How do you cope?

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I am sorry for making you all think about all this, I feel awful!

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Dont be sorry, or feel awful. It helps to talk about these things. I like to still shed a tear for my boy, coz it shows that I still care and Ive not forgotten about him. Not that I ever will. xx
 
Like someone said (I can't remember who, sorry
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) 'If you never love, you'll never get hurt, but what is life without love?'

I reckon the many happy hours you spend with your horse will outweigh the sadness you feel when you have to part from him!
 
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Dont be sorry, or feel awful. It helps to talk about these things. I like to still shed a tear for my boy, coz it shows that I still care and Ive not forgotten about him. Not that I ever will. xx

[/ QUOTE ]Is that Marsden in your signature hun? Looks a gorgeous lad.
 
Tissue here please, my sleeve is covered in snot!

It is the first time in a year that I have allowed, or unblocked the memories. I still feel now as raw as I did then and can appreciate just how Blackhawk feels at this moment in time. It took me 9 full months before I could start to think clearly and believe I had a bit of a breakdown through it.

I was very luck to be able to tell Fidds just how much I loved him as he lay in my arms and to thank him for teaching me so much. I was able to say goodbye. I picked the most beautiful climbing red rose and lay it on his neck. Its so unfair that something which is loved and cared for so very much is taken from you. It must be a lesson in life that we are to learn but I really dont think it makes you any stronger.
 
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Dont be sorry, or feel awful. It helps to talk about these things. I like to still shed a tear for my boy, coz it shows that I still care and Ive not forgotten about him. Not that I ever will. xx

[/ QUOTE ]Is that Marsden in your signature hun? Looks a gorgeous lad.

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No, thats my new boy. Ive not got any pics of Mars on my comp, really must get some scanned. He was a 17.2 chestnut TB. Most stunning horse ever! Would jump anything and I mean anything. Ive got a fab photo of us jumping the plaine at RAF Holton, Ill try and get that in my sig. xx
 
Don't worry, tears here and I'm in the office too.

I lay with my J in his final moments but I still feel cheated. I'm glad I got that goodbye but in my mind he should be here with me. He was the one I would go and have long chats with and he'd console me if I had a problem with his thick black mane and his soft licks up my arm and a nuzzle into my shoulder. He can't ever be replaced and now he's gone I have this unfillable hole. I just ache with sadness.

I haven't actually opened up this much before about it.
 
Just thinking about it now, I am really looking forward to having a horse and hope that I get one who loves me as much as I will love him/her. I want to feel that closeness that you did. But then getting that close will always hurt more when anything happens!

I hope it is helping opening up and not making it worse
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Don't worry, tears here and I'm in the office too.

I lay with my J in his final moments but I still feel cheated. I'm glad I got that goodbye but in my mind he should be here with me. He was the one I would go and have long chats with and he'd console me if I had a problem with his thick black mane and his soft licks up my arm and a nuzzle into my shoulder. He can't ever be replaced and now he's gone I have this unfillable hole. I just ache with sadness.

I haven't actually opened up this much before about it.

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Dont you feel a tad better for opening up though hun?
This might be abit easier than actually talking aswell. xx
 
Hunni, I still dont know if its the right thing to do or not by opening up. I too dont ever open up like this as it hurst just too much. Perhaps knowing that we arn't the only ones who could ever feel such intence physical pain is a comfort.

I promise you that you will learn to cope with it once you have accepted it. It sounds as though you are still angry, me too.

Someone once said that he was never really mine, that he was only on loan to me for a short time and has now gone back to his true owner (God). This did help somewhat, and the thought that he will be the first one to greet me when I go over.
 
See I'm religious but I don't know if I have the faith that he will be there waiting for me
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I just have this dread that his final moments will be my last memory and that I've lost him forever.

I was looking through my pictures on my computer yesterday and I realised there will never be any new folder of his pictures. No new experiences. No more time with him.

In a way I do wish I would stop feeling like this and move on. I know time is a healer and you're right. I'm still at the denial and anger stage.
 
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I feel some people think 'it was just a horse' if I tell them.

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I have that problem - unless you're a horsey person, people just dont get what the big deal is! I got sent to counselling, but the councillor wasnt horsey, so i felt a bit daft and stopped going. Murphs in our living room now - he'll be scattered with me when i die. Sometimes i just sit with him and pollish his casket, but it's not the same is it?
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Just thinking about it now, I am really looking forward to having a horse and hope that I get one who loves me as much as I will love him/her. I want to feel that closeness that you did. But then getting that close will always hurt more when anything happens!

I hope it is helping opening up and not making it worse
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Its funny really, coz the parternshp between me and Marsden was one in a million and I NEVER thought Id love another horse ever again. And I always said that he would be the last horse I ever rode, when he went, I would hang my hat up! But, I couldnt live without horses in my life and since having Archie, Im soooo protective over him, he is my baby, and he carries some of Marsdens traits like, chewing zips and lifting one front leg up when he eats. I some times think that Marsden lives on in Arch. Ill never have the same bond with Arch as I did with Mars, but me and Archie are sooooo close and I beleive that what happend to Mars is why me and Arch are so close. xx
 
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I feel some people think 'it was just a horse' if I tell them.

