How did you get your confidence back?

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curiosity101

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Long story short, I've ridden since being tiny, took a break when I was 19, picked up riding again aged 27. Shortly after picking up riding again the horse I was on bronced, with no warning, (I have the video) I was thrown and broke my back (compression fracture to my L1).

The injury / fall itself wasn't so bad, but it was very scary being in hospital (on complete bed rest, not even allowed to get up to use the bathroom for two days) and being told I had broken my back in the first place. I'm fully healed now after a minor surgery (vertebroplasty), I didn't even need physio.

It meant I had to take a break from riding again for 3 months, to allow the bone to fully heal.

I'm now back having lessons and riding regularly but I just can't stop myself constantly imagining the worst happening at every turn. For example just casually hacking down a road on a perfectly safe horse and I'm sat there thinking, what if he just slipped and fell over. And then yesterday in my lesson riding a very forward going but perfectly safe horse and the second I ask him to slow and he speeds up I flash forward to 'what if he just tanks off with me and throws me off'.

The problem is definitely me and my confidence. If I'm on something 'slow' or under 15hh then I'm not too worried at all. But as soon as it's taller or is responsive I feel my imagination + fear creeping in. To the point I was actually in tears last night during my lesson. It's so frustrating to remember a time where I had a healthy respect but no actual fear of riding, compared to that I feel like a total wreck now.

So how did you do it? I thought riding lessons at a riding school (as well as riding a friends horse a couple of times a week) would be enough to build my confidence back up, but now I'm not so sure. Or have I not given myself long enough yet (I've been back in the saddle since December)?
 
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I have never really felt truly comfortable in the saddle since my fall. I do now because even though my horse is green and has it been ridden a lot I backed her and know everything about her. If your not comfortable on bigger more responsive horses then don't ride them yet gradually build up to it by riding bigger but slower horses and gradually build up what you ride but do it at a speed you're comfortable with and don't rush the process.
 
I have helped many people get more confident and the most important factor in my experience is to stay within your comfort zone, this varies for everyone so if you feel safer on something steady and small that is what you need for now, until you feel really comfortable and are ready to move on, I tend to touch on whatever the issue is and do just a little outside the comfort zone so after a while the rider is getting there without really over thinking rather than doing a leap that sets them back, or makes them upset.

I think you need to speak to your instructor and ask for the horses you are comfortable on and stick with them as you progress only moving onto the bigger more forward ones when you are fed up with going steadily, if they push you too far you will lose your nerve completely or end up doing less and less, you should be being encouraged and feel positive after a lesson and if this RS is not helping maybe it is not the right one.

The hacking is a bit more tricky as you are alone with your thoughts so more time to over think about everything, once the lessons are helping your confidence you should be able to enjoy it rather than worrying about what may happen but probably never will.
 
I agree with be positive, staying within your comfort zone until you are ready to push yourself, and the biggest thing that helped me get over my fear is time in the saddle.
Aim for lots of little positivity experiences, there were times i only rode for 5 minutes and felt that was too long, desperate to get off, now 2 hours in the saddle goes to quick.
Also I practising mindfulness, living in the moment. "right now I'm ok" not "omg in 5 minutes she may bolt with me". trust me it takes a while, but you can get there.
 
I would seriously consider one of the confidence camps that on one the go. They are usually over 2-3 days, and can really help.

I did one run by The Confident Horse Rider (you'll find them on FB), and it really turned things around for me and that particular horse.

They run all over the country. No point struggling when people are out there who can help you.
 
Take it in tiny steps, and only move on when you feel happy. Sit on a horse in the school, walk around, trot around, go for a walking hack etc. And have a plan - what will you do if a horse gets too fast for you, or naps, or rears etc. Having a plan means you can deal with whatever you encounter.
 
be positive said:
I have helped many people get more confident and the most important factor in my experience is to stay within your comfort zone, this varies for everyone so if you feel safer on something steady and small that is what you need for now, until you feel really comfortable and are ready to move on, I tend to touch on whatever the issue is and do just a little outside the comfort zone so after a while the rider is getting there without really over thinking rather than doing a leap that sets them back, or makes them upset.

