Hovis' Thursday Diary

Hovis_and_SidsMum

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Dear diary
I am writing to you today because mum is at work and has a spare 5 minutes to type up my musings. I am being thwarted on a Friday at present as mum and dad’s service provider for that wideband thingie are scared by my world domination and loyal fans and are trying to stop me from spreading my word. Evil they are, pure evil. Mum has gone to another fat band provider but it sounds like due to their size they don’t move very quickly and they are not arriving for a few weeks.
Anyway to be honest I don’t know how I am lifting hoof to keyboard. I am so exhausted I don’t know what to do with myself; as I mentioned last week Aunty Sam’s boot camp has started...........
She came on Saturday and mum showed her round my home as she’d not been before and needed to see where everything is – especially my carrots and treats I felt. Then she tacked me up and led me into the ménage. 5 minutes later she was puffing and blowing like an asthmatic giving a dirty phone call and I thought “yippee we’re nearly done”. However I had forgotten how tenacious Aunty Sam is – off came the jumper and on she went, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on. I was pooped! As mum held me whilst Aunty Sam collapsed off the side of me moaning in agony about her thighs, I affectionately slobbered down her neck and rubbed sweat all over her. Which might have been a bad move because rather than leading my tired aching body into my stable she handed me over to Aunty Vicky’s niece to get on. WTF?!! What the heck was going on here? Do I look like a sea side donkey? Admittedly last time Aunty Vicky’s niece rode me I hardly exerted myself so I thought “quick 5 minutes then we’ll be done”. Alas no. Aunty Vicky’s niece has grown up a bit and has been having lessons. Now in fairness mum didn’t realise these were not off the lead rope so let her loose on me with no line on. Since I am a good boy I looked after her but Aunty Vicky did appear to have swallowed a wasp when she noticed............
So by the time I was finished I was sweaty, exhausted and in urgent need of a massage and a few days off. But this is Aunty Sam and Aunty Sam is not normal. So at 0800 the following morning we were off AGAIN. This time on a hack. Mum had warned her that I could be a tad “silly” out hacking so I proved her wrong and was the perfect angel. Apart for the spot at which mum usually lets me have a canter – aunty Sam hadn’t obviously got this message so we had a brief disagreement about the pace we were using.........
Aunty Sam was last seen hobbling for her car like John Wayne muttering about wide horses so I figured I’d broken her spirit as well as her pelvic muscles. But nope.
Tuesday night we were off again but this time I give the girl full credit for ingeniousness in helping my pulling efforts. Dolly has been a little “difficult” to ride of late so Aunty Sam and I went out with her mum and her. All was going very well – it was very warm, I’d bravely confronted not one but three tractors or terror and Dolly was feeling reassured by my manly presence. Until I had a momentary loss of concentration and fell over my own feet.......... doh! This in turn scared dolly who then jogged the whole way home. Embarrassment 1 – Pride 0.
So lord knows what I’m being subjected to this weekend. As mum is out of action then Aunty Sam’s been given free rein with me (does this mean mums been giving away tack? I am confused). Mum has said we can go out jumping and stuff but I’ve got to get fit first. Yikes........
Tomorrow I have to have my injection for my legs as mum noticed the other day that I’ve got some “build up” again behind my knees. I’m hoping its Herman that does it as he doesn’t even bother bringing me in, just gives me a cuddle then sneakily sticks the needle into my neck when I’m not looking. Apparently though it’s likely he’s standing me up for 150 cows so I don’t know whose coming. I don’t think 150 cows is code for something, so in essence my vet has turned down treating a superstar for 150 bovines. Thanks. How to make a boy feel special.
So I’ll try to write to you next week diary as mum continues to try to sort out her porkyband issues. In the meantime I’m off to canoodle with dolly and sunbathe – laters.
 

Merrymoles

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21 January 2010
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Bumping this in case any of your fans haven't noticed that you are early this week.
Lovely to have you back Hovis - I bought your book for a couple of friends and they keep upsetting their husbands by snorting suddenly while they are reading - must be pictures of tractors or something...
 

LisaS

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31 January 2011
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I'm sitting here at work & you've made my day Hovis :D

So when is the new book out....hubby bought your last one for me xmas, I've never laughed so much as when reading about you doing your Riverdance and the poor mouse:)
 
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