How do you ask a friend to leave your yard?

clairec1154

clairec1154

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Okay I am in an impossable situation. I am fed up of my good friend slagging my facilities off and being ungrateful for everything that I do for her, including providing free livery for her difficult horse. An example, called my farrier out early as her horse was footie, she was at uni so I dealt with her horse and had my 3 boys trimmed to help reduce the cost of the call out (they have all been barefoot for 3 years) she didn't leave any money dispite a reminder every day for a week! I passed the information the farrier gave to me for her, and she turned around and said she is going to stick shoes on horse, cos she doesn't have the time to ride her! No thanks for dealing with her difficult horse, or offer to repay me the money for the farrier!

How do you ask her to leave? I have just had enough and it is very stressful at a time when I am meant to be reducing stress levels for IVF treatment in the autumn.
 
I would give her the (carefully moderated to be kind) truth!!

If you are good friends she will see through any lies anyway :p

Tell her you don't have the time, money or patience to do all these things for her horse, she is clearly freeloading on your generosity and needs a reality check!!

Be firm but kind and any REAL friend will understand :)
 
I agree. IMO she's not acting like a very good friend anyway! Just sit her down and be honest with her. Explain your reasons and give her notice. If she's your friend she'll understand about the IVF and not want to cause you any (more) stress.
Good Luck!
 
I tell you what, I wish I were your friend!
I agree with John Robert, give her a month's notice. You can always say (truthfully) that you're cutting back on your workload because of your upcoming treatment.
 
hmm this sounds a horrible situation to be in, it bad enough with someone you dont like, let alone a friend. If she moans about the facilities again it could be a good time to tell her however it could turn int a v arkward conversation!
Why dont u ask her to pay for her livery, say u need to save up for something, and say if she cant pay she will have to leave so you can fill her space with some1 who can pay. She sounds like the kinda of person that may only be there because it is free anyway :s
good luck!
 
clairec1154 said:
Okay I am in an impossable situation. I am fed up of my good friend slagging my facilities off and being ungrateful for everything that I do for her, including providing free livery for her difficult horse. An example, called my farrier out early as her horse was footie, she was at uni so I dealt with her horse and had my 3 boys trimmed to help reduce the cost of the call out (they have all been barefoot for 3 years) she didn't leave any money dispite a reminder every day for a week! I passed the information the farrier gave to me for her, and she turned around and said she is going to stick shoes on horse, cos she doesn't have the time to ride her! No thanks for dealing with her difficult horse, or offer to repay me the money for the farrier!

How do you ask her to leave? I have just had enough and it is very stressful at a time when I am meant to be reducing stress levels for IVF treatment in the autumn.
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What a horrible situation to be in :(

i think to be honest, all you can do it bite the bullet and say that your sorry but its just not working out for you having her there and she will need to leave. There are all manner of excuses you could come up with but they will sound just like excuses whereas you've got genuine reasons why it isn't working out for you - she's not pulling her weight, doing her horse is takes your valuable time and now she's putting a financial burden on you. Its all very unacceptable.

Its likely she will have a fit / strop but she clearly doesn't see you as a friend in the same way as you see her or she wouldn't be treating you so badly. So if she cuts off the friendship then you've really not lost anything of any value :(

You sound fantastic and your obvious good nature is being taken advantage off and all your asking for is a bit of respect.

Good luck.
 
Thanks for the quick replies, knew deep down that this is what I needed to do. I think I just needed to read it. My neighbour has also made the same comments about her taking advantage of my good nature. I know she won't take it well and that I shouldn't have friends who think only about themself.
 
I would just give her a months notice and a bill! But then I think you could do without friendships that seem so one sided.

Good Luck with the IVF too. I had my daughter using IVF - she is 16 now and an absolute star xx
 
HOLLY831 - thanks about the ivf, glad to hear it works for some people, having the whole egg fertised bit as OH had a vasectomy before I meet him. I am not looking forward to it and looking after my 3 horses.
 
Maybe try to find recommendations for someone to replace her who is looking for cheap livery in return for looking after 3 horses - with references! - or you might find a mum with kids at school who has the time to get back into riding and could look after yours (and exercise them) while you're off doing babies
 
Dubsie said:
Maybe try to find recommendations for someone to replace her who is looking for cheap livery in return for looking after 3 horses - with references! - or you might find a mum with kids at school who has the time to get back into riding and could look after yours (and exercise them) while you're off doing babies
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Thanks Dubsie, after 2 years of friends coming and going with horses I have had enough of liveries! I just want to ride my horses and enjoy myself without the stress of someone else coming and going. I might even consider giving the 16 year old a year off so I don't have the stress of someone else riding my horse. The other 2 horses are not ridable, one is 2 and the other is 24.
 
IVF is very stressful and you NEED to offload any unnecessary hassle to give yourself the best chance of success. Just explain that to your 'friend', send her a text if necessary >g< This is a time for putting yourself first.
 
I agree with everyone, you need to be rid of her. A months notice is fair, put it in writing, sounds like she is a user not a friend that you need around you, especially as you will be going through IVF..

Good luck with everything, you have to think of yourself as right now thats what is important. :D
 
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I would be giving her notice for livery and the friendship! She sounds like she is totally taking advantage of your good nature. I was friends with someone like that for 18 years and she sucked the life out of me - I always made excuses for her and I got so used to her behaviour and demands on my time that I only noticed how bad it was when she was no longer there - she fell out with ME and called ME ungrateful and selfish when I drove her 250 miles to a festival and then went back to collect her - why? Because I didnt go with her to the actual festival because we were moving house at the last minute and couldnt afford it.

Honestly, you are better off without friends like that hun. Good luck with your IVF :)
 
Agreed- not a friend at all! If you're afraid of confrontation with her just apologise profusely and say that you cannot have her horses there anymore as it's just too much to deal with due to all you're going through, offer her a month's notice (given in writing) and say that you will give her a reference for another yard (although try not to....).
 
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