Hovis' saturday update

[Hovis_and_SidsMum]

Just to let you all know I survived the army man. Seriously if he wasn't such a bossy man I could quite like the dude. He says nice things about me but then makes me work my feathers off.

He also suggested that I'd lost some weight - "yes!" I thought he's going to tell mum I need more food. Alas no the cheeky bu**er told mum I looked good now I have lost some "podge". PODGE? EXCUSE ME?! I am a highly tuned, well muscled man mountain, I have no room on my toned bod for PODGE! That was merely storage of fat in case of desperate times.
At this point i did decide I could go off the man quite quickly.

I think mum has gone off him too as I swear she suggested he didn't know who his dad was on several occasions. This seemed to coincide with the times he put the jumps up even higher but I might be mistaken.
Once again by the end I was sweating more than if fit mare had suggested a twosome in the hay barn and breathing harder than I ever have when I've watched her get ready for bed (not that I watch her you understand - that would be pervy - just sometimes i have accidentally being looking in that direction at the same time as she's putting her pjs on........)

From the way mum was puffing I think she might have been pooped too. I have to question mums brain - why does she PAY this man to put us both through this? Spending the money on lickits would be a far far better idea. Could one of you suggest that please?

Oh and note to self - standing in the middle of the field not looking at your mum so you can't see her apparently doesn't mean she can't see you. And pretending to be suddenly deaf doesn't get you out of army PT either. Damn it!

 

[joeanne]

Dear Hovis,

I bet you are looking miles better than Poof Bags with your manly new figure!

I can still take that Army man out if you want me to, I will ask mum for a box and I shall bite him on the bum, unless you can provide a ladder for me to get higher?

Love Little Stig

 

[MrsMozart]

My Dearest Hovis,

I must offer you my abject apologies as I was unable to attend to your Friday's communique. Please do understand that I was unavoidably detained and I trust most sincerely that my humand will get her act together and stop whinging about being tired. Tired! She should try controlling these friends of mine whilst being moved about the field by humans who think they know best, but in reality would all be much better off using their time to track down interesting things to eat for Us that 'ave to carry their fat ar$es about! Sorry, I digress!

I am most sorry that you have once again been subjected to the Army man, but given your perving at the young lady, maybe it is your comeuppance? Not that I am miffed in any way that you have been oggling another, no, I am quite happy in the adoration I draw from all, especially the large black hunter, though Human appeared less than impressed by my piaffe - I thought the floating pace and matching floating blonde mane was The Thing, but apparently Human considered it inappropriate to the situation (cars, vans, tractors, humans actually using their own legs to get around - which as I went into a lateral passage they did in with amazing agility) and muttered words such as 'show-off/stop tarting/pack it in' and one particularly oft reference to a specific brand of dog food. Ah well.

Think of me today please dearest Hovis. I have The Lady Instructor coming! We have not met before, but I have been reliably informed that she may well be the sister of your Army man. Her voice can be heard across three counties without the aid of a loud hailer; her eye coined the phrase 'gimlet'; and she has to her aid, the most colourful and robust collection of sarcastic sayings; add to it all a tongue so sharp she can slice a human from twenty paces. And Human is going to pay her for this?! I have heard that some humans are into ritual humiliation, but I wouldn't have thought it of Human. Ah well, we live and learn. I must work on encouraging Human to spend her hard earned (sitting on her butt all day!) money to good use and go and purchase me a square red thing like Spooky Pony had, or a sticky thing such as you enjoy Hovis: I have had one once before, but Human hasn't provived another one since she had to chip the remains off my muzzle.

Well, can't stay chatting, must go and cover myself in mud before Human arrives.

Stay strong Hovis my dearest (and stop perving at the ladies!),

With fondest wishes,

The Dizzy Blonde x