How would you deal with this? please help

[dafthoss]

Well as I'm completly amazed at some peoples stupidity/angry/upset about what happened I'm possibly not thinking rationally enough to deal with it properly so would you guys mind helping.

I arrived at the yard last night in a hurry as I had a late lecture and was working so pony was going to be a bit of a quick one. The girl whose horse is out with mine then said she didnt know if he was in the field , where else would he be my cars not there, hes not in his stable and its dark so I wouldnt be riding so using a bit of common sense would say that as its dark and you cant see the whole field he would be in there some where. But no she had left the field gate OPEN as she couldnt see him . Thankfully he was just eating the nicer grass out side his field but there was nothing stopping him going on to the road.

Now I'm fuming about it and didnt sleep last night because I was so wound up. I have told the lady who owns it and she, although non horsey, was completly shocked about it and is going to ring the girls mum about it and have a go at her if she sees her (its not the first time she has done things she shouldnt) not that her mum lives in this country so she will probably just get a rollocking over the phone from her.

Now I have asked if he can go in with the other boys but their owners wont let him so I am sort of stuck leaving him with her horse and they do get on fine its just she is a liability! I have put a note up on the fence post this morning saying to shut the gate and I will write on the board if someone tells me where the pens are when I go down to ride later. When I shouted across the yard last night at her she conveniantly couldnt hear and I didnt have time to go and make an issue out of it.

So when I see her do I have a go at her? or what else do I do? I should also mention shes 18 so not young enough to use her age as an excuse and I seem to do her horse for her more than she does so that stopping right now she can stop being lazy and get out of bed in the mornings no matter what story she spins about why she cant.

Sorry thats turned in to a bit of a rant but I need to tell some one who understands how worried I was about my boy.

Chocolate orange if you got this far.

 

[Cortez]

Sounds as dim as a log, gates should always be left shut ANYWAY. Note on gate sounds like a good idea.

 

[soulfull]

be honest with her, tell her he was outside gate. and you have spent all night worrying about it. I find with young people the best way to get what you want, which for you is more important than making a point. is to turn it into your problem

ie I know there is no way you would have left the gate open if you thought he might be in the field but I am such a worry wart would it be possible to agree to always shut the gate no matter where we think the horses are, that way I won't have to worry.

honestly with the young ones it is far better this way

 

[Janette]

I would be telling her - very firmly!

At 18, she should know better. I also think you are doing the right thing by stopping doing her horse for her. She needs a lesson in responsibility.

18 is not so young, when I was 18, I was training to be a nurse, on the wards with responsibilities. 18 is adult. She is old enough to drive, vote, marry - and close gates! She is not a child.

 

[flyingfeet]

Well bearing in mind the wind we've had lately - gates should be shut anyway.

Tell her gates must be shut at all times, and she is lucky nothing happened to yours as would she fancy a vets bill if she was directly responsible for an injury.

No point being nasty as she will just react badly as people get defensive.

I'd always prefer single turnout - I presume this is not an option?

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

gates should always be left shut ANYWAY

Exactly.

Just try and have a calm but firm chat, tell her how worried and upset you were/are about it and that she must always, always close the gate

 

[dafthoss]

Sounds as dim as a log, gates should always be left shut ANYWAY. Note on gate sounds like a good idea.

I think thats insulting to the log

be honest with her, tell her he was outside gate. and you have spent all night worrying about it. I find with young people the best way to get what you want, which for you is more important than making a point. is to turn it into your problem

ie I know there is no way you would have left the gate open if you thought he might be in the field but I am such a worry wart would it be possible to agree to always shut the gate no matter where we think the horses are, that way I won't have to worry.

honestly with the young ones it is far better this way

Thanks I'm only 2 years older than her which makes it so frustrating as she wouldnt see me as old enough to effect her. I did yell at her that he was out and she saw that when I got him in we didnt come from the direction of our field but she convienently could hear me and as I say I was in a rush so couldnt go back to argue.

I would be telling her - very firmly!

At 18, she should know better. I also think you are doing the right thing by stopping doing her horse for her. She needs a lesson in responsibility.

18 is not so young, when I was 18, I was training to be a nurse, on the wards with responsibilities. 18 is adult. She is old enough to drive, vote, marry - and close gates! She is not a child.

I know I should have stopped it when it first started but as I say I have mug written all over my forehead. She is a spoilt brat and her mum told me when she was in this country not to do her horse for her as she will use you but she didnt warn me she was criminly stupid.

Well bearing in mind the wind we've had lately - gates should be shut anyway.

