Hovis_and_SidsMum
Well-Known Member
Dear Diary
I am doomed. I have a mother who is more cunning than the most cunning of foxes' cunning mother. Drat it!
Last week i posted about my misery involving my Hannibal Lector mask and mothers instance that i should never eat properly again. Well I am not silly. Nor am I called the Destroyer for nothing. Lets just say Hovis 1 Mask 0. I killed it on sunday. I mean totally killed it - which apparently is a mean feat as its very "robust". What does "robust" mean? Destroyer proof? Ha! Not likely! Mum is apparently going to send it back and suggest they use me to test future products. It was no match for my manilness and lets just say its missing one side when it goes back. Mum was heard complaining about how much it cost and that I am an ungrateful git that I cannot see she is helping me. If thats mothers idea of help then trust me you don't want to be around when shes trying to be horrible............
Anyway I was mainly smug on sunday knowing that the bucket muzzle thing she bought didn't fit and i'd killed the posh expensive Hannibal Lector thing. At last thought I, I can enjoy this lovely grass. Alas no. See earlier point about Mothers cunningness. So mainly this week she has let me be out at night but brought me in during the day - bum that woman is smart. So I've had a week inside listening to the radio and eating boring hay. Oh and being ridden every night - even last night in the RAIN.
Last weekend mum went to see her friends so dad and I had to go and teach Hot Stepper how to stubble race. Seriously how can anyone not know what stubble is for? He ponces along on it like that Tortilla dude with a carrot up a part of his anatomy. Stubble is not for poncing! Stubble is for racing hell bent like your life depends on it with your mum squeaking in your ear like a hyperactive mouse on helium, her tears of joy (or tears of wind in her eyes) dripping on your mane and you selectively chosing to ignore any command to slow down. THATS what stubble is for. The dude may be fit and able to jump big fences but I've seen shetlands with a bigger canter stride than hes got. Needless to say as with all flashy boys who come out with the Destroyer he was in awe of my speed. Highly bred you may be matey but i am a feather charged Bog Trotter 1 and I was born to do this. After a few fields he did sort of get the idea but he's not a natural stubble racer like me. Can I just add as a disclaimer that all the land we race on is Boss Lady Sarahs so we're allowed.
For the rest of the week mum has been making me work hard on my canter leads - yep THAT old chesnut AGAIN and on me getting in front of her? I'm underneath her? The woman has gone mad? The only plus point is I swear i heard her say we were going to do some jumping tonight so heres hoping that i avoid anothe rnight of soaking wet circles and a yelling at if i go on the wrong leg (they're my legs - i demand my right to chose which one i use).
In other news this week mum has mentioned these horrible people who are breaking inot peoples shops and stealing things. Mum said the police horses have been very brave and they run down the street to scare the bad people. I would liek to volunteer. I too am manly and brave and have no problem mowing down bad people. Besides which i think it might do my street cred with the ladies some good - from the face fit ginger bird pulled at me last night it needs some work......... :S
So where do i join up and who's with me? My slogan is "Hovis hounds down the Hoodies" or maybe "Dis the Destroyer and Die" or "The Bogtrotter beats the baddies".
Your thoughts? I don't know where i'd get some of those funkyy boots and head gear from though? I'm off to see what i can make out of a old fly spray bottle, a haynet and a water bucket. Laters........
I am doomed. I have a mother who is more cunning than the most cunning of foxes' cunning mother. Drat it!
Last week i posted about my misery involving my Hannibal Lector mask and mothers instance that i should never eat properly again. Well I am not silly. Nor am I called the Destroyer for nothing. Lets just say Hovis 1 Mask 0. I killed it on sunday. I mean totally killed it - which apparently is a mean feat as its very "robust". What does "robust" mean? Destroyer proof? Ha! Not likely! Mum is apparently going to send it back and suggest they use me to test future products. It was no match for my manilness and lets just say its missing one side when it goes back. Mum was heard complaining about how much it cost and that I am an ungrateful git that I cannot see she is helping me. If thats mothers idea of help then trust me you don't want to be around when shes trying to be horrible............
Anyway I was mainly smug on sunday knowing that the bucket muzzle thing she bought didn't fit and i'd killed the posh expensive Hannibal Lector thing. At last thought I, I can enjoy this lovely grass. Alas no. See earlier point about Mothers cunningness. So mainly this week she has let me be out at night but brought me in during the day - bum that woman is smart. So I've had a week inside listening to the radio and eating boring hay. Oh and being ridden every night - even last night in the RAIN.
Last weekend mum went to see her friends so dad and I had to go and teach Hot Stepper how to stubble race. Seriously how can anyone not know what stubble is for? He ponces along on it like that Tortilla dude with a carrot up a part of his anatomy. Stubble is not for poncing! Stubble is for racing hell bent like your life depends on it with your mum squeaking in your ear like a hyperactive mouse on helium, her tears of joy (or tears of wind in her eyes) dripping on your mane and you selectively chosing to ignore any command to slow down. THATS what stubble is for. The dude may be fit and able to jump big fences but I've seen shetlands with a bigger canter stride than hes got. Needless to say as with all flashy boys who come out with the Destroyer he was in awe of my speed. Highly bred you may be matey but i am a feather charged Bog Trotter 1 and I was born to do this. After a few fields he did sort of get the idea but he's not a natural stubble racer like me. Can I just add as a disclaimer that all the land we race on is Boss Lady Sarahs so we're allowed.
For the rest of the week mum has been making me work hard on my canter leads - yep THAT old chesnut AGAIN and on me getting in front of her? I'm underneath her? The woman has gone mad? The only plus point is I swear i heard her say we were going to do some jumping tonight so heres hoping that i avoid anothe rnight of soaking wet circles and a yelling at if i go on the wrong leg (they're my legs - i demand my right to chose which one i use).
In other news this week mum has mentioned these horrible people who are breaking inot peoples shops and stealing things. Mum said the police horses have been very brave and they run down the street to scare the bad people. I would liek to volunteer. I too am manly and brave and have no problem mowing down bad people. Besides which i think it might do my street cred with the ladies some good - from the face fit ginger bird pulled at me last night it needs some work......... :S
So where do i join up and who's with me? My slogan is "Hovis hounds down the Hoodies" or maybe "Dis the Destroyer and Die" or "The Bogtrotter beats the baddies".
Your thoughts? I don't know where i'd get some of those funkyy boots and head gear from though? I'm off to see what i can make out of a old fly spray bottle, a haynet and a water bucket. Laters........
I think you need to raid the police station to get funky masks for bad people destroying, although they may give you some if you ask nicley and tell them your genious plan. On another note I think we need photographic evidence of you powers of destruction of torture devices 
.
