How long do you give it with a new horse?

[HelenBack]

How long do you give it with a new horse before deciding it's just not right for you?

I bought this one last summer and he has many positives but there are lots of things about him that really frustrate me. Probably for every good ride we have we will have another where I come back fed up for one reason or another, or where I have managed to talk myself into not letting things bother me but actually it wasn't really the ride I wanted.

I don't really feel that much of a bond with him on the ground either and there are aspects of his personality that get on my nerves too.

I'm trying to tell myself to give him time because he's only young and bound to be an irritating kid at times. He also follows in the footsteps of my horse of a lifetime who has sadly had to be retired, so it was never going to be easy for him.

I don't know if we're just not a good match for one another or if the problem is me and I'm going to feel like this about anything I buy. I don't want to sell him and end up regretting it because he does have his good points. Equally, how long do I carry on being frustrated for when I could be having fun with something else

I've never been in this situation before so would appreciate other people's thoughts and experience please

 

[Barton Bounty]

I dont think another horse can every take the place of another but not all riders and horses do gel. So maybe its just not right for you two, he could be someone else’s heart horse and there could be another waiting for you. As long as you are not comparing them BB and I didnt gel for over a year and I also dont think any horse is perfect

 

[JumpTheMoon1]

Why did you buy him ? What were the positives that made you buy him ? Maybe the horse is frustrated with you and senses your resentment to him.STOP comparing him to your old horse - if you cannot bond which is vital and a bond should have happened by now then sell him so he can reach his potential with somebody else who will get on with him.

 

[Sossigpoker]

Hmmmm....I've never blamed the horse , it's always been me. If I've had problems I've tried to help the horse through them , not viewed them as his or her problems.
My current horse used to be a bolter and 6 months in I just wanted to get rid of him but I'm glad I stuck with it and him as he's now the most reliable horse I've ever had and i absolutely adore him.

 

[rara007]

I read until ‘last summer’.
That’s more than long enough.

 

[Fieldlife]

How long do you give it with a new horse before deciding it's just not right for you?

I bought this one last summer and he has many positives but there are lots of things about him that really frustrate me. Probably for every good ride we have we will have another where I come back fed up for one reason or another, or where I have managed to talk myself into not letting things bother me but actually it wasn't really the ride I wanted.

I don't really feel that much of a bond with him on the ground either and there are aspects of his personality that get on my nerves too.

I'm trying to tell myself to give him time because he's only young and bound to be an irritating kid at times. He also follows in the footsteps of my horse of a lifetime who has sadly had to be retired, so it was never going to be easy for him.

I don't know if we're just not a good match for one another or if the problem is me and I'm going to feel like this about anything I buy. I don't want to sell him and end up regretting it because he does have his good points. Equally, how long do I carry on being frustrated for when I could be having fun with something else

I've never been in this situation before so would appreciate other people's thoughts and experience please

I think 6-9 months is possibly long enough for a spark to generate. Though I think after losing horses it has typically taken me over a year to let the next horse into my heart. I have had six horses, and two have / are horses of a lifetime. Though current horse of a life time does still have frustrating aspects!

Next few months are a good time to sell as market picks up. I'd keep getting him out and about and maybe think about lightly advertising him in April / May, the process might clarify what you want.

 

[Barton Bounty]

Saw that name come up this morning and though ‘oh deep joy’

 

[ycbm]

How long do you give it with a new horse before deciding it's just not right for you?

I bought this one last summer and he has many positives but there are lots of things about him that really frustrate me. Probably for every good ride we have we will have another where I come back fed up for one reason or another, or where I have managed to talk myself into not letting things bother me but actually it wasn't really the ride I wanted.

I don't really feel that much of a bond with him on the ground either and there are aspects of his personality that get on my nerves too.

I'm trying to tell myself to give him time because he's only young and bound to be an irritating kid at times. He also follows in the footsteps of my horse of a lifetime who has sadly had to be retired, so it was never going to be easy for him.

