Hovis doesn't like the wind.............

Hovis, Ted here, a fellow carthorse, I admire you from afar, you are mature, handsome and manly, I am only 2 and a half and a sensitive soul, my mum says I am a big girls blouse. She is in for a shock cos I am nearly all Shire and growing like a weed on fertilizer, I will soon need a tent not a blouse.

At least your humans gave you a house, I don't have a house, it was so windy here I had to wrap my furry feet around an oak tree to stop me being blown away, scary, proper scary it was. Stupid mummy gave me some haylage, that blew away and next doors cow scoffed it, I was so hungry I had to ring the food bank people, they offered me a tin of pedigree chum, I am so misunderstood.

Hovis you are worrying me, you have furry stockings on and little else, what is that all about ? do you need rescuing are you being abused, there is a law forbidding men going out in public without their pants on, blimey you must have a right draught up the nether regions. I have warned you so don't get ringing me if you get arrested.

Foxy sounds lovely, I have a girlfriend her name is Alice, I call her Slack Alice but please don't tell her. She has a house which she has not come out of for two weeks because she cut her leg. When Alice is better maybe we could have a foursome, are you up for a bit of fun Hovis ? I think Foxy and Alice might have problems fancying a man in stockings so chances are, I might have more fun than you.
 
AdorableAlice said:
Ted has his thread, My Next Equine Project. No where near as entertaining as Hovis and started as a plea for help with a feral yearling. Bits of it are funny.
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Sorry to correct you there AA but ALL of it is VERY VERY funny. Bless Ted! He is my kind of horse............
 
ElleSkywalkingintheair said:
^^^ Don't under sell it AA, it is quite simply the most truly inspiring & entertaining thread/journey that I have ever read! :D xx
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That is kind. More adventures to come. I have been thinking about how to back Ted in the safest way, bearing in mind that he is extremely nervous. Having watched Monty Roberts use 'Heidi' a stuffed manikin I think that might be the way to start. Now purchasing a 'Heidi' is expensive so improvisation has to be made. I have found what I want on amazon in the 'mens, top shelf' department. She has not arrived yet but I am hoping she comes in plain packaging. I need a size 8 pair of knickers, bra, jeans and T shirt. She will have to remain fully clothed at all times, my yard has a footpath adjacent the barn where Ted does his training. We don't want the Woman's Institute walking past whilst Ted is trotting round with his 'friend' do we !
 
AdorableAlice said:
That is kind. More adventures to come. I have been thinking about how to back Ted in the safest way, bearing in mind that he is extremely nervous. Having watched Monty Roberts use 'Heidi' a stuffed manikin I think that might be the way to start. Now purchasing a 'Heidi' is expensive so improvisation has to be made. I have found what I want on amazon in the 'mens, top shelf' department. She has not arrived yet but I am hoping she comes in plain packaging. I need a size 8 pair of knickers, bra, jeans and T shirt. She will have to remain fully clothed at all times, my yard has a footpath adjacent the barn where Ted does his training. We don't want the Woman's Institute walking past whilst Ted is trotting round with his 'friend' do we !
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OMG I am crying with laughter in the library with that image. I did not see that coming XD
 
AdorableAlice said:
That is kind. More adventures to come. I have been thinking about how to back Ted in the safest way, bearing in mind that he is extremely nervous. Having watched Monty Roberts use 'Heidi' a stuffed manikin I think that might be the way to start. Now purchasing a 'Heidi' is expensive so improvisation has to be made. I have found what I want on amazon in the 'mens, top shelf' department. She has not arrived yet but I am hoping she comes in plain packaging. I need a size 8 pair of knickers, bra, jeans and T shirt. She will have to remain fully clothed at all times, my yard has a footpath adjacent the barn where Ted does his training. We don't want the Woman's Institute walking past whilst Ted is trotting round with his 'friend' do we !
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PMSL. Got this imagine in my head of a horse trotting round with a doll form Only Fools and Horses episode
 
I was going to suggest that maybe you should give Ted and Alice 'That Talk' about the birds and the bees before introducing Ted to Heidi, but perhaps it is better if you wait til later. You don't want Ted squirming with embarrassment during the process, do you.

