Horses and starting a family

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jellybean55

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As with most of you, my dream has always been to own my own horse and I'm finally in a position to be able to afford one. I've had shares and feel ready to take one on, however I turn 30 next year and at some point would also like to start a family. Obviously this would change things in a big way with money and time etc and I can't decide what to do!

A loan I think would be the way to go but I've been looking round and there is not much about especially suitable for first time owner. Anyone been in a similar position before? Did you go for it and how has it worked out? Should I just forget it and look for another share ( I do love sharing but it's just not the same as having your own is it) I really don't think I can wait another 15 plus years till I've had children and then think about buying :(
 
I think a loan may be a good idea or a share (plenty of people looking at the moment!).
I think when it comes to horses and starting a family it is such a difficult one as you will never know how you feel until you are in that position. I always thought I'd ride through pregnancy, as soon as I fell pregnant I really didn't want to ride. I thought I'd still be the same rider on the birth of my son, but I am no where even close. I ride maximum 2 or 3 times a week and don't like jumping anymore and much more risk adverse.
However others will tell you completely different expereinces, really is an individual thing - though I would be cautious about buiying a horse just before starting a family as there is a good likelihood your time, finances and wants/needs from a horse will change dramatically!
 
Was just thinking, if you bought a horse now (whilst you dont have the children etc), get some pleasure time from owning your own, then when you do start a family you could find a sharer to help you out or put said horse out on loan until you are ready to get back into horses after having the children? Is that something you could consider? :D
 
I bought my first horse 2 years after I got married. I was 29 at the time and now at 31 and having been married for 4 years it is time I started thinking seriously about starting a family. I still have so much work to do with the horse though that I'm as confused about the whole thing as you are!
I would go for it but go for an established horse that doesn't need riding lots. You can always loan/share your horse to someone while you're pregnant.
 
Zimzim said:
Was just thinking, if you bought a horse now (whilst you dont have the children etc), get some pleasure time from owning your own, then when you do start a family you could find a sharer to help you out or put said horse out on loan until you are ready to get back into horses after having the children? Is that something you could consider? :D
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This is a great idea :-) There nothing better than having that feeling of owning your own horse!! Him / her being yours. Like having a child!!!! x
 
I wouldn't recommend getting a first horse a week before a babys due. But no reason you can't have a child & a horse at the same time if you don't mind the effort & are organised. If thats the only thing putting you off, then start looking. Just make sure you are on a supportive yard where there's help available for first week or two after birth, or if there's complications.
 
If you can afford a horse now and it is your wish then go for it. You cannot foresee what is going to happen in the future and horses and children are not excluding one another. Yes, many women give up riding while they have children but equally I know of plenty that have carried on (including myself). I got my horse shortly after getting married and was oregant 2 years later. I rode throughout both my pregnancies (ok, personal choice) and have been able to do the horse since. I don't have family nearby and cannot afford childcare on top of horse so children had to come with me at all times.
My eldest is now at school and doesn't come up much anymore but my youngest still comes out every day, often naps when I am riding. After 5 years of it I am VERY much looking forward to September though when I can do the horse alone most mornings with both children in school/pre-school :) ...But I wouldn't change a thing. Having had the horse while becoming a mum was a great thing as she has kept me sane all the way through and when I do get to go out alone a the weekend it is just a blissful escape and some time to myself.
 
I would go ahead and by the horse now personally and then if/when you start a family, get a sharer to help financially and exercise/look after the horse for you 3-4 times a week :)

Win, win IMO.
 
Thank you everyone for your helpful replies! I think my main concern is money because I'd only go back to work part time when we have a baby so money will drop but have considered the possibility of loaning out/sharer. I'd be looking to get a ploddy cob type and would only want to use for hacking - a big pet really :) will need to save for initial buy but I think I will go
 
Great post!

I got married a month ago and we've got two horses (one of which is in foal) and due next May :D

My husband would love kids now but looks like we're going to have to base it all around now foaley next year :eek::D

A lot of my horsey friends cope with their horses/kids and Im super organised (maybe a little OTT) so Im sure it'll be fine. Im keeping my mare/foal for me and then possibly going to loan/part loan my TB out next year as long as his schooling goes well this year ;)
 
I think that if you already have a horse then fitting a baby around it is perfectly do-able but there will be some compromises. For example, I used to ride two horses each day and compete both of them, today is the first time since the baby arrived 12 months ago that I rode two in one day and I did my first competition in 20 months this month.

Equally if you have slightly older children it should be easier to get a first horse as you know how much free time you have and have childcare arrangements in place.

