How long

C

Ceriann

Well-Known Member
Joined
28 June 2012
Messages
2,551
Visit site
did it take you to bond with a new horse? I've had mine for 7 months now and I'm finding it hard. Two falls (one which she wasnt to blame for and was a result of two stupid scramblers but ended up with me with a frac ankle and second where she did actually bolt for no apparent reason (no fracture but a trip to a&e again and a haematoma that has only just gone after 4 weeks)) haven't helped! My mare has been fully checked out after the bolt and no physical reason for what she did.

My old girl who I've retired is so sweet and trusting and was always so careful with me (she brought me back into riding 13 or so years ago and gave me so much confidence, without being a plod) - I just end up comparing my new one so unfavourably. Aside from the accidents my new mare is a nice horse and has shown herself to be a very sensible, easy going type. She's only 5 so I've been working on her manners (much improved although more clumsy and bolshy than nasty), spending time with her on the ground etc handling, grooming and generally been trying to get to know her. Whilst this is slow progress I guess my main issue if that I just dont feel we've clicked and I feel as I barely know her or understand her (I suspect the bolt is the main reasoin for this as before this I though we were starting to turn a corner). I am currently not riding her as my haemotoma hasnt quite fully healed.

It doesnt help that my OH, who's worried for my safety (and isnt horsey minded) wants me to get a safer option! I have never been a quitter and dont plan on quitting now - i am sure she will make a great horse for me given time!

If anyone has had similar experiences or suggestions (I am considering an intensive training hols with her and my instructor - we have a good instuctor who we will go back to once I'm back in the saddle).
 
Your comment where you say she is only 5 is really the key here. Comparing her to your old girl as you say is where you may be going wrong - if thats the right word, sorry if its not, can't think of another one. Horses can take a long time to settle down and when things go wrong we are quick to think its not working out. I was just like you when I lost my mare very suddenly with a broken leg in the field. She was only 5 too when I got her, 7 when she died. She matured a lot in the 2 yrs that I had her but it did take time. She was like a toddler.

My next mare after Holly was a different kettle of fish. A bit older and had a mind of her own. I tried to tick too many boxes to make her like the one I lost and of course she didn't because she wasnt her. Not saying this is what your situation is, but when my new horse bucked me off I didnt want her her. Not long after that she was on box rest and it was then that we bonded together I felt. There was no pressure on her to perform and tick any more boxes and we became firm friends. 8yrs later I wouldnt swap her for the world, she has taught me a lot.

Guess what I'm trying to say is give it time, just go out for walks when you ride out, ride with a friend if you can. Personally I wouldnt go for anything too intensive at this stage regarding training, she's young and just like a toddler child. Have some good lessons but just dont pressure yourself or her, there really are no time limits on these things.

I hope it works out for you. My new mare (that was new) is now 18, has had tendon issues from which the Vets thought she wouldnt recover very well. She has and is one of my best friends. Mares are very loyal but its a mutual respect thing and like other relationships, it has to be worked on. Good luck with her.
 
I feel for you! An elderly lady I knew once told me it took a year until you and the horse were talking the same language and another year until you can communicate without talking. I thought she was round the bend but as I have taken on new horses I can see what she meant. That real partnership (like just thinking 'canter' and the horse does it ) is special and takes time. I have fallen into the trap of comparing new horses with the very special ones they are trying to replace and now realise it's not really fair. Young horses are trying their best but just don't have the experience to click with the human straight away. I am sure you will build a partnership with your new horse - don't despair!
 
Thank you. I guess im comparing how quicky i bonded with my old girl (who was only 6 when i got her) - she was actually a trickier and sharper mare in many ways (nightmare to shoe, teeth, hates the vet and can and could be spooky) but has always looked after me and she got me back into riding in a big way.

Its the bolt that has completely thrown me (not just literally!). Im now genuinely not sure about hacking her (we were off out for hack when she did it) - hence the suggestion about a training course. Ive thought about spending time walking her in hand (feels a bit pathetic when i could and should be riding her) and doing some specific ground handling exercises (she is so well behaved on lunge too). I dont expect a quick fix and I am very prepared to get experienced help to take us forward. I am also separtely having riding lessons to help me with my confidence (which has frankly taking a battering).
 
I've had my boy for a little over two months now and he is wonderful. He is also a typical gelding and anyone with food is his best friend! He is giving me lots of confidence and I just love fussing him and don't stop thinking about him from the minute i wake up to the minute i go to bed (Actually i dreamt about him last night but it was a very odd 'thats not my horse' type dream :confused:)

There is almost, for me, two parts to bonding with them. You have the ridden side which we are still thinking about bonding with :p and then the everyday on the ground kind of bonding where he calls for me when he sees me and comes trotting over when i call him in the field but this has only really been in the last week when I've thought you know what this horse does actually like me and recognise me as part of his life :o :D
 
Chuffing ages! :-)

My first mare was a complete nightmare and honestly although obviously things improved along the way it was probably 18 months before I actually liked the old bag. Now 4.5 yrs in I wouldn't be without her.

