I am not a tramp

Kenzo

Kenzo

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Do you think it would be too much to ask for an equine clothing company to produce a yard/riding jacket that quotes something on the back like…

''I am not a trap, I have just been to see to my horses''

or something to that description? to let other members of society whilst in a public place (ie shop, petrol station, supermarket, post office, bank etc) that you do have a valid reason for walking around looking like you have just crawled out of the nearest gutter.

Last night was a typical example, it was raining, therefore wet, therefore muddy, therefore horse wet and muddy. I'd brought them in for a hay net and a bucket feed each and to give them quick groom while they tucked into their grub, which of course meant the removal of..... yes you've guessed it wet muddy rugs.

So starts to groom, then came the horse dust which stuck to my wet clothes and steamed up glasses like ***** to a Newmarket blanket and with every tug of the net came another shower of hay which seemed to nestle quite nicely into my soggy hair, down the back of my neck and it always somehow manages to get into your undergarments doesn’t it?

So there I was in the petrol station on my way home, very wet, very smelly with my trousers tucked into my mucker boots (which is not a very flattering look at the best of times:rolleyes:) boots covered in mud, with particles of dust, hay, straw and perhaps the odd bit of chicken poop thrown in, with an embarrassing thick pair of brightly coloured yard socks which of course happened to be an odd pair, rustling around in my purse for my card with half a bag of Dengie up my finger nails, whilst busy scratting away at that itchy bit of dam hay sticking into my left nipple looking like a flea ridden Worzel Gummidge!!!

I could feel the eyes of this woman stood next to me looking me up and down in pure disgust, I didn’t even dare look up but inside I was just screaming out...

''look Mrs, I’m not a tramp honest, I’ve got horses ok, it’s far from a glamorous job and this is what you tend to look like through the winter months, I’m sorry for offending your eyesight, your sense of smell, your reputation and the area you have chosen to live in etc and for any stress and inconvenience I’m currently causing you but this is not how I choose to look’’ :o

So come on Joules, Jack Murphy, Toggi, Mountain Horse, Caldene and all the others out there, please come up with a jacket that has a short jokey type logo on the back that can let non horsey folk know that we’ve been seeing to our horses.

Yes... no???

:D
 
I feel your pain. I too resemble a person of no fixed abode during the mud-filled winter.
My solution is to carry a 'good' handbag. So even if I do smell of horse pee and look as though I sleep under a hedge, I'm hoping that I'll give the impression of belonging to the eccentric upper classes.
Or maybe not.
 
You could be describing me - you forget the drying horse food where they've used you as a napkin and the incessant smell of wee thats not yours !!

They ought to make a totally non stick jacket that breathes along with the slogan.. "I'm not a filth pot - I am owned by a fillthy horse" or something along those lines.

Or "YES -I DO bathe -this is the "glamourous" side of horses" LOL :D
 
Haha, This certainly brightened up my morning :D

I've been there too! Usually if I know I have to go out in public after stables I will wear my old college hoodie. It says BTEC national diploma in Horsecare and management and at the bottom it says EQUINE. On the front it has a small symbol of a Horse jumping. This usually stops the looks but I hate going out in public without it. People stare like at me like I have 2 heads or something ;)
 
It's bad enough when it's the general public turning their noses up, but my OH does it too. He has to remind me that i have to change jackets for the office because my horsey one smells of wee and has snot and saliva up the arm. i'm OK with that, but alarmingly he worries that any item of clothing that has been near the stables (even if all i did was fill the water trough) smells.:rolleyes:
 
horserider said:
My solution is to carry a 'good' handbag. So even if I do smell of horse pee and look as though I sleep under a hedge, I'm hoping that I'll give the impression of belonging to the eccentric upper classes.
Or maybe not.
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I'm liking that, I'm liking that a lot horserider!

So the solution to this problem is to buy oneself a nice Louis Vuitton handbag, righty-oh, I shall put that on my Christmas list for my husband, I'm sure he'll appreciate that. :D
 
Digger66 said:
It's bad enough when it's the general public turning their noses up, but my OH does it too. He has to remind me that i have to change jackets for the office because my horsey one smells of wee and has snot and saliva up the arm. i'm OK with that, but alarmingly he worries that any item of clothing that has been near the stables (even if all i did was fill the water trough) smells.:rolleyes:
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I know my OH moans about it too, it's such a sexy turn on isn't it :D least we don't have to use the old ''ive got a headache line'' because there's not a chance in hell they even want to sit next you in the same room! lol so it does come in handy at times ;)
 
Ooooh, what a good idea! Yes, I get the "You smell of horse pee" from the OH a lot too. Worrying thing is, I rather like the pong.
 
Brilliant post!

The worst was when I stopped off at petrol station in my battered old car, looking much as Kenzo has described when a shiney 4x4 pulled up and out jumps a woman looking immaculate in head-to-toe Joules riding wear who proceeded to look me up and down, give a wry smile and then ended up stood behind me in the queue to pay. I know what everyone else was thinking....

I should have said I was her groom.
 
My family loath the smell (all very non horsey, other than mother!), so I've actually taken to getting changed in my car before I step in the house to stop the abuse :rolleyes: ...

...my sister was stood in the hall way waiting for me to get home a while ago, with a bottle of "Fabreeze" in hand, and actually Fabreezed me!!!! :eek:

... How rude!! lol! ;)
 
Yep, I regularly look I've been dragged through the muckheap by my ankles - luckily there is a large horsey contingent here so our local Sainsbury's is used to people walking in looking like they've had a good roll in the hay and smelling a bit dubious!