I don't know if we're just not a good match for one another or if the problem is me and I'm going to feel like this about anything I buy. I don't want to sell him and end up regretting it because he does have his good points. Equally, how long do I carry on being frustrated for when I could be having fun with something else

I've never been in this situation before so would appreciate other people's thoughts and experience please

It's a difficult one, HB

I had four years with one whose personality I really didn't like. He just wasn't quite right for me, but he was a beauty to look at, easy to manage and a stunning jumper. When I'd achieved what I wanted with him I sold him and was happy to see him leave.

For me your situation would depend on how hard it would be to find another that will do the good things as well as he does, and how prepared you are to risk buying another that you don't click with either.
.

 

[ycbm]

Hmmmm....I've never blamed the horse , it's always been me. If I've had problems I've tried to help the horse through them , not viewed them as his or her problems.
My current horse used to be a bolter and 6 months in I just wanted to get rid of him but I'm glad I stuck with it and him as he's now the most reliable horse I've ever had and i absolutely adore him.

The other side of this, though, is that I've seen so many people struggle on and on with horses that weren't right for them when both sides of the partnership would probably be happier with a different match.

 

[Squeak]

There's no right or wrong answer and I think YCBM raises a good point about whether you could easily buy something else that ticks your boxes. If you can then I'd be tempted to sell.

I've also seen and been one of the people struggling on with horses where we weren't a good match. These days we're often pushed to keep persevering and work through things and sometimes you're better just calling time on it and both moving on to better matches.

 

[GrassChop]

What is it he does that you don't like? If I'm honest, I find most geldings irritating in general especially the youngsters! I am definitely a mare person. Saying that, I do have a yearling who has made me want to get rid of him quite a lot of times but I do love him, I just seem to have more patience with mares! Sometimes you just don't click I guess.

 

[gallopingby]

I would give it a year, but as others have said why did you buy him? I recently bought a horse unseen who is absolutely fabulous, he’s just fitted in and is lovely to handle, ride etc and everyone who meets him is impressed, but he does have one or two issues which we have accepted and just manage him accordingly. I couldn’t say he’s my horse of a lifetime as l’ve already had one of those but it’s possible he could gain equal status. Not all horses / people are the same and it might be that someone will come along who would love him more which could give you the opportunity for a rethink. I‘d carry on going out to events for now and see how you feel in a couple of months time, but maybe set yourself a ‘needs to date’.

 

[OlderNotWiser]

I didn’t get on with my previous horse. My instructor said to me ‘If you’re still here in 6 months, you need to decide whether he’s right for you’ . 5 months later he dumped me again but this time on the road. I sold him. I have never regretted it, but almost felt I needed permission to give up. I’m glad I did as I now have a horse that suits me far better.

 

[doodle]

I bought a new horse after I lost one. On paper he was good and what I needed and wanted. In reality the first ride I realised he wasn’t for me. I carried on for 5 months hating riding and hating everything about having an horse. until someone said to sell him. It was like I needed that permit. He was advertised the next day and sold. I was relieved when he left. He went to the perfect home for him. He turned into a lovely cuddly horse for new owner. I got the perfect horse for me.

 

[cauda equina]

I think it depends why you feel he's not right for you, and if those things can be changed; perhaps with a different routine or yard, or sending away for schooling, or a different instructor, or altering your plans and ambitions for him
I bought one who was the right horse in theory but I just didn't love him as I've loved my others.
After 13 years he has grown on me! He's a good lad but it's taken me a while to 'get' him

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

It took me well over a year with Louis but I lost Grace and I just sort of didn't want to do anything with horses even with Arabi who I have had since he was 2, he was also quite sharp and quirky and o couldn't be bothered with it because i was mourning Grace but I really don't like selling them so I just one day thought right I'm gonna do this and had 2 lessons a week with him which really helped me.


And then honestly I just loved him we just needed time.

 

[Roxylola]

How would you feel about not having him? It's an expensive hobby and if you're not loving it I'd find you both a better match.

 

[Ample Prosecco]

I gave it a year with Toby and I should have pulled the plug a lot earlier. It sounds like I was in a similar position as you as there was nothing actually wrong with him! He was a really sweet horse. He had fantastic paces, he was a very safe hack, he was forward and he was very willing over fences. He was also very affectionate and easy to do. I'd be more tempted to give it longer if a horse had an actual problem that I felt I could work through. But it was his basic nature I did not gel with. I was hugely fond of him but did not especially enjoy riding him and he often irritated me by being so needy, like an overgrown labrador. He was so utterly not my kind of horse. He was a bit thick, very needy, quite clumsy. I like them clever, independent, sure footed!