She came with a whole truck load of issues but even so she is a tougher character than my old gelding so I was surprised how long it took to click. That said our relationship now is stronger than any other I've ever had with a horse so worth the hard work (and tear and copious amounts of wine!).

I now have another mare who I've had for 18 months but we've had one set back after another and all after she dropped me and put me out of action for a couple of months.

I'm finding it much harder to bond with her but I think that is a mixture of trying to juggle riding both and the fact that I now compare our relationship to the one I have with Gem which is unfair because I'm comparing 4yrs worth of knowledge for less than 2yrs.

All I would say is give it time and cut yourself some slack. I find everyone is very keen for things to be moving faster or doing more and these are usually comments from people who don't have to ride them!

As long as you're happy that nothing physical is going on just make things simple. My current deal with myself is just to get on everyday. If I do nothing more than walk her around for 10 mins on a loose rein then that is still an improvement from where we have been.

Oh and I'm avoiding those fellow liveries of mine who think I should be working her at PSG now ;-)

Good luck x
 
It can take a very long time especially when u have set backs
I lost my last young horse after nursing him through psd surgery and then a really bad virus.
He was so full of life, he did everything with such enthusiasm but without being naughty (mostly)
When I got new one he is so different, it's hard to explain while on one hand he is more horse on the other he lacks the 'love of life' my old one had
Yet it is the new one who will be silly and naughty at shows etc

Odd I know

Within days the new one has bucked me off twice in 20 mins and meant it!! I was trying new saddles and turns out he will not tolerate a saddle without a cloth )oh well)
Had just started to trust him when the stop dead and buck started. Turns out he had gastric ulcers
Then he had respiratory infection. Steroids caused ulcers to return and along with it the stop dead and buck :(
As well as the confidence loss due to the bucking I also found myself distancing myself incase he 'broke' and I didn't keep him
He is doing great again now and I have bonded with him really well but it's taken a year!

Just a thought but could u get someone else to hack her a few times for you as if I'm worried/nervous about something I get someone else to do it first so I can see what the worst they do. Then I'm happy to do it myself :)
 
I think it varies a lot. From your op I sort of got the impression that you seem to be finding mitigating circumstances for her behaviour, which is very natural, particularly if your oh is critical of her. However, in my experience that can make it harder to get a bond with them, because psychologically your subconsciously sweeping things under the carpet and it makes you feel like there is a bit of a dirty secret in your relationship with your horse.

If there's no physical reason for undesireable behaviour, then I find that I often need a conscious effort to move into the mindset of 'right, x, y and z are a problem and we need to sort it out', out of the 'well it wasn't really their fault/ they didn't mean any harm' mindset. I also find that I am far more likely to subconsciously start making excuses for a horse when they are not naturally spirited and sharp, because undesireable behaviour is much easier to understand in a horse that is naturally spirited. In a horse that is quiet and sweet 90% of the time you do tend to feel a little bit lied to when they act out, and that's when I find that I have consciously take a step back and remember that it's a young horse and that's what they do.

The best of luck with your horse, you do seem to feel a lot of affection towards her :)
 
Just a thought but could u get someone else to hack her a few times for you as if I'm worried/nervous about something I get someone else to do it first so I can see what the worst they do. Then I'm happy to do it myself
Click to expand...

Whilst I was in cast I had a local girl who breaks horses etc hack her out 2/3 times a week. She has beenas good as gold for her (hacking alone). Now she's come out of the other side of being checked for a physical problem i might ask her to come again (although i feel like i need to bite the bullet and just work her myself). Even if like some of the others here say - its 10-15 minute rides out just to get us doing things together.
 
If there's no physical reason for undesireable behaviour, then I find that I often need a conscious effort to move into the mindset of 'right, x, y and z are a problem and we need to sort it out', out of the 'well it wasn't really their fault/ they didn't mean any harm' mindset. I also find that I am far more likely to subconsciously start making excuses for a horse when they are not naturally spirited and sharp, because undesireable behaviour is much easier to understand in a horse that is naturally spirited. In a horse that is quiet and sweet 90% of the time you do tend to feel a little bit lied to when they act out, and that's when I find that I have consciously take a step back and remember that it's a young horse and that's what they do.
Click to expand...

That is exactly how i feel - the lied bit as she is so well behaved most of the time. When she went for her tests at the vet to check her out, they were so full of praise of her sweet nature and my old livery friends are amazed she bolted with me (after i bailed she went straight through a hedge and over a sizeable ditch (which she wouldnt have been able to see given the hedge) so it wasnt just a naughty tank). I almost think i would prefer spirited as its as you say, easier to explain.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top