Hovis_and_SidsMum
Well-Known Member
Dear Diary
Please find below my heaqrtfelt plea to the controller of the shower upstairs. I have written it on behalf of all the horse on the yard as I'm the only one with access to a laptop and the only one talented enough to be able to write our feelings down. Please can someone ensure it is delivered to the relevant persons asap?
Dear Rain maker
I am writing to you on behalf of my fellow equines with reference to the ongoing demonstration of your rainmaking skills.
I am aware that earlier this year many farmers and other idiotic people were bemoaning the fact that we hadnt had enough rain and that the grass etc wasnt going to be good enough etc. Therefore i am assuming that you listened to this and thus responded with enthuiasm. I am also thus understanding that you might be a female as, just like my mother, you dont seem to know when enough is enough: A little bit of rain to aid the grass growth and help the farmers grow us some carrots would have been helpful. Turning the tap on and leaving it on is not helpful, its just plain mean.
I know that there are such things as seahorses but i can assure you that they are not related to us normal four legged equines and thus we are not suited to be up to our ears in water 24 hours a day. Horses are not meant to do doggy paddle - the clue is in the title.
I'm with my mum because my rugged 16.2HH mass of manly muscle is more than enough to carry her fat bum. However like a cheap jumper from a low cost clothes shop if i shrink in the rain to the size of a shetland then our partnership will have to come to an end. This would not be nice nor kind so please can we desist?
I'm a man who like ladies. Ladies who are a little damp, a little wet and wild are very hubba hubba (something i point out frequently) but even i draw the line at letching at drowned rats. Its not a good look, is making my female play mates very grumpy and when they're grumpy i dont get any loving. Cut a boy some slack eh?
Whilst one level i am kind of enjoying not being able to do any school work because the school is flooded your persistance in throwing as much water as possible at us is leading to me being put in mortal danger by being forced to brave the tidal waves along the roads. Seriously hacking the other night I needed arm bands and a rubber ring. A bus went past and i nearly rode the surf all the way back to the yard. Whilst i am quite brave about these things please spare a thought for my high stepping river dancing reject shadow who doesnt get his feet wet at the best of times. If he spends much more time in the air the local authorities are going to ask to see his pilots licence.
I am a man. A man with manly parts. My mother washes my manly parts occasionally which is bad enough but due to the high grass and the level of water you're unleashing at us I'm having a willy equivalant of a colonic irrigation every time i inhale. Trust me when i tell you it is not a pleasant experience. The japanese already have the market on water torture so you've missed the boat, please focus your energy on something else?
In summary whilst we appreciate the fact you've topped up the rivers and the aqui-thingies we would appreciate it a lot more if you could stop with the water now. We are wet, muddy, despondant and getting desperate. Its July, we should be sunbathing and complaining about flies not treading water and praying for the arrival of the ark. So pretty pretty please can you turn it OFF?
Thank yous
H
Please find below my heaqrtfelt plea to the controller of the shower upstairs. I have written it on behalf of all the horse on the yard as I'm the only one with access to a laptop and the only one talented enough to be able to write our feelings down. Please can someone ensure it is delivered to the relevant persons asap?
Dear Rain maker
I am writing to you on behalf of my fellow equines with reference to the ongoing demonstration of your rainmaking skills.
I am aware that earlier this year many farmers and other idiotic people were bemoaning the fact that we hadnt had enough rain and that the grass etc wasnt going to be good enough etc. Therefore i am assuming that you listened to this and thus responded with enthuiasm. I am also thus understanding that you might be a female as, just like my mother, you dont seem to know when enough is enough: A little bit of rain to aid the grass growth and help the farmers grow us some carrots would have been helpful. Turning the tap on and leaving it on is not helpful, its just plain mean.
I know that there are such things as seahorses but i can assure you that they are not related to us normal four legged equines and thus we are not suited to be up to our ears in water 24 hours a day. Horses are not meant to do doggy paddle - the clue is in the title.
I'm with my mum because my rugged 16.2HH mass of manly muscle is more than enough to carry her fat bum. However like a cheap jumper from a low cost clothes shop if i shrink in the rain to the size of a shetland then our partnership will have to come to an end. This would not be nice nor kind so please can we desist?
I'm a man who like ladies. Ladies who are a little damp, a little wet and wild are very hubba hubba (something i point out frequently) but even i draw the line at letching at drowned rats. Its not a good look, is making my female play mates very grumpy and when they're grumpy i dont get any loving. Cut a boy some slack eh?
Whilst one level i am kind of enjoying not being able to do any school work because the school is flooded your persistance in throwing as much water as possible at us is leading to me being put in mortal danger by being forced to brave the tidal waves along the roads. Seriously hacking the other night I needed arm bands and a rubber ring. A bus went past and i nearly rode the surf all the way back to the yard. Whilst i am quite brave about these things please spare a thought for my high stepping river dancing reject shadow who doesnt get his feet wet at the best of times. If he spends much more time in the air the local authorities are going to ask to see his pilots licence.
I am a man. A man with manly parts. My mother washes my manly parts occasionally which is bad enough but due to the high grass and the level of water you're unleashing at us I'm having a willy equivalant of a colonic irrigation every time i inhale. Trust me when i tell you it is not a pleasant experience. The japanese already have the market on water torture so you've missed the boat, please focus your energy on something else?
In summary whilst we appreciate the fact you've topped up the rivers and the aqui-thingies we would appreciate it a lot more if you could stop with the water now. We are wet, muddy, despondant and getting desperate. Its July, we should be sunbathing and complaining about flies not treading water and praying for the arrival of the ark. So pretty pretty please can you turn it OFF?
Thank yous
H
