Elf On A Shelf
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Ok let's start an idiots guide to schooling a horse!
Step 1. Get an unbroken 3yo, tack it up, chase it round the school until it stops broncing and then get on it.
Step 2. After 2 days of Step 1 you are now ready to put a dutch 3 ring gag on with the reins on the bottom ring and pin said horses head to it's chest.
Step 3. If your horse doesn't like the gag then pop a snaffle or something of the likes back in and put the draw reins on, again pinning the horses head to it's chest.
Step 2.1 & 3.1. Lock your hands onto your knees for both of these stages to act as kind of sidereins as well.
Step 2.2 & 3.2. Strap your horses mouth shut with a crank noseband and overly tight flash strap.
Step 4. Kick, kick and kick again to get the horse to go as fast as possible in each pace.
Step 4.1. If simply kicking doesn't work then get a very long whip and some spurs - that'll get the creature moving!
Step 5. Take your horse to a competition and prance around smugly on your "Backed and Schooled in a week baby".
Step 6. Learning to jump - put up big solid, unknockdownable fences and keep driving the horse over and over them until they stop hitting them or falling over them so they learn that they need to get over things so it won't hurt.
Step 7. I suppose we had better introduce steering - pull your hand out sideways and dig your horse in the ribs with your spurs so it shifts round.
Et voila! One expertly schooled horse in the space of a week!
If anyone has anything else to add then please feel free to pop it on a postcard!
P.S. If you actually try any of this then lord help us all!!!
Step 1. Get an unbroken 3yo, tack it up, chase it round the school until it stops broncing and then get on it.
Step 2. After 2 days of Step 1 you are now ready to put a dutch 3 ring gag on with the reins on the bottom ring and pin said horses head to it's chest.
Step 3. If your horse doesn't like the gag then pop a snaffle or something of the likes back in and put the draw reins on, again pinning the horses head to it's chest.
Step 2.1 & 3.1. Lock your hands onto your knees for both of these stages to act as kind of sidereins as well.
Step 2.2 & 3.2. Strap your horses mouth shut with a crank noseband and overly tight flash strap.
Step 4. Kick, kick and kick again to get the horse to go as fast as possible in each pace.
Step 4.1. If simply kicking doesn't work then get a very long whip and some spurs - that'll get the creature moving!
Step 5. Take your horse to a competition and prance around smugly on your "Backed and Schooled in a week baby".
Step 6. Learning to jump - put up big solid, unknockdownable fences and keep driving the horse over and over them until they stop hitting them or falling over them so they learn that they need to get over things so it won't hurt.
Step 7. I suppose we had better introduce steering - pull your hand out sideways and dig your horse in the ribs with your spurs so it shifts round.
Et voila! One expertly schooled horse in the space of a week!
If anyone has anything else to add then please feel free to pop it on a postcard!
P.S. If you actually try any of this then lord help us all!!!
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