How do you fit in family and horses?!

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misskk88

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For those who had horses before they met their partners (or exes!), how due you cope with transitioning from being a horse rider/owner to settling down, to having kids and then either keeping your horses or getting back into it? I know in the future I will be looking at starting my own family, my OH is totally non horsey but he's away I will never be without them and has come to understand they are a part of my life and always will be!

For those who are still with their partners, what made them keepers, and for those with exes who couldn't understand the horse lifestyle, what was the straw the broke the horses back so to speak?!
 
I'm a single mum, my son isn't overly keen on coming with me to see to Dolly, but luckily for him, he only has to endure it at weekends and during school holidays. He's more than happy to ride to ride her mind! Grrrrrr! Typical bloke!
 
I have no idea how people fit it all in! Me and BF are talking about when to start a family and wondering how on earth we will manage everything. Horse will probably have to go out on loan, if not sold TBH, as we both work full time. I have a daily 2 hour commute on days I go to the office, and do quite a bit of driving on days out seeing customers. BF can work from home once or twice a week but otherwise he either has a 45 min commute to and from his office, or is also up and down the country seeing customers. My (new) job involves some European travel too. I will struggle to make it fit around having a child, never mind finding any time or energy for a horse too.
 
An understanding OH. Both of us work full time, have 2 preschool children. Horses are kept at home. I don't do endurance anymore as I can't get the hours in and don't feel it's fair to leave OH at home for hours on end whilst competing. So just do low level RC stuff now and take the eldest to lead rein classes.
For example this Sunday we are going jumping, dd is doing lead rein and then I'm hopping on the youngster and doing clear round
 
I get up very early!!! If I'm riding I do it first thing when they are all still in bed and before work lol. I've had my pony about 6 weeks now and its early days but she's very very good around my daughter, who comes with me on my non-working days.

Daughter likes helping with jobs and knows now what needs doing etc and has her own little tools, but I try to get most of the stuff with the pony done when she's not about snd leave the mucking out, hay and water etc when dsughter is there. She loves making up feeds especially!!!

A yard with help if you need it is a must as I had to call them in when my daughter was pretty poorly (and beside herself with itching) with chicken pox (everyone else's kid just had a few spots, mine was covered and high temp feeling crappy, typical) and pony went on full livery for a couple of days.

An understanding oh would be good. Mine is getting there as he can see how much enjoyment I get out of having my own pony again and even went into work (his business) a little late this am so I could ride for longer. He likes that there's a list for Xmas pressies this year lol.

Everything takes longer with a small person in tow. My only childcare is my oh or nursery and it really really helps that the yard is 30 secs from daughters nursery. It means if I have pony brought in for me I can squeeze a ride in, although daughter has been the last at nursery a fair few times lol. It's doable but I wouldn't want more than one, I don't know when if ride both!!!
 
My husband is for keeps because I love him. He does get me really, even if he moans his arse off and I think he secretly likes Lottie. He did question the money and time spent on a horse when I first started talking about it again but I told him once (and once only) that it wasn't really open for negotiation and he's been very understanding since. Even agreed to spend our savings on buying her, which will be paid back when my inheritance comes through.
 
I have a 9 week old baby, and am still (and was all the way through pregnancy) sorting my horse daily. She's on DIY. It's hard going, and I am extremely tired, but I will not lose my horse for anything or anyone. I am extremely lucky in that I have had so much help from some very good friends, because otherwise it would have been either extortionately expensive or impossible to do (in the sense of paying someone to look after my mare whilst I was in hospital giving birth and the following couple of weeks. I am very fortunate that someone was extremely kind and sorted her for me in that time).

Oh, forgot to say, my OH hates horses and doesn't help with my horse in any way whatsoever lol!
 
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chestnut cob said:
I have no idea how people fit it all in! Me and BF are talking about when to start a family and wondering how on earth we will manage everything. Horse will probably have to go out on loan, if not sold TBH, as we both work full time. I have a daily 2 hour commute on days I go to the office, and do quite a bit of driving on days out seeing customers. BF can work from home once or twice a week but otherwise he either has a 45 min commute to and from his office, or is also up and down the country seeing customers. My (new) job involves some European travel too. I will struggle to make it fit around having a child, never mind finding any time or energy for a horse too.
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This sounds like me. I work close to home but work away a lot. I've no idea how I will do it all, nor afford it all, so I may not replace my horse when her time comes (her last days will be with me) in order to make way for a family. That thought is so hard, although exciting. Except right now I'd rather have a horse than child and so it will stay that way for now haha!

