I feel sick with worry- handing in notice, later.

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Fransurrey

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I like the people on my yard, the location and the facilities, but the set up is just not working for me or the ponies. Various issues which can't be resolved easily (would involve one of three people including me leaving the yard, due to aggressive/hormonal issues not related to my ponies!) and it came to a head on Tuesday night, as the dominant mare stopped me getting my ponies from the field by being very aggressive to me and them. I told the YM (I was quite blunt as I'd been stood in the rain being kicked at for 20 minutes) and since then, she's been reserved with me. Not rude, but not chatty, either and I walked round the corner yesterday to find her and her chum suddenly stop talking in *that* way and suddenly part to do jobs. Said chum is also clingy with her and it's like being a spare wheel at the best of times, although I like both of them.

I'd already started looking for somewhere else due to previous issues, but this finalised it and yesterday I saw an ad for a yard I saw last year - I didn't take the space then as I was told I didn't have to move, otherwise I'd have been there already. Anyway, the new set up is perfect for me and the ponies. Same facilities, same hacking, but I get my own storage (currently my feed bins and rugs are out in the rain with no secure storage and my fibre cubes have gone mouldy!!) and tack room, plus paddocks just for me. No brainer. However, I still feel terrible, despite knowing there's someone waiting to take a stable on my yard. After the awkwardness of this week, I'm just not sure how it's going to go, later. :( I could barely eat my lunch, just now. I'll move at the end of the month and pay for both places if I have to, as I know two liveries are coming then, so it makes sense to move mine before, so there are less bodies in the field for herd introductions. Just venting, really. Eep! I can't concentrate on work or anything and am half tempted to leave now, just to get it over with!!! On the other hand, whilst I was feeling awful about moving from my last place (there for 13 years before owner died), I feel so excited about moving to this one!
 
First, eat your lunch and enjoy it. Then when you go to yard, just hand over your letter of notice, and then you'll feel much better, and probably things will go back to normal till you leave.

Pack up and go knowing that you won't be the topic of conversation for very long, they'll soon find someone else to talk about in "that" way, which we have all experienced at some time or other.
 
I know how you feel, it is worrying but once its done it will be a big weight off your shoulders.

Just say something along the lines of "I have really enjoyed my time here but I feel it is time to move on, thank you for all your support and thanks for having me here, I will be moving on xxxx, here is a month notice *hand money""
 
Don't worry, just think once you've done it each day is a countdown to the new yard and new beginnings!

Just think of that excited feeling, not the scared one :D

Your new yard sounds lovely, very similar to ours actually! Shame you weren't coming to us, we would look after you with our zero bitching tolerance :p:D

Good luck and enjoy your lunch ;)
 
I don't have a letter,written. I haven't even signed the contract (kind of forgot and she never chansed it!). Thing is, I really have enjoyed it, socially, which I never thought I would. Sat around, drinking tea, putting world to rights, laughing at the yard 'old woman' who talked his head off whilst I was trying to muck out, little things like that. I just don't think she took my angry outburst well on Tuesday. Kind of see her point, but it's known that the mare has issues, yet another owner has had to spend lots of money to find out there is nothing wrong with her gelding and this mare was swapped into a herd with MY gelding. The other gelding hates ponies, so we can't just move into the other herd and let the new liveries join the problem mare (and if they're geldings, God help them...). The fact she made it clear nothing would change (again, to be fair, it can't, due to above) left me with no option, as I had the other issues, too, but those in themselves weren't deal breakers. I'm hoping I won't need to give a month (as the two new liveries only have one stable, so one could just take over mine), but will honour the month if she asks. I think the worry is that I'll lose a friendship. I'm mentally preparing my apology for the outburst. :/

ETA: There's no bitching as such on our yard. As they're close friends, it's natural for her to confide in the chum, but since being bullied at school I'm very sensitive to situations where I walk into a suddenly stopped conversation. Obviously I know there's no guarantee of that not happening anywhere, but new place set up reduces potential for that dramatically!
 
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Aw I know how you feel - horrid isn't it. Trust me you will feel so much better once the deed is done - chance for you to move on and enjoy your nags much more!

Best of luck x
 
Fransurrey said:
but since being bullied at school I'm very sensitive to situations where I walk into a suddenly stopped conversation. Obviously I know there's no guarantee of that not happening anywhere, but new place set up reduces potential for that dramatically!
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I know exactly what you mean OP, it sucks :o But you can learn to control it, I'm just getting good at it and I'm now 40 lol

Taught to me during therapy for chronic anxiety a few years ago - sit somewhere quiet, no music or distractions. Slow your breathing down. After a few moments say 'positive, positive, positive' in your head as you breathe in slowly, then repeat as you breathe out. Repeat as you wish. Do it every time you get a quiet moment, when you wake up, on the loo, before you set off/ get out of the car, bedtime. Before long just saying the mantra will bring that quietness back to you.

