Spirit3106]

I find that one of the things that makes me feel confident is predictability. It is possible to feel confident and relaxed on a horse who can be quite spooky but flags up very clearly what they are about to do, does it and then moves on with life in a fairly consistent pattern whilst feeling unhappy on a horse who isn’t actually doing anything specific but who feels tense & on edge and like they MIGHT do something but you’re never quite sure what that something may be or what might trigger it. (& IME a lot of horses who give off those kinds of vibes have an issue somewhere, possibly a physical one, making them be like that)

Having some sessions with a confidence coach or sports psychologist might help you work through some of this / to be the person the horse needs you to be to help them keep it together.

I will say if it’s only certain horses that are triggering these feelings it might be your intuition trying to tell you something though and it is perfectly ok if you were to decide that for the moment (or forever) you only want to ride horses that make you feel “safe”

Oh and if you feel a situation is deteriorating don’t ever feel bad about hopping off and dealing with it from the ground if you feel safer and more confident doing so. (Definitely worth spending time instilling good groundwork manners into anything you ride to make this a safe option, although I will admit there was one horse I used to own that I was almost always safer onboard. If I owned him now I’d have the tools to fix that but didn’t at the time)

Seems a lot of people are suggesting a sports psychologist! Yes that's true, for example the horse I currently ride, I felt amazing on him this summer, he's young and a bit spooky but I had no issue as he'd just have a look, a start, and move on, but a few months ago he was getting very agitated by a herd of cows and I genuinely felt he was going to bolt down the road so I dismounted. It's really hard to rewire your brain when you think that a horse has it in them to do something. Of course I know that really any horse is capable of anything, in an ideal world I'd love to only ride horses that make me feel safe but at the same time I'd like to have more options and not be limited by my worries

 

[Boulty]

Well done on regaining control of a potentially scary situation. Sometimes the vibe check is there for a reason and we have to make the adjustments we feel are needed to keep things safe.

I got bolted down a road with due to cows on the section D I used to have (cow was was basically just stood there staring at him but was right next to the fence and only became visible when we turned the corner and were suddenly alongside it and he just got totally freaked out, spooked, nearly fell over and then lost the plot) which involved him creating a gap that didn’t really exist between his two friends that were trying to box us in and a hedge (all this occurred on the wrong side of the road of course as well as that’s where the original spook made us end up) and me losing both stirrups due to how narrow the gap he forced himself into was). Would not recommend! Did pull up after a few hundred meters by forcing him into a lay by.

Said horse remained specifically terrified of black & white cows until the day he died and you wouldn’t find me on board him if we had to go through a field of them or pass close to them on a narrow path that would be dangerous for him to bolt on.

Did convince him that brown coloured cows were totally ok if he knew and lived with them for a few months (deffo a lot of drama in the first month of living alongside any “new” cows though!) or only mildly suspicious if encountered out hacking with friends to protect us. (Again drama occurred if we didn’t have friends with us)

Did take rather a long time to trust him not to kill us both after above incident (& involved a loooot of hand walking which was necessary due to barefoot rehab (getting absolutely sick to death of hand walking was a large contributing factor in wanting to get properly back on board!) , getting on top of the likely chronic low grade foot pain that was highly likely to be contributing to his reactivity and a few people to boot us up the arse if we got a bit stuck!). Would have been rather daft of me to ever expect him to be totally “normal” around cows though when he clearly had a fairly deep rooted phobia (that he displayed when exposed to unknown cows even if loose in the field with his herd to protect him) and taking steps to make him feel safe kept me safe too. The vast majority of horses are of course nowhere near as extreme in their dislike of something specific as he was (thank god!)

 

[Lois Lame]

Does anyone have any suggestions or advice? It really feels like I must genuinely be the most anxious rider in the world at times!

Yes, I have a suggestion. Look for a lazy horse, not a forward one.

I totally know where you are coming from because I also feel worried if I feel out of control. I've never been a brave rider, even when I was young. I think I was a lot braver than now though.

 

[Lois Lame]

Boulty, there's something really sweet about a horse who is terrified of black and white cows, but manages to hold it together with brown and white ones.

