Hovis_and_SidsMum
Well-Known Member
Dear Diary
I am so sorry for writing so late in the day but quite honestly I have subjected to the morning form hell. Mother is quite clearly suicidal because her lack of concern for her own safety, and more importantly mine, is verging on the ridiculous.
Anyway more on that in a minute.
Last weekend dawned lovely warm and sunny and I settled down to tan my white bits and generally enjoy the sunshine. Alas as per usual mum and dad had other ideas and I was forced to cope with a dad session. As per usual I went more forward for Dad than I do for mum. Now people this is a simple application of physic: Dad weighs more than mum, is bigger than mum, has stronger leg then mum oh and rides in little spurs. Is there any wonder I go more quickly for dad than mum? That said mum did manage to watch dads little display of horsemanship without snarling fine2 even once and harmony ruled. The next day mum got on and we did some canter transitions and general schooling. She apparently is concerned that our canter is turning into dog poo I paraphrase because mums words are far more graphic, shes so rude. Now why she feels my canter is poop I have no idea but I fail to see that its in any way my fault. Monday saw me dragged out again to do yet more poncing about with my head in the right place then thankfully mother left to go to work.
This morning she returned and announced that since Billy couldnt come out to play today we were going to go out with the old dude Tom. Now I have to explain that Tom and I are love rivals. He likes Frilly. I like Frilly. Frilly likes anything male with a pulse. This was never going to work out well. Mind you I was in the dog house before we left after letting myself out to go and say Hi to Frilly which apparently didnt go down too well with boss lady Sarah. Mother was heard chuntering something about ASBOs and being asked to leave?
Anyway off we set with the old dude and immediately it was obvious we had an issue. Like I walk twice as fast as he does. So that meant I was in the lead. OMG. I dont do going in the lead thats Billys job, and a damn fine job he does of it too. Despite not being too happy about this we marched on and all was going fine. We had a brief moment where I stopped to eye up the enemy territory of the large lesser spotted bin bag in the middle of a track where mother assumed I had rooted (Do I LOOK like a tree?) and smacked me on the bum to make me walk on. The cheek I was only checking out the situation do you see what I mean about no sense of self preservation? Anyway on we went with me bravely forging ahead and the old dude hiding behind me when we came across some very large green tanks in the fields next to the road. Now Im not being funny they could have been hiding anything in there so I turned round and decided retreat was the best option. Alas yet again mother did not. Another smack on the bum and I swiftly shot past the offending tanks and marched on. My bravery knowing no bounds I led forth again and then it happened. We came across my nemesis the large yellow crop sprayer that tries to eat me. At this point, sensing no support from my wimpy Tb companion I tuned tail and tried to flee. Mum however (with surprising strength I have to say) stopped me, made me turn round, yelled for the driver to stop for a minute and made me walk past it. By this stage old save my own bum and sod you dude had come back for me and we legged it past the evil yellow monstrosity. Mum called me a LOT of rude names but did tell me Id been brave in the end. EXCUSE ME? Im trying to save our lives and IM the idiot? By this stage my nerves had taken all the battering they could so when a couple of men leapt out of the back off a truck wearing masks and with tanks on their backs I could only manage a minor spook compared to Toms impressive sideways dive. Apparently they were there to kill weeds. Should have started with the dude behind me. Sheesh.
Anyway we got back to the yard and I sighed a huge sigh of relief. Mum then confirmed that she has lost it totally by saying as much as she loves hacking with Billy we are too reliant on him and going out with the old dude would be good for me. In whos eye? I need my wing man not a TB that Id lose if he turned sideways over a grate in the road. His idea of back up is leaping into a ditch and bugger the rest of us!
Then to compound the horrific start to my day I had barely been in the field two minutes when a man and woman arrived with some by all accounts very expensive cameras (at least I think thats what mum screamed at me when I tried to eat one of them) and proceeded to subject me to 1.5 HOURS of a photo shoot. The photos are for something very important which I will be allowed to tell you about in a few weeks but shessh they werent half fussy. Hovis look this way hold his head just so can he look up yadda yadda yadda. Apparently taking a chunk out of the bloke camera man was not a good move but heh he was seriously boring me. After the session of click click click in the field I thought we were done but then they made me go in the menage and pose too. Mind you Frilly did look rather impressed and Dolly asked if I was doing a shoot for Equines Esquire. Im not sure what that is but Im hoping its not horse porn? Im not being used in a seafood catalogue no way José!
Anyway so I am now resting in the field recovering from my morning from hell. Sometimes being me just sucks ..
