Hovis_and_SidsMum
Well-Known Member
Dear diary
As is evident by the fact I am able to write this I have quite clearly not run away. Finding a laptop under a hedge in Hackney may be difficult so i decided on reflection to stay put.
That said it has been touch a go....
Last friday afternoon HE came. Evil Army Man himself. I was already worried what horrors awaited when mum volunteered us for a beasting with the words "we need someone to shout at us". WE? Whats with the WE? I don't need anyone to shout at me - as for mother well whatever floats her boat....
Anyway what followed was a comlete destruction of all the handy evasions I have been building up on mum since we last saw EAM. It was all straightness, correct bend, correct strike off, no wiggling away from the fence, no squishing mum legs into the fence (a particular fave of mine) and the reminding mum of what that long thing she carries in her hand is for. Grrr! That man is SUCH a killjoy. He did finally let me do some jumping but only baby stuff as "we all know he can jump. Its how we get there thats important". Speak for yourself mate - its how i sail over them that gets me having any chance with the females of the species. He also muttered the immortal comment - "well its not as if he's a showjumper is it?". I am sorry!! I am not a what? How very dare you suggest that my manly figure is better used for pulling milk floats than it is for leaping forth over fences. I don't care how evil he is EAM is going to get to have a feather facial is hes not careful....
Anyway as usual when Mr Killjoy has been mum then spent all weekend practising what he'd taught her. Boooorrriiiinnnnnnggg.
On sunday night just as mum was putting me in my PJs there was a commotion and a new lady walked into the barn. Shes tall and ginger and from what i could see quite fit. As mum had failed to secure my door correctly I thought I'd go and introduce myself. This didn't go down too well i have to say and I was swiftly banished back to my stable accompanied by several suggestions as to my parentage. Anyway I have not yet been able to make a move as shes at the other end of the stable block and not in field near me. My time will come however.
Yesterday Herman the German came back and shoved more needles in me and reported my legs are much improved. I tried once again to show him the new improved underside of my back feet but he didn't seem too keen to examine them.
This morning we have been out on our usual hack with Billy. It was a bit of a weird one as Billy came in from the field with his eyes all gummed up so I had to be his guide dawg. I managed to stand on my shoe within five minutes of leaving the yard so at least billy had the sounds of me clinking to guide him. Mum didn't quite see this as a good thing so we only walked which is so beneath me these days. My athletic bouncing did nearly backfire after I fell up the verge and nearly landed on my nose. At this point I decided mum had got the point and so I gave in to the walking idea. Then Aunty C dropped her whip and had to get off, which is essence was fine apart from the fact she couldn't get back on. So we had to try to find a hummock for her to stand on to remount. I was totally bemused by the whole experiece by this point. Then after she had remounted in a herculean effort (come on woman Billy is NOT that big) we got halfway down the road and she dropped it again. Luckily there was two people walking by who clearly realised mum and Aunty C were not safe to be allowed out on their own and picked up the whip for them. By this stage I had lost the will to live - being saddled with a plank for a mother is bad enough but when they start traveliing in plank packs then I'm sorry but there should be a law against it.
Anyway we survived, made it home and despite mum blasting the backs of my knees with a hose pipe to rid my sore patches of the mud i had managed to plaster up my legs, I am in a good mood. Dolly is in the next field, mystery new bird in the field after that so I'm currently working on some manly moves up the fence line (stopping for food as necessary - and yes every 2 seconds is necessary) so I shall report back how sucessful i am next week.
I leave you with this thought - I am a big beefy clydie, all manly and feathered - so why does everyone say I pee like a race horse? Should i be concerned?
As is evident by the fact I am able to write this I have quite clearly not run away. Finding a laptop under a hedge in Hackney may be difficult so i decided on reflection to stay put.
That said it has been touch a go....
Last friday afternoon HE came. Evil Army Man himself. I was already worried what horrors awaited when mum volunteered us for a beasting with the words "we need someone to shout at us". WE? Whats with the WE? I don't need anyone to shout at me - as for mother well whatever floats her boat....
Anyway what followed was a comlete destruction of all the handy evasions I have been building up on mum since we last saw EAM. It was all straightness, correct bend, correct strike off, no wiggling away from the fence, no squishing mum legs into the fence (a particular fave of mine) and the reminding mum of what that long thing she carries in her hand is for. Grrr! That man is SUCH a killjoy. He did finally let me do some jumping but only baby stuff as "we all know he can jump. Its how we get there thats important". Speak for yourself mate - its how i sail over them that gets me having any chance with the females of the species. He also muttered the immortal comment - "well its not as if he's a showjumper is it?". I am sorry!! I am not a what? How very dare you suggest that my manly figure is better used for pulling milk floats than it is for leaping forth over fences. I don't care how evil he is EAM is going to get to have a feather facial is hes not careful....
Anyway as usual when Mr Killjoy has been mum then spent all weekend practising what he'd taught her. Boooorrriiiinnnnnnggg.
On sunday night just as mum was putting me in my PJs there was a commotion and a new lady walked into the barn. Shes tall and ginger and from what i could see quite fit. As mum had failed to secure my door correctly I thought I'd go and introduce myself. This didn't go down too well i have to say and I was swiftly banished back to my stable accompanied by several suggestions as to my parentage. Anyway I have not yet been able to make a move as shes at the other end of the stable block and not in field near me. My time will come however.
Yesterday Herman the German came back and shoved more needles in me and reported my legs are much improved. I tried once again to show him the new improved underside of my back feet but he didn't seem too keen to examine them.
This morning we have been out on our usual hack with Billy. It was a bit of a weird one as Billy came in from the field with his eyes all gummed up so I had to be his guide dawg. I managed to stand on my shoe within five minutes of leaving the yard so at least billy had the sounds of me clinking to guide him. Mum didn't quite see this as a good thing so we only walked which is so beneath me these days. My athletic bouncing did nearly backfire after I fell up the verge and nearly landed on my nose. At this point I decided mum had got the point and so I gave in to the walking idea. Then Aunty C dropped her whip and had to get off, which is essence was fine apart from the fact she couldn't get back on. So we had to try to find a hummock for her to stand on to remount. I was totally bemused by the whole experiece by this point. Then after she had remounted in a herculean effort (come on woman Billy is NOT that big) we got halfway down the road and she dropped it again. Luckily there was two people walking by who clearly realised mum and Aunty C were not safe to be allowed out on their own and picked up the whip for them. By this stage I had lost the will to live - being saddled with a plank for a mother is bad enough but when they start traveliing in plank packs then I'm sorry but there should be a law against it.
Anyway we survived, made it home and despite mum blasting the backs of my knees with a hose pipe to rid my sore patches of the mud i had managed to plaster up my legs, I am in a good mood. Dolly is in the next field, mystery new bird in the field after that so I'm currently working on some manly moves up the fence line (stopping for food as necessary - and yes every 2 seconds is necessary) so I shall report back how sucessful i am next week.
I leave you with this thought - I am a big beefy clydie, all manly and feathered - so why does everyone say I pee like a race horse? Should i be concerned?
