Horses, babies & full loaning - some advice please?

[Jingleballs]

Firstly a brief bit of background - I have a 13 year old cob who I've owned for 8 years. Late last year I had a baby who is now 8 months old. We also relocated at this time and as a result horse had to move yards - luckily I found a fab yard with full livery which is way cheaper than anywhere else and only 10 minutes drive from home. The only downside is that it's small and I'm often there on my own and have very little hacking company which I enjoy.

Initially, I was managing to balance riding with baby - I was back in the saddle after 2 weeks and riding on average 3 or 4 times per week and it didn't feel difficult. However, now baby is older, sleeps less and is more demanding of my time both when awake and asleep. I could still fit in riding 3 times per week but sometimes, by the time baby is asleep, house has been returned to a semi tidy state, cooking, cleaning etc is done I don't really have the energy or appetite to ride.

This week, I've ridden once. I have a sort of sharer who rides him once a week and I'll hopefully ride again tomorrow (weather permitting).

I don't know if I'm just having a rubbish couple of weeks compounded by the horrid weather and the lack of hacking company but I'm beginning to consider the possibility of loaning him out for a bit until baby gets bigger. I'm due to go back to work full time in early September so in my head, this will only make things harder as I know I'll be more reluctant to spend time away from the baby as I'll have so little time during the working week to spend with her.

I've tried looking for a more regular sharer to no avail - even though horse is an easy to do, bombproof all rounder.

I'm not in a hurry to make a decision and I know that my horse wouldn't care if he got turned away for a year. I've also heard some horror stories about horses going for loan and being sold on without the owners permission or being returned in a terrible state or at short notice.

Any advice on either how to strike a good balance with horses and babies or what points to consider regarding the possibility of a full loan would be greatly appreciated!

 

[Dustygirl]

Just wanted to say that for every horror story there are also fantastic loan homes. Sadly the horror stories are putting people off and making it very difficult to find good horses on full loan. I've been looking since Feb!!!
Good luck with whichever option you decide to go with .

 

[PorkChop]

If I were you I would not do anything for two months, really make sure that loaning is what you want to do.

I know its a cliche but your baby will be much easier in a short time, of course you may have another!

If you can afford the livery then I personally would try and find a more regular sharer so that you still have control, would be a shame to loan for a relatively short period of time. Unless were you thinking of loaning long term and taking a break from horses.

 

[Jingleballs]

Thanks LJR. I definitely won't be rushing into any decisions and will probably see how things go when I return to work.

If I was loaning out, it would probably be for 12 months minimum. I know things will get easier with the baby but I think that when I'm back working full time I'll feel guilty about spending any time at the weekend away from her whereas at the moment because I'm with her all week I'm happy to spend a good few hours at the yard away from her.

I think if I could get a decent sharer I'd be happy to keep him where he is but if I couldn't I'd possibly look to see if I could get some sort of grass livery nearby as I'd prefer to not spend so much if he's effectively turned away.

 

[Pc2003]

I have been there and back x 2! I had 2 under 3yrs for a bit!! Wow, when they are babies they are so easy and movable then they hit solids and teething and it all goes tits up!!
I turned my horse away when it was too much. I couldn't loan him as he has soundness issues so it wouldn't be fair.
Now, my youngest is 18m and I happily and easily ride 4/5 times a week and I work part time too. I promise I promise you will come out the mist.
Previously I have cried myself to sleep thinking horse will have to go etc. but it doesn't.
I would say do what you need to do now to survive but don't sweat it. Life does return. Good luck xx

 

[Jingleballs]

Thanks so much Pc2003! You've described exactly what I'm going through. When the wee one was just a tiny baby it was just sleep-eat-sleep-eat in predictable 3 hour cycles. Now it's wake up, eat, refuse to sleep, have a tantrum, sleep for 10 minutes, have another tantrum - I just get nothing done during the day and daren't take her to the yard with me in case she throws a wobbler!

The early days just got my hopes up way too much! Fingers crossed when I go back to work things don't get too much harder and I can hopefully start to see light at the end of the tunnel. I'd always said that I wanted to keep my horse and keep riding as I think you do need to strike a balance and get some me time but right now that consists of trying to catch up on sleep or staring blankly at the tv because I'm to tired to actually focus on anything!

 

[pippixox]

I would try not to worry about riding, if money is not an issue. They are on full livery so if you don't make it up for a few days due to baby its fine. sounds like your horse would happily be just a weekend hack if necessary, and you would regret it if you didn't have that to escape to sometimes. agree with others, to just give it a bit more time. don't stress if you haven't ridden 3-4 times this week. worth continuing to advertise for sharer just encase- although i agree they can be hard to find.

My friend has a 3 and 6 yo, and when they were very little she had the horses on full livery and rarely rode them, but now they are older she has a green youngster to bring on. she said it was hard sometimes, but she enjoyed not stressing when on full livery and at the same time relished some time away at the yard.

