Hovis' friday diary

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Hovis_and_SidsMum

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Dear diary
I am fed up. I am fed up of being seen as the “bog trotter” whilst my last brother and my new brother are seen as the handsome, poncy, arty farty, flowing paced, talented four legged teachers pets.
All week all I have heard is how wonderful fancy pants is, how nice his paces are, blah blah blah! I have nice paces – a slow one, a medium one and a fast one. How many more does a boy need? I also don’t scream like a girl if mum leaves me in a field on my own, don’t poo my pants if a worm sticks its head out of the ground and don’t shiver pathetically if it rains. Do I get any appreciation? No.
I want a fan club. I want instructors to coo over me. I want the new boss lady at our yard to like me instead of fancy pants. But I am buggered if I am prancing about like a fairy to achieve this.
Anyway we are off to Evil army Mans house tomorrow so I’m hoping we get to do some jumping so I can show off my talents. Mind you fancy pants swot head is pretty good at that too. Dammit i dislike him.
This week dad has been working hard on brother dearest so I’ve had a pretty chilled week. We went out for a hack yesterday which was great fun – that’s one thing I do far better than fancy pants – I AM the ultimate all terrain vehicle. At the weekend Mum made me run round in circles with my head tied to my body. I don’t think she’s forgiven me for spitting water all down her back on Saturday. She should have moved quicker…..
This morning grandma came to visit from that hot place she lives in. I don’t think she likes me. She came into the field with mum to pick up our poo and squarked like a bird every time I went near her. I could have sworn she called me a clod hopping lump but I can’t be sure. She is a small person but even I wouldn’t tread on her unless she did something bad – like refuse to give me a polo mint.
So today I am mainly sulking whilst fancy pants ponces about with his head getting bigger by the minute. If any of you feel you would appreciate me more than I am being appreciated here I am open to suggestions of a new home.
 
Hovis... I feel your pain man... I have the same problem here.
Mum has taken to making me do silly cicles this week too, but aunty Ro never makes Tom do them and keeps telling him how clever he is. He gets all the attention when we go up to the shouty lady for jumping lessons. I meanwhile try my darndest to out jump him, and to not shy at the shiny painty things under the poles, but do I get any praise!? (well mum gives me a pat, but that's it).
at least I know I must be better at hunting than Tom as he's not allowed to go... I think its because he'd just break if he saw a bog, but Mum says that aunty Ro is too frightened. What's less frightening about big shiny brightly coloured jumps compared to hunting where everything is the colour it should be?!!

one of my grandma's lives somewhere hot too, and she's frightened of me as well. Maybe they don't have horses over there?

Have a good weekend, I'm off to the point to point tomorrow to laugh at the silly thoroughbreds when they panic cos their rider falls off.
 
Ohhh poor Hovis.
What you could do to really show them up and get the last laugh is what i did to my mummy last night. Firstly i had been out in the field naked....so i found the muddiest, wettest patch and rolled all day untill i looked like a swamp monster! Boy did she have her work cut out trying to get that wet caked in mud off of me!
Then she was all smug as she had managed to get me to hack out on my own....that dam bike that granny comes out on keeps fooling me and i forget to napp and buck.
But boy did i pull a cracking stunt lastnight. As we stopped to go past a car lastnight (which happened to be my mummys mum and dads next door neighbour in her brand new car) my mum was talking to the nice lady in the nice car.....but i got bored and as payback for the bike trick i decided that i would poo on the bonnet of the nice ladys car....just to really really embarras my mummy. To be honest i didnt like the colour she had chosen for the new car. But it worked....my mummy was mortified! and apparently we are going in the school tonight to do some jumping in fear that we see the nice lady whilst out hacking! woopey! the plan worked!!

I must say i liked your water trick........i shall keep that one in mind!!

Keep your chin up hovis....they will get bored of fancy pants's prancing about soon....and appreciate a real horse!

Paddy

PS......if you find a home where you are appreciated and not forced to do things like hacking alone....be groomed senseless.....please forward me the address so that i can make my escape....i would even be willing to walk there alone....no other horses and even without that stupid bike!!
 
Ahhh Hovis I feel your pain! I had to stand in the field yesterday watching mum ride the stick beast (aka Lord) and all I heard was "whos a clever lad? there's a good boy pops" just because he was flicking his toothpick legs out when he was trotting round and made his neck all bendy so his head was down ' on an outline'.

I mean whoopedoo he can look like a grade A tart but he cannot jump a fence like me :D, mum took me jumpies on wed and I made an extra effort to behave and we came home with a bright ribbony thing.


Anyway I have a tip for you....... next time you and fancy pants hack out sneak a leaf or a tissuse ?? thingy with you and conveniently flap it in his face so he spooks :p therefore re establishing you greatness when being ridden.


Have fun my dear friend

Banner
 
Harry Says:

Hovis dude, you need different tactics. It's no use trying to be like the fancy pants crowd when you are obviously a man of distinction and character. You've got to get IN THEIR FACE, it works for me.

The other Saturday, me and the ginger girlie had been out with mum and dad for a hack, we get back and have our bit of grub and then we are left on the long grass for a bit. Ginge gets her head down to eat, not me, I am a character (apparently), so I stuck my head right into the car thing they were sitting in, and guess what, they both laugh, made a huge fuss of me, told me I was a CHARACTER (there's that word again) and gave me a bunch of really chewy tasty things call allsorts (dunno what they are, but they taste lush).

So, no more trying to be a fancy pants, get yourself some character. I can't tell you were mine came from, but the soppy humans LOVE IT :D
 
Well i was the big 6 last week! so i have tried very hard to be the biggest and bestest!! and even though i used to not go at the front on hacks!! i now gallop to the front and push past everyone!! but mummy still isnt happy and tells me to slow down and to stop being so strong! so i got all sulky and settled back a few steps and then!! tht meant i was being lazy so she kicks me in the ribs and tells me to get on and to keep up!
I mean really my stupid humann gets me angry sometimes!! so i thought instead of me being naughty and getting told off, i would convince the younger one tthat maaking mummy fall off is exactly what mummy likes and then to gallop off is just as good!! so out goes mummy on a ride on the younger one dolly saying ohh you are more responsive then cassey (-.-) and bout an hour later mommy returns leading with a few cuts and bruises and dolly walking by the side :D and mummy said that she had fallen off dolly and dolly had galloped off for a little while and made mummy and her friend go looking for her. :D so when dolly came out in the field we played for a bit as i was proud of the younger one :D and also mummy came out giving me some treats and saying i was good today compared to the little one :D i wasss sooo happy :D well now she will appreciate me more often :D
lots of love
Cassey xx
 
Dear Hovis,

I somewhat feel your pain! Just because I'm a teensy bit naughty sometimes, (I like to bite people and ponies... Oh and kick them too... :D) a lot of people seem to stay well away from me! Thelwell_girl, however, always comes to say hello to me, and gives me polos, so I try not to bite things too much when she rides me. :rolleyes:

Her arm did look mighty tasty the the other day though, so I only took a weensy nibble, just a little bite, and polo-bringer proceede to tell me off and get very grumpy with me! :eek: Maybe you could give me lessons in how to be good?

Honestly, us nice, individual, beautiful, athletic, wonderful, clever ponies seem to be quite misunderstood! :cool:

Lots of love,

Bonnie (or as some call me, EVIL Bonnie!!) xxx
 
Poor Hovis! Just ask yourself this though - can fancy pants write a diary that's eagerly awaited by an adoring public? No? Superiority re-established!
 
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