Moomince pie you are incredibly committed and motivated, I hope I have just an ounce of that in future. Congrats on the new arrival by the way!

I haven't quite convinced my OH to become involved in horses in any way as of yet, so the fact the two things don't/won't mix does not help! I totally know he's thinking sensibly about first child (not for a few years yet though!) and that we are just forward planning what could happen.

I'm glad to read that people who have had families and still have their horses and OH seem to manage and cope. My dream is to eventually have family and horses all in the same place. But I'm daydreaming a little there haha!
 
I have a 2&1/2 year old son & bf has 5 yo daughter -both have full custody & we would like at least 1 more... I have my horse at a friends yard, kind of on full livery - I go up 3 to 4 days a week do what I need to do & muck out a few extra boxes. I work PT to, dont know if I could cope full time. My bf is not really horsey - has no interest in riding - but likes my horse (if that makes sense). He will come up & help me but couldn't be trusted to go alone & muck out although that might change. I try not take the kids up due a recent freak incident - no harm was done but it was a close call - plus it's my "me" time. I have known my bf for 9 years, he knew horses were always on the scene and he wouldn't try and change it, he is a big animal lover.

I admire those who can do it all with no help, but it wasn't for me, I am fortunate to have reduced livery& a wonderful friend but when planning a baby I do think you need to consider strongly the "what ifs". I kept my horse at home & looked after her right up until the day before I went into labour & intended to be back out and on her in days in the end though I had a difficult birth ended up with a back injury & 3rd degree tea - would never have coped if I didn't have my back up plan as it was 6 months before I was allowed to drive, lift heavy things & a good 18 before I was cleared to ride.
 
With difficulty!

Lucky enough though I only have the one on DIY and I work shift work so it works out quite well with work! I don't live with OH he is 20 miles away from me and dear pony. He works "normal" hours so pony tends to get all the attention during the week and OH gets the weekend.

I have no idea how some people manage to stay standing though with 4 horses 2 kids and a single parent... Must be superhuman!
 
Sometimes I find it does get a bit much if I'm honest, juggling full time work which is stupidly busy and stressful at times and is as much as a lifestyle as horses are, OH, dogs, running a house, horses, trying to find time to not abandon friends and family. On top of that we have just bought a house, trying to plan a wedding... oh and I finish my training finally after 12 years so am starting a new job next month, so have had the stress of CV's, interviews etc. My mantra for the last few months has been "please dear god let there be 30 hours in a day, 10 days a week" just so I have time to fit everything in. For some reason everything in my life has felt so separate, like there are lots of little versions of me being the proverbial duck floating along the surface all serene and paddling like a mad thing below the surface.. the work me, the horse me, the daughter, the bride-to-be etc etc.

I get to the stage sometimes where I am so exhausted running around that I just need a break from everything, but I am lucky that I have a few close people I can rely on, even if its just for 24 hours to switch off (but then I moan about missing riding time lol!)

We're at the stage in life where we are starting to think about children but the reality is I just don't know how I, or indeed anyone, finds the time! I know someone who finds the time to ride her two horses, keep a home, hold down a job and has 5 kids, I think she might be actually be superwoman in disguise in wellies!
 
Sometimes it is a juggling act but good fun!

I had a few ponies then put one of my mares in foal with the intention of breeding myself a nice riding pony. One of forest mares caught as well that year. In the end 3 of us foaled with 5 months! One colt, one filly and one baby boy. At one point I had ponies in 4 different place, 3 on DIY and it was hard work. I now have 2 boys (7 & 5), the eldest rides which is great. My husband is brilliant and helps out when he can, non-horsey but has been trained to do most things. I work every lunchtime mon-fri at my son's school and 4 evenings a week at our local shop. I drop the kids off at school and then do ponies. I share fields and duties with a good friend and she does the afternoon shift.

I'd be bored if I wasn't busy.
 