 

[kaiserchief]

Yep, that's the thing! If you could reassure me that a horse would absolutely NOT bolt/take off, I wouldn't mind things like spooks and being difficult.

The vast majority of horses do not bolt. That is to say - they will not run away for no reason and with no regard for their or their rider's safety. If they did, people wouldn't ride anymore as it would be just too dangerous. Most of the time if a horse "runs off" there will be a reason for it and they will stop pretty quickly without intervention (e.g. a pheasant startles them on a hack and they shoot forward 3-10 strides then pull up, turn and look). They are a prey species so while they feel the need to keep themselves safe, they aren't going to run for miles and tire themselves out needlessly.

I've been riding for 32 years and have only ever ridden one horse who would not stop and didn't care and even he didn't bolt in the traditional sense - he just set his neck in trot and trotted all the way home, refusing to slow or turn. I never rode him again. He was unsafe.

It may help you to run some pre-flight checks every time you get on - it's something I always used to do when my ponies were young. Get on, ask them to turn their nose to your toes, one at a time, then ask them to yield the back end one way and then the other, then back up a stride or two. Then hand over a treat or give them a scratch on the withers, do the girth and off you go. If they are willing to yield the front and back end to light pressure at a halt, the chances of them being bolters is absolutely minute. Good luck

 

[Red-1]

Sports Psych!

I've not ever really had a seriously bad experience with horses but life has 'lifed' and I've been unwell and it really put the fear part of my brain on high alert.

I've done loads of reading around, watching videos, which has all been valuable but I've recently started sports psychology sessions and my god I wish I had done it sooner. It's still a work in progress but the progress is there and I can feel it build week on week now.

That and a patient instructor who will work with you. I don't think my instructor has always 'got it' but that's kind of understandable when my logical brain agrees with her about things, but 'the fear' is illogical. The sports psych is helping things keep out of that 'but this doesn't make sense space' and focused on building sense of competence and developing strategies to change the relationship with anxiety and riding.

The balance is finding things just outside your comfort zone but that don't tip you into panic zone, because no one learns anything there except that they'd rather not be there again!

One of the biggest things I would say is absolutely do not give yourself a hard time about being anxious. It just makes the feelings more of a 'threat'.

Also I don't think it's all that unreasonable to find a sense of confidence in having brakes when riding. I think probably most riders would be frightened to some degree if they genuinely had no brakes when riding!

Yes!!!! This is how I taught! It is about finding where the rider is happy and then I would call it 'blurring the line' between that and moving onto something more challenging. Blurring the line but never crossing it. Blurring the line was massing around at the line, wriggling that line, so the line itself becomes blurred and wider.

I once was called to teach a lovely lady on a lovely, wide, lazy cob. She was petrified of her. The cob was sooo lazy. Other trainers could not see why she was afraid.

I watched. The rider asked the cob to walk, the cob would sort of shuffle forwards on 3rd or 4th time of asking. The walk was ponderous and steering was vague. When walking round the mare would cut a corner or not go right to the outer track. She wanted to show me trot. Again, the mare would go after a few times of asking, backed up with a stick, but the trot was slow and ponderous, and steering even worse.

At the end of her time to show and tell the issues, she stopped and pronounced that she was so silly to be scared.

I disagreed entirely!

I told her that she was not in control of any GO button.
I told her that she had very little steering.
I told her that we have no idea whether the brakes work or not, as we never actually got going, so never tested them! But, I doubted that, if something did motivate her to run (like a scary bag or whatever), the brakes would work, being as no other aids worked.
I told her that I too would be scared at riding the non responsive horse out and about.

So, we started to teach the horse to respond. To respond to a normal aid. To remain between hand and leg. To steer. To curve. To yield to the bit. To do normal horse stuff!

Soon, we were trotting. The mare had to learn to let go and actually flow into her paces, not to brace.

Canter was interesting, and I took over there as the mare didn't think she had to. In lessons, the rider would warm up, and I would get on and canter until the mare admitted that she was able to do this. Soon, I would have first canter, then the rider would have a canter.

They ended up doing endurance (fun ride type, she was still a heavy cob LOL)! Cantering through parkland, fine when others overtook. But that wouldn't have happened if we hadn't gone right back to where the rider was and found out why she was scared, then slowly, slowly, blurred the line as to what she was happy with.

