How to manage needy horse

[AutumnDays]

Hi all, hoping to get some ideas or just sound things out with you...
I have 2 non ridden, and we are currently on a livery yard. They are in a paddock together, and get along great. The younger I've had since she was a yearling, the older I've had since April. She's fine if he goes out without her, she's fine going out without him (loves the one to one attention, I think her nose was a little out of joint when she first had to share me!).
He is fine if he goes out without her, but if I take her away from him... he stresses and calls and calls... this starts as soon as I close the gate and he realises he's not coming too. He's not alone, there's horses in the paddock next to him, who come over to see what he's shouting about, and he does not give a hoot, it's her he wants! It doesn't matter if he can still see her or not, until she is back with him (he greets her like she's been missing for years upon return), he will not chill out.
I bought him knowing he was a non ridden after a hard ridden life from too young, and from what I gather he hadn't been turned out with others before. It's great they both get along, but he acts like his world is ending if I take her without him (not vice versa).
We will all be moving to our own place soon, and knowing what he's like with horses near by, I worry he'll be somehow worse without? I was hoping to start back long reining the mare (better off road and quieter roads there than the yard currently), as although she can't be ridden anymore she still needs something to think about (he will be done too, but she doesn't mind him going, just waits patiently and quietly!). I tried walking them both out in hand together (on a private, gated lane, for safety), and they were like two naughty kids, not bargy or anything, but sly digs at each other, and the mare does like having some time with me alone, so I think she resented him being with us.
Any ideas/suggestions? Or will he just need to accept it happens and it's not permanent, she does come back? (And I'll have to apologise to the houses that back onto the fields for the shouty horse!) Thank you for reading my waffle!

 

[ycbm]

Can you get a third (another mare) when you have your own place?

 

[AutumnDays]

Can you get a third (another mare) when you have your own place?

I have been considering this! I did wonder if it would help or if it would upset the dynamic, as he isn't bothered by any of the other mares on the yard. It's like she's his first friend, bless him

 

[JBM]

Slow and steady it’s going to be a pain
Is he fine inside when she’s out? Or yells in stable or field

 

[AutumnDays]

Slow and steady it’s going to be a pain
Is he fine inside when she’s out? Or yells in stable or field

He yells regardless of where he is, as soon as he knows she's going (even if it's literally 5 meters away).

 

[JBM]

He yells regardless of where he is, as soon as he knows she's going (even if it's literally 5 meters away).

I had this same problem
I started with them both in their stables and taking the mare out and tying her for grooming
She was in eye sight the whole time so he calmed down when he realised she wasn’t going anywhere. After awhile of this I started walking her around in circles around the yard.
She would be out of eyesight for maybe 10 seconds at a time and kept doing this until he calmed down and eventually kept extending the time.
He eventually just learned she would come back and calmed down
It helped to give him something very tasty in his stable during this to distract him somewhat. So when she was tied they both got dinner it helped to bring him back to the present instead of a panic state
Also as he was a tb I always made sure to do this after a good amount of hay was eaten.

 

[AutumnDays]

I had this same problem
I started with them both in their stables and taking the mare out and tying her for grooming
She was in eye sight the whole time so he calmed down when he realised she wasn’t going anywhere. After awhile of this I started walking her around in circles around the yard.
She would be out of eyesight for maybe 10 seconds at a time and kept doing this until he calmed down and eventually kept extending the time.
He eventually just learned she would come back and calmed down
It helped to give him something very tasty in his stable during this to distract him somewhat. So when she was tied they both got dinner it helped to bring him back to the present instead of a panic state
Also as he was a tb I always made sure to do this after a good amount of hay was eaten.

Sounds similar to what I've been trying these last few months. Taking her outside the gate to be groomed, and he can still see. And swapping them over. He calls if it's her being groomed, but not when it's him. She doesn't shout if he goes. I did wonder about giving him a feed if I take her, and giving hers when she's come back from a walk and vice versa. I'm trying to be nice by taking them for jaunts! I just don't think it's safe to take the two together, and it is nice for them to have all the focus sometimes. I think I'm too soft (definitely if I listen to my critics on the yard!)