I think you need to speak to your instructor and ask for the horses you are comfortable on and stick with them as you progress only moving onto the bigger more forward ones when you are fed up with going steadily, if they push you too far you will lose your nerve completely or end up doing less and less, you should be being encouraged and feel positive after a lesson and if this RS is not helping maybe it is not the right one.

The hacking is a bit more tricky as you are alone with your thoughts so more time to over think about everything, once the lessons are helping your confidence you should be able to enjoy it rather than worrying about what may happen but probably never will.
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Really good advice. I have had two major confidence knocks - you just need to take things really slowly, ride horses you trust with instructors who understand the situation, and try to end every ride wishing you had pushed a bit more, rather than shaky because you pushed too far. There is also absolutely no need to get on any horse that scares you - stick to those you enjoy riding!
 
curiosity101 said:
Long story short, I've ridden since being tiny, took a break when I was 19, picked up riding again aged 27. Shortly after picking up riding again the horse I was on bronced, with no warning, (I have the video) I was thrown and broke my back (compression fracture to my L1).

The injury / fall itself wasn't so bad, but it was very scary being in hospital (on complete bed rest, not even allowed to get up to use the bathroom for two days) and being told I had broken my back in the first place. I'm fully healed now after a minor surgery (vertebroplasty), I didn't even need physio.

It meant I had to take a break from riding again for 3 months, to allow the bone to fully heal.

I'm now back having lessons and riding regularly but I just can't stop myself constantly imagining the worst happening at every turn. For example just casually hacking down a road on a perfectly safe horse and I'm sat there thinking, what if he just slipped and fell over. And then yesterday in my lesson riding a very forward going but perfectly safe horse and the second I ask him to slow and he speeds up I flash forward to 'what if he just tanks off with me and throws me off'.

The problem is definitely me and my confidence. If I'm on something 'slow' or under 15hh then I'm not too worried at all. But as soon as it's taller or is responsive I feel my imagination + fear creeping in. To the point I was actually in tears last night during my lesson. It's so frustrating to remember a time where I had a healthy respect but no actual fear of riding, compared to that I feel like a total wreck now.

So how did you do it? I thought riding lessons at a riding school (as well as riding a friends horse a couple of times a week) would be enough to build my confidence back up, but now I'm not so sure. Or have I not given myself long enough yet (I've been back in the saddle since December)?
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Like CAF

I had two nasty fall both resulting in breaks and nearly being 6ft under, new mare which I fell off the most recently due to her slipping on the road, and then over jumping a jump and ducking out on landing she is a different type to my others. I got her once she was older and not schooled right and learn bad habits as well as behind in schooling. I have butterflies thinking about doing the things I used to jump with my old mare
with this mare but I am always thinking FGS a 15 year old had her before and jumped her, albeit not correctly . My issue is I cannot afford to be injured again seriously due to my livery yard business and the previous bad injuries to my back etc. .................................Next time I may not be so lucky.

I am determined to try get over it and started lessons after over 10 years of no lessons due to my old mare I trained myself and her son injury and me riding western I don't get pleasure from English lessons anymore, but the needs require it. I have to snap myself out of it, but it is hard, as you can imagine, as some never get over their nerves as a livery her is going through and now selling a horse she bought in September due to his bucking and unpredictable fresh moments. it is down to the individual really and sometimes you do fell like giving up.
 
Theocat said:
Really good advice. I have had two major confidence knocks - you just need to take things really slowly, ride horses you trust with instructors who understand the situation, and try to end every ride wishing you had pushed a bit more, rather than shaky because you pushed too far. There is also absolutely no need to get on any horse that scares you - stick to those you enjoy riding!
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Lots of good advice so far. I would add invest in an air jacket if you can, plus in the past I've used a monkey strap on the saddle. I also try to only wear full seat breeches to give that extra grip in the saddle.
 