I think I do everything badly to be honest. Always rushing from work to get daughter from bus after school. Horse is on DIY so I pay a friend to bring her in at night. Her stable is ready just to go in.
 
I minimise the amount of 'horse admin' by having them all out, on forage, unshod.

6 children, and a full time job, so I want to spend my time with my children AND my horses. The kids ride with me at weekends. As children outgrow ponies, we've acquired sharers and friends who ride out with us too, so we have an informal riding club, which would look like a miniature hunt if we dressed smartly, which we don't!

OH is stay at home partner, so he's happy to get some time to himself while we're out.
When they were babies, I broke my pony to harness and took them out in a governess cart, as I couldn't justify leaving him with the kids every time whilst I rode.
 
My OH is from a horsey family (his sister competed a lot when she was younger, his dad was DC and is now a BSJA judge etc.) but he'd be very happy to NOT have the horses simply due to the cost! I had our son 2 years ago, during that time I had 4 horses and I continue to do so with no break. I actually found it a lot easier when my son was a baby as you could just park him in his buggy at the edge of the paddock while I rode etc.! But now he's a very active 2.5 yr old its far harder. I do the horses in the morning before my OH goes to work so he's around him. In the evening when he goes to bed, I feed them and ride (if evenings are light). At this time of year due to the dark nights I try to ride for 20 mins (better than nothing!) while he sleeps in the car (parked beside field by my house) but he's started to not need his daily nap (gutted!!!). I think it depends hugely on if you will work once you have a family and your OH's work hours. I have been setting up a business over the past year so I do work (but around son and in evenings which again is hard with the horses too!). My OH works a full time job and also helps with the business at weekends etc. so I can very rarely depend on him to look after our son for me to go and ride etc. Competing-wise, my OH often works weekends so my mum who used to be my groom is now babysitter so I can still go to things luckily, without her I couldn't compete.

What I'd advise is that you can make the most of your time - I keep my horses at home and they live out 24/7 so its very quick to do them morning and night (just feed them, poo pick, check water etc.). I'd rather use any spare time I have to ride than be mucking out stables. It's a hell of a lot harder with a child though. Especially in the summer when its a lovely day and I'd love to be going out for a hack or something but I have a child to entertain!
 
It is very difficult, and tbh at the minute for me impossible :(. I've just had a baby and also have a 4 year old. I work full time however off on maternity. I have a very non horsey other half who works long hours & limited family to help out so my mare has not left her field in 3 months. It was much easier with 1 child, now with 2 and when I go back to work I honestly don't think it will be possible for me to have a horse on livery & have quality time with my family :( if horses where at home it may be different but I think I will be looking at loan or sell
 
not sure how I will do it, more to do with finances. I rent a yard with a friend. she has a full time, long hours, job, and 2 children 2&5. She is at the yard at 5.30 am mucking out while OH in bed with the children! and now pays me 2 nights and another lady 3 nights in the week to do her horses (2 horses and 2 ponies) as she has realized it was getting too much to fit in.
I work 50 hours a week between 2 jobs and do freelance groom work to make extra money, but i earn a low hourly rate. Nursery would cost the same as i earn a day, so would need OH to support me. He is happy to support me and child (hypothetically!) but not the horses, so not sure how we will ever have kids as the horses are going know where! (I have 2)
 
My family and I share the load as I keep them on our family land (sadly not at anyone's house!)

I tag team with oh at weekends so I can ride. I don't ride in the week as it's too dark. In the summer, once I had bedtime nailed I would go riding at 7.30pm, no school so hacking only. I only do 3 days a week with two days nursery and one day at my parents, but it's a phd so I spend my days off doing extras I can do with her, and either tidying or working when she has a nap. I think next year when I'm writing up might be challenging!
 
The way it works.for me is I have them on livery! I have two children and my oh works stupid hours and is only really around two days a week so I have to juggle kids, work, horses and running the household myself lol.
. Thankfully I work flexitime from a home office so during termtime I try to get my lessons etc done in morning when kids at school.. Mini has pony aswell so there is alot of toing and frowing to yard which gets tricky in the winter due to lack of daylight hours. The biggest headache for me is when I want to go out competing! However have taken one of the teenage kids from the yard with me lately to babysit the kids so I can focus on riding.. It's a juggling game but it is doable.
 