 

[JBM]

I totally get it. It feels like you’re being really mean! On the plus side it’s much handier when one horse doesn’t care!!
I didn’t put the mare back until he was quiet (unless it was getting dangerous for him)
When the mare is literally 5 foot from him and he’s calling he’s just looking for her attention
I could take mine on walks together tho as they knew manners for leading in groups. They shouldn’t put their heads over or near you when leading as it puts you in a bad situation when they fight
But I would practice that first one by one

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

What is he like if you bring them both in, then put him vack in the field and take her out for a walk? If he can't see her 'disappear' he might be better but it depends partly on the set-up of your yard.

 

[santas_spotty_pony]

What is he like if you bring them both in, then put him vack in the field and take her out for a walk? If he can't see her 'disappear' he might be better but it depends partly on the set-up of your yard.

I second this. This is how I started my geldings going out whilst I rode the owner one. (My mare will happily stay out and doesn’t care less). I’d bring them both in, then when I’d tacked up I’d turn the one that wasn’t being ridden back out. I found they were less stressed this way as they knew where the other one was (in the stable) and didn’t feel like they had missed out on coming in either.

 

[AutumnDays]

Thanks guys, food for thought here. I'll give the both in and sling him out a go whilst I'm still on livery, though from our new place he'll be able to see her "disappear". Working on leading them out together out and about may also just make an easy life (and means I don't have to do the same walk twice in a row!) they are polite together for leading in etc, I think he was overly chuffed to be on an adventure with his mate last time and wanted her validation
Or maybe I just need to get a bigger herd... once I work out how to sneak them past the husband

 

[Red-1]

I've had many combinations of 2 horses here, I would not choose to have 3, and they've always settled.

The worst one needed a summer of going out at night while the other was out in the day to get over himself. They'd see each other when the other was turned out, ride out with each other, hear each other in the stables but not be in the same place. Once he'd gained his equilibrium, he could be in or out, no bother. It was never an issue again. The mare never cared where he was.

I saw it as a necessary evil that we had to overcome, especially as I would take them both eventing in the same lorry and I needed them independent for one to stay on the box while the other competed.

 

[Marigold4]

I have been considering this! I did wonder if it would help or if it would upset the dynamic, as he isn't bothered by any of the other mares on the yard. It's like she's his first friend, bless him

I have had three at home for some years for the reasons you are experiencing and it works really well. It's a lot of work but it keeps them all happy.

 

[AutumnDays]

I'm hoping he will settle down, as he's only been with us six months and he is discovering what it's like to just be a horse and have friends, and not a machine pushed to breaking point. But I do acknowledge I need to be a little "harsher" and just ignore his shouting (it's more others complaining about him shouting to be honest, and as I already am anxious due to the judgement of others for not riding etc, I try to avoid any other reason for them to come up and say what they think!)

 

[Snapshot2016]

Not much help I'm afraid but I have this problem with my 2 boys, they are in a paddock together and my big lad will just blind run around in the field (or jump out) if he is left, same in the stable, doesn't matter if there is a yard full or horses in adjoining fields his anxiety is through the roof! If I was in a position to get a 3rd horse I absolutely would!

 

[Hallo2012]

i can only have 2 at home, so no option for a third babysitter.

you need to separate them for barely seconds to start with, so catching one first and praising the other for just standing at the gate.

then catching her and taking her outside the gate, and praising him.

then take her a few steps away, then a few more then out of sight, then take her all the way to stables and go back for him.

then leave it 5 min, then 10 etc etc etc

initially you need a second human to stay with him, and build up to leaving him totally alone.

this is MONTHS of work, not days but it can be done. My youngster dug a trench 3 foot deep and 5 foot wide running the fence if my other one so much as faced the wrong way initially, but can now be left for hours (both stallions so sep paddocks but next to each other)