Totally agree with what everyone has said. I had 2 falls last year 4 months apart the first head injury and fractured ribs and the second another head injury and a sore sacrum, both in riding schools....After the first fall I was very nervous and when I started riding again nothing was right..Stirrups not right etc I was too tense and my mind would work overtime...what if he spooks again. However I knew my head was messed up and knew that my confidence took a battering so I just took things at a slow pace until the wee monster in my head settled. The second time I fell off which was my own fault did not really alter my growing confidence. I had only started riding in January last year and had not much experience riding only in my early teens and being 63 it certainly knocked the stuffing out of me...

Just give yourself time to get your confidence back and don't ride horses you are not comfortable with...

Shirl
 
Although I've never had a bad accident I've always been a nervous rider. Right from childhood.
Got to the stage where I didn't hack out for ages. Today my share horse and I passed a wood chipper. There was snorting. There was cantering on the spot on the road. There was bouncing. This time last year i'd have got off in floods of tears, shaken and taken ages to build up confidence to walk in the school again.
But I've done lots of little 10/15 minute hacks to build up my confidence and although there was a lot of heart pounding and gritted teeth we made it! Finished our hack on a loose rein and daydream!

I have found working my way through the tasks in this book invaluable!

https://www.amazon.com/Simple-Steps-Riding-Success-Exercises/dp/0715318209
 
Huge sympathies. I had a nasty fall hacking over 3 years ago - my young mare was unpredictable and bronced me off on the road during a hack. It was the 4th time she’d done it and I broke my hip. I didn’t ride for 14 months - confidence was rock bottom. I had lessons but the game changer for me was my current horse. I’ve had her 9 months and she’s one notch up from a novice ride in that she’s forward, can be spooky and on her toes in new places. She’s such a trier though and hasn’t got a nasty bone in her body. Together we’re a team and I trust her and she trusts me. We’ve had setbacks (nothing major but my confidence issues makes everything a potential issue) but we’ve dealt them with and each time we come back just a little bit better because of it. With every issue I’ve tackled things at a pace I’m confirtable with and it’s worked. Are we out competing and am I using her to her full potential- no. Am I loving every moment of having her - yes. We hack, we take trips to places, I ride more than I ever have. Have fun riding, do what your are comfortable with and you will over time see your confidence come back.
 
I bought some CDs, the name of which now escapes me of course! They did help although I would always fall asleep whilst listening to them although I'm sure my subconscious was absorbing the information. I know other people have found hypnosis helpful as well. Sports specific hypnosis. I haven't found anyone near me yet but I shall be looking soon. I am retiring in May and am hoping the 'if I get hurt, I don't get paid' brain block will go and I can start to enjoy riding again.
 
The CDs were the Amanda Kirtland Page ones and I have just seen that she is running a 3 day confidence camp at Hartpury. Trying to persuade myself that I can afford it!!
 
My instructor does it for me. She's a human councelor as well as a horsey trainer. She knows when to push me out of my comfort zone & when to Nanny me a bit. I'm hideously nervous in all bits of my life.
 
Thanks for all the advice everyone.

I guess maybe I'm asking too much of myself too soon. The riding school has been great and are only following my requests (I asked them to put me on anything cause I am a capable experienced rider, just incredibly nervous). So far they've actually been incredibly happy with my riding and even yesterday he said I was riding absolutely fine, of a tad fast at trot. But.... Maybe you're all right and I need to stay on something a bit slower for now (they started me on their RDA horse). Although I do get bored quite quickly on the slower horses cause it doesn't feel like a challenge or like I'm learning anything.

I'll look into some of those courses / books though. Especially the step by step one.

It doesn't help that I've developed generalized anxiety in the past few years, so I'm especially good at imagining the worst.

I suppose trust of a particular horse does go a long way though as well. For example I was hacking out my friends horse the other week, asked him to trot, started rising and then thought 'this doesn't feel like trot'. He'd skipped trot straight into a really soft collected canter. That didn't worry me though at all. Yet the horse last night (first time on it) rushes in trot and I have a mini breakdown!

