Horse jokes. Go on, you know you;ve got at least one!!

tinkandlily

tinkandlily

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Why was the racehorse named Bad News? Because bad news travels fast!

How do you cure equine constipation? Load them in a clean trailer

How do you get a mare in foal the first cover? Let the wrong stallion get out of his stall.

How do you make it rain? Mow a field of hay

How do you induce labor in a mare? Take a nap.


Ok your turn :D
 
A stand in jockey was needed to ride Smokey in the 3.15 at Chepstow. The trainer gave his instructions just before the race. 'Now, listen here, this horse
needs you to shout 'hup' as you are about to take off over the fences. If you do this you will win this race. Got it?'
Jockey replies yes sir, mounts up and canters down to the start.
As they approach the first fence the jockey is thinking, how stupid would he sound shouting 'hup' to Smokey. The other jockeys would think he was insane.
So, on his judgement he didn't do as he was told and kept quiet. Smokey crashed through the fence but managed to carry on. This happened at all the 12 fences.
Smokey lost so much ground during his race that he only managed to come 4th.
The trainer was furious. 'I told you to shout ''hup'' to the horse, he was a sure winner... what happened?'
The jockey lied and said 'I did sir, I don't know what happened, I did as you told me'.

The trainer thought for a moment, shook his head and said, 'I didn't realise Smokey was deaf as well as blind'.
 
Ruthnmeg said:
A stand in jockey was needed to ride Smokey in the 3.15 at Chepstow. The trainer gave his instructions just before the race. 'Now, listen here, this horse
needs you to shout 'hup' as you are about to take off over the fences. If you do this you will win this race. Got it?'
Jockey replies yes sir, mounts up and canters down to the start.
As they approach the first fence the jockey is thinking, how stupid would he sound shouting 'hup' to Smokey. The other jockeys would think he was insane.
So, on his judgement he didn't do as he was told and kept quiet. Smokey crashed through the fence but managed to carry on. This happened at all the 12 fences.
Smokey lost so much ground during his race that he only managed to come 4th.
The trainer was furious. 'I told you to shout ''hup'' to the horse, he was a sure winner... what happened?'
The jockey lied and said 'I did sir, I don't know what happened, I did as you told me'.

The trainer thought for a moment, shook his head and said, 'I didn't realise Smokey was deaf as well as blind'.
Click to expand...


I love it!!!:D
 
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking, when in walks a cowboy who yells, "Who's white horse it that outside?"

The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, "It's my horse. Why do you want to know?"

The cowboy looks at him and says, "Well, your horse is standing out there in the sun and he don't look too good."

The Lone Ranger and Tonto run outside and they see that Silver is in bad shape, suffering from heat exhaustion. The Loan Ranger moves his horse into the shade and gets a bucket of water. He then pours some of the water over the horse and gives the rest to Silver to drink.It is then he notices that there isn't a breeze so he asks Tonto if he would start running around Silver to get some air flowing and perhaps cool him down.

Being a faithful friend, Tonto starts running around Silver. The Lone Ranger stands there for a bit then realizes there is not much more he can do, so he goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey.

After a bit a cowboy walks in and says, "Who's white horse is that outside?"

Slowly the Lone Ranger turns around and says, "That is my horse, what is wrong with him now?"

"Nothing," replies the cowboy, "I just wanted to let you know that you left your Injun running."
 
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