Hovis_and_SidsMum
Well-Known Member
Dear diary
I did not write on friday. I am sorry about this but it is entirely my mothers fault. She is treating me with such cruelty at the moment that i am a) too exhausted to write and b) feel like going on strike in protest.
Last week saw me forced out on a hack on MY OWN on tuesday, forced out on a hack with Dolly on Thursday, subjected to needles in my neck and some very dodgy manhandling by Herman the German needle man on friday, forced to do a long hack on saturday with the high stepping river dance reject, made to do dressage on sunday and THEN made to go on the worlds longest hack to the end of the earth yesterday. Despite being on fresh grass and in our new fields my girth has gone up 3 holes, I have muscles I didnt know I had, I ache all over and mother has cut my feed down. Someone please please please call horseline...........
Added to all this i am now the assigned point man to go out to the new grass - none of the others who are up there with me will go out unless I am there so I have been hurried through my breakfast twice this week already so that the highly bred wussies have someone to hold their hoof. Ha! Heinz 57 I might be but at least i dare to go out on my own. Having just used mothers favourite expression would someone explain why my breeding is like that of a baked bean? I know in some lights i might look a slightly orange hue but I dont make you fart nor am i one of your 5 a day? *confused Hovis.com*
Aunty Sammie continues to beast me within inches of my life. She used to own looney legs who was a TB and i think shes trying to turn me into some sort of skinny replacement for him. She has discovered that despite me doing a very good impression of not being very agile in the school i can actually do walk to canter, rein back, turn on the forehand, blah blah blah. I blame mother - i had almost convinced her that schooling me was pointless when mum pointed out i was taking the pee. This combined with boss lady sarah also telling her i was very very athletic and flexible for my build and my plans to be a happy hacker have been scuppered. Spoil sports.
Even Herman the German needle man told mum i looked in the shape of my life on friday. This whilst fiddling under my rug with some sort of object a little too close to my man sausage for my liking. I did attempt to kick him but hes very agile and i learnt yet again bad manners = sore nose. Damn mothers reaction times........ Just because hes all posh and has set up on his own now, does not give the man the right to molest me. Life is so unfair.......
Then yesterday Aunty Sammie decided we'd ride to go and see her mum and dad and have a cup of tea. How nice thought I, I do love a cup of tea and a custard cream. Except no one had told me how far away her mum lives. And no one had told her mum that i like tea and custard creams. I nearly died getting there and for nothing. Cruelty of this type should be outlawed. Then on the way back aunty Sam made me trot the whole way up the longest hill in the world. I swear you could literally see my breakfast melting off my bum as we trotted. If it wasnt for the fact I think the only volunteer would be Hot Stepper I'd ask for a bum massage from someone.....
So despite the fact that we're on new grass, Dolly is so attached to me she screams as soon as my mother puts my headcollar on and I am being heralded as the yard saviour (well I think i am) I have decided its time to ask for someone to adopt me. I need an understanding home where exercise is optional, carrots are on tap and mares are just grateful to be in the presence of irish bog trotting beefcake. With people who dont have the reaction times of a cobra on red bull and an insistance on manners at all times. With vets and farriers and dentists who are not over familiar, do not cuddle me nor fondle any part of me without consent. With big beds, big haynets and a lax attitude to the size of my meals. Oh and NO dressage. Any offers?
I did not write on friday. I am sorry about this but it is entirely my mothers fault. She is treating me with such cruelty at the moment that i am a) too exhausted to write and b) feel like going on strike in protest.
Last week saw me forced out on a hack on MY OWN on tuesday, forced out on a hack with Dolly on Thursday, subjected to needles in my neck and some very dodgy manhandling by Herman the German needle man on friday, forced to do a long hack on saturday with the high stepping river dance reject, made to do dressage on sunday and THEN made to go on the worlds longest hack to the end of the earth yesterday. Despite being on fresh grass and in our new fields my girth has gone up 3 holes, I have muscles I didnt know I had, I ache all over and mother has cut my feed down. Someone please please please call horseline...........
Added to all this i am now the assigned point man to go out to the new grass - none of the others who are up there with me will go out unless I am there so I have been hurried through my breakfast twice this week already so that the highly bred wussies have someone to hold their hoof. Ha! Heinz 57 I might be but at least i dare to go out on my own. Having just used mothers favourite expression would someone explain why my breeding is like that of a baked bean? I know in some lights i might look a slightly orange hue but I dont make you fart nor am i one of your 5 a day? *confused Hovis.com*
Aunty Sammie continues to beast me within inches of my life. She used to own looney legs who was a TB and i think shes trying to turn me into some sort of skinny replacement for him. She has discovered that despite me doing a very good impression of not being very agile in the school i can actually do walk to canter, rein back, turn on the forehand, blah blah blah. I blame mother - i had almost convinced her that schooling me was pointless when mum pointed out i was taking the pee. This combined with boss lady sarah also telling her i was very very athletic and flexible for my build and my plans to be a happy hacker have been scuppered. Spoil sports.
Even Herman the German needle man told mum i looked in the shape of my life on friday. This whilst fiddling under my rug with some sort of object a little too close to my man sausage for my liking. I did attempt to kick him but hes very agile and i learnt yet again bad manners = sore nose. Damn mothers reaction times........ Just because hes all posh and has set up on his own now, does not give the man the right to molest me. Life is so unfair.......
Then yesterday Aunty Sammie decided we'd ride to go and see her mum and dad and have a cup of tea. How nice thought I, I do love a cup of tea and a custard cream. Except no one had told me how far away her mum lives. And no one had told her mum that i like tea and custard creams. I nearly died getting there and for nothing. Cruelty of this type should be outlawed. Then on the way back aunty Sam made me trot the whole way up the longest hill in the world. I swear you could literally see my breakfast melting off my bum as we trotted. If it wasnt for the fact I think the only volunteer would be Hot Stepper I'd ask for a bum massage from someone.....
So despite the fact that we're on new grass, Dolly is so attached to me she screams as soon as my mother puts my headcollar on and I am being heralded as the yard saviour (well I think i am) I have decided its time to ask for someone to adopt me. I need an understanding home where exercise is optional, carrots are on tap and mares are just grateful to be in the presence of irish bog trotting beefcake. With people who dont have the reaction times of a cobra on red bull and an insistance on manners at all times. With vets and farriers and dentists who are not over familiar, do not cuddle me nor fondle any part of me without consent. With big beds, big haynets and a lax attitude to the size of my meals. Oh and NO dressage. Any offers?