Nice to hear I'm not alone. And to the person who mentioned the air vest, I do ride in a body protector all the time now. It's annoying particularly when dismounting but I don't think I'd feel confident enough to even get on without it.
 
Not the same issue but same principle (but I'm also a very nervous rider so can empathise!). Many years ago I was in the fast lane of the motorway when I suddenly realised that I was going to faint. I knew I had just seconds to cut across the lanes and get to the hard shoulder. I got there but I was really shaken up and even the thought of driving on a motorway gave me a panic attack. I literally couldn't breathe. I had a few sessions of CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) which took me through all the fears and gave me practical tools to deal with them, and end the cycle of "catastrophising" (great word!). I'd really recommend it. Good luck, you'll get there.
 
curiosity101 said:
Maybe you're all right and I need to stay on something a bit slower for now (they started me on their RDA horse). Although I do get bored quite quickly on the slower horses cause it doesn't feel like a challenge or like I'm learning anything.
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Think about making the slower horses a challenge to yourself. You can work on lots of things with them trying to improve their responsiveness to your aids and their way of going. You will still be learning things but without making yourself nervous.
 
I have had two major confidence crisis’, which, after being a ridiculously gutsy rider who would sit on anything, came as quite a shock to me.

First was when I was badly bronchoed by my Welshie, I can still remember every second of it. I clung on for that long that by the time he did get me off he must have been leaping easily 6 foot off the ground and I went face first into the ground so fast- ankle snapped at some point and I had severe whiplash and had damaged muscles and ligaments in my back. I was willing to put it down to a one off, did my recovery and got back on a few months later.
Six months later, he did the same thing. Same ankle snapped again. The trust had gone. He had some issues anyway following a ligament injury and was hard to keep sound, so I retired him then.

Whenever I felt anything tense it’s back from that point on, I became convinced I was about to be bronchoed. That was in 2008. It affected me massively and got worse over the years. I stuck to riding my own that I trusted and a few others that I knew, but I never felt totally relaxed on anything that wasn’t mine.
Viewing horses last year became so hard because I didn’t trust anything. In desperation I rang a lady who does that NLP therapy and had a phone consultation that was weird as hell and required me to say strange things and tap parts of my body. I got off the phone and thought ‘what a load of rubbish’, yet the next time I got on an unfamiliar horse, my fear of being bronchoed had gone. I can’t explain it, I have no idea how it worked, but it appears to have. I’d not hesitate to try it again.

The other was over jumping. I showjumped very successfully as a junior and then lack of good jumping horses into my senior years and I gave up jumping and moved to showing. Then I bought the hooligan who had an incredible jump and I hoped to get back into it. One day we were having a lesson and he was on fire, we’d jumped a combination several times and came into it again and for some reason he dropped his shoulder last second into the second part, ducked out and ran and I torpedoed into the ground like an Exocet missile, head first (again!). Got back on but something didn’t feel right in my back, turns out I had cracked my spine.
From then on I just lost my bottle jumping. Six weeks after this I was sitting a BHS exam and knew I’d have to jump a course. I had a lesson on a friends cob the week before my exam and ended up in tears because I was terrified going over a 2ft jump. Three days before the exam I booked a lesson at the centre I was sitting the exam, explained the situation and they were fabulous and had me jumping 90cm grids on a variety of horses. I was terrified and did end up on a horses neck at one point after a dirty stop but I did it. I was commended in the exam for my jumping, and I wrote a letter to the instructor at the centre to thank her as I don’t think I could have done it without her.
Sadly, I have barely jumped a fence since. I’ll pop a log out hacking and do some small farm ride fences (up to 2ft) but I just don’t enjoy it like I used to. However, that side of it doesn’t really affect anything. I’m just a rider who no longer like some to jump. I did consider trying the NLP for jumping, but seems a bit pointless now really.
 
I had a bad fall resulting in broken bones from being bronced. The two things that really helped was riding a very quiet cob type, bit lazyish while I got my confidence back and learning how to prevent bucking.

