how to rebuild a bond and relationship with your horse?

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goussberry

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Me and my horse seem to be on bad terms recently, I'm not sure where exactly along the line it went wrong but I've definitely noticed things have gone downhill. Do you have any ideas how to rebuild that relationship, both on ground and under the saddle?
 
Sorry to hear this! I don't think I have all the answers or anything but I have a very sensitive horse who's easily upset so we do have some ups and downs, so this is what i do! firstly consider these two:

1) where do you think it went wrong and why? Important to think about for future
2) what does your horse enjoy doing/when did you last do something just for fun together (that your horse thoght was fun)

It's important to think about these quite carefully, because it may be that - for example - your horse does think jumping is fun, but is also quite anxious about it, in which case you need to keep that in mind.
Then spend say three days to a week taking the pressure off completely, and don't aim to do anything substantial other than e.g. hacking or in-hand walks or whatever you both like - grooming if that's what it takes!

My horse loves loves loves clicker training, so when things are a bit stale that's what I turn to. We start with ground work clicker training then move onto ridden, and start with the easy stuff that he likes.

There are two important things there, 1) that it's easy and enjoyable for the horse so it's nice for them to be with you, and 2) that you are appreciating your horse for who he/she is, rtaher than for what he/she can do. I know i get a bit caught up in progress sometimes - am I progressing enough, is my shoulder in REALLY better than it was last month and if not why not, etc. When that happens it's easy to forget to just enjoy your horse, whihc is the most important thing after all!

Good luck.
 
It depends on exactly how you mean when you say on bad terms - does he barge, fail to be caught, fail to stand tied up etc? All these aren't signs of lack of bond (I hate that term) but lack of your leadership - and establishing your leadership doesn't mean bully them in any way at all. It is about calm consistent establishing of boundaries, asking only for what he is able to give and teaching him any new stuff he doesn't seem to cope with in small increments. If you establish low key quiet leadership him following your lead (in terms of complying with what you want) most sensible behaviour will follow naturally.
Kelly Marks has a couple of small books with detail exercises to help http://www.intelligenthorsemanship.co.uk/books/view-all-products.html
 
I got my current horse very quickly after my previous horse died due to this I struggled to bond with him. I just spend a lot of time grooming and scratching him as he loved it and i enjoyed watching his reaction to being scratched in his favourite spots.

When under the saddle maybe try some gentle quiet schooling sessions doing things that you've done many times and your both confident in doing and some nice quiet hacks. Don't ask too much as if things go wrong it can be frustrating.

Or perhaps something you both enjoy. Maybe a fun ride. Both myself and my old horse loved them and it helped us bond under saddle.
 
Morgan123 said:
Sorry to hear this! I don't think I have all the answers or anything but I have a very sensitive horse who's easily upset so we do have some ups and downs, so this is what i do! firstly consider these two:

1) where do you think it went wrong and why? Important to think about for future
2) what does your horse enjoy doing/when did you last do something just for fun together (that your horse thoght was fun)

It's important to think about these quite carefully, because it may be that - for example - your horse does think jumping is fun, but is also quite anxious about it, in which case you need to keep that in mind.
Then spend say three days to a week taking the pressure off completely, and don't aim to do anything substantial other than e.g. hacking or in-hand walks or whatever you both like - grooming if that's what it takes!

My horse loves loves loves clicker training, so when things are a bit stale that's what I turn to. We start with ground work clicker training then move onto ridden, and start with the easy stuff that he likes.

There are two important things there, 1) that it's easy and enjoyable for the horse so it's nice for them to be with you, and 2) that you are appreciating your horse for who he/she is, rtaher than for what he/she can do. I know i get a bit caught up in progress sometimes - am I progressing enough, is my shoulder in REALLY better than it was last month and if not why not, etc. When that happens it's easy to forget to just enjoy your horse, whihc is the most important thing after all!

Good luck.
Click to expand...

Thank you for this, it's given me a lot of food for thought :) I will try and think about what's happened so I can get back to you/improve for future reference.

You mentioned clicker training - what does that involve? My boy loves being mentally stimulated, so this could be something I could introduce.

Thanks for the great advice :)
 
JillA said:
It depends on exactly how you mean when you say on bad terms - does he barge, fail to be caught, fail to stand tied up etc? All these aren't signs of lack of bond (I hate that term) but lack of your leadership - and establishing your leadership doesn't mean bully them in any way at all. It is about calm consistent establishing of boundaries, asking only for what he is able to give and teaching him any new stuff he doesn't seem to cope with in small increments. If you establish low key quiet leadership him following your lead (in terms of complying with what you want) most sensible behaviour will follow naturally.
Kelly Marks has a couple of small books with detail exercises to help http://www.intelligenthorsemanship.co.uk/books/view-all-products.html
Click to expand...

Not those things; he'll back up for me when I come into his box, he won't barge or fidget too much when tied up and he lets me catch him very quietly. He's extremely well mannered in this respect.

I mean more in terms of not paying as much attention to me/my fussing like he used to, he used to prick his ears forwards when he saw me coming towards him and now he seems uninterested. It's quite hard to explain as it's not specific things, it's the general gut feeling you get :/ Maybe I'm just being an over sensitive owner, or overreacting a little (which is likely, knowing me :) )
 
Check him for any pain or discomfort which could be affecting his mood - feet, back, tack, teeth etc.
And be a perfect horse owner for him - keep everything clean, be punctual and thorough in all you do - he will soon appreciate it!
Make sure he isn't being bullied, shield him from flies and bad weather, if he is sensitive to those, have a good instructor watch you both.
Hope you are soon back on track.
 
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