I am so sorry for writing so late in the day but quite honestly I have subjected to the morning form hell. Mother is quite clearly suicidal because her lack of concern for her own safety, and more importantly mine, is verging on the ridiculous.
Anyway more on that in a minute.
Last weekend dawned lovely warm and sunny and I settled down to tan my white bits and generally enjoy the sunshine. Alas as per usual mum and dad had other ideas and I was forced to cope with a dad session. As per usual I went more forward for Dad than I do for mum. Now people this is a simple application of physic: Dad weighs more than mum, is bigger than mum, has stronger leg then mum oh and rides in little spurs. Is there any wonder I go more quickly for dad than mum? That said mum did manage to watch dads little display of horsemanship without snarling fine2 even once and harmony ruled. The next day mum got on and we did some canter transitions and general schooling. She apparently is concerned that our canter is turning into dog poo I paraphrase because mums words are far more graphic, shes so rude. Now why she feels my canter is poop I have no idea but I fail to see that its in any way my fault. Monday saw me dragged out again to do yet more poncing about with my head in the right place then thankfully mother left to go to work.
This morning she returned and announced that since Billy couldnt come out to play today we were going to go out with the old dude Tom. Now I have to explain that Tom and I are love rivals. He likes Frilly. I like Frilly. Frilly likes anything male with a pulse. This was never going to work out well. Mind you I was in the dog house before we left after letting myself out to go and say Hi to Frilly which apparently didnt go down too well with boss lady Sarah. Mother was heard chuntering something about ASBOs and being asked to leave?
Anyway off we set with the old dude and immediately it was obvious we had an issue. Like I walk twice as fast as he does. So that meant I was in the lead. OMG. I dont do going in the lead thats Billys job, and a damn fine job he does of it too. Despite not being too happy about this we marched on and all was going fine. We had a brief moment where I stopped to eye up the enemy territory of the large lesser spotted bin bag in the middle of a track where mother assumed I had rooted (Do I LOOK like a tree?) and smacked me on the bum to make me walk on. The cheek I was only checking out the situation do you see what I mean about no sense of self preservation? Anyway on we went with me bravely forging ahead and the old dude hiding behind me when we came across some very large green tanks in the fields next to the road. Now Im not being funny they could have been hiding anything in there so I turned round and decided retreat was the best option. Alas yet again mother did not. Another smack on the bum and I swiftly shot past the offending tanks and marched on. My bravery knowing no bounds I led forth again and then it happened. We came across my nemesis the large yellow crop sprayer that tries to eat me. At this point, sensing no support from my wimpy Tb companion I tuned tail and tried to flee. Mum however (with surprising strength I have to say) stopped me, made me turn round, yelled for the driver to stop for a minute and made me walk past it. By this stage old save my own bum and sod you dude had come back for me and we legged it past the evil yellow monstrosity. Mum called me a LOT of rude names but did tell me Id been brave in the end. EXCUSE ME? Im trying to save our lives and IM the idiot? By this stage my nerves had taken all the battering they could so when a couple of men leapt out of the back off a truck wearing masks and with tanks on their backs I could only manage a minor spook compared to Toms impressive sideways dive. Apparently they were there to kill weeds. Should have started with the dude behind me. Sheesh.
Anyway we got back to the yard and I sighed a huge sigh of relief. Mum then confirmed that she has lost it totally by saying as much as she loves hacking with Billy we are too reliant on him and going out with the old dude would be good for me. In whos eye? I need my wing man not a TB that Id lose if he turned sideways over a grate in the road. His idea of back up is leaping into a ditch and bugger the rest of us!
Then to compound the horrific start to my day I had barely been in the field two minutes when a man and woman arrived with some by all accounts very expensive cameras (at least I think thats what mum screamed at me when I tried to eat one of them) and proceeded to subject me to 1.5 HOURS of a photo shoot. The photos are for something very important which I will be allowed to tell you about in a few weeks but shessh they werent half fussy. Hovis look this way hold his head just so can he look up yadda yadda yadda. Apparently taking a chunk out of the bloke camera man was not a good move but heh he was seriously boring me. After the session of click click click in the field I thought we were done but then they made me go in the menage and pose too. Mind you Frilly did look rather impressed and Dolly asked if I was doing a shoot for Equines Esquire. Im not sure what that is but Im hoping its not horse porn? Im not being used in a seafood catalogue no way José!
Anyway so I am now resting in the field recovering from my morning from hell. Sometimes being me just sucks ..
A Hovis calendar maybe ??