How do you say sorry to a horse?

cblover

cblover

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Heard something today that got me thinking!
My friend has a youngster and he's a sensible, well behaved boy and they have a good relationship. Today he was a little fidgety having his feet picked out so after trying to work with him, my friend lost it a bit and shouted at him followed by one slap on his shoulder. He was a bit shocked and tried to pull back but on the whole he was ok.

My friend is no so upset that she did what she did, she's giving herself a hard time and keeps saying 'how can I say I'm sorry?'.

Just got my thinking really.....how can you make that situation better? She's a lovely person who has experience and I trust her judgement. I suppose she doesn't want to cause lasting damage and scare her horse. Any thoughts? Cheers.
 
When I get short with mine I just give them a cuddle and say that I'm sorry. But in terms of how to make the horse understand? Not sure there really is a way.
 
I find food normally works! ;) Seriously though, I doubt the horse will be affected onelittle bit - although he may learnto stand still a bit better when having his feet done. I think, once they get confident around 'their people' they can tend to push the boundaries a little bit to see what they can get away with. I guess she could ask herself, what would a fellow horse done to him had he been pushing it? Yep, he'd have probably got a swift bite/warning kick.

Sure, slapping them isn't ideal but one slap is hardly beating them about.
 
I'm always saying sorry to mine after clocking him in the face while tacking up, I once tried to kick a carrot nearer to him and ended up kicking his head! I usually just rub him and after a few seconds he understands...they are forgiving, they don't hold grudges, but whatever happens I always leave on a good note...if he has really p...... Me off, I send him away, as a bossy mare would do.x
 
Loads of treats!
I think my dog secretly loves when we accidentally tread on her etc as she loves the fuss she gets after ha ha
 
He was being rude when he knew better. In that situation you don't say sorry - you say "good boy" and scratch his favourite itchy place after he's been good for a few minutes.
 
I don't think horses really think like that - if you bumped them and then rub them to show it was not intentional then that's one thing, but to discipline a horse because they are acting up and then give them a cuddle or a treat I should think would be very confusing to them. Horses out in a herd certainly don't discipline and then comfort.
 
jemima*askin said:
He was being rude when he knew better. In that situation you don't say sorry - you say "good boy" and scratch his favourite itchy place after he's been good for a few minutes.
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this really!^^

I know when Ron knows better and when he doesn't. If he doesn't and I raise my voice or offend him somehow (easy done!) then a forehead rub and a few quiet words are enough to get him to settle and come back to me.
 
Umm, you don't? You're supposed to be their leader not their friend. There are rules and boundaries and if the horse crosses them then there are immediate consequences, end of
 
I don't think they need an apology either. They're naturally very forgiving animals anyway IME, and move on quickly, specially if you've done it right and administered the discipline immediately.

Though I have to say if I hurt her or scare her by accident, my natural reaction is to pat her and say I'm sorry, but I'd do that to anyone, human, dog or horse - well, maybe I wouldn't pat a human, but you get my drift!
 
If it was an accident , then a nice scratch on the head seems to make every thing ok :)

If he deserved it, them why say sorry????

In a herd there would be no apologies for chastising rude behaviour !
 
I was in the stable with my horse the other day, just mooching about as my phone had rung so I was yakking on the phone. I reached up absentmindedly to stroke his forelock and accidently poked him in the eye!

He was most upset and then wouldn't let me stroke his head, and went to stand at the back of his stable as far away as he could get from me. I went over and gave him a wither scratch and all seemed to be forgiven :rolleyes:

Oh the feeling of guilt though!
 
