Hovis_and_SidsMum
Well-Known Member
Dear diary
I am alarmed. I have known for some time that my mother is slowly but surely losing her marbles but it appears to be catching. Now I fear that she has passed dippyitus onto Evil Army Man and we are all now DOOMED.
I shall explain
On Saturday it was raining, so of course muggins here is expected to work in it. Imagine my delight when therefore I saw Evil Army Mans car coming down the drive. I dont mind getting wet if were going to do some jumping! Evil Army Mans mare came with him and his foal. The foal is quite sweet and seems to like me, which is of course understandable, but someone ought to tell the little dude that blowing bubbles is not a good look.
Anyway mum tacked up and off we went. EAM got the jump wings out and said mum was riding great yada yada. Im doing the work matey so I deserve the praise mum just sits there and tries to look intelligent.
We rode round whilst EAM and Dad set all the wings out, got the poles out and put the poles on the floor between the wings. On the floor? Whats with that? This is why I think EAM has caught mums dippyness. Surely to jump the poles have to be in the air? Come on, I know Im a bog trotter but even I know what jump means. Show jumping the clue is in the title people. You have to JUMP over poles. If it were called Show Stepping I would understand what we were playing at, but unless they have changed the rules without telling me then I just dont get it. EAM said it didnt matter about the poles as we all know I can jump and the purpose of the exercise was for mum to practise her bit i.e. the turns. Now hang on a minute! Just because mum is a spatially unaware muppet how come that means I have to charge about in the rain, between jump wings but dont get to actually do the fun bit i.e. the JUMPING?
Anyway we seemed to pass show stepping 101 as EAM seemed very pleased. I was not pleased and sulked for the rest of the day but no one seemed to notice. I have seriously got to learnt how to throw an impressive hissy fit apparently standing behind EAM yawning when he talks about the importance of good turns is too subtle.
Damn .
On Sunday I helped mum poo pick our fields which she really appreciated. Fancy pants and I are still together in the same field but separated by electric tape as he was getting too clingy with me. Im not sure what clingy is exactly but I do know he screams like a girl the minute I move. Hes seriously uncool and killing any chance I might have had with the ladies.
On Sunday afternoon mum and Dad decided to introduce me to the tractor that was parked at the yard. This was in order to desensitise me to tractors. Now I admit I dont like the things they are loud, smelly and usually creep up on me when Im out with Dad on my own. But if treats are on offer I can stand next to anything for a few minutes. Heh Ill even eat treats of its wheels. I am not fussed. Why mum and Dad seemed so pleased with this I have no idea Ill still not be happy when one is up my bum on a narrow back lane with no wing man for protection
Anyway til next week. Im off to see if I can entice fancy pants to lean over the tape again watching him jump 6 ft in the air when it bites him is hilarious!
I am alarmed. I have known for some time that my mother is slowly but surely losing her marbles but it appears to be catching. Now I fear that she has passed dippyitus onto Evil Army Man and we are all now DOOMED.
I shall explain
On Saturday it was raining, so of course muggins here is expected to work in it. Imagine my delight when therefore I saw Evil Army Mans car coming down the drive. I dont mind getting wet if were going to do some jumping! Evil Army Mans mare came with him and his foal. The foal is quite sweet and seems to like me, which is of course understandable, but someone ought to tell the little dude that blowing bubbles is not a good look.
Anyway mum tacked up and off we went. EAM got the jump wings out and said mum was riding great yada yada. Im doing the work matey so I deserve the praise mum just sits there and tries to look intelligent.
We rode round whilst EAM and Dad set all the wings out, got the poles out and put the poles on the floor between the wings. On the floor? Whats with that? This is why I think EAM has caught mums dippyness. Surely to jump the poles have to be in the air? Come on, I know Im a bog trotter but even I know what jump means. Show jumping the clue is in the title people. You have to JUMP over poles. If it were called Show Stepping I would understand what we were playing at, but unless they have changed the rules without telling me then I just dont get it. EAM said it didnt matter about the poles as we all know I can jump and the purpose of the exercise was for mum to practise her bit i.e. the turns. Now hang on a minute! Just because mum is a spatially unaware muppet how come that means I have to charge about in the rain, between jump wings but dont get to actually do the fun bit i.e. the JUMPING?
Anyway we seemed to pass show stepping 101 as EAM seemed very pleased. I was not pleased and sulked for the rest of the day but no one seemed to notice. I have seriously got to learnt how to throw an impressive hissy fit apparently standing behind EAM yawning when he talks about the importance of good turns is too subtle.
Damn .
On Sunday I helped mum poo pick our fields which she really appreciated. Fancy pants and I are still together in the same field but separated by electric tape as he was getting too clingy with me. Im not sure what clingy is exactly but I do know he screams like a girl the minute I move. Hes seriously uncool and killing any chance I might have had with the ladies.
On Sunday afternoon mum and Dad decided to introduce me to the tractor that was parked at the yard. This was in order to desensitise me to tractors. Now I admit I dont like the things they are loud, smelly and usually creep up on me when Im out with Dad on my own. But if treats are on offer I can stand next to anything for a few minutes. Heh Ill even eat treats of its wheels. I am not fussed. Why mum and Dad seemed so pleased with this I have no idea Ill still not be happy when one is up my bum on a narrow back lane with no wing man for protection
Anyway til next week. Im off to see if I can entice fancy pants to lean over the tape again watching him jump 6 ft in the air when it bites him is hilarious!
