Horse ownership and families

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ruthsimms

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A general rant...apologies in advance.

I'm interested to know how other people's families react to their horses.

I used to speak to my parents quite regularly but since having my lad I'm not around much and they've been away working a lot. So we speak every now and then and we haven't seen each other for months.

Now I quite like this - I can get on with my life without any interferance but I do occasionally feel a bit selfish.

Anyway, to the point. We have decided to buy another horse. It's not a done deal yet as he needs to be vetted. It's for my OH - we've worked really hard and found that we will 'just' be able to get by.

Now you'd think people would be pleased. But no, I had the strangest conversation with my parents in which they were quite judgemental questionning how we can afford it and what we would be giving up. I bit my tongue to keep the peace, but internally I was saying 'what business is it of anyone elses?'

So I'm wondering how your families react to your horses. Are they accepting of the demands on your time and just let you get on with it or do they judge you and try to tell you how to live your life?

I think another issue is children - I think we're expected to produce at some point. Neither of us has much interest or time for children and it's not going down very well.
 
My family is pretty supportive of my horse ownership, my Dad bought my first horse and my third horse (over many years). My kids don't have a problem with it, the youngest (14) enjoys riding and has a lesson every week and rides my friend's horses.

My son just sprung something on me recently though when he asked for a gym membership, I said its quite costly and he replied that its less than half of what daughter's lessons cost monthly. Eeek. Nevermind my horse's livery. I had to say yes ok.
 
Do what makes you happy.

If we were all the same the world would be an intensely boring place. My dad doesn't like horses, so I don't talk about them with him. I don't agree with things he does, but whether I like it or not he will do them anyway!!! I've just learned to be accepting of other peoples' lifestyles and choices.
 
Yikes Bess, I can imagaine that's difficult with children. What one gets the other needs something of similar importance/value.

They're always the same if we show any signs of extravegance anakin. The last time being a nice car. Again, my OH worked really hard for it and it was a dream of his. I think it's important to live a little, not have any regrets and try everything once (and all other cliches).

Likewise there are things they do that I wonder about, but I wouldn't dream of questionning it.
 
My parents made quite a few comments over us becoming a horsey household. Mainly jokes about keeping it in the shed and "aren't you a bit old for ponies now".
But TBh since we got G and plan to get another they couldnt have been more supportive. They've helped us out loads.
OH's parents commented on the costs of keep etc, but again have been fab and helped us out in the beginning (when it's most expensive lol).

If you know you can afford it then go for it, don't let anyone hold you back.
 
My parents were always rather strange about horses. My parents got divorced when I was 12 and my father promised to buy me a horse for my 13th birthday - it never happened, not that it matter as i had a super job at a yard and had more horses at my disposal than I could ride! When, aged 22, my father had remarried and came up to my yard I realised that he had NEVER EVER seen me ride properly - I was jumped my gelding. He said to my best friend "oh she is rather good isn't she" - my bf was apoplectic (love him) and said "Yes she is, and if you had have supported her more she would be unbeatable". My father has NEVER seen me compete, even at championships. My mother has, solely for the hobnobbing - she used to have to rely on others to tell her when I was in the ring
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My inlaws (I am 32 and married) think that it is a *hobby*, something to amuse me, they do not get it even though their daughter used to be horsey. They have absolutely no idea of the determination and dedication involved.

What do I think, sod them all!
 
My livery per week is less than what some pay for a night out! My horses are my life, i spend all day everyday with them.

Luckily my husband enjoys the horses too, we have a laugh at the yard, and our horses are happy.

Some of my family dont see horses the way I do, they tell me im throwing my money away.

Its not selfish, i just grin and bare it. Then go up see my babies and forget everything!
 
If my parents had their way I'd sell the horses, get married and start producing babies by the weekend! When I told my dad I'd got my second horse (14 years ago now) he tutted and walked out of the room, that was his only comment on the subject. They have never supported me financially so it wasn't going to affect him. My mum asks occasionally if she knows I've been competing, but neither of them have ever been to watch me compete in the last 10 years and neither of them could tell you the names of the horses. It used to upset me as they constantly held up my sister (married 10 years with a child and no horses) as a shining example of what I should be like, but at the end of the day I'm happy. Yes I don't live a 'normal' lifestyle and I have no intention of getting married or having children. I'm always skint, but I'm happy and I wouldn't change anything.
 
