Hovis_and_SidsMum
Well-Known Member
Dear diary
Today is pants. Mother has dragged me out in gale force winds to go for a hack, the V-E-T is coming later (why is it that mum thinks if she spells the word i won't know what she means? Just because I may look mentally challenged doesn't mean I AM), Frilly is ill and Cool New Shoes Man has stod me up until tomorrow. I am sulking. not that anyone usually notices.....
Last week after i was a brilliant boy to hack out mum rewarded me by giving me saturday off then on sunday and monday making me ponce around the menage practising carrying my own head - that Dorritios bloke has SO much to answer for. If i ever see him he'll be less Dorritio and more Burrito by the time I've finished i can tell you. she has also become obessed with switching fro one canter lead to the other. Now i know whos fault that is - HIS. EAM. Last time we saw GI Just No Fun he was wittering on about being able to change form lead to another so if mothers gone into swot mode I fear we may be due to see him again shortly. Anyway after mucking about for a bit I decided to play ball and she was very happy. Easy to please is my mum.
My grandma who lives far away has gone back home so i've had no one to terrorise for the rest of the week. Honestly all i have to do is follow her around the field and she makes the funniest noises and scuttles away like one of those birds with the rude name. So i chase after her. So she scuttles faster. I don't know if mum gets very upset by this but she did seem to be doubled up crying?
Anyway mum came back form work this morning and we had lovely cuddles in the stable whilst the wind raged outside. Happy in the knowledge mum loves me therefore wouldn't endanger our lives hacking in this i waited to be led to the field. Alas Billys mum turned up along with a large pile of tack and that was pretty much that...
To make matters worse we went to a place i'd not been before this morning so i had to be on my guard to protect mum and i. Apparently my half pass in trot down the road whilst ensuring the very bendy trees were not going to leap upon us was not viewed well. Nor was my four-feet-off-the-floor leap of surprise when we were nearly ambushed by a post box and seat. Tricky things those wooden seats you have to watch them - lurking behind hedges is just devious. We also passed the large green oil drums where they obviously bury the bodies of those who have passed them because the ground is always dug up. Mum foiled my sly shoot-past-and-duck-into-the-next-field manouvre and once again questioned both my parentage and my manhood. Seriously the woman is nuts. I surely can't be the only one who sees these dangers? By this time I was so wound up trying to protect my mother from the evils in the wind and her own stupidity that i'd got quite a sweat on. This has turned out to be a huge mistake since as Frilly is ill mum now thinks I might be too. So whereas the vet was just coming to give me an injection for my feathers now mum wants an MOT at the same time. Great. Just great. If they knock me out and stick things up unmentionable places again i swear to the patron saint of feathery flyers i am so going to give the vet a feather facial. Mum of course thinks i don't know the vet is coming because apparently mouthing V-E-T-S at Aunty C means i don't understand what she means. Not only does it make her look like a lunatic it also shows a complete lack of understanding of my intelligence. I write a diary every week so COURSE I can spel.
Cool New Shoes Man was supposed to be bringing me cool new shoes today but one of his grooms is off sick so he couldn't come today. He's coming tomorrow. I am assuming if he's not been groomed it means he'll look like he is wearing sheepskin side things again. Do you think he gawps about whilst being asked to work? Is that why he has them?
Anyway hes coming tomorrow so at least i get to have some fun leaning on him and trying to nibble his ears whilst hes trying to get my shoes off. He likes that. i can tell.
So all in all today has not been, and is not going to be, fun. I have about another hour in the field before the V-E-T-S come (see mother i can do that to) so i'm debating getting Dolly to jump into my field and i'll jump into hers. Maybe in all the excitement mum won't notice? Maybe?
This is the about-to-be-violated Destroyer despondantly signing off.
Today is pants. Mother has dragged me out in gale force winds to go for a hack, the V-E-T is coming later (why is it that mum thinks if she spells the word i won't know what she means? Just because I may look mentally challenged doesn't mean I AM), Frilly is ill and Cool New Shoes Man has stod me up until tomorrow. I am sulking. not that anyone usually notices.....
Last week after i was a brilliant boy to hack out mum rewarded me by giving me saturday off then on sunday and monday making me ponce around the menage practising carrying my own head - that Dorritios bloke has SO much to answer for. If i ever see him he'll be less Dorritio and more Burrito by the time I've finished i can tell you. she has also become obessed with switching fro one canter lead to the other. Now i know whos fault that is - HIS. EAM. Last time we saw GI Just No Fun he was wittering on about being able to change form lead to another so if mothers gone into swot mode I fear we may be due to see him again shortly. Anyway after mucking about for a bit I decided to play ball and she was very happy. Easy to please is my mum.
My grandma who lives far away has gone back home so i've had no one to terrorise for the rest of the week. Honestly all i have to do is follow her around the field and she makes the funniest noises and scuttles away like one of those birds with the rude name. So i chase after her. So she scuttles faster. I don't know if mum gets very upset by this but she did seem to be doubled up crying?
Anyway mum came back form work this morning and we had lovely cuddles in the stable whilst the wind raged outside. Happy in the knowledge mum loves me therefore wouldn't endanger our lives hacking in this i waited to be led to the field. Alas Billys mum turned up along with a large pile of tack and that was pretty much that...
To make matters worse we went to a place i'd not been before this morning so i had to be on my guard to protect mum and i. Apparently my half pass in trot down the road whilst ensuring the very bendy trees were not going to leap upon us was not viewed well. Nor was my four-feet-off-the-floor leap of surprise when we were nearly ambushed by a post box and seat. Tricky things those wooden seats you have to watch them - lurking behind hedges is just devious. We also passed the large green oil drums where they obviously bury the bodies of those who have passed them because the ground is always dug up. Mum foiled my sly shoot-past-and-duck-into-the-next-field manouvre and once again questioned both my parentage and my manhood. Seriously the woman is nuts. I surely can't be the only one who sees these dangers? By this time I was so wound up trying to protect my mother from the evils in the wind and her own stupidity that i'd got quite a sweat on. This has turned out to be a huge mistake since as Frilly is ill mum now thinks I might be too. So whereas the vet was just coming to give me an injection for my feathers now mum wants an MOT at the same time. Great. Just great. If they knock me out and stick things up unmentionable places again i swear to the patron saint of feathery flyers i am so going to give the vet a feather facial. Mum of course thinks i don't know the vet is coming because apparently mouthing V-E-T-S at Aunty C means i don't understand what she means. Not only does it make her look like a lunatic it also shows a complete lack of understanding of my intelligence. I write a diary every week so COURSE I can spel.
Cool New Shoes Man was supposed to be bringing me cool new shoes today but one of his grooms is off sick so he couldn't come today. He's coming tomorrow. I am assuming if he's not been groomed it means he'll look like he is wearing sheepskin side things again. Do you think he gawps about whilst being asked to work? Is that why he has them?
Anyway hes coming tomorrow so at least i get to have some fun leaning on him and trying to nibble his ears whilst hes trying to get my shoes off. He likes that. i can tell.
So all in all today has not been, and is not going to be, fun. I have about another hour in the field before the V-E-T-S come (see mother i can do that to) so i'm debating getting Dolly to jump into my field and i'll jump into hers. Maybe in all the excitement mum won't notice? Maybe?
This is the about-to-be-violated Destroyer despondantly signing off.
& had the nerve to call me a wuss - which is rich coming from miss " we dont gallop any more cos the horse is too old" - yeah right
