I don't know if I should sell my horse

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Emma_1994

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Hi everyone,

I'm looking for some advice so apologies for the long post.

I have a 12 year old pre who I've owned for 3.5 years. Over this time I feel like we've had lots of ups and downs but I've always struggled to truly click with him. My plan was to do dressage with him but I just find him quite tricky to ride. He's very sweet and not a difficult horse but perhaps just sensitive and anxious at times.

He has had what I think is food/grass/hindgut sensitivity so with changing the feed and management he has become a much less worried horse. I have spent the last 4 months doing groundwork to work through his body better and build confidence.

However, I'm now pregnant and thinking about the future and how I manage him. I've been up and down for the last couple of years as to whether I should sell him or not but kept thinking with time things would improve. But now with life changing for me I wonder whether I can keep it up when I'm not getting as much joy as I would like. I have two other horses who do give me so much joy as they are just laid back and easy going. Which is what makes me think perhaps the partnership is just not there like I really hoped it would be.

My question really is, do you sometimes just not click with a certain horse however much you might try? Are Spanish horses just more difficult and only suit certain types of people?

I've never sold a horse before so the guilt is really hard for me as I just want him to be happy with the right person. Is there even a market for a horse like him who needs 1:1, lots of groundwork, would be great for hacking and would school with some more work, again with the right rider?

Thank you for reading and for any advice.
 
Had a horse here at my yard. Lovely boy, owner had gone & seen him & brought him home.

Problem was he never settled here in our all-mare situation. He pined, wasn't happy standing-in in the yard, and wasn't happy turned-out either. His behaviour started deteriorating to the extent that he was becoming dangerous.

Owner decided they were just never going to bond, and actually swapped him for another horse.

Sometimes a horse & rider never just "gel". It happens.
 
Honestly I would sell while he is still young and you have a good chance of finding him the right person for the long term. You already know that your easier horses bring you more straightforward joy, and that will only increase once you have a small baby thrown into the mix! Personally I think that by keeping him you're setting yourself up for a lot of guilt (because it might be tough to give him the time he needs) and hard work over the next couple of years.

There are definitely homes out there who would enjoy having a beautiful horse for groundwork and hacking, you might have to vet potential buyers quite carefully but a good looking horse who will hack happily will always sell. I think you're right to be thinking about this now.
 
I think 3.5 years of owning him despite the ups and downs shows you have given it a very fair shot at gelling with him. Some horses and riders just aren’t the best match and there may be someone out there for both of you who clicks that bit better.

The fact you’re thinking about his future especially with a baby thrown in to the mix shows you’re a very caring owner. As the seller you have the power to sell to someone or not, and if someone is willing to pay the price but you don’t feel they will click or it would be suitable you can absolutely say no - I’ve done it myself!

It’s a very hard decision and I don’t envy you, but it sounds like selling may be the right decision. There’s someone out there for every horse, and coming in to summer is a great time to sell something that is happy to hack.
 
I too had a PRE who I never really got on with - ridden or on the ground. She was not at all how I'd imagined a PRE to be temperament wise. I kept her for two years and admitted defeat in the end and sold her. Have to admit I was slightly relieved when she went - we just didn't gel at all. I'm also not usually someone who sells anything so did feel guilty that perhaps I hadn't tried hard enough to like her. She's the only horse I've ever felt like this about - I've always found something to like with any horse I've owned so it was an odd experience.
Good luck with whatever you decide - its a difficult one. X
 
Dam1 said:
I too had a PRE who I never really got on with - ridden or on the ground. She was not at all how I'd imagined a PRE to be temperament wise. I kept her for two years and admitted defeat in the end and sold her. Have to admit I was slightly relieved when she went - we just didn't gel at all. I'm also not usually someone who sells anything so did feel guilty that perhaps I hadn't tried hard enough to like her. She's the only horse I've ever felt like this about - I've always found something to like with any horse I've owned so it was an odd experience.
Good luck with whatever you decide - its a difficult one. X
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Do you mind me asking why you didn't get on with her and what it was you didn't gel with? I feel the same in that he's not quite what I thought a pre to be. I've had some slightly nervous/green and awkward horses before (my current Connemara being one) and with just time, patience and the right attitude they have been amazing and the ones I've bonded with the most. So I really thought that when I read about the PRE that this seemed like the horse for me. Sometimes I feel like I really would just be relieved and other times I feel like the emotional pull is too much for me to deal with. Do you know how her new owner got on with her and if they were a better match? X
 
Flying_Form said:
I think 3.5 years of owning him despite the ups and downs shows you have given it a very fair shot at gelling with him. Some horses and riders just aren’t the best match and there may be someone out there for both of you who clicks that bit better.

The fact you’re thinking about his future especially with a baby thrown in to the mix shows you’re a very caring owner. As the seller you have the power to sell to someone or not, and if someone is willing to pay the price but you don’t feel they will click or it would be suitable you can absolutely say no - I’ve done it myself!

It’s a very hard decision and I don’t envy you, but it sounds like selling may be the right decision. There’s someone out there for every horse, and coming in to summer is a great time to sell something that is happy to hack.
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Thank you, that's how I feel. If after this amount of time there haven't been major changes, will there ever be. I used to think I could gel with any horse but I've realised this is perhaps not true.