100% supportive family. Mum (dad no longer with us) is constantly digging in her purse to buy her 'favourite pony' things. Not sure who's more excited about the foal - her or me
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None of my family like horses. so from the OH i get moaned at when im not home early enough from the stables and i live with my gran & granpy, they are constantly moaning about how much stuff i buy my horsey. even though i never ask them for money for the horse and always pay them my rent on time. i dont think they understand that i actually earn my own money therefore spend it on what i like. o it p*sses me off! lol
 
My parents don't like horses and my father only saw me ride for the first time last week so it's only taken him 30 odd years to notice that I can ride then! My Mum's not much better since she's seen me about 4 times now. They both muttered a bit about me spending so much time and money on my horse but since I haven't lived at home since I was 19 I think they realise that there's not a lot they can do about it.

My OH on the other hand is fantastic. Despite being non-horsey he has supported me to the hilt and bought my current horse for me and pays my livery bills etc. He also comes up to the yard regularly with me and will groom, pick out feet, and loose school for me if I am away.
 
My mother simply doesn't understand why I am not living in some cute little rabbit hutch in a town, going out regularly, running a nice girlie car, having holidays abroad every year and spending money on getting my hair done and facials.......

.....she will never understand as she has no experience of horses or living in the country.

She does complain occasionally that I have cut myself off by moving 40 miles from her and my brother (who is totally compliant with all her aspirations and therefore the golden boy
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) but, hey, it's my life...and I love it, in fact I intend to become a mad old pony breeding lady when I retire
 
My mum likes to come watch me do things, but worries that my boy is "very big". She also enjoys coming to the new yard and wanders off to see the lil'lambs tho. She knows i like the outdoors life, whether its rain or shine.
Debates over the state of the car, my wardrobe, nails, hair, and esp bank account do arise occassionally but mum knows that i'll never be one to spend every weekend at Bluewater or baking cakes!
I also have 2 cats so I am destined to be the mad daughter who spends all her money on animals
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My Parents were thankful of the horses when I was a teenager as I was unable to be as wild as I wanted to be as I always had to think about looking after and competing the horses. (I had to do everything myself and beg for help).

It is only my Gran who says in her very aloof way "Haven't you grown out of those ponies yet"?. Errr no. I am 33 I think if I was going to grow out of them I would have by now. LOL

My Husband used to have slight issues with the time spent down the yard but he basically got told to get over himself. He is now my greatest support.
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I think you just need to tell them to bog off and mind their own. :grin

I see my family everyday and if I don't see them we ring each other.
 
My parents are great, but then they had horses and so did my grandparents, so I held out no hope of not having one. They still come over and help me out although neither ride any more, but they help with handling the foals/yearlings and usually take endless amouts of video of them growing up and burn them to CD for me. My OH rides so obviously we never have any arguments over what gets spent on the horses and his parents are not horsey they still come over and help. OH's mum was terrified of horses but now she will quite happily lead the odd one or two from the field for me and will help groom them. They have even bought one of our foals, I think more for a status I own a horse more than anything else, but we'll see.
 
none of my family hat horses, but they dont particulary hate them either. ive told people that in the future (when i have money!) ill get a horse, instead of children. after all, its like looking after a child!

my boyfriend loves how happy riding makes me, except when i fall off and he does worry about me then! my mum happy whatever i do, as long as im happy. my dad - i dont know what he thinks because i hardly ever talk to him! but i think he was alright with it.

but yes, i still get the looks from my non horsey friends when i tell them i cant come out tonight because i have to up at 6 for a show the next day!
 
Mine let me do what I want with the horses. Obviously when I was younger, they wouldnt let me go out and buy a horse on my own. But as soon as I hit 18, I bought the odd "project" to give me something to do in the summers off from Uni. So there wasnt much reason for me NOT to buy one! I make all the decisions with my horses, even though I live at home still so my family are still very much involved and help out all the time. My family arent really "horsey people" so they leave it up to me as I guess I know best (well I think I do!), they will say if they dont think something a good idea but on the whole, will usually support me. If I fell off, they wouldnt say anything. My mum does get occassionally a bit worried like when we're walking a XC course and a fence is rather large or scary, mum just goes quiet - she'd never say anything to put me off but tells me she was scared after Ive done it!!