Best if he's in blissful ignorance, I think!
 
A brief apology here for slightly hijacking this thread earlier.

I am a great Hovis fan and always read his blog and have both of his books. I have a special interest, as not only do I have an Irish bog trotter of uncertain parentage of my own, but I bought him from the same dealer that Hovis came from!
 
AdorableAlice said:
That is kind. More adventures to come. I have been thinking about how to back Ted in the safest way, bearing in mind that he is extremely nervous. Having watched Monty Roberts use 'Heidi' a stuffed manikin I think that might be the way to start. Now purchasing a 'Heidi' is expensive so improvisation has to be made. I have found what I want on amazon in the 'mens, top shelf' department. She has not arrived yet but I am hoping she comes in plain packaging. I need a size 8 pair of knickers, bra, jeans and T shirt. She will have to remain fully clothed at all times, my yard has a footpath adjacent the barn where Ted does his training. We don't want the Woman's Institute walking past whilst Ted is trotting round with his 'friend' do we !
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AA so very funny, just read out to OH who has now decided he did not know Amazon had a top shelf and wants to look!!!!

Oh dear Ted what have you started.

Would love to see Ted and Hovis on a double date!!!!!!!!
 
Adopter said:
AA so very funny, just read out to OH who has now decided he did not know Amazon had a top shelf and wants to look!!!!

Oh dear Ted what have you started.

Would love to see Ted and Hovis on a double date!!!!!!!!
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Ted's 'friend' has just arrived, plain packaging - phew ! haven't dared to open it yet. How does one blow it up, I can hardly take her to a garage !
 
You'll have to stuff some lead in her pants too to give gravity some assistance. Wouldn't want her taking off unexpectedly. But don't worry. It's my understanding that there may be a conveniently placed receptacle to put the weights in. :D
 
TrasaM said:
You'll have to stuff some lead in her pants too to give gravity some assistance. Wouldn't want her taking off unexpectedly. But don't worry. It's my understanding that there may be a conveniently placed receptacle to put the weights in. :D
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Sand in her pants ?
 
What a thread, it started with poor Hovis suffering once again, he makes my Fridays with his adventures, now we have Ted in need of a pump and sand, goodness knows what he will do with it. I think Alice is going to be very shocked!
 
Adopter said:
What a thread, it started with poor Hovis suffering once again, he makes my Fridays with his adventures, now we have Ted in need of a pump and sand, goodness knows what he will do with it. I think Alice is going to be very shocked!
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Indeed! Imagine what the poor HHO admin staff, who seem so keen to project us in the best (aka boring and safe) light, would make of this thread..... :D :D!
 
Tiddlypom said:
Indeed! Imagine what the poor HHO admin staff, who seem so keen to project us in the best (aka boring and safe) light, would make of this thread..... :D :D!
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Opps ! don't want to upset admin. Ted's friend will remain wrapped until I have found some overalls for her and Ted has accepted the saddle, his progress will be updated on his own thread. Don't tell Hovis's mum, but Ted has had an email from Hovis, something about sharing toys. Boys !
 
AdorableAlice said:
Opps ! don't want to upset admin. Ted's friend will remain wrapped until I have found some overalls for her and Ted has accepted the saddle, his progress will be updated on his own thread. Don't tell Hovis's mum, but Ted has had an email from Hovis, something about sharing toys. Boys !
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Hovis doesn't want to miss out on all the action
 
AdorableAlice said:
Opps ! don't want to upset admin. Ted's friend will remain wrapped until I have found some overalls for her and Ted has accepted the saddle, his progress will be updated on his own thread. Don't tell Hovis's mum, but Ted has had an email from Hovis, something about sharing toys. Boys !
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Tiddlypom said:
Oh Ted! With a totty magnet like Hovis to instruct him, the poor boy's days of innocence are surely history!
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Alf is very upset - he thought HE was Ted's mentor! The look on his face when I showed him this thread was heartbreaking. He stopped eating for a whole 0.6 seconds...

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