How do you stay confident?

sleepykitten

sleepykitten

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Just as the title really, I lost my confidence a few years back, got it back on my mare who is fabulous, but I struggle sometimes with my gelding. He doesn't really do anything apart from a mini-rear, spin around and walk fast home if he sees something he doesn't want to pass. I KNOW that if I turn him round in circles a few times, then he will walk on, but I still feel the panic setting in when he does it. How do you stay confident, or how did you get your confidence up again?? years ago, this kind of behaviour would have been a minor inconvenience , not a big deal!!
 
I know the feeling... I still get a bit anxious, every single time I get on my lad cos I know what he is capable of! Not a lot I can do about it, but once I am on board I always feel fine again, I think for me its just the anticipation
 
I had a couple of really bad accidents on horses one of which was being bolted with and one being kicked in the face! Funnily enough the being bolted with has caused me all sorts of problems, btw it was proper bolted with I.e the horse flattened out and wouldn't turn etc etc two miles down a stoney track! Afterwards I got panic attacks that just came on whilst riding. it's awful getting a feeling that comes and goes that you are not in control of. I tried counselling which I didn't think worked at the time but now I think about it I haven't had a panic attack in ages so maybe it did work??
The counsellor made me recollect the accident and would keep repeating the days events from getting to work that day to getting home. She probably went over it 40 times during the session which makes you deal with it.
Maybe worth doing this if it's something that's happened to you that triggers you off!
 
I have accepted that my confidence fluctuates. On days when I am not feeling brave I do easy stuff and on brave days I push myself. My confidence has increased since I have stopped putting pressure on myself.
 
BabyA, its kind of weird, there's not really one incident that seems to have set it off, although I too got bogged off with once on an ex-racer, but I bailed out and was fine. Also got bronced off by the same horse and was fine.

Seemed to happen after I lost my horse of a life time to a ruptured diaphragm, I lost interest for quite a while, and now I must admit, I love my neds dearly, but never as much as her :eek:

I'm annoyed with myself because I used to ride anything, the more mental the better, and now I'm scared of a horse that occasionally takes the p***!:eek:
 
My old pony I would have done anything on because I grew up with him and knew what our capabilities were. I've had my current horse just under a year and he really is good but I don't quite trust him as I don't know him inside out! I went on a sponsored ride last year and a load of kids came flat out past me jumping everything in sight! I though should I join them and " do or die!" and get over all my fears.... I didn't but I wish I had of!!!
Lessons etc have made me more confident and knowing what to do even before the horse spooks and spins round like turning the head slightly so they look the other way..... I know it's not always that easy!
Good advice posted with regards to doing easy things on days you don't feel confident and doing harder things on the days you do!!!
Sometimes I'm tempted to take a swig of the calming liquid I bough for the horse when I first got him!!!
 
Gin. Or brandy, either will do. :D




Nah, I just don't think about it, I know I have a good seat, and can ride to a passable standard. **** happens, as a good friend of mine used to say, she passed away last year, R.I.P Charlotte.
 
JFTD. You are very naughty! ;)

I like to stack the cards in my favour (so to speak), so if madam is being a twit we don't ride the scary route. If I'm having a confidence wobble, I like to do things that are easy and almost guaranteed to go well for a few days. I have been known to just potter about the sand school, supposedly working on our 'free walk on a long rein' because I wasn't up to anything more exciting. :p I've also done whole jumping sessions with the poles on the ground! :D If I come across something spooky on a hack, I dismount and lead her past. We both live to fight and spook another day!

I find that several 'good' rides soon get me feeling more confident, plus it always helps to sing.

This is my 'give myself confidence' song (works very well when you're lost in the countryside).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWlSw5Kb0dg
 
Not helpful I know but I do it by having a complete and absolute disregard for my own safety, coupled with a very high pain threshold.