I used to specialise in 'confidence clients' yet, I found that, often my clients were brave, heart of a lion, too brave. They may have fallen many times. They may be riding unhappy horses or horses they were not in control of. Yet still they kept trying.

I also used to say that there is nothing that saps your confidence more then not trusting yourself. Most people, when they came to me, would simply berate themselves for being not confident. NO!

I found that, likely, if someone felt scared, then there was 'something' that was missing, some issue that needed addressing. It may well be something that others would not need addressing to feel confident, but that person did. So, we'd take it right back and find the source of the fear.

I find that one of the things that makes me feel confident is predictability. It is possible to feel confident and relaxed on a horse who can be quite spooky but flags up very clearly what they are about to do, does it and then moves on with life in a fairly consistent pattern whilst feeling unhappy on a horse who isn’t actually doing anything specific but who feels tense & on edge and like they MIGHT do something but you’re never quite sure what that something may be or what might trigger it. (& IME a lot of horses who give off those kinds of vibes have an issue somewhere, possibly a physical one, making them be like that)

Having some sessions with a confidence coach or sports psychologist might help you work through some of this / to be the person the horse needs you to be to help them keep it together.

I will say if it’s only certain horses that are triggering these feelings it might be your intuition trying to tell you something though and it is perfectly ok if you were to decide that for the moment (or forever) you only want to ride horses that make you feel “safe”

Oh and if you feel a situation is deteriorating don’t ever feel bad about hopping off and dealing with it from the ground if you feel safer and more confident doing so. (Definitely worth spending time instilling good groundwork manners into anything you ride to make this a safe option, although I will admit there was one horse I used to own that I was almost always safer onboard. If I owned him now I’d have the tools to fix that but didn’t at the time)

YES!

Most horses where I feel scared on, they have a physical issue.

One cliebt's horse, I was 100% confident feeling on one rein, but scared to death on the other. No, actually this was two horses! To the point that I would ride on one rein, change rein, and change back asap as I felt so bad.

One had a leg issue, the other a digestive issue. But, I listened to myself. I told the owners. One horse was subsequently retired and the other I would not teach any more as I was so convinced it was not ethical.

When I have had life happen, sometimes I go right back to simply a meander around an arena for a few minutes.

With some students, I use a distraction when their brain is simply being busy. If someone is going through 'what if's' as opposed to the pit of fear, I would have them do maths, such as start at 100 and minus 7, again and again, until in minus numbers. That keeps the busy brain busy, and allows riding to happen with a more open mind. This is only where the rider is projecting forward rather than if they have fear in the moment.

I did used to love teaching.

 

[Spirit3106]

Well done on regaining control of a potentially scary situation. Sometimes the vibe check is there for a reason and we have to make the adjustments we feel are needed to keep things safe.

I got bolted down a road with due to cows on the section D I used to have (cow was was basically just stood there staring at him but was right next to the fence and only became visible when we turned the corner and were suddenly alongside it and he just got totally freaked out, spooked, nearly fell over and then lost the plot) which involved him creating a gap that didn’t really exist between his two friends that were trying to box us in and a hedge (all this occurred on the wrong side of the road of course as well as that’s where the original spook made us end up) and me losing both stirrups due to how narrow the gap he forced himself into was). Would not recommend! Did pull up after a few hundred meters by forcing him into a lay by.

Said horse remained specifically terrified of black & white cows until the day he died and you wouldn’t find me on board him if we had to go through a field of them or pass close to them on a narrow path that would be dangerous for him to bolt on.

Did convince him that brown coloured cows were totally ok if he knew and lived with them for a few months (deffo a lot of drama in the first month of living alongside any “new” cows though!) or only mildly suspicious if encountered out hacking with friends to protect us. (Again drama occurred if we didn’t have friends with us)

Did take rather a long time to trust him not to kill us both after above incident (& involved a loooot of hand walking which was necessary due to barefoot rehab (getting absolutely sick to death of hand walking was a large contributing factor in wanting to get properly back on board!) , getting on top of the likely chronic low grade foot pain that was highly likely to be contributing to his reactivity and a few people to boot us up the arse if we got a bit stuck!). Would have been rather daft of me to ever expect him to be totally “normal” around cows though when he clearly had a fairly deep rooted phobia (that he displayed when exposed to unknown cows even if loose in the field with his herd to protect him) and taking steps to make him feel safe kept me safe too. The vast majority of horses are of course nowhere near as extreme in their dislike of something specific as he was (thank god!)

