I need a plan- my lack of confidence is harming my horse

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teasle

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but I cant sell him to a better owner as he had a mystery lameness.

My horse needs more leadership than I can give him . He basically has a calm temprement but needs telling to get on with things when he is distracted and I fail to do this at the moment. He was on and off lame for 18 months- written off by the vet and now appears sound but though he would benefit from a more confident owner I could not pass his problems on.

He does not do anything dangerous , and when he is calm you could not have a quieter horse, but he is suspicious of change in his environment , more so than the other horses at the yard . How can I make myself ride and handle him n a more confident way?
 
Sorry to hear you are having problems with your horse. Can you afford to get an instructor in to give you a hand? Something I also found really useful was doing groundwork with mine.

Other possibility is more confident sharer.

Although I should in all honestly admit that I'm only on the forum at the moment because it's a few more days until I can ride after getting ditched. :eek:

Paula
 
Your best bet is finding someone to loan him, and then if six months to a year later they are doing well together, give them the option to take him over if you want. He's probably not worth much after that history of lameness with tricky behavior. That's what I'd do.
 
A more confident friend will hack him out some weekends , and I can sometimes ride with her and we have started lessons again . Also I can hack with her occasionally . Basically the horse is a saint , it is my hesitant handling that is the problem . I dont want an unknown sharer incase he goes lame again.
 
could you hack with a friend on foot besides you or cycling besides you?

I had similar problems myself and it has taken me just short of a year to be able to hack him out alone on my own (and that's just into the village nothing spectacular but we do cross a busy road). I came to the conclusion that I either carry on keeping him as an expensive pet or I force myself to get on with it.

I was very nervous but I am lucky that road wise he is bombproof, I still get nervous now but I try to not put too much pressure on myself or him.
 
rescue remedy may help you.

I ride with two nervous riders (not at the same time I hasten to add), and both find that it really helps their confidence. Shy is very good to ride out with, so he's booked up in advance ;)

Hang in there, and I would get some lessons, if you can on your horse. There is another forum that has a section called "Confidence Club" which may be worth reading for you - pm me.
 
I have a friend in the same situation as you and is struggling to be confident on horseback. He picks up on this and plays her up a lot when she rides him. I'd give the same advice as I have to her. Go and have lessons preferably some on a different horse as well. If you feel more confident in your riding ability then that will transmit to the horse. You say he does not do anything dangerous so why are you anxious about riding him. :
: also in same injured boat as Paula at the moment..
 
I just need to know exactly what to do- explained as for dummies- when he stops and stares and wont go forwards. Both when riding and leading.
 
I think he is taking the mick out of you, as he knows you are nervous. Horses suss out what they can get away with VERY fast. An instructor will certainly be the best route, but in the meantime, it's a case of putting your leg on, maybe growling, and using a whip, and MAKING him listen to you. Hold the reins tight, have a neck strap on, and make him stand there until he listens to you. And moves !!

The first time you manage to do it, you will never look back. :)
 
teasle said:
I just need to know exactly what to do- explained as for dummies- when he stops and stares and wont go forwards. Both when riding and leading.
Click to expand...

My friend's cob does this to her too interspersed with some spooks and bucks for good measure. Problem is she's anxious about what he's going to do and it almost sees like he lives up to her worst expectations. I ride him occasionally and he's never played me up apart from grazing whenever he thought I was distracted!
I can tell you what I've done but I'm in no way an expert and can only relate what I have done in this particular case.

1. Before I took him out I did some exercises on the ground and used a dressage whip to back up my demands..walk halt and back up until he was listening to me and not providing any resistance. (Same with leading him from the field when I'd step back and wave the end of the lead roap at his bum)

2. When riding him I am calm but firm. I ask once with my leg and when he does not move I back it up straight away with the whip..used behind my leg.
When he's stopped because he's unsure of something on the route I take a deep breath, relax and then ask again. Each time he obeys I praise him and give him stroke.
He was a real nuisance with grazing and had various tricks to get his head down, so again I used the crop each time. Not beating him up but with intent so again letting him know that he had to do as he was told. (tested the force I was using on my thigh to reassure myself)
Also..watch your hands or body are not blocking forward movement. Relaxed elbows and sit up tall.
Next time I took him out he was so well behaved, even at gates, and was a joy to ride. If he looked like he was planning to grab a mouthful id tap him lightly on the shoulder in a sort of.. Yes, ive still got the stick, so behave' way.

The good behaviour lasted about a week as lack of consistency meant he has slipped back to his old ways.
I was acting on some good advice I was given by my trainer..ie. Ride with intent and make sure the horse knows you are in control because otherwise they will feel insecure and make the decisions for you.

Hope this helps.. Lots of big deep breaths and think big ..
 
Don't give up on yourself!!!

I would echo the others about getting a confident instructor or friend to ride and handle your horse a bit. Maybe they could do some basic ground work and build up his confidence and show you how to 'fake it'.

Never think that you aren't enough for him because of your confidence. Confidence is a temporary state of mind and can be rebuilt, but you have to give yourself a chance and get the right help.

My mum suffered really badly with her confidence and our horse REALLY took the mick out of her. Would bolt in hand and flatten her in the stable. She actually found listening to hypnotherapy / relaxation tapes every night helped. She used the Paul McKenna confidence ones. Just helped put her in a different state of mind and helped her to breath when she was tense.
 
Well....

what I do when faced with this situation (and of course I'm pretty worried at the time) is start talking to him, rather as I would have spoken to the kids when they were a bit younger. Kind of jolly hockeysticks stuff "lets be brave together then Tedric". Then I keep talking quietly and calmly until the problem has gone, whether it is a Claas tractor with a plough on the back coming towards us on the road, or a stallion in a field higher than the track we are riding on or the bogeyman lurking in the hedge. It really is as much for my benefit as his. Something to do with keeping talking means you keep breathing and helps you stay calmer. Then once we are through the other side of the problem, much praise for him (which is praise for me too for keeping my bottle and not collapsing in a heap which is what I'd like to do). Bottom line is that is what it is anyway - being brave together. Reassuing pats, praise (being told he is a good boy) seem to go a very long way. I promise it does work.
 
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