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I find it very hard having a totally non horsey OH, much as I love him he simply doesn't get why I love horses so much, it's been the cause of many a domestic when he's felt neglected as I've been away all weekend with the horses! We had a baby this spring and my horses had to very much take a back seat, they came in to get fit for the season and then I just couldn't juggle my family and them. So they came in and got fit and then got turned away again, I put two of the mares in foal and am in the process of selling another. I think when you start a family you really need the support of your partner in order to carry on riding/competing and I found it too stressful juggling everything. Hopefully next summer I'll be able to bring my retired boy back into work, and the mares will (hopefully) have their foals, I just won't be competing and I can (just about!) live with that....for now!
 
I am incredibly lucky in that I don't work anymore, and have a very understanding husband :)

Tbh you just cope if you want something enough. I have always had my horses at home, so that does make things easier, though have never had help with my children or my horses.

My daughters are 12 and 13 now, and are really helpful, but I still get up at 5.30am to turn out and muck out before the school run. You make time if you want something enough.
 
I'm massively lucky to have the perfect OH who loves my horses and happily helps to care for them even when it's chucking it down or when we are poo picking in the freezing cold. I now have my two at a yard where they can live out in a stable herd, they are so much happier, and they are much closer to home and looking after them is more flexible and fits in with family life much better.
 
I have only just seen all your response, apologies, thank you for all taking the time to reply!

Mariposa said:
I find it very hard having a totally non horsey OH, much as I love him he simply doesn't get why I love horses so much, it's been the cause of many a domestic when he's felt neglected as I've been away all weekend with the horses! We had a baby this spring and my horses had to very much take a back seat, they came in to get fit for the season and then I just couldn't juggle my family and them.
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I think this for me, is my concern. My OH also does not get my love of horses. I have explained that they are non negotiable- they will always be in my life, regardless of children, whether I own my own or just borrow friends, or share or loan.

He knows my current horse will stay and be PTS in my care too. He feels though that when that times comes, I should really consider not giving up my horses, but just not purchasing another, and that I should probably clear my small amount of debt, in preparation for when we do choose to start trying for a family (I earn enough to pay back my loan and some on a monthly basis, and it is factored in to all my finances). He doesn't mind that I spend a lot of time with them, but worries that it takes too much money from a potential 'family' (it's probably true- it did before I moved her to a private yard). I won't want to be a stay at home mum, and he will continue his role (recently promoted which means he has been in the mind set of finances, responsibility and growing up which brought up this conversation), so my time after job, first child, OH, will be limited.

He also earns slightly more than me at work, and doesn't have an expensive hobby to pay out for (my choice I know!), we split bills 50/50. In the back of my mind I keep thinking, well if I give up my horse, AND have a baby, and take full maternity leave, he cannot expect me to still contribute 50/50 the whole way through, without some support, and I almost feel like getting rid of the horse is his way of ensuring I still pay my way once with child (I know he is being sensible and also thinking of the time aspect too). I get that he shouldn't carry the full financial burden just out of my choice to keep a horse if I couldn't afford to have one and a baby, but I also would like to know that he is thinking of OUR financial situation, and not just his, if that makes sense. He also wants children in the next 2-4 years, whereas I would prefer to have children a bit later (I never have been maternal and have always only considered having children well into my 30s and he knows this), so we have some compromising to do, when the time is right.

I know I need to give myself the breathing space once a child is on its way, however he also needs to understand if I/we end up with a child on the way unexpectedly (it happens), I won't be dropping my horse suddenly as that is completely unfair on her to upheave her at 18, when she is now requiring a quieter life.

I guess in a way I would love him to share my understanding or love of horses even a teeny bit, so that if I needed it he could help out. I know he is never going to be interested in horses, and he has said if I ever was in desperate need of help he would offer it, so I cant moan too much, and I know he has said if we ever could afford it, we could have the house, kids and horses all in one place. I know all these thoughts mean we are nowhere near ready for children yet, but they are a consideration for the future, and that worries me because right now my maternal feelings are nil, 0%, non-existent!