The tough option is to get a first time horse AND have a baby. I think you would probably struggle with that, so if you have very immediate plans for a family it might be better to loan a horse for now.
 
i have a 5 week old baby and keep my horse at home. i rode up to 34 weeks and am back hacking out now:cool: I think as others have said, its down to personal choice but i do think a lot depends on the type of horse you have. I sold my previous horse when i found out i was pregnant as he wasnt safe enough to keep riding and was the type who needed to be in regular work. The mare i bought (yes,when i was pregnant lol, but i knew her, she belonged to a friend) doesnt give a fig if she isnt ridden for a week or 2 and then you fancy a hack. She had 10 weeks off and I was able to pop back on and plod about the field for 10 mins when i was still feeling fragile a couple of weeks ago.She lives out 24/7 too which is great.
 
Really the easiest way of knowing if you'll manage a horse & kids comes down to the type of person you are. If you have get up & go & look for solutions rather than problems & reasons to do stuff you'll be fine. If you are the type to sit around dreaming up excuses, feeling sorry for yourself & think lifes harder for you than anyone else you won't. You sound like more of the former to me!
 
i got mine at 20 while at uni at home, get urs now while you dont have a family. i was a first time owner but i had been riding for 20 years well 19 and half. i brough a horse that could only be handled by the staff at the yard and shes a stroppy mare but even as a first time owner i felt ok with this. you may be surprised with what you can handle. we are two years on and i love her to pieces but alot of people wouldnt shes just me. all horses are unpredicatble but the key when buying is to find one that suits you. also im keeping mine when i have kids as hopefully when i do have kids in 8 to 10 years time she will be 24 to 26 and wont a quiter life.
 
would recommend an established ridden horse on a big helpful yard :)

a lady on my yard has a month old baby and I've been looking after her horse for two months now, he's ridden 2/3 times a week because I need to concentrate on my own but don't mind keeping him ticking over :)
 
jellybean55 said:
*go for it! Unless I change my mind in the time I've saved up for him!! :)
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Excellent, go for it - money permitting, of course.

By the way, babies don't need to cost much. If you can breastfeed you won't have to buy formula (doesn't work for everyone, I know), and a lot of stuff can be used second hand as they are never using it for very long as they grow so fast. And for many gadgets out there there is simply no need :)
 
I got married last year, turn 30 this year and bought my horse 2 months ago. Although I want kids eventually, right at this moment in my life I want a horse so much more! I knew if I didn't do it now, then time would pass and I would probably live to regret it! I want to have my horse forever, and when the time comes for kids I will have to put him out on loan or have a sharer for him, but I wont ever sell him, I will manage it. I think you should go for it and buy your own if it is your dream to do so! Doesn't mean you cant have both when the time comes!
 
LouiseG said:
I got married last year, turn 30 this year and bought my horse 2 months ago. Although I want kids eventually, right at this moment in my life I want a horse so much more! I knew if I didn't do it now, then time would pass and I would probably live to regret it! I want to have my horse forever, and when the time comes for kids I will have to put him out on loan or have a sharer for him, but I wont ever sell him, I will manage it. I think you should go for it and buy your own if it is your dream to do so! Doesn't mean you cant have both when the time comes!
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This is exactly how I feel, if I don't do it now I'll never do it. I don't really feel ready for kids yet but I just see a lot of my friends my age now on their second child, and I'm here dreaming of buying a horse! I don't want to leave it to late to start a family and then find I can't have them, but like you, right now I just want a horse more than anything. :o
 
It's possible but difficult to combine horses and family - helps to have a supportive OH and a good (slightly older) horse that doesn't need to be ridden most days. I found with one child I could still keep my horse going as my OH can handle one baby at a time; with two it is harder! So maybe do it now, as it could be a long time to wait if you don't!

I'll PM you about a loan horse.

Good luck. x
 
Abacus said:
It's possible but difficult to combine horses and family - helps to have a supportive OH and a good (slightly older) horse that doesn't need to be ridden most days. I found with one child I could still keep my horse going as my OH can handle one baby at a time; with two it is harder! So maybe do it now, as it could be a long time to wait if you don't!

I'll PM you about a loan horse.

Good luck. x
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This is another thing, my OH is very supportive but works away so this will make things even more tricky! Am hoping my lovely mum will help me out big time
 
I say go for it! I got the chance to own last summer, and had the same dilemma as you OP. We had been trying for a baby for almost 2 years at that point, and it was all getting very stressful. I decided to take the plunge and buy as horse ownership was a solid proposition while becoming a parent at that point was not. Of course three months later I got pregnant :). I think my mare relaxed me and gave me something else to focus on which helped...
I rode until 5 months gone when I had a fall (everything was OK, thank god). I spent the next 4 months lunging and doing ground work which was great fun and really built a positive and close relationship with my mare. Now that Mini-Hippo is here (1 month old on Sunday) I have found myself a sharer, found a cheaper yard and put her out on grass livery. Its working really well and I don't regret any of it.
 
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