I feel nervous just reading that! I had a horse grab the bit and tank off back home (downhill on a wet road) earlier this year, being bolted off with with no stirrups on the wrong side of the road must've been terrifying. Even with all the steps you took that's the kind of thing I'd find difficult to overcome and work through, knowing that it's in them to bolt if XYZ happens again!

 

[Red-1]

My other thought is that, often, people who are scared the horse may bog off, hold the horse to 'prevent' this. Often, horses who are 'held' resent this and pull, reinforcing the thought that the horse wants to bog off.

For that, the rider needs to have confidence that they can have a relaxed rein and still be able to organise themselves if an incident happens. I would (as a possibility - I have not met or seen OP!) have the rider on the lunge, or even at halt, with me holding the horse (meeting the rider where they are inside the comfort line) and practice releasing the rein and re-gaining it. Drop one rein and re-find it. Just at halt initially. Before asking more I would expect the rider to feel comfortable doing the same at walk, trot and canter on the lunge, where I am controlling the horse. Not all in one lesson! But only when the rider feels in control that they can always re-gain contact and control.

I would also have the rider learn other ways to stop the horse, with voice, seat, weight, body resistance. Learn to tune in with the horse, so you can feel the thought (slight body tension) before what happens, happens. Than control the situation while it is still a thought, but be able to ride forward on a loose rein the rest of the time, but tuned in.

We would practice an emergency stop! From walk, trot, then canter.

I have taught people to dismount at walk, trot and canter too. So they know how to do this, if they need to know this to feel safe. But all in a controlled and safe way.

Actually, it's surprising how difficult it is to dismount at canter as the horse usually feels your balance change and stops LOL.

Lessons would be punctuated with a call to emergency stop, randomly. Stops would become quick and natural. Once you can make a horse sit to stop, you know that you can really stop, and can then ride on and forwards with confidence.

Possibly your missing piece is sitting in a poised but relaxed way, so you can feel where the horse's tension and attention is. So, you have to be on high alert, as you would miss the early warning.

 

[Spirit3106]

The vast majority of horses do not bolt. That is to say - they will not run away for no reason and with no regard for their or their rider's safety. If they did, people wouldn't ride anymore as it would be just too dangerous. Most of the time if a horse "runs off" there will be a reason for it and they will stop pretty quickly without intervention (e.g. a pheasant startles them on a hack and they shoot forward 3-10 strides then pull up, turn and look). They are a prey species so while they feel the need to keep themselves safe, they aren't going to run for miles and tire themselves out needlessly.

I've been riding for 32 years and have only ever ridden one horse who would not stop and didn't care and even he didn't bolt in the traditional sense - he just set his neck in trot and trotted all the way home, refusing to slow or turn. I never rode him again. He was unsafe.

It may help you to run some pre-flight checks every time you get on - it's something I always used to do when my ponies were young. Get on, ask them to turn their nose to your toes, one at a time, then ask them to yield the back end one way and then the other, then back up a stride or two. Then hand over a treat or give them a scratch on the withers, do the girth and off you go. If they are willing to yield the front and back end to light pressure at a halt, the chances of them being bolters is absolutely minute. Good luck

Good point about them not wanting to tire themselves endlessly. When I was anxious my current loan would bolt, I knew in the back of my mind from previous rides that he'd never shot off for more than a few strides. But I was having flashbacks to a time when my TB loan tanked off for home down a similar type of lane and it just flooded my brain so I couldn't think of anything else!

I love the idea of doing the checks! I'm definitely going to put those into practice with my next horse, knowing that they're willing to respond would definitely give me confidence

 

[Spirit3106]

My other thought is that, often, people who are scared the horse may bog off, hold the horse to 'prevent' this. Often, horses who are 'held' resent this and pull, reinforcing the thought that the horse wants to bog off.