I just don't get nervous. Occasionally I'll think 'oo err that looks big' but once my blood is up (I'm very competitive) I don't notice anymore. Which is why I am constantly hurting myself and why it is good to sometimes have nerves and question whether what you are doing is sensible :)

It would be ok if I could ride better but my unswerving self belief is, sadly, not coupled with mad skills and so it often ends badly! :o
 
jesstickle said:
Not helpful I know but I do it by having a complete and absolute disregard for my own safety, coupled with a very high pain threshold.

I just don't get nervous. Occasionally I'll think 'oo err that looks big' but once my blood is up (I'm very competitive) I don't notice anymore. Which is why I am constantly hurting myself and why it is good to sometimes have nerves and question whether what you are doing is sensible :)

It would be ok if I could ride better but my unswerving self belief is, sadly, not coupled with mad skills and so it often ends badly! :o
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This used to be me, I was never afraid to come off!! Now, I find, it hurts!!
 
The only way to get past a fear of doing something is to keep doing it. Over time that negative association will start to fade and be replaced with a calm and relaxed attitude. Try not to be so hard on yourself - the aim isn't to stop feeling frightened. A little bit of fear is a good thing - it keeps you alert prepares you to deal with unexpected situations and gives you a bit of an 'edge' that helps you to perform or ride better. The important thing is that you are brave, which I definitely think you are already! You aren't letting your fear get in the way of your activities on your horse. It's great that you are aware of how you're feeling and are willing to do something about it and not let it control you. Do you know what exactly it is that you are afraid of? Is it being out of control? Ending up in a situation that you don't know how to deal with? Falling off and hurting yourself? Feeling humiliated? Is it the fear itself? Once you know exactly what you're frightened of then you can prepare yourself mentally: how many ways can you think of dealing with the situation that you are afraid of? Working out how you would handle it will help you to feel more confident because you will feel more prepared and capable of dealing with the situaion. For example, if you are afraid of falling off and hurting yourself, make sure that you wear a hat, gloves, body protector and aren't riding on tricky terrain, put a neckstrap on your horse to grab for balance if need be ... etc.
Also, if you know what triggers your horse's behaviour, then you can start to work on reducing his fear as well. You could ask a more confident rider to ride him a few times or for a little while, or get some lessons on your horse to give you a confidence boost and ensure that you are riding him in the most effective way. If your horse is insecure then could you ride out with another horse (which might make you feel more at ease as well)? Or try taking him for in-hand walks to give you more control and change the type of situation.
It's really important that you remember why you're riding and why you have your horse in the first place - for fun! It's a very expensive way to be frightened and unhappy ;) so it might be worth asking yourself if it's really worth doing the things that make you and your horse feel nervous and insecure, and focus more on what you're both comfortable with and enjoy.
I, too, used to have confidence problems: mainly regarding self confidence, but I developed a real fear for a few years, but am completely fine now! I don't believe any rider that claims they are completely fearless. Perhaps they just haven't found what they're afraid of! Personally, things make me nervous all the time, but then nervousness and excitement have exactly the sasme physiological response so I try to tell myself that I'm actually just excited! :p
Good luck and have faith! :D

(Ps I concur re. the gin and brandy - mine's the vodka ;) )
 
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sleepykitten said:
This used to be me, I was never afraid to come off!! Now, I find, it hurts!!
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Me too. But then I forget and off I go again. I think I am just very stupid :o

( Incase you doubt my stupidity I had three surgeries in three years due to flinging myself off of horses and I still haven't learnt my lesson. I think you're very wise to have a bit of self preservation. )

Puzzles' post sounds like very sound advice to me. Perhaps what I call excitement is what other people call nerves. I've just never thought of it that way. But they are pretty much the same thing after all :)
 
Anglebracket said:
I have accepted that my confidence fluctuates. On days when I am not feeling brave I do easy stuff and on brave days I push myself. My confidence has increased since I have stopped putting pressure on myself.
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I'm the same!! I've found that there's no point pushing myself too much if I really am not feeling up to it! Some days I'm brave, others I'm a wimp!!! I also find that I won't be pushed by others anymore too. I get more and more stubborn when others try to make me do something I don't want to on my horse. I value my neck an awful lot more now that I used to when I was younger and in my opinion I have a horse to enjoy myself not scare myself half to death!!
 
