How do you deal with a member of your family dying

orionstar

orionstar

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It's been four weeks now and tonight I found myself crying because i found a peice of dog food in the hall. He was a deaf english bull terrier and meant everything to me and my partner for 10 years. People have said I should buy another puppy straight away, but that cant replace "puppy" in any way shape or form. Anyone got any advice about this situation?
 
Don't feel pressured into anything, only *you* know how *you* feel and only you know when you will be ready.

When my old girl was slowing down and I was a teenager, I couldn't WAIT to get a new, shiny, exciting puppy that I could show and run around with.
When she died aged 14, I couldn't look at another dog, for years.

Take your time, don't do anything rash, it's different for us all, sorry to hear about your boy x
 
Not sure what to say....

Losing a pet is hard, but very different to losing a human family member - not quite sure how I feel about the title of your post if I'm honest.

You don't need to replace your dog. But I'm sure you could find a place in your life for another one when you're ready. You'll know when the time has come.
 
Sorry for your loss it is always very sad when you lose someone you love.

Quite a few years ago I lost my little Battersea dogs home rescue whilst pregnant and I was so grief stricken I lost my baby. I never had another dog for 5years after as I couldnt bear going through losing one again.

Last year I lost my dog of a lifetime and again I was heartbroken but within 6wks I took on 2 more rescues. They were never replacements for my other dog how could they but they helped heal my pain. I love them dearly but I still cry for my other dog but I know he would approve.

As CC says we are all different and all grieve in different ways so if you get another dog tomorrow or next year it dosnt matter because its up to you.

I know its an old cliche but time is a great healer and the time will come when every waking moment isnt filled with thoughts of your dog and when you think of your dog it wont be of sadness but the pleasure of knowing you owned a wonderful dog.
 
Time. I lost my beloved Boots on 4th Jan and it was just horrible but it does get easier. Some days i'm fine and then there is times like this eve when I had steak for dinner and burst into tears coz he wasn't there to enjoy the leftovers. I am desperate for another dog but having just started a new job I want to settle into the job before finding a new friend. I do have two friends with pups though so can have puppy cuddles and am distracting myself with the OH's baby calves too. you have to remember the good times and the funny stories...i never get upset feeding the calves as I can still picture Boots trying to figure out how to work the teats on a calf feeder to get milk...and the time a calf tried to get milk from Boot's tail! And in some situations a dog is every bit as important as a human and is part of the family....that was certainly the case with mine
 
As said above, it just takes time. Saffie was pts in September last year and for ages I was starting to put out 3 bowls of food etc:(. I lost Chaka in 2006 and still have weepy moments over her, but I can also smile at all the lovely memories.
Everyone is different regarding having another one, I have never been in a situation where I have never had a dog, but it was 2 years after Chaka before I considered a new pup, and don't think I will have a 3rd dog again so in a way Saff will never be "replaced", though of course that is not what you do.
 
Orionstar said:
It's been four weeks now and tonight I found myself crying because i found a peice of dog food in the hall. He was a deaf english bull terrier and meant everything to me and my partner for 10 years. People have said I should buy another puppy straight away, but that cant replace "puppy" in any way shape or form. Anyone got any advice about this situation?
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Bless you. Its hard, we cried for weeks and weeks over little things like that when we lost our old girl Emmy. We had another old girl, Sophie, too but it was still like a huge hole had been blown in our lives and the house seemed so empty with just us and Sophie.

We weren't going to have another but our dog walkers said to us that its people like us who should give a home to a dog so we got two little black lab sisters who were born two weeks before our love left us. I swear her soul hung around the house and settled into one of them because she has so many similar traits !

Emmy could never be replaced, and when I lose Sophie it will be the same, but they all have their own personality and you love each one for them. The pleasure you get from having another precious pup in your life far outweighs the inevitable grief from losing them.

When you're ready, you'll know.
 
I love my dogs and I am very sad when it is time for them to leave us, but it is part of life, and when I buy a new puppy I accept that new dog as a different person, who will give us a great deal of pleasure, but I also realise they have a finite lifetime, so one day you have to deal with that pain again.

My friend always gets rescue dogs, and seems to choose older one's, so he tortures himself at their loss, on a more regular timescale than I do, as I prefer to get a puppy.

The loss of my horses is far harder to bear, for some reason, I don't know why. It may be because you can probablu keep your elderly dog going for a bit longer than your horse ?

if I was you, I would go and find a nice puppy, it is not meant to replace your dog, but it will give you something to make you smile again.
 
I lost Patch 30 December 2010, it took ages for me to stop feeling empty and I'm still really missing him. We haven't managed to remove his bed from the living room yet but have managed to clear his feed and drinks bowls away, although filling the water bowl up for a friend's dog a a few weeks ago was still testing.

Immediately after he'd passed, OH wanted another dog but the thought made me almost recoil in horror, about 3 weeks ago I suddenly felt ready, although still really missing Patch it doesn't feel so dreadful as it did.

I guess I'd never really understood the phrase "time is a great healer" before.
 
We lost Asti, our bleoved previous Leonberger on 18 February, and we had previously always been a multi-dog household, so the house felt empty - it is always terrible losing a dog - and no matter what anyone says, they are members of the family - but at least when we lost the others, we always had at least a dog to come home to. I said I didn't want another Leonberger, as it would remind me too much of the others, but when a friend said that we could have one of her pups, despite looking at other breeds and trying to have something different, when we saw her, we had to have her! I lasted 10 days before admitting that I needed another dog, especially as my OH is always away on business, and we got Chloe on 2 March - she is completely her own person - different to the others, and although I will always miss the others dreadfully, and will never forget them, I feel that they would have wanted me to have another one - after all it is a tribute to their memory that you want to continue to have a dog in the family, isn't it? I can now smile at the happy memories of them, rather than cry at their loss.
 
There is no hard and fast rule. Some people need to go out pretty much straight away to get another dog (please note, I didn't say replacement). Some can't because it feels like a betrayal. Neither option is right or wrong. I waited for 6 months after losing my beloved little staffie bitch because I was utterly devastated - she had been my shadow and constant companion for over 10 years and was a picture of health till pretty much the end. Bull Terriers unfortunately, can actually carry on for a while without showing any signs of illness and Jazz was continuing with a great big tumour inside her. After 6 months I went back to staffie welfare and they found me another bitch who was 4. She was completely different in looks and character while sharing the same staffie traits. I still miss Jazz, but I love my dogs now as much - you don't love them less just a different piece of your heart goes to them. As for choosing puppies over older dogs - again you must do what is right for you. I took on a slightly older dog (4) because I am a massive staffie fan and rescues are overflowing with these poor dogs. I took the dog who needed a home. I have been cowardly this time round though as now have 2 dogs (again another staffie rescue who came after the first one). So don't be hard on yourself, you will grieve for quite a while, just wait till it feels right for you and only you will know that time.
 
Orionstar said:
It's been four weeks now and tonight I found myself crying because i found a peice of dog food in the hall. He was a deaf english bull terrier and meant everything to me and my partner for 10 years. People have said I should buy another puppy straight away, but that cant replace "puppy" in any way shape or form. Anyone got any advice about this situation?
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I really feel for you. There is no advice IMO its just time as everyone says. I lost my bulldog in jan and its still so raw. I cannot come to terms with the fact he has gone. He was such a larger than life character and something about bullies gets under your skin. I've lost other dogs of other breeds before but it didn't hurt like this. I convince myself I still see him and hear him. Its the silence thats the problem, no snoring, grunting heavy footsteps etc etc.

I will get another puppy but at the moment its too soon.
 
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