Oh dear, I don't think understands in any way the concept of sorry. They mainly react to things, if the herd leader flattens its ears it knows it trouble and keeps out of the way, if the electric fence chances them they tend not to go near it a gain.
If you whack accidently or on purpose it will probably want to get way, its not thinking my friend hit me and I am really upset. They have even done studies that as long as you are consistent a soothing voice is no more effective than a harsh voice
http://www.thehorse.com/articles/31374/horses-inherent-response-to-harsh-soothing-tones-evaluated
 
honetpot said:
Oh dear, I don't think understands in any way the concept of sorry. They mainly react to things, if the herd leader flattens its ears it knows it trouble and keeps out of the way, if the electric fence chances them they tend not to go near it a gain.
If you whack accidently or on purpose it will probably want to get way, its not thinking my friend hit me and I am really upset. They have even done studies that as long as you are consistent a soothing voice is no more effective than a harsh voice
http://www.thehorse.com/articles/31374/horses-inherent-response-to-harsh-soothing-tones-evaluated
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This, I think sometimes we humanise horses too much at times. They don't think or feel what we as humans do... Saying that, I frequently apologise and say thank you to them knowing full well the don't understand!
 
It's a horse. Doesn't understand all that human crap; just try to be clear and to the point - they are pretty simple creatures.
 
Just learn lesson and draw a line under that moment. lrarn what not to do. all of us have been there and age(oh dear god im aged) and time make you think. a big snuggle and cuddle will help :)
 
In my experience most horses are irritated by all our "cuddling" efforts. Horses don't cuddle each other. Most of mine would prefer if I just give 'em the *%$! food and leave them alone!
 
Cortez said:
In my experience most horses are irritated by all our "cuddling" efforts. Horses don't cuddle each other. Most of mine would prefer if I just give 'em the *%$! food and leave them alone!
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Yes, but they do cuddle and we've all seen them doing it. They groom each other and have best buddies who they trust and want to be with don't they?

They also react to tone of voice and know when they are in trouble or have been good. I know my mare understands words and have taught her wait, eyes, ears, nose, house,(stable) stand etc, all very useful and reassuring for her as she knows what is being asked when handled and what's coming next.
 
its a horse fgs, how the hell would it understand that you are apologising because you feel bad for slapping it when its being naughty? ridiculous
 
ridefast said:
Umm, you don't? You're supposed to be their leader not their friend. There are rules and boundaries and if the horse crosses them then there are immediate consequences, end of
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Lord, that would make for a very dull and one-sided relationship. I love cuddles with my horses, someone who is just a leader would never enjoy that. My horses are respectful and enjoy the time spent. They seek it out and to me, that is one of the best parts of having them in the first place.

I smacked one of my mares once in exactly this same situation. She was new, getting used to a new farrier etc, and she pulled her foot away from him in a way which could have kicked him. She got a smack, but I still felt guilty because I knew she was already stressing. She did stop though and that was the important bit, the farrier didn't deserve an accidental kick. After he had finished I gave her some carrots. I think having empathy, regardless of what living being it is for, is a rather nice character trait.
 
Totally agree HBM1, empathy is what makes us consider other people and animals. My horses are a big part of my life and family. Their mental as well as physical welfare is of great importance to me. My friend did feel guilty and I can understand why. Like people have said, the horse will be fine and move on but the thought process of a person (with empathy) takes slightly longer and their is a learning process for her to go through. Believe me, if there is anything to learn from what happened she will find it and learn from it.

I know you can't just come out and say the word sorry to a horse and it will all be ok, my question was about righting a wrong if you like, to those owner/handlers who know they have overstepped the mark with a horse and could of either been more patient or found a better way.
 
I think horses are so misunderstood and even just this thread proves that; so many different theories on what level horses understand or think!

I'm not the expert I once thought I was, but for what it's worth my opinion is that horses live in the moment more than us and he will have been over it long before she is. I do also feel they can very much understand our intentions, and that though they may or may not associate the word sorry with that senitment, they can understand your feeling and intent behind however you show it.

I'd tell your friend to just be kind and consistent to him now. It would probably be more unsettling to the horse for her to try to show she was sorry a significant time after the event.
 
I say 'sorry' to horses if I raise my voice at them but I doubt they understand an apology. I would just move on and horse will forget it soon enough. If it's really bugging you, a treat would help get your friend in the horse's good books - but it's probably moved on itself and will think you're feeding it just for the hell of it :)
 
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