I agree with lots of the above but the only thing that I find really works is to ride for as long and often as possible. I currently have four days a week in my diary where whatever the weather I ride and then one extra day when I do my best too. Over summer I aim to go up to 5/6 days. Since doing this my confidence has really improved I also try to ride with others if I'm feeling nervous to give me a kick up the backside! Good luck it will come!
 
I don't know, I just am. I realise I'm really lucky. I was always a confident rider as a child, and still am as an adult. It helps that I have utter faith in my girl, I've had her for 10 years this year so we know each other very well. Although she's a little scatty (Welsh Cob chestnut mare - good combo lol!) I know she would never do anything to harm me deliberately and she doesn't have a wicked bone in her body bless her.
 
I lost my confidence when my horse had a bronco fit on landing over a jumpwhen I was fitting her with a new saddle I broke my Collarbone and my confidence is shattered jumping, I get all worked up which then panics her as she's only 5 and relies on me for confidence it really gets me down :-(
 
I do think confidence decreases as you get older feel more mortal. As a child I was quite fearless, used to ride everything and was always the one that was used to back youngsters (can't decide if my folks thought I was a good rider or just dispensible/convenient). When I was a teen, I evented and showjumped fences which make me feel quite sick now - at shows, people would ask me to ride their horrors and I would jump on without a second thought. :eek: But then again, I used to ride every day, sometimes morning and evening.

I stopped riding when I moved to London at 21 and I'm now in my late 40s. I have always kept horses (broodmares) at home, and have groomed and produced and picked BSPS ponies for my god daughters, so I have kept my hand in with the practical stuff. I have only ridden sporadically, with a few hacks at my Mums and a couple of lessons down here, where the instructor told me I still had a fab seat. :)

BUT, I have the opportunity to start riding regularly again,helping a friend to bring on some young horses - and although I am quite excited by this, I am also petrified! What if I can't do it anymore? What if I'm not up to scratch? It's all up here in my head, I have loads of 'old fashioned' knowledge and experience, but I'm not sure I can transmit it to my body - do you think it is like riding a bike? Mind you, I feel nervous when I do that now too! :rolleyes:
 
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I've never really been one for nerves,when i was younger my instructor used to say i was slightly over confident and it would do me good to have a few nerves from a self preservation point of view! I'd attempt a jump or something, fall off, do it agin, fall off, do it agin and fall off etc..It got to the point where my mum wouldnt watch me jump as i'd go round at 90mph and kind of just cling on!
Over time I've got slightly more sensible, though i wouldnt say i really have any nerves-well except the 2 mins before i do a dressgae test-put me in a Xc start up box and i'll be raring to go, but dressage gets me a bit edgy!
But i think its how you manage the nerves, tbh they are only a bad thing if they get in your way, visualise good things e.g a well behaved hack or a successful schooling session.
 
Second the vodka!! Im nervous of riding my horse in the school, he feels this, so misbehaves. I'll happily hunt him as I feel confident in this situation and he always behaves out hunting. I finally had a lesson on him in the school and really enjoyed it. But need to do it more to get over my school phobia!!
 
I said goodbye to my confidence when a had children and then a very nasty fall from my mare. I now have a cob gelding who doesn't seem to have a bad bone in him but I'm still SO nervous. The only thing I've learned to accept is what Puzzle said - on some days I don't do much (or even get on) and on others, like today, I have a nice hack with a few cheeky canters. Many of my horsey mates are off showing or going to fun rides or hunting, but I'm beginning to accept that what I want to do is just have a nice hack - and what's the harm in that? It's about realising your limitations, stretching them on the days you feel confident and spending as much time with your horse, in and out of the saddle, as possible. All easier said than done, but I try not to give myself too hard a time for being a bit of a chicken these days! :)
 
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