It works wonders for my anxiety so I hope it helps you.

Give your notice and as someone else said add on 'thanks for the lovely time, being helpful blah blah, it's just the new place will make things easier for me', smile and carry on :D The last thing you want is for your visits until you leave to become a stress.

Good luck with the move.
 
Well I've told her. Things brought forward slightly as new liveries coming next weekend, so I'll move Thursday. I think waiting will just upset mine even more, so I'll have to eat beans for a year, as I'll be paying double livery for 2 weeks, plus new place needs a deposit. Eek!

She was understandably upset, but I THINK she gets why I'm moving. Also I'm still welcome on the yard, but we joked that I have to bring my own teabags and biscuits. Strawbz, sorry you went through it too. We have thin walls in our house, so I might go easy on the loo mutterings. :D
 
Fransurrey said:
I like the people on my yard, the location and the facilities, but the set up is just not working for me or the ponies. Various issues which can't be resolved easily (would involve one of three people including me leaving the yard, due to aggressive/hormonal issues not related to my ponies!) and it came to a head on Tuesday night, as the dominant mare stopped me getting my ponies from the field by being very aggressive to me and them. I told the YM (I was quite blunt as I'd been stood in the rain being kicked at for 20 minutes) and since then, she's been reserved with me. Not rude, but not chatty, either and I walked round the corner yesterday to find her and her chum suddenly stop talking in *that* way and suddenly part to do jobs. Said chum is also clingy with her and it's like being a spare wheel at the best of times, although I like both of them.

I'd already started looking for somewhere else due to previous issues, but this finalised it and yesterday I saw an ad for a yard I saw last year - I didn't take the space then as I was told I didn't have to move, otherwise I'd have been there already. Anyway, the new set up is perfect for me and the ponies. Same facilities, same hacking, but I get my own storage (currently my feed bins and rugs are out in the rain with no secure storage and my fibre cubes have gone mouldy!!) and tack room, plus paddocks just for me. No brainer. However, I still feel terrible, despite knowing there's someone waiting to take a stable on my yard. After the awkwardness of this week, I'm just not sure how it's going to go, later. :( I could barely eat my lunch, just now. I'll move at the end of the month and pay for both places if I have to, as I know two liveries are coming then, so it makes sense to move mine before, so there are less bodies in the field for herd introductions. Just venting, really. Eep! I can't concentrate on work or anything and am half tempted to leave now, just to get it over with!!! On the other hand, whilst I was feeling awful about moving from my last place (there for 13 years before owner died), I feel so excited about moving to this one!
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If it helps I am doing the same thing today.
Notice is in my handbag.
I have a similar problem with other horses that wont be resolved. We have a stream in the field making one corner of it an island. My mare and YO mothers mare are very good friends but when in season are evil to each (backing up, kicking etc) nothing nasty hasnt happened but the mare has now started to just shove Samba about and guarding the patch where Samba likes to cross the river to come in, Samba is by no means a submissive type and I just know one day she will explode.

Also having a native on 20acres in a muzzle is hard work. YO horses have own paddock but we can't as a result (and never a clear reason given why she has her own paddock and we don't) I cannot get weight off my mare and this year we are trying to get fit but the grass is so against us where we are because the grazing is soooo good. Also need a school, last winter was told we could have one for the summer, well planning permission not even written up and in yet. And I have to say getting fed up of bringing in at night now, all year round.

New yard has 24/7 T0 through summer.

Flood lit school

Individual Paddocks

Its more than I wanted to pay and its further than I wanted to travel but beggers cannot be choosers round here so have taken the space. Very excited. And the hacking is amazing.


OP good luck, try not to leave on bad terms as you may want to go back one day, but TBH wouldnt want to be on a yard where YO bitchin' about me behind my back as I was worried about herd dynamics and potential injury.
 
As a YO, I wouldn't worry. Anyway you've probably done it by now. Livery is a business like any other. People come, people go, the world moves on.

I'm sometimes a little sad when people move on, but hey, if it doesn't suit them why on earth should they stay, and if things can't be altered why should I put up with their dissatisfaction?

When people say they're leaving, even if they haven't been my favourite livery, I just say that I quite understand, that I'm sure the new arrangement will work better - and I do say, and indeed have honoured on two occasions - that if they ever find themselves in difficulties with another yard, I will always tide their horse over on a "few weeks" basis - until they find another establishment. This means that we part on good terms and, hopefully, everyone is happy!

Go and have a good supper to make up for your inadequate lunch..................
 
I hope you are happy and settled at your new yard, I've experienced the bitching first hand on yards in Surrey where I've turned up do do some work for a client only to walk into a slanging match between liveries, can be scary when 2 women go at each other with both barrels!
Good luck and let us know how you get on, Oz :)
 
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