Hovis_and_SidsMum
Well-Known Member
Dear diary
Women are complicated. Thats my view after this week and to be quite honest I mean both human and equine females.
As I told you last week the weekend saw me and my high stepping prancing pansy of a friend move into a new filed. Why I have to share with the highly bred river dance reject is beyond me but alas he is the cross I have to bare. The good news was a) we now have grass (which I have to say we have more of than anyone else on the yard but then no one else volunteers to baby sit the loony tune) and b) I am now back next to Dolly. A depressed Dolly missing her female snogging partner who might therefore be grateful for the attentions of a bog trotting beefcake like myself. Grateful has indeed been the word! Shes been calling for me, snogging my face off and grazing side by side with me even though she has very little grass left at the fence side next to me. Even in the winds a rain she has snuggled close to my side although I suspect that might have been to try to use me as a wind break....
Talking of wind and rain my mother is the other complicated woman in my life. The woman has gone off her rocker. This week she has lunged me TWICE in driving rain, freezing temperatures, howling gales and in the dark. All BEFORE breakfast. Such cruelty in the face of my ongoing cuddle up and make sure she doesnt sell me campaign is unbelievable. Then this morning she sang in my ear. Softly crooning a Take That song that was playing on the radio. I am scarred for life.........
So up until yesterday I was of the opinion that all human females were odd but mares were cool. Then she kicked off. My snuggle bum girl friend flipped out on me. Now whether it was due to me mentioning my excitement about the new mare coming to the yard tomorrow (the new one is younger and better bred) or whether I should have chosen a different reply when she asked if her bum looked big in the rug she was wearing I know not. All I know is she went NUTS! She reared up, tried to rip my throat out and then kicked out at me smashing a fence post instead of my head. In fairness the boss lady was rushing over by this point so Dolly did go and stand in the naughty corner with a whoops expression on her face. What is it with women? Boss lady brought me in, checked me over and did give me a nice big tea for my trauma. She told mum this morning who went over and told Dolly off well I assume you little witch dont hurt my boy or Ill turn you into hamburgers is a telling off? As I write this she still hasnt apologised and keeps passing wind in my direction. I am ignoring her and awaiting the arrival of the fit chick tomorrow mum did my mane this morning and I am practising my raffish moustache waffle hopefully she has high breeding and low morals....
Then to add to my week of being bullied at every turn my wing man and I had a slight issue out hacking today. We were cantering up a track and as usual his stride was shorter than mine so I decided to move out to the side to overtake. No sooner had I begin my manoeuvre when his back feet whistled past my ears. Even mum yelled at him. Jeez man I was only over taking! Billy the kid became Billy the Karate Kid I tell you. He may think hes the main man but he tries that stunt again and hes going to meet the feathers are the end of MY feet. After hed put me back in my place (his words not mine) we had a very enjoyable hack home apart from a brief moment when a very loud noise sort of like a kestrel on steroids suddenly started up. Despite Billy and me attempting to see this giant evil bird we failed mum said it was a bird scarer but Im sure what she meant was it was a scary bird? It sounded HUGE!
So all in all I have been nothing but abused this week. My mother trying to kill me lunging in the dark and the rain and singing at me, Dolly trying to murder me and Billy trying to kick my head in. Seriously I need some protection around here, anyone fancy being my body guard? I think now Im famous that I need to hire an entourage so who wants to join it and what jobs can you do?
I think this might impress the new lady so application ASAP please. In the meantime I am going to go and artfully arrange my feathers and work on my chat up lines. New hottie arrives tomorrow morning so please all pray for me I need some loving after the week Ive had. Laters.......
Women are complicated. Thats my view after this week and to be quite honest I mean both human and equine females.
As I told you last week the weekend saw me and my high stepping prancing pansy of a friend move into a new filed. Why I have to share with the highly bred river dance reject is beyond me but alas he is the cross I have to bare. The good news was a) we now have grass (which I have to say we have more of than anyone else on the yard but then no one else volunteers to baby sit the loony tune) and b) I am now back next to Dolly. A depressed Dolly missing her female snogging partner who might therefore be grateful for the attentions of a bog trotting beefcake like myself. Grateful has indeed been the word! Shes been calling for me, snogging my face off and grazing side by side with me even though she has very little grass left at the fence side next to me. Even in the winds a rain she has snuggled close to my side although I suspect that might have been to try to use me as a wind break....
Talking of wind and rain my mother is the other complicated woman in my life. The woman has gone off her rocker. This week she has lunged me TWICE in driving rain, freezing temperatures, howling gales and in the dark. All BEFORE breakfast. Such cruelty in the face of my ongoing cuddle up and make sure she doesnt sell me campaign is unbelievable. Then this morning she sang in my ear. Softly crooning a Take That song that was playing on the radio. I am scarred for life.........
So up until yesterday I was of the opinion that all human females were odd but mares were cool. Then she kicked off. My snuggle bum girl friend flipped out on me. Now whether it was due to me mentioning my excitement about the new mare coming to the yard tomorrow (the new one is younger and better bred) or whether I should have chosen a different reply when she asked if her bum looked big in the rug she was wearing I know not. All I know is she went NUTS! She reared up, tried to rip my throat out and then kicked out at me smashing a fence post instead of my head. In fairness the boss lady was rushing over by this point so Dolly did go and stand in the naughty corner with a whoops expression on her face. What is it with women? Boss lady brought me in, checked me over and did give me a nice big tea for my trauma. She told mum this morning who went over and told Dolly off well I assume you little witch dont hurt my boy or Ill turn you into hamburgers is a telling off? As I write this she still hasnt apologised and keeps passing wind in my direction. I am ignoring her and awaiting the arrival of the fit chick tomorrow mum did my mane this morning and I am practising my raffish moustache waffle hopefully she has high breeding and low morals....
Then to add to my week of being bullied at every turn my wing man and I had a slight issue out hacking today. We were cantering up a track and as usual his stride was shorter than mine so I decided to move out to the side to overtake. No sooner had I begin my manoeuvre when his back feet whistled past my ears. Even mum yelled at him. Jeez man I was only over taking! Billy the kid became Billy the Karate Kid I tell you. He may think hes the main man but he tries that stunt again and hes going to meet the feathers are the end of MY feet. After hed put me back in my place (his words not mine) we had a very enjoyable hack home apart from a brief moment when a very loud noise sort of like a kestrel on steroids suddenly started up. Despite Billy and me attempting to see this giant evil bird we failed mum said it was a bird scarer but Im sure what she meant was it was a scary bird? It sounded HUGE!
So all in all I have been nothing but abused this week. My mother trying to kill me lunging in the dark and the rain and singing at me, Dolly trying to murder me and Billy trying to kick my head in. Seriously I need some protection around here, anyone fancy being my body guard? I think now Im famous that I need to hire an entourage so who wants to join it and what jobs can you do?
I think this might impress the new lady so application ASAP please. In the meantime I am going to go and artfully arrange my feathers and work on my chat up lines. New hottie arrives tomorrow morning so please all pray for me I need some loving after the week Ive had. Laters.......