I was more nervous I think as I was afraid of another bronc and knew I didn’t properly know how to prevent it. Once I learned that to prevent a buck when you feel a horse is going to do that you have to push them on and force them to speed up, so their energy is used in another way, I felt way better.

Besides that do as Be Positive says and go for a ploddy type, that you know won’t tank off. When you get so comfortable you forget about danger and want something faster you’ll be getting over this. But breaking your back is massively traumatic, and it sounds like you have a touch of PTSD. Some therapy like CBT could be great, another that is fantastic for trauma is Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). This is actually what Scats is talking about in the previous post with the tapping. They tap on acupuncture points while getting you to recall the trauma. They use it on traumatized soldiers a lot with great results.
 
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Came back to riding after a twenty year break. Had a horrendous loan experience which made me scared around horses. Brought an ex racer who restored my faith in horses but knocked my ridden confidence .... he was lovely just a bit of a knob ..... After him I brought the best horse in the world who restored my confidence riding which then lead me on to a really forward going mare who I just ooze confidence on because she is so awesome (but before my gelding would have scared the life out of me!!!) and I now find my awesome gelding boring to ride.

Its all about the horse so choose wisely and dont ride anything you dont want to. I had absolutely no interest in riding other horses when I got my gelding until he restored my faith and confidence and now Im likely to get on most things :)

Confidence restoring gelding (aka Best horse in the world)
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And my exciting mare that would have scared me half to death a couple of years ago but now I love riding ...
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After a fall that left me at the hospital, for months and months i refused to be off a lead rope. It wasn't after i was encouraged to do work on a lunge line and i got my seat back, i am able to ride confidently again.
 
First of all - BIG HUG and I'm so glad you're on the mend physically.

Secondly, I am right there with you with the confidence issues and it's one of the most heart breaking places to be in, I have my own horse and I constantly feel like I'm letting him down because of confidence problems, but they don't think the same way as we do! Just do what you can and that is more than anyone can ask of you.

Few tips I've got for my journey so far...:
- Only do what you feel comfortable doing. If that's riding in walk for 10 minutes, that's brilliant. You will eventually get "bored" of doing just that and you will eventually want to push yourself as a result - winner!
- Read Dale Carnegie's book "How to stop worrying and start living" it's really great. There's a chapter called "Day time apartments", which you will probably really enjoy :)
- Have plenty of lessons with an instructor who fully understands your concerns. I have an amazing riding instructor who has done so much for my confidence. I was having a lesson on my horse the other day and he spooked and I was a mess. My instructor got on for me until I was calm enough to get back on. Sometimes it helps seeing somebody ride too because you can learn a lot from the ground!
 
I am in a similar place to you. Fall, operation, old age and a new horse. I was desperate to buy another horse and it helped me get over the operation but now I am very nervous about getting back on board. My daughter is riding my new horse for me at the moment as he can be a bit forward going. I have only got on board once and my daughter kept shouting at me "get your legs off him and sit back". I seemed to be stirring him up! At the moment I am just doing ground work with him and hopefully will be back on board soon!
 
I was similar to you OP in that I had ridden for years, took a break whilst I was at uni and bought my first horse when I was 24.

After a couple of months of owning her she bolted with me whilst out hacking after been startled by some roller shutter doors. Fortunately I didn't fall off as we were going up hill but it terrified me. I carried on riding her occasionally but I was a nervous wreck, hated every second and was terrified she would do it again. My issue was that I only had her to ride; I couldn't really afford lessons on top of paying for my own horse and I don't have many horsey friends so my options were limited. It took me about 8 months to regain my confidence again; I always tried to concentrate on the present and not worry about what might happen, and would tell myself if it did happen I am competent enough to deal with it. I always ride in a body protector which I didn't before and I do feel that makes me feel a lot more confident. I also spent a lot of time on the ground with her building up our trust in each other. Most importantly I don't put too much pressure on myself and always end my sessions on a good note.
 
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