 

[Trishh]

I have been there and back x 2! I had 2 under 3yrs for a bit!! Wow, when they are babies they are so easy and movable then they hit solids and teething and it all goes tits up!!
I turned my horse away when it was too much. I couldn't loan him as he has soundness issues so it wouldn't be fair.
Now, my youngest is 18m and I happily and easily ride 4/5 times a week and I work part time too. I promise I promise you will come out the mist.
Previously I have cried myself to sleep thinking horse will have to go etc. but it doesn't.
I would say do what you need to do now to survive but don't sweat it. Life does return. Good luck xx

Same here!! First stop beating yourself up. Your horse, in times such as these, must fit around you not the other way round. Just to put another slant on it, your kids are only young for such a short time, it really is lovely to enjoy this time with them rather than constantly being torn in two. I, too, turned my horse away when the kids were young. He'll not come to any harm having an extended holiday, if finances allow. Good luck and try not to stress xx

P.S my kids are 11 and 8 now, my old mare is enjoying a bit of down time doing hacking and trecs, and my 5 yo is keeping me on my toes!! Enjoy your kids, they grow up too soon and they won't want or need you in the blink of an eye .... then you can so as much riding as you like!! xx

 

[Polos Mum]

Unfortunately I found the baby stage easier to free up time compared to the toddler stage! (you're right with the less sleep and more demanding of your time!)
That said I'd be insane without a bit of riding - even if it is once a week some times I really need that time - if he's on full livery then he's well taken care of physically and keep an eye out/ ask around for sharers (you can have more than one if people only want to do 1/2 days a week)
As long as you don't want to compete on your one day a week he doesn't need to be mega fit and a year or so of v light work while things settle won't do him any harm in the long run and will be a god send for you!!

 

[noblesteed]

I have two little ones - one is three and the other is almost 2. I have managed to keep going with my horse. At times it has been a struggle and I have felt like giving him up. I have advertised him twice for sale but both times he has managed to go lame! I think he was trying to tell me something...
I coped through pregancy and the early months with a part-loaner - both times they were teenage girls who were notoriously inreliable! Horse has been happy just to be ridden 2 or 3 times a week but I have found I have really enjoyed the me-time. I do only work part time so I don't feel guilty leaving the boys for a couple of hours to go riding - they have 2 days per week with me to themselves. I also feel that it's important my husband gets some 1-1 time with them too, so riding is perfect!!! It's good for my health and I get to see my friends and talk about non-mummy topics. I am SO glad I kept my horse.
I DO have a huge guilt trip about the cost of having a horse though, as I took a huge pay cut/jump down the career ladder to go part time. We could afford a foreign holiday every year if I didn't have my horse...

What I will say is that things change SO often with little ones. You will find that you will struggle for a few months but then things will get easier again. Nothing ever stays the same for long. You will find that in 6 months time everything will be different.

My Top Tip for coping is to train little one to sleep in the car. Park car beside stable while mucking out and you can get on with doing your horse. Much safer for little people when horses are being moved around too.

If you need to move yards to a more 'child-friendly' one then that might help. Horses can live out as much as possible. Our yard is very small, only 6 horses and very quiet. My boys are now old enough to help and have their own mucking out tools and a toy tractor. They are also entertained by the yard chickens and lambs. I think it's a really lovely way for them to grow up - they get to spend time outdoors in the fresh air and they are learning so many things. It's perfect entertainment on rainy days to splash in puddles and jump around in the straw barn!!!

You just need to decide what your priorities are. If you're happy to ride only a couple of times a week and make going to the yard part of your family routine, you will cope. But working full time may prevent that from happening - do you have to go back full time or could you make savings and go back only 4 days a week or something? Remember that once little one starts school she will have homework to do each night and will need your help with that so riding on evenings might be tricky... But then of course she will want a pony of her own...

 

[Jingleballs]

Thanks for all the replies. Unfortunately, going back to work part time isn't an option.

I've put up another advert for a sharer but have also contacted some horsey friends to see if they know of anyone who is looking for a longer term loan. Thankfully, my horse is the definition of bombproof and doesn't have any quirks so hopefully someone will want to take him on and give him the attention that I'm not able to for a while.

It's not what I expected to do but having had a think about it, I'm just not as enthusiastic about horses or riding in general at the moment - I have a free evening tonight and tomorrow to ride and even through the weather is fine I don't know if I'll bother as I'm just not enjoying it as much as I used to.

 

[Trishh]

Thanks for all the replies. Unfortunately, going back to work part time isn't an option.

I've put up another advert for a sharer but have also contacted some horsey friends to see if they know of anyone who is looking for a longer term loan. Thankfully, my horse is the definition of bombproof and doesn't have any quirks so hopefully someone will want to take him on and give him the attention that I'm not able to for a while.

