How do you cope with PTS?

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It's possible that the time could be near for my old boy, on my vets advice we've just increased his meds to see if this improves him. I know I need to do what's best for him and so he doesn't suffer so ill do whatever he needs, he's my first horse and I honestly don't know how I'm going to be able to cope, I'm in floods of tears just even thinking about it. How do you deal with the loss of such a beloved friend? :(
 
In all honesty, you don't cope, not at first. The grief is inevitable. You just have to take each day as it comes and remember that what you did, you did because you loved him and because it was best for him.

I really hope that he improves and that you don't have to make that decision yet.
 
JJS said:
In all honesty, you don't cope, not at first. The grief is inevitable. You just have to take each day as it comes and remember that what you did, you did because you loved him and because it was best for him.
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This.

My OH recently had her mare pts; her first horse and best friend for fourteen years.

It is tough, but you HAVE to do what is best for the horse. As someone said to us, better a day too early, than a day too late.
 
Big Hugs. Nothing helps much - but focus on the fact that your decision is what is best for him. It hurts - and it will go on hurting. But it does help a little to know you made the best and most loving decision you could. Not much consolation - but we have all either faced this or we will have to. We all understand.

BHS run a scheme called "Friends at the end" which offers support. You might find it helpful to contact them.
 
It is the hardest thing I have had to consciously make the decision to do. My horse of a lifetime was PTS just over a year ago and I am only just coming to terms with it. The worst bit was the guilt, because I felt like I'd tricked her by giving her a bowl of her favourite and forbidden food. She was so happy. She was on cloud nine, and then I had the vet give her an injection to kill her. It was undoubtedly the best decision for her. She had fought chronic laminitis for over two years until no matter how little I fed her, she was still footsore. Then she did her tendon, just after I thought I'd got her sound. I couldn't put her through box rest on such meagre rations.
 
Wagtail said:
I felt like I'd tricked her by giving her a bowl of her favourite and forbidden food. She was so happy. She was on cloud nine, and then I had the vet give her an injection to kill her.
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That was not a trick, that was a lovely thing to do, for her to go with a mouthful of her favourite food, mmmmmm. We did exactly that with my OH's mare, on the advice of the vets at Langford (who were AMAZING!).
 
I felt guilty as well .. I'd made mine a promise, that he'd have no more procedures, no more interventions ... and when he went downhill, I had to catch him for the vet. He gave me the runaround, prancing about me, totally doped out on bute. Rationally I knew that, but in front of me was my best friend and I caught him and gave him carrots and had him killed. This was 6 years ago, I can easily tear up just thinking/writing about it. How do I cope? Only because I know it was right thing to do, the ultimate responsibility. Because I kept my promise, no more procedures, no more pain ... We were together 17 years and it was the hardest thing I had to do. But the right thing, and that's how I coped.
 
I'm so sorry. I've never had to do this before but may have to face it sooner rather than later with my old girl who isn't doing so well and feel like I've been punched in the stomach even to think about it.

As above, I've heard really good things about the BHS scheme. No need to go through this on your own.

xx
 
I had my first horse and my best friend put down last December. He was my absolute everything.

For me, I had to hold onto the fact that he would have faded before my eyes if I had carried on feeding him 80 steroid tablets a day, and I knew him for being such a proud and noble horse.

I like to remember the Winnie the Pooh quote 'how lucky am I to have had something in my life that makes it so hard to say goodbye.'

One day at a time. Grief works in weird ways. Remember them; I have a tattoo and a bracelet made of his tail hair. I'm also buying him a rose to plant in my garden, as they are beautiful just like him.

I also had counselling for my grief which really helped.
 
It's times like this when you wish you could just wave a magic wand and this awful decision wouldn't have to be made. If I can offer any pearls of wisdom at all they would be:-

Don't be pressured by anyone to make the decision. Be guided by your vet but you will know in your own heart when the time is right.

Never feel guilty if you choose not to stay for the actual PTS moment. It's entirely your call and do whatever you feel you can cope with.

If you're on a yard, pick a quiet time, you really don't want any of this to be a spectator sport. My yard owner was / is fabulous with this sort of thing and makes damn sure everyone else clears off.

Last but not least, be kind to yourself!! We invest so much emotion and heartache into our furry friends but often forget to take care of ourselves. Talk to your mates (if you want to), cry a lot before and after but NEVER let the inevitable feelings of guilt linger for too long as you know you will have done the right thing, no matter how much it hurts.
 