Tell her gates must be shut at all times, and she is lucky nothing happened to yours as would she fancy a vets bill if she was directly responsible for an injury.

No point being nasty as she will just react badly as people get defensive.

I'd always prefer single turnout - I presume this is not an option?

No unfortunalty individual turn out is not an option unless I tell her she cant turn her horse out with mine then she has no where to put him but I dont know if she will just turn him out there any way . The thing is mummy and daddy will just pay for it so it wouldnt effect her much personally, I know her mum will be very angry at her and is already threatening to sell her horse as she doesnt look after him or do any thing with him so this may be a bit more of a kick up the bum.

Thanks guys I just dont know what to do or think about this.

 

[HarlequinSeren]

Definitely stop doing her horse for her, for a start!
Personally I'd be having very firm words with her, not nasty as she will get defensive but tell her in no uncertain terms that leaving the gate open was a very, very bad idea, and also mention that if anything should happen to your boy as a result of her actions she will be having to pick up the vets bill.
HS x

 

[joginthepark]

That is sooo bad. She should know better, gates should always be closed and " I couldn't see your horse in the field" And he not in his stable..... She should not have a horse.
I would be asking Yard owner to have own bit of field if cannot go out with others.

Why won't the other horse owners let yours go out with there's.

When I was 11 and had a ponie. I always was told NEVER to leave a gate open. Or I would bring the last horse in with mine. ( Owner said I could

Some people just shouldn't have horses without learning to Do's and Don't

Im mad for you.

 

[amandap]

be honest with her, tell her he was outside gate. and you have spent all night worrying about it. I find with young people the best way to get what you want, which for you is more important than making a point. is to turn it into your problem

ie I know there is no way you would have left the gate open if you thought he might be in the field but I am such a worry wart would it be possible to agree to always shut the gate no matter where we think the horses are, that way I won't have to worry.

honestly with the young ones it is far better this way

I agree with this approach. I don't see any point in being angry and having a go at her it will just cause bad feeling.

I'm so glad it all turned out ok though.

 

[brown tack]

Just tell her any vets bills will be forwarded on to her, when money's involed it's surprising how careful 18yr old are!

 

[Boulty]

I would definitely be saying something to her about it! If she wasn't sure why on EARTH did she think it a good idea to leave the gate open?! Even with an empty field I've always been taught to shut the gate so it doesn't blow about and bang in the wind or anything and if there was even a vague possibility that there was a horse in there just common sense really... Definitely tell her that you found him outside the field and how easily he could have got onto the road and caused an accident and how worried you are about it happening again. I would be absolutely FUMING if I were in your position! As you said she is not a child she really is old enough to know better and be able to engage brain!

 

[indie999]

Speak to her tell her she must always SHUT THE GATE......STICK ONE OF THOSE NOTICES ON IT!

Tell her the consequences etc and that if she didnt know she should have shut the b.......y gate!

Poor u some folks cant see further than the end of their noses!

 

[Lolo]

18 is no excuse. Al is 17, and wouldn't dream of being that stupendously thick. I would tell her mum, the YO and also leave many big notices on the gate. If she does it again, bawl her out in front of people...

 

[skint1]

Similar thing happened to a friend of ours the other week, except the livery in question ( a grown woman in her 20s/30s)actually walked past our friend (who was mucking out at the time) to get to their field and then led her horse past friend again on way in and still said she thought friend's horse was in so she left gate open when friend confronted her (it's not the first time). To me, you should just shut the gate anyway whether or not you *think* animals are out there, saves a lot of angst

Nowhere for my friend to hang a notice so she hopes her stern words will be enough.

 

[Natch]

I'm not suprised she "didn't hear" you if you shouted at her across the yard, and went telling tales to the yard owner, or leaving notes that could be read as sarcastic, bitchy or passive-aggressive. Has it occured to you that she might be just as wound up by you as you are of her?

Just go and have a quick sensible word, face to face, to make sure she realises that she should always shut the gate. No need for notes, messages through yard owner or anything else. If you'd have done that at the time, you would have run perhaps 2 minutes later to your evening job, would have had a better night's sleep and be a lot happier today.

 

[Niddlynoo]

Why don't you ask her to bring yours in as you do hers in the morning? Then at least you know he is safe and she can start paying you back for all the help you have been giving her!
We have a last horse out policy at our yard - no horse to be left out on its own. Some people really take the p**s, not coming up in the evening on purpose because they know someone will do their horse (backfired once because two people did it and the farmer rung them at night and had a go!).
Hope you manage to sort it without too much stress