How do I tell her that I don't want her to ride my horse again?

Meowy Catkin

Meowy Catkin

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The girl is 12 or 13 and her Gran and parent's are friends with my Mum, so I really don't want to cause ructions. :(

It had been going well and the girl had 'helped' me around the yard in exchange for lessons on my mare. I had been taken aback by her poor riding but I tracked this down to poor teaching by her RI. At first she was very willing to learn and listened to me, plus she does have natural balance and could be a very nice rider in the future. However her attitude has changed for the worse and I really don't want her to ride my horse anymore.

I did have some bad thoughts when she was here the other day and she was really winding me up.... my mare can be quite nappy and I was so tempted to let her hack the mare just so that she would see how good her riding really was.... but it would be dangerous and cruel so I'd never do it. The fact that I even had that thought has made me realise that I want to stop the arrangement.

I feel trapped into the arrangement and as though I'm being taken advantage of. How do I end it without bad feeling?
 
I don't know if you are a qualified instructor but if you're not, perhaps tell them that you've brought her as far as you're able to and she now really needs a more experienced person to bring her on? However, your horse is still a bit too advanced for her to ride it without instruction?

That way, it's not about her shortcomings but makes it actually seem somewhat complimentary. I don't know if that's possible to pull off but might get the point across without ruffled feathers.

Just a thought...
 
How about saying that your horse has got a problem ie lame, bad back or something. Which will stop her riding.

Or you could go the opposite way saying that you've taught her as much as you can and its best now to back to the riding school.

sorry it they dont help ;)
 
Explain in full to your grandparents. Then tell the girl and her parents that you have had a couple of near-misses yourself with your horse when you've been riding, and have come to the difficult decision that, for safety reasons bearing in mind the level of her experience, you need to terminate the arrangement. Say also that you're not insured to have anyone else ride your horse. Then whatever they say in response, like "We think she'll be fine, we are prepared to take the risk, we will pay for insurance..." just re-state the above. No sorry, don't divert or expand on what you said before, just repeat it and stick to your guns. Maybe adding, "I'd never forgive myself if something happened, and I think I'd also be liable as I know that this isn't a safe situation".
 
baymareb said:
I don't know if you are a qualified instructor but if you're not, perhaps tell them that you've brought her as far as you're able to and she now really needs a more experienced person to bring her on? However, your horse is still a bit too advanced for her to ride it without instruction?

That way, it's not about her shortcomings but makes it actually seem somewhat complimentary. I don't know if that's possible to pull off but might get the point across without ruffled feathers.

Just a thought...
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This is a good idea^^^
Or you could just say that the horse has started badly napping and even rearing ;) and it could be down to having two riders of differenting experience. And it's best if she doesn't ride her anymore, but you will help to find a suitable riding school etc. Where she will meet loads of like minded mates etc etc
 
Good ideas everyone.

I know that I need to phrase it carefully and not blame the girl in question at all. The problem is that they know that my insurance does cover her if she rides with my permission. Aaaagh!
 
Tinypony said:
Explain in full to your grandparents. Then tell the girl and her parents that you have had a couple of near-misses yourself with your horse when you've been riding, and have come to the difficult decision that, for safety reasons bearing in mind the level of her experience, you need to terminate the arrangement. Say also that you're not insured to have anyone else ride your horse. Then whatever they say in response, like "We think she'll be fine, we are prepared to take the risk, we will pay for insurance..." just re-state the above. No sorry, don't divert or expand on what you said before, just repeat it and stick to your guns. Maybe adding, "I'd never forgive myself if something happened, and I think I'd also be liable as I know that this isn't a safe situation".
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I really like this idea, ignoring the insurance part (as they know your insurance covers her). No parent/grandparent is going to want to put they child at risk if you (as the animal's owner) say that you think shes being a bit dangerous at the moment etc.

Or on the other hand, claim lameness and that she needs 6 months box rest etc... and that you couldn't possibly have her doing the yard work without the exchange of lessons on your mare as you would feel too guilty! ;)
 
Totally understand this your story sounds exactly like mine - word for word.
I said that my horse wasn't going to be ridden and was going on break for a couple of months so I no longer needed her help etc.
I lied and I continued to ride him - not that she knew and I said that she should call me in a couple of months to discuss. She never did call me (thankfully) and that was about 2 years ago.
Problem solved :)
I think it's the nicest way of doing it TBH.. :(
 
I think you just need to bite the bullet and say you'd rather it was just you who rode your horse (you could use the napping reason, saying you'd like to get that sorted before letting anyone else ride it), but soften the blow by offering to help her find another horse to loan/share/ride.

It's your horse and you call the shots.

