Hovis_and_SidsMum
Well-Known Member
Dear diary
Well I survive to write another week. Which to be quite frank is something of a miracle.
As reported last week at the weekend we went to see HIM. Evil Army Man himself. Now Ive not seen him for some time due to the weather and my snow enforced retirement so I was a little concerned that he may make me work harder than normal to make up for it. Alas I was right ..
It didnt help that it was blowing a gale so the ride there was rather like being back on the ferry from Ireland; very rough, very bouncy and made me feel a bit icky. Then when we got to his house mum realised that shed not brought the spaniel stirrups with her as Dad had changed them over last time he had ridden me. Cue mother making a big drama about her knee and lameness issues.
By this stage the wind was blowing so badly I looked like a startled hedgehog which was NOT good since Id just spied some of the lovely ladies who live at EAMs house. They sauntered over to see me and I was pleased to see fit ginger bird was still there. Shes quite tall, an eventer and has very big ears. You know what they say about mares with big ears boys? Hubba hubba? Yeah thats right they have good hearing
Anyway with my forelock waving about like elvis hair piece Im not sure I totally pulled off the tough silent type look. Still worse was yet to come..
Mum led me across to EAMs house and HE enquired as to how the stallion was. Now Im not being funny but I dont need to be reminded that my little baby making Hovis wrigglers were traumatically taken from me at a young age, its cruel and uncalled for. I mentally decided to flatten him at the next possible opportunity to remind him quite who was boss in our relationship. Still at least we got to do some jumping! Mother has obviously had a brain fart since we last saw EAM and has forgotten that every time she says that my last jump wasnt good he just puts another jump up. Oh and one more time is ALWAYS a fib where that man is concerned. By the time we had been leaping about for an hour I was about dead on my feathers and mum was splitting her time between berating EAM for being evil and father for his poor taste in stirrups. At least I think thats what she was doing between the 100mph gusts of wind and her panting it was a bit difficult to tell .
So sodden with sweat and exhausted (and that was just mum) we made our way back to the lorry, where dad removed the last shreds of both my dignity and any hope of pulling by producing my old brothers cooler for me to wear: Its pale green and pink. PINK. Fancy pants may have thought he was man enough to carry off pink but it seriously clashes with my slightly ginger hue. I think I looked like a wall hanging from Ikea. Needless to say I leapt up the ramp like a cattle prodded gazelle in order to limit the number of people witnessing my fashion faux pas.
For the rest of the week I have been battling the wind rain and general nastiness and scheming how to get closer to the new fit bird at the yard. Then yesterday as she lunged me mum had a phone call from dad which proved the man is a genius and gained him instant forgiveness for the pink incident. Mum has lots of girl friends coming to see her this weekend so Dad decided to suggest him and the boss lady go out for a hack tomorrow afternoon to give mum and her friends some girly time. Genius dad, pure genius. So its me and posh fit bird alone in the woods tomorrow. Yeehaaa!
The downside is Ive missed out on my hack with Billy this morning and so have a feeling I will be poncing about with my head on my chest later to make up for it. Still if she likes these dudes who ponce about showing maybe this is not a bad thing?
So all I need now is some good lines, a squirt of that lemon stuff mum puts on me sometimes and of course my natural rougish charm - the girl stands no chance. Unless she doesnt like furry Irish bog trotters. Then Im screwed .
Well I survive to write another week. Which to be quite frank is something of a miracle.
As reported last week at the weekend we went to see HIM. Evil Army Man himself. Now Ive not seen him for some time due to the weather and my snow enforced retirement so I was a little concerned that he may make me work harder than normal to make up for it. Alas I was right ..
It didnt help that it was blowing a gale so the ride there was rather like being back on the ferry from Ireland; very rough, very bouncy and made me feel a bit icky. Then when we got to his house mum realised that shed not brought the spaniel stirrups with her as Dad had changed them over last time he had ridden me. Cue mother making a big drama about her knee and lameness issues.
By this stage the wind was blowing so badly I looked like a startled hedgehog which was NOT good since Id just spied some of the lovely ladies who live at EAMs house. They sauntered over to see me and I was pleased to see fit ginger bird was still there. Shes quite tall, an eventer and has very big ears. You know what they say about mares with big ears boys? Hubba hubba? Yeah thats right they have good hearing
Anyway with my forelock waving about like elvis hair piece Im not sure I totally pulled off the tough silent type look. Still worse was yet to come..
Mum led me across to EAMs house and HE enquired as to how the stallion was. Now Im not being funny but I dont need to be reminded that my little baby making Hovis wrigglers were traumatically taken from me at a young age, its cruel and uncalled for. I mentally decided to flatten him at the next possible opportunity to remind him quite who was boss in our relationship. Still at least we got to do some jumping! Mother has obviously had a brain fart since we last saw EAM and has forgotten that every time she says that my last jump wasnt good he just puts another jump up. Oh and one more time is ALWAYS a fib where that man is concerned. By the time we had been leaping about for an hour I was about dead on my feathers and mum was splitting her time between berating EAM for being evil and father for his poor taste in stirrups. At least I think thats what she was doing between the 100mph gusts of wind and her panting it was a bit difficult to tell .
So sodden with sweat and exhausted (and that was just mum) we made our way back to the lorry, where dad removed the last shreds of both my dignity and any hope of pulling by producing my old brothers cooler for me to wear: Its pale green and pink. PINK. Fancy pants may have thought he was man enough to carry off pink but it seriously clashes with my slightly ginger hue. I think I looked like a wall hanging from Ikea. Needless to say I leapt up the ramp like a cattle prodded gazelle in order to limit the number of people witnessing my fashion faux pas.
For the rest of the week I have been battling the wind rain and general nastiness and scheming how to get closer to the new fit bird at the yard. Then yesterday as she lunged me mum had a phone call from dad which proved the man is a genius and gained him instant forgiveness for the pink incident. Mum has lots of girl friends coming to see her this weekend so Dad decided to suggest him and the boss lady go out for a hack tomorrow afternoon to give mum and her friends some girly time. Genius dad, pure genius. So its me and posh fit bird alone in the woods tomorrow. Yeehaaa!
The downside is Ive missed out on my hack with Billy this morning and so have a feeling I will be poncing about with my head on my chest later to make up for it. Still if she likes these dudes who ponce about showing maybe this is not a bad thing?
So all I need now is some good lines, a squirt of that lemon stuff mum puts on me sometimes and of course my natural rougish charm - the girl stands no chance. Unless she doesnt like furry Irish bog trotters. Then Im screwed .
My brother was telling me about something called "hunting" apparently we are both going on Sunday, it sounds like fun but I am not sure as he got a very silly haircut and then Mum started pulling MINE out!!! 
I know I am a girl but I am not the type who likes fancy hair-do's! Although the idea of running fast and doing lots of jumps sounds fun!