My friends understand that horses are a big part of my life, and most of them have ridden in the past so have a good idea about it anyway.

My boyfriend doesnt like it. Not because he's worried, I dont think he cares less! But simply because he thinks horses have ruined my life...... he wants to move to London but how the hell could I keep a horse there?! He moans we'll never be able to afford a first house with land etc. he wants me to sell them all! He wont get his way though
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My partner and kids are fairly supportive, but my partner does moan abit about the time i spend at the stables. I don't tell him the cost of everything, after all i pay for it all!! The rest of the family are not interested.and it doesn't affect them. When i had a horse more years ago than i care to mention, my dad finanically supported me and was okay about it. My sister and brother occassionally rode but aren't really interested. And my gran used to worry about how long i was out with the horse, i can understand why now i'm a parent!!!
 
My mum dislikes anything to do with the horses but likes the fresh air I get. My dad adores my little pony even though he didn't particularly like horses before. But just yesterday caught my mum reading horse and hound magazine!
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My parents and sisters used to ride and i'm the only one to carry on doing so,since i had my little boy they have commented on why i have my horse and that i should spend time with him and not my mare,and how can i afford it?? (by working my arse off to have the hobby i like) My OH when i met him used to get a bit jealous but we've now been together 7 yrs he's realised it's my time out away from all the crap i put up with allbeit my work or family.My family have never been supportive of me and always put me down,my mum has always been interested in my sisters careers and have praised them well,i've never been asked how i've got on on at a comp and never been told well done for anything.If we do talk about horses it about how i'm wasting my time and money on them.I had my little boy when i was 17 i have never been on benefits i've worked very hard to get where i am, have got through depression, my OH leaving me and not paying a penny in maintenance but still they moan over what i choose to do with my life.My oppinion on the whole thing is that until they start paying for bills/upkeep etc it really is my choice and has nothing to do with them!! I can honestly say i have no one that truly supports me in my hobby but i've got used to the fact that i don't think i ever will,i appreciate i have horsey friends around me that i can turn too if i need advice/help and support which is nice but no one related to me really understands or and realises why i have a horse and compete and spend money enjoying it.Sorry didn't mean for this to turn into a rant,in fact it's the first time i've truly talked about my feelings regarding my family!
 
My parents treat the whole horse thing as some kind of mental aberration that I should have grown out of when I was 10. (I got into ponies as my grandad was a farmer so it was nothing to do with them.)

If I tell them anything about the horses, they make a polite noise & change the subject. Neither ever watch me ride / compete / do lessons.

O/h is non horsey, but is 110% supportive & has learnt all care aspects, feeding, rugs, feet etc etc. Drives the lorry, does morning stables, did the pill crushing / syringing for Cat for 6 months when he was ill cos it upset me to do it...

We are also NOT sprogging, & I've made it v clear to all parents!
 
id been away from the horsey scene for years ,the oldest girls used to ride reguarly at a RS, i was stewarding the collecting ring at the local shows though for many years. mother came to one a couple of years ago and decided it was a good idea to buy the girls a pony. i went along with this as i could afford to keep one etc etc. ever since she moans as she has to look after my two youngest kids ( 3 & 4.5 ) which i made clear she would have to do before the pony was bought as for obvious reasons i cant have little kids running riot on a yard! the i borrowed money from her to buy ash's horse as she outgrew the pony very quickly. all i get now is how can you afford all this, you dont spend enough time with the other kids blah blah blah!! she compares my 15 yr old and her horse to the rich woman she works for and her horse, its so & so is much better than you, so & so's horse would do it .. drives us mad!! ash just doesnt bother saying anything about what shes doing /done with the horse anymore as my mother just puts her down about it all the time, i think she gets some sick kick out of doing it.. if ash made the bloody olympic team it still wouldnt be good enough for my mother cos so and so's horse would still be better !!!
she also moans about how long we are at the yard.. my dad claims to dislike horses but on the rare occasions he comes onto the yard he can be seen stroking/silly talking/polo feeding the horse when he thinks no one is looking!!! dont have an other half to worry about but if i did he would have to like it or lump it to !
 
OH loves them and bought his own. Mother is tolerant being non horsey and likes fact my daughter has a pony but not BIG into them kinda of thing, and I do get the financial moans etc, but we dont ask her for money so none of her business!

OH family love the fact we have horses as his mum always wanted her own!
 
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