Hovis' Friday Diary

Joined
22 January 2007
Messages
2,711
Location
Lincolnshire
Dear Diary
So have you missed me?!!

I entirely blame my mother for my absence. For some reason she seems to think that the “dramas” in her life have excused her neglect of me and my ability to get the “word” out there. More to the point most of you have agreed and given her sympathy. Now I know she’s had a pretty tough few months but don’t encourage this lax attitude or I shall be forced to search for another agent.

So where to start? What have I been up to? Well in summary, Aunty Sammie is still trying to defy my genetics and turn me into a TB making me hack for miles with that prancing well bred pansy and a new boy on the yard. The new boy on the yard is all spotty, small and quite frankly rather annoying. He’s stabled next door to me in the place previously taken up by the “nice-to-stare-at-but-not-for-long-in-case-she-tries-to-kill -me “highly bred ginger wench mare. She’s been sold for being such a wench bags, rather alarmingly a week later someone said Tesco had got horse meat in their burgers. Coincidence surely? I tell you what though on that subject all of us at the yard are a lot more cautious when we see Tescos delivery Lorries around her, maybe they’re not delivering they’re collecting? A boy has to think of these things and being of the larger manlier end of the gene pool I have to think you’d get a lot of whoppers out of me.... Mum finds the whole thing hilarious and points out due to my unfortunate name I am already a burger in a bun. I do not find her funny.

Anyway as I was saying prancy river dance reject and I have been out with spotty boy on a few occasions but since neither of us likes him, we have tried to eat him several times. Apparently his mum was quite alarmed to see how wide I can get my mouth, particularly when he dodged out of the way and I nearly ate her leg by mistake. Ooooppps.

As a result of all this hacking I am rather fit. Something mother does not seem grateful for. She has taken to lunging me once a week whilst the small noise box is asleep and she seems to find it most exciting that she can’t wear me out. At least I’m sure that’s what she’s saying between the gritted teeth and the panting it’s hard to tell.

Mother in between the lunging is still persisting in turning me into a dressage fairy and is getting quite stroppy about the whole thing. As I have spent 6 years telling her just because I can do something doesn’t mean I WANT to do something and quite frankly carrying your own head is highly overrated. I’m hoping once the weather improves to get back to doing something more manly – like jumping or perhaps a new pursuit?

The weather has put pay to most things of late as either everywhere has been flooded or covered in the white stuff. This has led to much discussion between Cool New Shoes Man and mother about my feet. Apparently in CNSM view he things my feet need a break from shoes for a while and since I’m not doing as much work at the moment due to the darkness / flooding / snow / wind /slash mother not loving me anymore then it was deemed now was a good time to take them off. So I am renaming CNSM to Cool Not Giving Me Any Shoes Man. It doesn’t quite have the same ring does it?

The removal deed was done a few weeks ago just as the snow arrived. Which was fab. Because unlike my shod friends I wasn’t wearing a set of ice skates and all of a sudden I had traction. Unlike mother. Her frantic arm flailing version of Bolero is worthy of some sort of entertainment award and her dainty mince across the ice is like watching a hippo try to cross a glass floor covered in egg shells . We’re all supposed to walk on the grass when its icy but I found it highly amusing to pull mum onto the drive and watch her trying to stay upright whilst pushing all 600+kg of me back the way we’d come. Admittedly moving out of the way when she grabbed me for support wasn’t sporting but heh neither is cutting down my pasture mix rations so two can play that game.

Talking of games mum said a bunch of nice people on some internet forum thing have been trying to guess my breeding. Apparently I am too fine (why thank you) to be a pure Clydesdale so they’ve been trying to figure out what dad was (mum has always said my real mum obviously wasn’t fussy). The current money is apparently on a TB. After mum managed to stop laughing long enough to tell me this I was torn between whether to be insulted or flattered. On one level they are suggesting that I am partially skittish, neurotic, flighty and really rather common but on the other hand by definition I am part race horse (which let’s face it I always knew). Mum is not convinced and is more partial to think dad was some form of Irish mongrel himself but I am warming to being part Arkel. What do you think?
For now this is the no shoes wearing feathered Frankelite signing out
 

Garnet

Well-Known Member
Joined
7 July 2009
Messages
272
Yay! It's Friday and you're back!
It's so good to hear from you again (and very exciting to think of you being rather fit Hovis!!!)
 

Surreydeb

Well-Known Member
Joined
25 April 2012
Messages
737
Brill cheered up my Friday - I'm just waiting for my books to arrive having ordered them the other day. Can't wait to read them !
 

Ladyinred

Well-Known Member
Joined
24 November 2007
Messages
7,384
Location
Here
Mum is not convinced and is more partial to think dad was some form of Irish mongrel himself but I am warming to being part Arkel. What do you think?

Well Hovis, the whereabouts of Shergar was never discovered. Maybe he spent happy years siring secret part-racehorses? Who knows. But it sounds like it might be a good claim to fame :D
 

DW Team

Well-Known Member
Joined
18 February 2009
Messages
3,024
Location
Lincs
At last a proper Friday because HOVIS is back. Oh wonderful thank you thank you for finding the computer again Friday is not Friday with out a Hovis Diary. Welcome back Hovis.
 

moleskinsmum

Well-Known Member
Joined
21 January 2010
Messages
3,817
Location
Up t'dale
It's Friday and it's Hovis! Thanks Hovis, you've just given me the boot up the bum I need to go and get on my own neddy - feeling slightly nervous because he's on a new yard and hasn't been ridden for a month. I'll tell him he's nowhere near as fit as you and can chill out!
 

Clannad48

Well-Known Member
Joined
28 February 2010
Messages
1,840
Location
Bedfordshire
Yay :) :) :) :) Hovis is back

Friday is now back to normal - snorting over the keyboard at work, drowning the laptop with tea and pople thinking I am a complete nutter.

Welcome back Hovis, PLEASE don't stay away for so long again.
 

Hetsmum

Well-Known Member
Joined
14 December 2012
Messages
700
:D:D:D How did I miss this on Friday??? Thank you Hovis for making my week! One of my lads (clearly a HF [Hovis Follower]) has similar feelings about the whole dressage lark....... This weekend on being asked to maintain his light elegant canter took umbridge and took off down the arena exiting the whiteboards before tripping and trying to deposit me on the bonnet of the judges car....:eek: He was given a packet of polos from the organisers afterwards for entertainment value :eek::eek::eek:
 
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