How to Train MY human - by Meg. (nearly 14)

[RuthnMeg]

1. You should NOT put me in a stable. I will buck and kick the walls to get you to get me out.
2. If I want feeding, I will eat it when I want and you can not make me, no matter how hard you try.
3. I will choose where my food bowl is put, and you can stand there looking like a numpty for as long as you need, I will NOT move to you.
4. You are forbiden to touch or alter my rug. I will snort at you to remind you of this.
5. If you think you should comb my mane, you have to ask my permission first and not just produce the comb. A please goes a long way.
6. I have to be the first to know if ANY new horses come to the farm. If I see a new horse that I didn't know about, you should realise it is no good for my heart.
7. In the unlikely event of the hunt galloping through, you shall be ignored for a week until you learn that I want to go to.
8. Stop talking about little white fluffy ponies, I shall have your undivided attention, FULL STOP.
9. Do not put the blame on me when you see the divets in the field. My father was a thoroughbred and I have to remind you how fast I can go.
10. I will continue to tell you that the wind is scary, please believe me.

By Meg who speaks her own mind. Lives in the field 24/7 and is currently on winter hols (I am turning into a fair weather rider!!)
She is bored and really can't wait to be ridden again soon. I will start her up again in a few weeks time.

Feel free to add yours

 

[JenHunt]

Hi Meg,
I have problems training my human too... take yesterday for example. I had finally got her to realise that we Have to go hunting on a saturday and that I won't speak to her until we do.
So we go, but I have to stay near the back (how rude) and babysit a big ginger irish thing who now thinks i'm his friend (i probably am, but it should be my decision not hers).
Then she wants me to come home after 3 hours when clearly we should have stayed out all day.
When I went into the trailer she tried to tie me up (so I just undid the knot when she wasn't looking, and will do so until she learns that I can't get out of the trailer, and have no intention of it until we get home)
When we got home the first thing she did was to tie me on the yard and go and get Tom in (which I don't mind much as he worries when he's on his own), but then she proceded to use a cold

hosepipe to wash me off!! a little warm water would be nice, but I guess that cold water is better than her trying to brush it off when it's dry and pulls at my hair and skin. Ow!
She then washed my beautifully camouflaged socks - does she not realise that I don't want to be seen in the dark?!
And to boot, she didn't seem to understand that stamping my feet and splashing the water around meant that I wanted a drink - it took her until she'd finished washing me off to go get a bucket of the tasty salty apple water that I get after hunting.
She then fed me and left me alone for a few hours so that was fine, she seems to be learning that one!

She does, however like to wake me up on a friday night to tie knots in my mane and do something weird that makes my tail disappear (tho it comes back after hunting), when obviously a friday night is for partying, and we can't if she's on the yard!

wishing you every success in your human training,
Ron

 

[SVMel]

Hi Meg,

I am one of a group of four, and we all think our human is so thick that she may be completely untrainable.

She insists on riding us when we clearly don't feel like working, but leaving us in the field when we are hooning around showing her how much energy we have and how fast we can go. Then, when she does ride, she will only take us out one at a time, which is no fun, and means we have to shout as loud as we can, so whoever is left in the field knows what is going on. I know humans can ride at least four at once, because I heard her telling another human that a man was doin it at Olympia. Those horses clearly have their human trained!
She also refuses to believe that we hate being bathed (except small black annoying one who seems to humour her!) and would prefer a jacuzzi, and a couple of hours peace.
We do feel sorry for her though, being so simple, and tolerate her daft attempts to drag us round the field through weird obstacles and over plastic sheets, which aren't scary at all, but we play up a little, then do what she wants, just to make her feel a bit useful.

As the leader though, I have to say I've got her number, I simply come out in girth galls every time she mentions the work word, even if I have not had a girth on for a couple of days. This usually results in a couple of weeks peace and quiet while I 'heal'. If that fails, I throw a shoe, cut something or just refuse to be caught, or do a rain dance, thus bringing on horrible weather.
And yet, she still hugs and kisses us all and tells us she loves us.

Like I said, a bit thick.

Love from the wise one. (nearly 18)

 

[RuthnMeg]

Very good!

 

[Keltic]

Poor Meg.... I feel for you i really do, my human also known as slave has been really really slow to train. Ive had her 14 years and she still even after all this time needs putting in her place! She knows I do not allow any fuss, cuddles or kisses unless im in the mood and she still tries to kiss me when she brings my breakfast, i mean come on kisses or food? Will my slave ever learn? She knows i prefer pears so why does she insist on trying to offer me apples??
Im 30 years old now so im stuck with this slave as its too late now to trade the slave in.....
So any tips?
Kelly