Good luck!
 
Yup this is a difficult one innit. I would play the "safety" card and make noises that you're not really sure the horse is suitable for her yet ...... give it a few years p'raps etc etc ...., perhaps the horse is a bit strong/sharp for her and you don't wanna put her off riding, that sort of thing?

OR make noises that the horse isn't going too well and you're calling out the vet/physio to look at its back/feet or whatever.

OR say it right out that you don't think the horse is suitable for her and that you can't have a situation where there is a risk of possible litigation, or whatever, as your insurance won't/can't cover for it.
 
I suspect your insurance may not cover you or the girl adequately anyway. You are not a qualified instructor and you may find your insurance is therefore not valid for the purposes your horse is being used for.

This could leave you in a very vulnerable situation if there is an accident and they decide to sue you personally.

Not wishing to scaremonger, but insurance companies love to 'wriggle'.

Check your small print very carefully. Bear in mind that 'chores' for 'lessons' may still be classed as 'payment in kind'.

Hope you sort this out.
 
What was she doing to wind you up?
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She has basically started to winge that I wont let her jump, I have explained that my mare is not easy to jump (dirty stops and run outs), remember that this girl cannot sit to canter properly, the horse is smooth and she bounces. She only uses her legs to 'kick on', she is too strong with her hands and my mare has a soft mouth. It was OK when she was listening to my instruction and really did ride better (and I thought that she had alot of potential at that point) but now she thinks that she's an amazing rider and has picked up an ungrateful attitude to match. My mare is a darling on the flat in the school and she would put up with all this but I wont.




Check your small print very carefully. Bear in mind that 'chores' for 'lessons' may still be classed as 'payment in kind'.
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I will check the small print as this may give the perfectly true and totally valid reason for stopping her ride my horse.




I cannot lie because the Gran will come to visit my Mum regularly and I keep my horses on my parent's land
 
Faracat said:
She has basically started to winge that I wont let her jump, I have explained that my mare is not easy to jump (dirty stops and run outs), remember that this girl cannot sit to canter properly, the horse is smooth and she bounces. She only uses her legs to 'kick on', she is too strong with her hands and my mare has a soft mouth. It was OK when she was listening to my instruction and really did ride better (and I thought that she had alot of potential at that point) but now she thinks that she's an amazing rider and has picked up an ungrateful attitude to match. My mare is a darling on the flat in the school and she would put up with all this but I wont.

I cannot lie because the Gran will come to visit my Mum regularly and I keep my horses on my parent's land
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You see I think you have the reason there - if this child thinks she "knows it all" but doesn't, I would say that would be enough in itself to call it off. Have you run this past your mum, she must know them too, what does she think their reaction is likely to be?
 
Faracat said:
Good ideas everyone.

I know that I need to phrase it carefully and not blame the girl in question at all. The problem is that they know that my insurance does cover her if she rides with my permission. Aaaagh!
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I think Tinypony's advice is good. So what if your insurance covers her - it won't cover that guilty feeling when the child's laid up in hospital with assorted broken bones/in a coma etc. Repeat after me.. "Its not about the money its about your child's safety, I'd never forgive myself if she got seriously injured"
 
Maybe explain to the parents exactly what you did here - that on the riding school ponies (who are v safe - congrats for finding such a good school etc), she is able to do so much more because they are such safe, wonderful ponies, but that your mare is more quirky, and you feel she's getting frustrated because she can't do as much due to the difficult/more dangerous nature of your horse. Therefore, you feel it would be best for her not to ride, but to maybe find a nice safe pony to share in the local area.
 
Her wanting to learn to jump is the perfect excuse.

Explain to them that the kid wants to learn to jump and A, you do not feel that you could teach her this. and B your mare is not the best horse to learn to jump on and they are better off going to a RS to learn.

I have to admit that if I was giving up my time to let someone come ride my boy and teach (which i have done in the past) the second they started to cop and attitude and act like a know it all they would be off his back and not be getting back on again until they'd learnt to be grateful.
 
insurance only covers riders who are capable of handling the horse, regardless if you gave them permission or not. so if your horse is "highly strung" and she is a novice your insurance won't cover her should an accident occur. just a thought
 
mystiandsunny said:
Maybe explain to the parents exactly what you did here - that on the riding school ponies (who are v safe - congrats for finding such a good school etc), she is able to do so much more because they are such safe, wonderful ponies, but that your mare is more quirky, and you feel she's getting frustrated because she can't do as much due to the difficult/more dangerous nature of your horse. Therefore, you feel it would be best for her not to ride, but to maybe find a nice safe pony to share in the local area.
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I agree. I think it's best to be firm and honest.
 
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