I only sold when my RI said 'if you sell him someone else is going to do brillianrty with him and you're going to be mad with yourself' and I realised that if someone else did brilliantly with him, I'd be over the moon! And someone else has. I sold him to a friend who adores him. And now I have Lottie. Who is WAY more problematic in almost every way, but she just ticked all my boxes immediately. She is 100% my kind of horse! He just wasn't.

 

[Goldenstar]

The horse who follows the horse of a lifetime has a difficult job .
The truth is you just have to give yourself a talking to and either get on with training him or sell him.

 

[doodle]

With mine the horse was lazy to the extreme. He didn’t want to be ridden much and he certainly didn’t want to be schooling. He barely had a heart beat and this annoyed me hugely and I wanted to do dressage. That attitude was what the person I sold him to wanted. She wanted to pootle about and not ask anything of him. I had a couple of lessons and instructor was blunt (thankfully blunt!) saying the horse would never be what I wanted.

 

[Clodagh]

And stop looking for a bond, he’s a horse not your bestie. I would suggest give him say 4-6 weeks of real consistent work in whatever discipline you want him to do in the main and see if he can become an enjoyable servant/conveyance/tool however you want to word it. Then decide, he will be going better for the work even if it crystallises your thinking.

 

[Sossigpoker]

The other side of this, though, is that I've seen so many people struggle on and on with horses that weren't right for them when both sides of the partnership would probably be happier with a different match.

Well there's that. But then the only time I over horsed myself I admitted to it and sold her to a friend. But with all others I've looked at myself for reasons why we're not bonding rather than the horse.
My neurotic, head case of a bolter has turned into my "heart horse " once I found a way for me to help him be the horse I'd like him to be.

 

[Landcruiser]

It took me quite a while with my second horse. I'd got used to my first and he suited me very well - but wouldn't stay sound. Second one I couldn't gel with for a couple of years, possibly because I was still riding first when I could, and was sharing second with a friend. It wasn't really until we started doing TREC together and adventuring, getting memories in the bag. He turned out to be absolutely wonderful, but took years of training to be the solid reliable horse he still is. I absolutely adore him now. 3rd horse (youngster) I loved from the day she arrived, and she's given me more trouble than the other two put together in the 18 months I've owned her. To sum up, OP, they are all different and I think how you feel about them is different too, and also how long it takes to find the partnership. I'd hang in there if horse is doing the job, and maybe look at doing something like fun groundwork to help build the relationship - desensitization or obstacles, walking out in hand etc

 

[claret09]

can i suggest you stop putting so much pressure on yourself and him and take your time. work with the positives - however small and have fun. it will work out. sometimes they take a long time to get to where we think (or others think) we should be at a particular point. i hope that makes sense

 

[Birker2020]

How long do you give it with a new horse before deciding it's just not right for you?

I bought this one last summer and he has many positives but there are lots of things about him that really frustrate me. Probably for every good ride we have we will have another where I come back fed up for one reason or another, or where I have managed to talk myself into not letting things bother me but actually it wasn't really the ride I wanted.

I don't really feel that much of a bond with him on the ground either and there are aspects of his personality that get on my nerves too.

I'm trying to tell myself to give him time because he's only young and bound to be an irritating kid at times. He also follows in the footsteps of my horse of a lifetime who has sadly had to be retired, so it was never going to be easy for him.

I don't know if we're just not a good match for one another or if the problem is me and I'm going to feel like this about anything I buy. I don't want to sell him and end up regretting it because he does have his good points. Equally, how long do I carry on being frustrated for when I could be having fun with something else

I've never been in this situation before so would appreciate other people's thoughts and experience please

Been in EXACTLY your situation years ago when I lost my lovely Grade B SJ and bought in error a very well bred ISH out of Senang Haiti, a 5yr old (advertised as 6yrs but minimum of 5yrs when vetted).