Please, please don't think about it as 'killing', it is FAR from that. When we had to let my old boy go a few years ago my sister sent me a poem called 'The Last Battle' which will have you in floods but which struck a chord with me. I promised Buster I would always look after him and this was the last thing I could do to keep that promise.

It hurts like hell but allow yourself to mourn because you'll need to. You never forget but you learn to live with it.
 
It's one of those things you just have to grit your teeth and get on with once you've made the decision, there's no other way I'm afraid.

I've had several put down over the years and it doesn't get any easier; the only way I cope is knowing I'm doing the right thing for the right reasons and remember my step-mother's words when we were arriving at the crematorium for my treasured Dad's funeral. They were 'chin up chuck, make him proud' and we somehow got through it together; those words have stayed with me ever since.

Good advice from Deb above. Hugs.
 
You don't. If it's a really special one the pain is over whelming for a long long time.

I have to say and this is awful and will upset you, but you may not want to see the deed done. When my mare was PTS (grass sickness) the vet warned me that occasionally they rear up before they die. Well I've never seen anything like what happened. It didn't make things any worse for me because frankly nothing could have made losing a 6 year old horse worse, but I could imagine it could traumatise a lot of folk had they seen it happen in their own horse.

Sorry about your horse. A lot of us know the pain you will be feeling.
 
You just do hun.

Having others that I had to look after helped me, and being pregnant so having a new focus to look forward to.

I had my mare almost 20 years and she was amazing. Got me through teenage angst, 1st boyfriends, gcses a levels, 2 degrees first job, worst job, attempted murder (police reckon her being there took the edge off attacker so she actually might have saved my life) , the court cr@p afterwards, 1st house, marriage, miscarriage , loss of beloved dog etc etc.

Planning and deciding was horrific. Once she went though, so peacefully and with her last bit of dignity i felt at peace. Don't get me wong, at the time I collapsed hysterically. Hubs was amazing and vet. Disposal people were so tactful and my fab yard owner. L's old sharer was there to share the last moments and grieve with me.

By the next day I was at peace with her passing and though I miss her I do have the others to care for and our baby will have her name for a middle name. I still cry for a few minutes ocassionally

She had catalogue of illness though and discomfort and dignity were becoming very real issues. I did the best by her and that helps hugely.

Sometimes missing them is our problem, keeping them with us longer than we should is their problem.
 
Echo what the others say, its your final act of kindness to end pain and suffering.

I made my decision and booked the vet for 2 weeks time, for those 2 weeks, I cried a lot, I bathed her, and made her feel very special.

The deed is awful, but it was done quickly, and you cope because you have too.

((HUGS)) xx
 
Am dreading the time coming for mine too be honest as I've had him 20 years next year, since i was a teenager. I lost my pony of 20 years earlier this summer but wasn't there and he took the decision away from us as came down suddenly with severe colic having never had any illness in 20 years. At 28 we were not going to put him through any op as clearly for him to suddenly be so ill there was something very wrong.
You do know in your heart of hearts when it's the right time.
It's never going to be easier and is the worst part of owning and caring for animals but at least that's something we can do for them to prevent suffering.
I wish the law changed so humans could make the same decision for themselves to be honest but we seem happy to prolong people's suffering more than we would allow an animal! :-(
 
The grief at first for me was pretty unbearable. But you get through it in time, everyone is different.

Better a day to early than a day to late.

Big hugs its a horrible decision.
 
This is the hardest thing that any of us have to deal with, and because we all love our very special horses you just have to do what is best for them and not for you, it takes a very brave person to do this. You do not cope but somehow you will get through the day. Just remember who you are doing this for and the reasons why. My heart goes out to you at this very very hard time, and I know that you will do the best for your wonderful horse. We are all here for you in any way that we can even if it is just a virtual hug from a stranger, trust me it helps . Take care thinking of you both Chrissie x
 
It is the most heart renching decision, but when we make it we know it is the last thing we can do for them. I had had my old boy from a 2yr old until he was 28 when he started having panic attacts , so I could have a few days to get over it before going back to work he was booked in for a Friday a week in advance, the longest week of my life, my husband was with him at the end as he thought I would be to emotional, but going back to the yard to do my youngster that evening was so so hard.
You do grieve, you never forget them, but things do get easier as time goes by, as said before anyone who has been there will have empathy with you, my thought are with you at this difficult time.
 