It's not what I expected to do but having had a think about it, I'm just not as enthusiastic about horses or riding in general at the moment - I have a free evening tonight and tomorrow to ride and even through the weather is fine I don't know if I'll bother as I'm just not enjoying it as much as I used to.

This is so normal - it's because you're knackered and you have other priorities at the moment. Don't beat yourself up - you're keeping your options open but taking the pressure (of guilt re horse - riding - baby - sleep)!! off - which is absolutely the right thing to do. Enjoy this time with your baby and you will have plenty more years to enjoy your riding later. Good luck and enjoy xx

 

[Tobiano]

good luck Jingleballs!

I hope the loaning works out but a couple of things to bear in mind - (1) make sure you have a proper loan agreement signed and witnessed by both parties (thread on here today showing example of awful consequences of not having one) and (2) know what you will do if the horse is returned. the agreement may say that you need a month's notice but in reality could you get a livery space inside a month, and would you refuse to take your horse back if loaner threatened to leave him in the field untended until you did…. Sorry that sounds terribly negative, not meant to at all, just to hep avoid problems in the future.

Your horse sounds wonderful so you should have your pick of really good loaners - get a reference if you can!

 

[Jingleballs]

Tobiano - these are absolutely valid point and things that I am considering. Any loaner would be required to sign a formal contact, provide references, have yard vetted. Ideally, I'd like to loan him to a friend or friend of a friend. Since I put his add up this afternoon I've had about 20 people contact me - it's actually quite overwhelming!!!

The issue of returning the horse is a worry - if it was during the trial period I'd still have a space at my yard but beyond that I'd have to find somewhere else and I had real problems finding somewhere decent before I found my yard so that is a major issue. Also going to consider finding assisted grass livery locally and just taking his shoes off and turning him away

 

[Tobiano]

I have seen quite a lot of ads saying that loans must be at current yard…. which would seemingly get over the problem of having to find a space if the loaner couldn't keep the horse. Perhaps that would work, especially if you have had lots of interest. Don't be shy about changing your mind / imposing stricter requirements, if that's what you need to do to make it work. Good luck!

 

[Jingleballs]

Unfortunately, I think the reason why my ad has had such a good response is because I said there is a possibility that I'd let him move for the right home. I've tried to no avail to even get a sharer 2/3 days a week at my current yard.

I've had some odd responses but a few very positive ones from knowledgeable people who are looking for something to get their confidence back or to ride while their youngster matures - unfortunately, some of these are over 100 miles away so not exactly handy for just popping in to check on him

 

[Marydoll]

My horse came from someone similar to your situation, he came to me through my coach as my horse was injured and his owner was pregnant, working full time and struggling, it gave her respite and me something to ride.
Had i known he was 18 hands id have probably given him a miss which wouldve been a big mistake on my part.
Mine was injured so i agreed to take him on full loan for a year if we got on together, i went and tried him couldnt believe how huge he was, im 5ft 4 but he was a nice ride and i wanted to help her out, we couldnt really share as she stays a good 40 mins drive from me, so to ride wouldve meant a 1-1/2 hours return journey for me every day so he had to come to my place, private yard with all amenities.
she visited my yard, watched me ride him at home and my coach who we had both known for years vouched for me and he came to stay for the year.
We had a written loan agreement worked out between us, signed by us both and witnessed, she could visit when she liked ( that was at my insistance ) i needed her to know she didnt need to make an appt to see her horse because it was obviously a very difficult decision for her to make and to let him move.
As it was he never went back, not because she didnt want him, but her circumstances didnt let it happen, he is a horse who needs to work or he can become a bit naughty, and she knew it was better he stay in full work, and she knew she couldnt manage to do that so after the year was up she offered me him to buy as she knew she couldnt keep him going with work and manage work and her baby, so i bought him as he is a super horse.
What did she get out of it, time to bond and spend good time with her baby, a great loan home and time to see my relationship develop with her lovely horse and on deciding to sell She knows he is in a good home, and she can still visit him whenever she likes.
What did i get out of it, i got the horse of my dreams, i was an out and out xc fiend, galloping a tb xc was my thing, i loved it and dressage was a necessary evil before you got to do the " fun stuff"
This horse has movement to die for and has given me a real dressage buzz, we have went from prelim to elementary in our competing and are working at medium at home and hope to be competing at this level next year.
He will jump 1.15 easily and takes you to a fence, he is an all round lovely, albeit mahoosive big chap.
I felt i needed to tell you our story to show good loan homes can be found, we here lots of horror stories but not always the good stories, take your time, find someone who feels right and hopefully itll all work out, good luck .

 

[Jingleballs]

Thanks Marydoll - it's reassuring that there are some good stories out there