What I can't fathom though is those people who do exactly the same chores at the yard but leave smelling like roses and not so much as a piece of hay on their pikeur breeches. The same people normally have perfectly fall into place hair (generally streaked blond), a riviera sun tan and won't be seen dead in anything less than musto, Toggi, Kyra K on the top half and Pikeur and Ariats or Cavallo on the bottom half. They also seem to maintain the perfect size 10 (I come from the days when a size 10 was perfect and a 6 hadn't even been invented!) figure, effortlessly manage a full time job, go to pilates, yoga and zumba, drive a flash sports car and have a devastatingly handsome OH with an open Cheque book.

HOW do they do it?

In terms of slogans how about 'I'm not a tramp, I just have have a filthy mare' or somesuch with a smiling horses head cartoon thingummy.
 
AshTay said:
Brilliant post!

The worst was when I stopped off at petrol station in my battered old car, looking much as Kenzo has described when a shiney 4x4 pulled up and out jumps a woman looking immaculate in head-to-toe Joules riding wear who proceeded to look me up and down, give a wry smile and then ended up stood behind me in the queue to pay. I know what everyone else was thinking....

I should have said I was her groom.
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Oh dear, how little and inferior you must of felt! :D
 
i have to go to the shop every day on my way home from the yard so get regular dirty looks and comments. i'm lucky though that all the staff in the supermarket know me and have seen me shuffling along their mats at the doorway so know i try to be tidy whilst in their shop!
i've had someone say to me at the checkout that i stunk and was being quite nasty and snooty about it, i turned round and said that actually her smell was far more offending than any smell that might be on me, my kids then joined in saying how bad she stunk etc, in the end she left the shop bright red, i got an apology from a member of staff and then applauded for standing up for myself! :D
this woman stunk of BO and then had obviously tried to disguise it with tons of perfume!
 
Taffyhorse said:
What I can't fathom though is those people who do exactly the same chores at the yard but leave smelling like roses and not so much as a piece of hay on their pikeur breeches. The same people normally have perfectly fall into place hair (generally streaked blond), a riviera sun tan and won't be seen dead in anything less than musto, Toggi, on the top half and and Ariats or Cavallo on the bottom half. They also seem to maintain the perfect size 10 (I come from the days when a size 10 was perfect and a 6 hadn't even been invented!) figure, effortlessly manage a full time job, go to pilates, yoga and zumba, drive a flash sports car and have a devastatingly handsome OH with an open Cheque book.

HOW do they do it?
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Pikeurwhaty? .... what on earth is that?:D

Arr but if I saw people like that walking about I'd have to do a double take to make sure I'd pulled up into the right yard!
 
Pikeur is a hight end brand mostly worn by the described above - i usually find my dressage friends clad in the stuff! Robinsons all the way!!

i to find this rather a lot! i quite often have to 'pop' into the shops on my way home thankfully i dont have too much mud to contend with as my YO had the brilliant idea of having bricks laid in the gate way so we dont tend to have much mud but i have s**t and soggy rugs in abundance, however i do also work in this supermarket so have to endure the glares and stares of fellow colleagues and managers :o thankfully they know i have horses and wouldnt choose to walk around covered in hay if it wern't for them - the petrol station thing though - that has happened to me! my horses are kept at a friends place in quite a 'posh' area so i would pull up in my old filthy white micra with mud splattered up the side and dog paw prints on it from the yard beasts, fall out in my far-to-big for me hoodie in flithy jods with socks pulled up to my knees and flithy trainers/muckers/wellies when everyone else steps out of their shiney new Range Rovers/Landrover 4's ect smelling of roses - im thinking all these types of people have people like me that get dirty for them!
 
ah at last I know that I am "normal". My local tesco is the same... "pop" in there on the way home (as do many others) and they are increadably tolerant, as for the family, they suffer!!
 
OMG we must have been twins separated at birth !!! LOL
I can relate to your situation exactly, it happens to me every week, at least it keeps the queues down at the till as everyone vacates the area. Aparantly we can be spotted from a distance in the summer by the flies circleing in a halo formation above our heads !!
 
This is all very true!

I got into school wearing a white skirt and my friend asked what the brown patches on my skirt were - turns out i had mud all over one side of my skirt from getting the ponies in that morning!
 
So we've established there's a market for it, right so we just need a company to start making them.

Horse&Hound? maybe chuck a few pounds towards a horse charity from the sale of each coat/jumper?
 
Lucinda_x said:
This is all very true!

I got into school wearing a white skirt and my friend asked what the brown patches on my skirt were - turns out i had mud all over one side of my skirt from getting the ponies in that morning!
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I'm not sure whether to be impressed at your bravery in wearing white or amazed at your stupidity! lol! I gave up wearing anything pale coloured the day I took on my white-grey horse (who really should have been born bay, or at least skewbald).
 
rossiroo said:
Aparantly we can be spotted from a distance in the summer by the flies circleing in a halo formation above our heads !!
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and in winter, the little tack room mousey that is now tame enough to come out of your pocket and perch on your shoulder like a parrot and go home with you on an evening!
 
Kenzo said:
and in winter, the little tack room mousey that is now tame enough to come out of your pocket and perch on your shoulder like a parrot and go home with you on an evening!
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Or by the grassy/feed/hey mushy sludge slurped across your face and neck where Bailey has decided he wants to lick you to show how much he loves you...cue looking like a tramp that has sicked on itself [I did get asked that once by FAMILY].

Sigh...why do we do this again?
 
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