For that, the rider needs to have confidence that they can have a relaxed rein and still be able to organise themselves if an incident happens. I would (as a possibility - I have not met or seen OP!) have the rider on the lunge, or even at halt, with me holding the horse (meeting the rider where they are inside the comfort line) and practice releasing the rein and re-gaining it. Drop one rein and re-find it. Just at halt initially. Before asking more I would expect the rider to feel comfortable doing the same at walk, trot and canter on the lunge, where I am controlling the horse. Not all in one lesson! But only when the rider feels in control that they can always re-gain contact and control.

I would also have the rider learn other ways to stop the horse, with voice, seat, weight, body resistance. Learn to tune in with the horse, so you can feel the thought (slight body tension) before what happens, happens. Than control the situation while it is still a thought, but be able to ride forward on a loose rein the rest of the time, but tuned in.

We would practice an emergency stop! From walk, trot, then canter.

I have taught people to dismount at walk, trot and canter too. So they know how to do this, if they need to know this to feel safe. But all in a controlled and safe way.

Actually, it's surprising how difficult it is to dismount at canter as the horse usually feels your balance change and stops LOL.

Lessons would be punctuated with a call to emergency stop, randomly. Stops would become quick and natural. Once you can make a horse sit to stop, you know that you can really stop, and can then ride on and forwards with confidence.

Possibly your missing piece is sitting in a poised but relaxed way, so you can feel where the horse's tension and attention is. So, you have to be on high alert, as you would miss the early warning.

100%. On the horse I was trying last week, I was feeling so anxious that I really tensed up and was holding him, which he obviously didn't like and was trying to run from even more! It's a vicious cycle So trying to have relaxed posture and contact is something I really need to fix.

Your lessons sound amazing! For me the big thing is feeling like I can't immediately stop and get out of a situation (I used to have a big problem with jumping off if I felt out of control, which I actually ended up doing midtrot on that horse, something I hadn't done in a long time, that's how nervous I was feeling). I used to loan a TB who was very sensitive, so I think he taught me very well about being in tune with reading your horse and knowing when they're tensing!

 

[motherof2beasts!]

Well done on regaining control of a potentially scary situation. Sometimes the vibe check is there for a reason and we have to make the adjustments we feel are needed to keep things safe.

I got bolted down a road with due to cows on the section D I used to have (cow was was basically just stood there staring at him but was right next to the fence and only became visible when we turned the corner and were suddenly alongside it and he just got totally freaked out, spooked, nearly fell over and then lost the plot) which involved him creating a gap that didn’t really exist between his two friends that were trying to box us in and a hedge (all this occurred on the wrong side of the road of course as well as that’s where the original spook made us end up) and me losing both stirrups due to how narrow the gap he forced himself into was). Would not recommend! Did pull up after a few hundred meters by forcing him into a lay by.

Said horse remained specifically terrified of black & white cows until the day he died and you wouldn’t find me on board him if we had to go through a field of them or pass close to them on a narrow path that would be dangerous for him to bolt on.

Did convince him that brown coloured cows were totally ok if he knew and lived with them for a few months (deffo a lot of drama in the first month of living alongside any “new” cows though!) or only mildly suspicious if encountered out hacking with friends to protect us. (Again drama occurred if we didn’t have friends with us)

Did take rather a long time to trust him not to kill us both after above incident (& involved a loooot of hand walking which was necessary due to barefoot rehab (getting absolutely sick to death of hand walking was a large contributing factor in wanting to get properly back on board!) , getting on top of the likely chronic low grade foot pain that was highly likely to be contributing to his reactivity and a few people to boot us up the arse if we got a bit stuck!). Would have been rather daft of me to ever expect him to be totally “normal” around cows though when he clearly had a fairly deep rooted phobia (that he displayed when exposed to unknown cows even if loose in the field with his herd to protect him) and taking steps to make him feel safe kept me safe too. The vast majority of horses are of course nowhere near as extreme in their dislike of something specific as he was (thank god!)

I had the exact same experience on a steep narrow country lane, also due to a cow. My issue is when I’m scared I freeze so quite honestly o don’t think I did anything with my body to try and stop him just screamed…. Totally unhelpful response. Anyhow he stopped once past the cows but was a very fast 10 seconds.