Horses, I lost one during a colic attack, 3 yrs later, I still wonder if I could have done things differently, know I couldn't, vet was out within 30 mins and I lost him anyway, the what ifs caused a deep depression. Dogs, a concious decision, vet thought it was a brain tumour, but dog was so aggressive couldn't be checked, after he went for two people in the space of a week, one a child, we made the decision, took dog for one last camping trip as he did enjoy camping, but on that trip I ended up nose to nose with a growling dog I knew would attack and mean it, he just didn't recognise me, my heart was in my mouth, scared witless in case he followed through on the growl, he was a large gsd and could do some damage, gingerly got up and tethered him in the main tent, I can honestly say I have never been so scared, next morning he was normal again, vet agreed it was for the best, pts with dignity, no regrets at all
 
To be honest, every time I have to have one of my horses put down, I don't cope, I get depressed badly, as these are my babies as are my dogs, even if you give yourself time about the pts it still hits you badly. People cope in different ways.
 
How do you cope - with great difficulty. I said good bye to my gorgeous girl 4 weeks ago, I did the best for her but it's just left a massive hole in my heart and life.
 
It's hard for anyone no matter how often you have to deal with it, however I do think it's marginally easier for someone like me who has a lot of horses living with me; many are old retired horses and so we see more horses being PTS than most. It's always upsetting but you have to get on with it and look after the living ones. Life has to go on and I find that in the early days after the horses has been PTS I have up days and down days but usually after a couple of months acceptance comes and I start to move on. One of my very special horses was PTS almost 2 years ago and that first year I missed her so intensely and had a hard time accepting that she was gone. It's only in the past 2 or 3 months that I've found I can think of her with fondness and love but without shedding any tears about her no longer being here.
 
Just even reading this thread I'm welling up. I've had Benji for 20yrs now and know that one day I'm going to have to make that decision. We had my son's loan pony PTS last year in agreement with her owner, making the decision was hard, making the call to the hunt was difficult and the fortnight waiting for the day to come was torture. I felt physically sick the day before. The lead up to her passing was actually worse for me. Yes, the day was full of sorrow but I knew she was in a better place afterwards.

People grieve in different ways and there is no right or wrong way to do it. Thinking of you and there will be plenty of support on here for you when you need it. X
 
FfionWinnie said:
You don't. If it's a really special one the pain is over whelming for a long long time.

I have to say and this is awful and will upset you, but you may not want to see the deed done. When my mare was PTS (grass sickness) the vet warned me that occasionally they rear up before they die. Well I've never seen anything like what happened. It didn't make things any worse for me because frankly nothing could have made losing a 6 year old horse worse, but I could imagine it could traumatise a lot of folk had they seen it happen in their own horse.

Sorry about your horse. A lot of us know the pain you will be feeling.
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I lost my 7 year old to Grass Sickness a couple of months ago - it is still breaking my heart, nothing can make that easier just now. My old boy I lost a few years ago after 16 years (he was 24) at least with him it know I gave him all the life I could, with my mare all the life I could give her - and the foal I'd planned - will never happen. For me that's tougher..
 
You don't get over it but you do get through it.

I've lost 3 mares and a gelding I sold died in the field (of his new owners's) 2mths later. The "middle" mare I lost was my 1 in a million and I was devastated. I was on autopilot at the vets and let them lead me when she was in for a workup; she was put down that same day so as not to extend her pain. However I came home, googled and read threads on here and it turns out there really were things that I should have tried first (she had navic and vet's said no to BF rehab as they believe all horses, especially TBs, need shoes...). So not only was she "the precious one" but I really could have done more so that's a lot of guilt.

I find the worst of it is making the appointment and then "lying" to them on the days running up to it. My current gelding was scheduled to be PTS and the week prior was unbearable in every possible way; as I still had niggles I cancelled it and thankfully doing things my way he's improved and is almost <touch wood> back to full health. With the mares the appointment was made for a couple of days after I booked it so this made it slightly easier.

Really sorry that you're in this situation. Best wishes
 
In a way I have been fortunate that my first horse that was PTS I was away on holiday and my mare collapsed, my pony died of a heart attack and the only one so far that we were going to ask the vet to come later in the week , the pony went down and she made the decision.

It hurts what ever way it is
 
At Easter I lost my mare. I had her for 19 years and she was very much my baby. She had been unwell for a while so we knew the end was coming but on good Friday she went down with colic and never recovered and was pts. I had worried and cried for months previous to that about having to pts but in the end there was nothing else I could do. I can honestly say u think I did most of my crying beforehand and when it actually came to it I have been fine tho obviously upset not so bad as I thought. I will never forget her and always love her but I take comfort from knowing she is no longer in pain and I did all I could for her xxx
 
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