How do I soften my hands on the reins?

[B&J]

I seem to have developed holding my reins fairly tight (!) not good!! I think it started when my cob started napping, he’s very strong when he wants to be and his usual tricks include buck, bronk, spinning round and his favourite… walking backwards….

So for some reason unconsciously I shorten the reins. I rode with a friend at the weekend and she had to repeatedly tell me to loosen my grip and let him have his head a bit. I’ve normally got soft hands on the reins and now I don’t even realise I’m doing it 

I ordered a neck strap that has just arrived in the hope that I can loop a finger in that and stop gripping the reins and feel a bit more secure. I have lost my confidence a bit over the last couple of months but really don’t want to be taking that out on his mouth! Touch wood we are both getting better with the napping, we’ve been working on it a lot.

My question is does anyone have any tips or exercises I can do to make me loosen up and stop gripping him? He’s terrible at lunging though, acts more like a rodeo horse (not due to pain, have had him checked already)?

 

[Goldenstar]

It's your elbows that make the contact soft and elastic , you need to hold the reins to they don't get pulled through your hands .
The key to good contact is in the elbows and then shoulder joints you need to follow the contact with your whole arm .

 

[Sugar_and_Spice]

Think about how he feels. If he's misbehaving you need the reins short enough to have proper control but if he's not misbehaving at that moment then relax a bit. You sound as if you're keeping him on an excessively tight rein "just in case".

Perhaps you're afraid you won't be able to shorten the reins quickly enough? You can practice that when everything is going fine. If you really feel you can't let go try stroking his shoulder with alternate hands whilst still keeping one rein in each hand, so you physically can't have a strong contact. Learn to slow and stop the horse with your seat and legs.

To increase your confidence and prove to yourself that you can ride ok, choose a safe place maybe an arena or a bridleway with a gate at the end or a field on a hill (uphill) and do some stuff requiring bravery. Eg. Ride without stirrups, ride bareback, trot or canter whilst holding the buckle end of the reins so they're really loose, tie your reins in a knot and go over a small jump with your arms out like a child being an aeroplane.