He used to nap all the time and would often buck. In a field situation it was impossible to canter a circle as he'd fall out on the side nearest the stable or trailer, depending where you went with him and would canter really fast on the side furthest away and fall in to make up the ground. In the school he was lazy, I rode him in spurs and fed him oats in an effort to 'jazz him up' a bit but it never made any difference. The only time he came alive was X.C and he was a jumping machine then. Best ride I ever had on him was a fun ride at Offchurch, he was amazing. But his Dad was a racehorse and his Mum a hunter, it was like it was inhis genes to gallop and jump natural fences.

He didn't like show jumping though, which was and still is my first love. He was bad to school with no interest whatsoever and i realised I'd bought in haste. Was going to sell him but then he broke his leg in a field accident whilst turned out and was pts.

I would have ended up selling him. I suppose on reflection he was maybe a bit too immature for me and i didn't have the experience needed to stop all the napping as my previous boy had been a push button ride and although very sharp was well behaved.

 

[nagblagger]

How would you feel if someone came to ride and wanted to buy him, relief or sadness? Also when they come to collect him and you know you may never see him again, if you feel relief it's time to say goodbye, any doubts it's worth pursuing for a little longer.

 

[paddy555]

why would he have a bond with you when, from everything you have written, you clearly don't like him much and seem to be finding fault rather than encouraging him?

I would write a list of 2 columns. The good and the bad. ie travels well, always loads, ties to the trailer nicely at the show or the opposite.
Easy to catch, walks in nicely, waits whilst I do the gate, ties up and can be left safely. Walks up to stable door when I approach, very interested in me but backs nicely away when asked v turns his backside to me.

Happy to stable alone, stay in field alone v cribs, charges fence, not safe to leave alone.

Very upset going past cattle/pigs/ donkey/ tractor but listened, gained confidence from me and really tried and after a week totally ignores the obstacle.
Always naps going out of the yard, just doesn't get the message and this is hard work v ears forward, lovely long stride, very comfortable, happy to go out and try but still some youngster problems to iron out.

rides well alone or with others, happy to go first or last. Easy to hold if they canter off or jogs, jiggles, nightmare, won't settle ,not sure I can hold him, he doesn't listen.

See which column wins. You might not like him much but at least you know what you have. It also highlights his numerous good points or equally all the points you simply cannot stand or cope with.

so it was never going to be easy for him.

that's not his fault, what are you expecting him to do about it? it's not his fault your other horse is retired. It takes a very long time to build a partnership.
Do you look at other horses, friend's horses for example, and think that despite that horse's problems if only it was for sale I would forgive it anything? Or do you measure it up against your retired horse.

 

[kathantoinette]

I kept my previous horse for 4 years, looking back I should have sold sooner but I learned a lot with him so thankful for that.
As said by Roxylola it’s an expensive hobby so if you’re not getting 100% from this one, I personally would sell.

 

[greenbean10]

It took me a good year to bond with my mare.

I was an inexperienced amateur, she was a sharp 4 year old! In hindsight, it was a disaster waiting to happen. I think I came off 6 times in a month (although not from her doing too much wrong, just being a little sharp!).

I stuck with it and she transformed my riding hugely. But I hated her at first and she probably didn’t like me much either!

After a year I was absolutely in love. She would do anything for me (forgave any and every mistake in the ring) and I trusted her completely. I could put anyone on her now.

So in short, I stuck it out and it was the best thing I did. But I’m not sure whether that is at all helpful!

 

[ifyousayso]

Personally I think you need to ask yourself are you still upset with having to retire your horse so you’re automatically rejecting this horse because it’s not your old horse. I think a lot of people find themselves in this situation if this is the case then you need to give it 2 years or talk to someone you trust . also having strong bond are very rare in horses it’s once in a lifetime thing most horses don’t operate like this. I do think horses with strong bonds with hum were probably over-handled as foal. I had a very strong bond with a loan horse unfortunately I had to stop loaning him. I bought my own horse after that and I don’t have same bond She does trust me but it just not the same it’s not strong like my old loan horse and truthfully I disliked her at the start because of it but every horse is different some horses are very much you have to earn there trust .