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I have that problem - unless you're a horsey person, people just dont get what the big deal is! I got sent to counselling, but the councillor wasnt horsey, so i felt a bit daft and stopped going. Murphs in our living room now - he'll be scattered with me when i die. Sometimes i just sit with him and pollish his casket, but it's not the same is it?
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MM, thats brough tears to my eyes!
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Mars is in my liveing room aswell, with all his pics, rossetttes and trophies and some times I just sit and talk to him! xx
 
and it takes a long time for them phases to go....
All I kept seeing was Boss in the road, and hearing the gunshot.
I wished I had been braver and able to stand with him, he refused point blank to go the way I wanted, i should have stayed loyal to him also.

It is so gut wrenching to lose a horse, especially when you have tried so much to make him better. The guilt feeling is terrible and I often thought 'what if I had done this' But reality steps in andthen it is clear nothing more could have been done.
Has taken me over a year to come to terms with and decide that now, i can have my own horse again.
I still do cry, when I see the handsome lad he was and think how much of a waste it was, and how short a time i had with him.

Blackhawk, time is whatever is best for you, be it months or years. Grief is a good emotion, it shows true character and strength and heart. I think, like me, you will remember happier time, but only when you are ready to let go.

Group hugs
 
Ditto, that started me off again too mollymurphy!

I chose not to keep J but I do still have al his things. His feed bucket is still in his stable and his rug is still over the door. I am sad that I never got to go to shows, win rosettes or have years with him. I got to nurse him to full health and fitness and luckily give him a fabulous life for awhile before he died. At least he was happy.
 
I sorted all of murphs stuff out not long ago. Sold his rugs, but kept everything else. It's all in our loft now, but i was hyterical when i was doing it - some of the stuff i'd bought for him was unopened. Mum said to just use them for our others, but i'd bought them for murph, so they were staying with his things.
3 of his shoes are on his casket with his bit and some of his tail, the other shoe is in a box frame with a photo and another plait from his tail.
You know what really upset me? I never got to muck him out that one last time - mum and dad thought they were helping and emptied his stable for me, but i got really upset over it. Dont know why.
And do you know what else has annoyed me?! He died on the 15th of May last year. This year, my final uni exams are on the 14th and 16th of May! Bad timing or what?!
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At least they're not on the 15th i suppose, but i'm sure i wont get much revision done.
 
When I had just one horse it was devastating, now with many it's copeable with.
Some horses like the stallion we owned for 19 years are much harder, I didn't go near his empty field for a good two months, and eventually I managed to visit his grave after even longer.
Like losing a dog, you just have to get on with it I'm afraid.
It hurts of course, but that's rea life....
 
I'm the same as HH to be honest. When I only had 2 horses at a time, the loss of them was tremendous, however now that I have a lot of horses when one dies it isn't so upsetting; you just have to pick yourself up and get on with it because there are so many others who still need you.
 
I lost my mare in Sept 2005 and I don't think I'll ever get over her loss, I'd had her from 2days old to 21 years and she was my life, I get really upset when dates come such as 4th May her birthday and the awful date of 13th Sept. I think I try more to think of happy times but miss her like mad. I'm lucky to have her son who is her image and has even got the same weird coloured mark on his shoulder something that appeared after I lost Mabs it's almost like she's still with us and it only appears with his summer coat.
I hate losing animals but we are lucky we are able to help them in their time of need and I certainly do not regret having made the decision as she was a very poorly girl.
 
It's very hard to get over and I still haven't yet (lost her 18 months ago) and quite often have a sniffle. She left a hole in my heart that I don't think will ever be filled, even if my adorable 2-week-old foal is trying very hard to do just that (she whinnied to me yesterday and I've only seen her 6 times since she was born!)
 
It's life hun.
You have to appreciate them whilst they are here.
Don't dwell on it.
If we worried about animals and people dying we would just hide in a cave. What fun wold that be?
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Please dont not get a horse because it may die.The pleasures of owning that horse and being completely trusted and relied on by that horse FAR outweigh the time when that horse has to go!.I owned my old mare for 18 years we grew up together.When i was having a rough time and repeated beatings from an ex boyfriend Rema was always the one i turned to for comfort not my parents or friends.She was my horsey soulmate and my best freind.When she Had to be put down at the age of thirty due to a massive stomach infection it broke my heart and i felt as if i wanted to die with her.But it has been six years now and i still miss the old cow even now but i wouldent of changed a thing.She is buried on the farm where she lived the last ten happy years of her life.I have planted a yellow rose for her in my garden.The rose is aptly named Sweet dreams.If i could have a wish it would be to cuddle my girl again.
 
Ok Rema I promise I will get a horse, and I hope its my horsey soul mate, I have my human soul mate already! Sounds like she loved you to pieces, sorry to hear about your ex, at least you could rely on her!

Thank you for your post x
 
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