I now have a very specific confidencd crisis when I see livestock but confident in the school etc.

This is a very odd idea but I play music from my phone when riding and it definetly chills me out, a tense rider equals a tense horse. I did try the confidence course but wouldn’t say that worked as my fear is very specific.

 

[Fransurrey]

I've never been really confident, but menopause floored me with crippling anxiety in all aspects of life.
I wasn't greatly confident even when younger.
I hope you do get some good ideas & I will follow!

What she said (maybe we're just mentally scarred by Exmoors??). Oral progesterone has been a game changer for me (which won't help OP!), but I've always been a disaster planner and risk avoider, which is completely at odds with riding! I might look into sports psychology, as I've started thinking along the lines of 'risk management' to deal with it, but something structured sounds better. Keep on trucking, OP!

 

[smolmaus]

Thank you, it helps to know I'm not alone I'm only early 20s! It often feels like a lot of other people my age don't worry about "what ifs" like I do which makes it more isolating as well

You know, I have found myself in a particular little social circle (two, interlinked circles really) of late-20s to mid-30s people who ALL feel this way. Every single one of us. Every few weeks someone will have a little moment of "why can't I do this, I am failing myself, failing my horse, this is stupid, I shouldn't be struggling with this" etc etc etc. Now, I don't think I am a magical anxiety magnet, but I do think being open about your own feelings and anxiety lets other people be open about theirs. People around you will ABSOLUTELY have the same feelings you have to some degree, they just aren't telling you about it. Over the last couple of years the little moments have become less frequent and less paralysing for everybody. Most of us have found help in different instructors, different ways of working, most of the horses have had medical interventions (see second half of Red-1's post #21).

Being open and honest about being afraid is so FREEING. Accepting it is the first and only way you can start to make it better. Being honest about it with horses helps too. I saw pheasants messing around in the hedge a few weeks ago, stopped the pony, said out loud "We're going to walk past these babe, I'm scared" hopped off and typically the bloody things disappeared but if I had just ignored myself and pushed on I would have been tense and stopped breathing and pony wouldn't have had a nice time anyway! Instead I felt a feeling, listened, made a decision, felt good about it, had a good outcome, no loss.

 

[suestowford]

I think hypnosis might help you here.
I have suffered crippling anxiety, to the point where I gave up riding for a while. Hypnosis did help me to get it under control for a while.
Now I am post-menopause I no longer give a f*^& and have taken it up again. I do still get worried by things but not to the point where I have to go and vomit before getting on.

 

[Gropony]

I have no advice but I could have written your post and I do absolutely understand how you feel. And I think it is difficult for people who don't have he same issue to understand (although people on here seem to ). Because it's a viscious circle. For me, I am hyper alert to a horse's energy and any change in behaviour or the environment that might mean my pony (who does bog off) might go for it, so he senses it and he is hyper alert, then a leaf falls and he goes, and I adopt the fetal position and tense up more, so he goes faster, I have zero effective aids and even pulling is impossible because I just pull myself forward as I am not even sat properly in the saddle anymore, and at this point I am no longer breathing either, and he has decided that a lion is obviously somewhere in the area if it is that scary for me, and so it goes on. Even an instructor shouting at me to sit up, pull etc has no effect because it is a automatic response after all this time.

I have never found a solution, but I have never used a sports psycologist either. Honestly, I just used to avoid riding horses that had that sort of energy and stuck to those that I felt safe on. I have my pony through circumstance and we probably aren't the best match (for reasons above) but I have really started to go back to basics and work on my seat, my balance, breathing, and not putting myself or him in situations where I know I might not have control. This is fine because I have no grand ambitions, and neither does he!

I personally would not take a horse on loan that I already know triggers my panic reaction (she says, with her pony that does exactly that). Because it is very hard to go to the stables, knowing you have to ride because the horse needs to get out and you are scared. It is better to be honest about what you enjoy in a horse and your riding and find a partner who can give you the confidence to achieve it, going out of your confort zone little by little and building confidence to handle situations on a horse that you feel confortable on and work with a professional on the side on the psycological aspects.