Sorry to ramble. My mind is full of lots of thoughts thinking of the future, finances, horses etc. My friends are great, but none of my closest ones are horsey people and so they don't 'get it'. We still have a house to renovate and so my mind is far away from children, although I appreciate and am proud of him thinking sensibly of the future. In fact, I am probably rambling because it has taken me by surprise- I have known him many years and he has always been the type who struggles to commit and doesn't usually think of the future! For all his faults, he's not so bad I suppose!
 
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I am lucky enough to have my horses at home which makes a huge difference. I work Mon - Thurs and from home on a Fri (3 yr old at nursery Mon - Thurs and then home with me on Fri). OH works all week.

I muck out and ride in the morning before OH goes to work (out at 5.45 a.m and back in by 7.30 a.m) or if its frosty and icy I come home from work (9 miles away) at lunchtime and go for a quick trot to the village and back again) and then my daughter either helps me do the horses in the evening or stays inside watching tv whilst I do them. It is finally getting easier now that she is 3 and a bit more self sufficient.

The great thing for us is that the yard is literally straight out the backdoor and so she knows where I am and can shout for me or come and get me if she needs me.

OH comes from a very horsey family and so lets me get on with it all!!
 
I gave up work and now ride in school hours, can't afford to compete any more, but we decided we wanted someone to be around to take and pick up daughter from school and have family meals each day. Money is tight but OH knows I would go insane without horse so we factored in his keep costs.
 
I remember taking my OK to meet my pony when we first started seeing each other. I made it clear that horses are expensive and time consuming, but we come as a package :)

He's had his moments moaning about how much I spend, I smell, I'm never home etc, but overall he has come to accept my ponies (snuck another in last year) He has even helped me out in getting my own yard and he helps out at the weekend. He isn't horsey, but he is supportive.

We get married next year and have discussed babies. He said no matter what we do, the ponies stay, so he is a definite keeper in my eyes!
 
HaffyChristmas! said:
I remember taking my OK to meet my pony when we first started seeing each other. I made it clear that horses are expensive and time consuming, but we come as a package :)

He's had his moments moaning about how much I spend, I smell, I'm never home etc, but overall he has come to accept my ponies (snuck another in last year) He has even helped me out in getting my own yard and he helps out at the weekend. He isn't horsey, but he is supportive.

We get married next year and have discussed babies. He said no matter what we do, the ponies stay, so he is a definite keeper in my eyes!
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I like the sound of your OH, can I steal him to teach mine how it all can fit in at some point in our lives?!

I don't want to feel like I am changing who I am by giving up certain aspects of my life (oh hasn't asked me to give it up but just to consider actually owning one once current one has gone, but I find this hard to imagine!), but I also know that relationships require some compromise and kids are a big one once they arrive! I guess it's trying to find that happy medium between getting my junkie fix and ensuring that family remain a priority!
 
I manage with masses of help from my mum, who conveniently lives very local to where my mare is kept, and as she is very horsey is very happy to see to her needs when I can't! My OH isn't horsey at all, but it turns out back in the summer when time was tight HE offered to go and see my mare, AND POO PICK her field! He just said after that the horse raided his pockets for polos! (Not bad considering he hadn't seen the horse in about 3 years, and would rather not do anything horsey!)
My kids are at a good age where they are capable of helping, and sometimes they have to, no arguments.
 
Unfortunately my family aren't horsey!

We've been together nearly 5 years. And I know as we continue to grow together family and relationship wise he will eventuallllyyyy let the horses in a little bit. Even if it's the occasional visit (he's met my horses a handful of times but as they were on full livery before I've never need extra help until now!). I think he will be more involved probably after we've got kids. it's an ideal opportunity for fresh air, a walk, if the child wants lessons he will want to watch etc.

Sorry for rambling again. Today is a quiet day... Plenty of time for daydreaming!
 
I have an 11 week old baby and so far it's working well. She wakes at 8am has a change, feed burp and sits with me for a bit and then we head to the yard via the long route to get her to fall asleep- we get there at 9am and she sleeps in the car while I turn out and muck out and get everything ready. As soon as OH gets home I pass her to him and head to yard at about half 5 and bring in and 2 days a week I lunge. I get home for 6.45pm and cook dinner etc - at weekends I have the morning to do horsey things until lunchtime and then we have lunch and I take her and he does his hobbies until dark and then I bring horse in. We don't spend much time together at the moment and I hope this improves but having a horse is doable!
 
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