I do care so much about him as he is a lovely horse, it's not like he's awful or dangerous or horrible to handle each day. There's just something I can't put my finger on, it's like it's just not a good fit.

What you've said makes me realise that there's no harm in being honest and having someone to visit him and that I can change my mind if I really don't find the right person for him. I'm sure I'll know when the right person comes along, even if it takes a bit of time.
 
Widgeon said:
Honestly I would sell while he is still young and you have a good chance of finding him the right person for the long term. You already know that your easier horses bring you more straightforward joy, and that will only increase once you have a small baby thrown into the mix! Personally I think that by keeping him you're setting yourself up for a lot of guilt (because it might be tough to give him the time he needs) and hard work over the next couple of years.

There are definitely homes out there who would enjoy having a beautiful horse for groundwork and hacking, you might have to vet potential buyers quite carefully but a good looking horse who will hack happily will always sell. I think you're right to be thinking about this now.
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I think you are probably right. I've spent all this time trying to work on him and it's not going to be easy to put the time in and be consistent when I have a baby. So I know in a years time I'll be in the same position feeling like I've got to start all.over again.

He is a beautiful horse and great to hack, always steady and safe in that sense. I think with someone 1:1 he would thrive, he just needs more consistency that I'm always able to offer.
 
Emma_1994 said:
He is a beautiful horse and great to hack, always steady and safe in that sense. I think with someone 1:1 he would thrive, he just needs more consistency that I'm always able to offer.
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Honestly I think you will have absolutely no problem finding a horse like that a good home. Would he do low level endurance? That might be a good way to find the right pool of people.
 
My friend described her PRE as absolutely needing "his person". He was incredibly sensitive and needed a rider who would tune into him 100% and not be distracted by dinner thoughts, weekend plans etc. That isn't the first time someone has said similar so they wouldn't be the breed for me!

But yours will absolutely be the breed for someone else. If you're worried about the right home then there are trainers out there who specialise in the Iberian types. Whereabouts are you?
 
Definitely sell, not gelling with a horse is very common and there is no shame in saying he’s not the one for you. They are a very expensive hobby so I’m a believer in if it’s not right, move them on to a more suitable home 🏡
 
Emma_1994 said:
Do you mind me asking why you didn't get on with her and what it was you didn't gel with? I feel the same in that he's not quite what I thought a pre to be. I've had some slightly nervous/green and awkward horses before (my current Connemara being one) and with just time, patience and the right attitude they have been amazing and the ones I've bonded with the most. So I really thought that when I read about the PRE that this seemed like the horse for me. Sometimes I feel like I really would just be relieved and other times I feel like the emotional pull is too much for me to deal with. Do you know how her new owner got on with her and if they were a better match? X
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She always felt as if she was going to kick - say for instance if tied up for grooming and you walked behind her she would barge you with her hind end and although she never did it felt like the threat was there. She bit OH and myself various times and changing a rug or even going inthe field with her was not for the faint hearted. She never showed any signs of affection and didn't seem to like any interaction with anyone - just seemed to put up with me rather than liking anything. I also didn't get on with riding her but think that was down to me rather than her. I think basically we were very mismatched. I wanted an easygoing fun horse and for me she wasn't (kept at home) I had her for two years until I sold her and was relieved when she was gone . Only heard from new owner once who said she employed a rider for her and she had had some skin problems (husband had cattle) which she'd not really had with me although could be a bit itchy at times.
 
kaiserchief said:
Sounds just like what @pelena is looking for 😉
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ah thanks! but I'm loolomg for something very uncomplicated.
Re should you sell- I would. My last mare but one I never really gelled with- the difference with the one I've just retired was night and day. Just one of those things! Plus PREs are very sensitive.
 
Dam1 said:
She always felt as if she was going to kick - say for instance if tied up for grooming and you walked behind her she would barge you with her hind end and although she never did it felt like the threat was there. She bit OH and myself various times and changing a rug or even going inthe field with her was not for the faint hearted. She never showed any signs of affection and didn't seem to like any interaction with anyone - just seemed to put up with me rather than liking anything. I also didn't get on with riding her but think that was down to me rather than her. I think basically we were very mismatched. I wanted an easygoing fun horse and for me she wasn't (kept at home) I had her for two years until I sold her and was relieved when she was gone . Only heard from new owner once who said she employed a rider for her and she had had some skin problems (husband had cattle) which she'd not really had with me although could be a bit itchy at times.
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I've had two horses, both mares, who I feel had the wrong temperament for me. I like a sooky, please-look-after-me horse, but these two were independent types. I'm not saying the sooky ones I've owned have done everything I asked willingly and with good manners. No. Sometimes they didn't want to. One of them would pigroot when he was p!$$@d off.

I don't think I ever would have gelled with either mare. I owned them both for a few/several years, but eventually found other homes for them. Not their fault, not my fault. Just mis-matching personalities or something.

ETA: Come to think of it, the first of those mares would sometimes buck, and the second of those mares I always had the feeling that she might rear. I used to lean ever so slightly back when she felt like this, to prevent it. She never did rear with me and there was no mention of it with her previous people, whom she went back to after a few years.
 
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