I said goodbye

[mytwofriends]

I wasn't wanting to start myself crying again, but I'm hoping writing this down might help with closure.

I made the call on my beloved oldie on Wednesday. The kindest, most gentle, most beautiful horse I've ever owned.

He meant the absolute world to me. I can say, 100%, that he never caused me a single moment's trouble in the 10 years I owned him. He had age related issues - arthritis, Cushings - but he was never sick or sorry.

He was an absolute joy, a true gentle giant. He'd been retired for a few years, but ridden-wise he'd never say no. He'd look after his rider at all times, and if he wasn't sure of a situation, if his rider said it was ok, he'd trust them.

I will miss him so very much. It was the hardest decision, but the only one. He'd started to have difficulty getting up - I'd had to help him several times this past week. No way was I going to risk my old buddy getting stuck with no-one to help him.

He was 25. RIP my sweet baby.

 

[LadyGascoyne]

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news but what a lucky horse to be so loved and looked after.

Thinking of you.

 

[mytwofriends]

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news but what a lucky horse to be so loved and looked after.

Thinking of you.

Thank you.

 

[JillA]

It is the final gift we can give them, release from pain and suffering. Several years ago my beloved old mare, who had had a dreadful winter with Cushings before pergolide was available, couldn't have been clearer asking me to end it for her. She refused to get up - no breathing problems, or stiffness, or lethargy...........just "I've had enough, get the vet". Changed my whole attitude to letting them go and you can reassure yourself you loved him enough to send him on his way.
You will miss him, of course you will, but in time you will be able to take out the memories and enjoy them, and enjoy that you had him in your life. Take care

 

[Sprout]

I am so sorry for your loss, it sounds as though you have lots of wonderful memories to treasure. Xx

 

[mytwofriends]

It is the final gift we can give them, release from pain and suffering. Several years ago my beloved old mare, who had had a dreadful winter with Cushings before pergolide was available, couldn't have been clearer asking me to end it for her. She refused to get up - no breathing problems, or stiffness, or lethargy...........just "I've had enough, get the vet". Changed my whole attitude to letting them go and you can reassure yourself you loved him enough to send him on his way.
You will miss him, of course you will, but in time you will be able to take out the memories and enjoy them, and enjoy that you had him in your life. Take care

I am so sorry for your loss, it sounds as though you have lots of wonderful memories to treasure. Xx

Thank you both for your kind words. Yes, the memories will live on. ❤❤

 

[madlady]

So very sorry for your loss - you did the best for him but I know it hurts.

We made that decision for our old mare last summer - she was lying down a lot in the field, staying down when we went in the field (totally out of character for her) and wasn't holding weight like she used to so we let her go on a lovely sunny day because I didn't want her to struggle any more.

I still cry now but we have the most amazing memories.

 

[Bernster]

I'm so sorry to hear your sad news but what a lucky horse to be so loved and looked after.

Thinking of you.

Yes. He sounds like an amazing horse. Very sorry for you x

 

[meleeka]

Be proud of yourself that you let him go with dignity and prevented any suffering. You knew when the time was right for him and made that call. He'd thank you for that I'm sure.

 

[Cortez]

What a kind gift for your old horse, I wish more people would put the feelings of their horse over their own. He was a very lucky boy.

 

[mytwofriends]

Thank you so much. All these words of reassurance are what I needed. He looked so bright on Wednesday, the picture of health. But I know what might have been, and that I couldn't live with.

Xx

 

[Michen]

Really sorry. I lost my horse suddenly and traumatically at the weekend and still feel like someone is stabbing me in the stomach every second. Hugs xxxx

 

[mytwofriends]

Really sorry. I lost my horse suddenly and traumatically at the weekend and still feel like someone is stabbing me in the stomach every second. Hugs xxxx

It's unbelievably hard isn't it? I lost a last year too, but his death was quantifiable as he'd had a string of misfortunes, and I guess I was prepared to a certain degree. Plus, of course, I still had my old guy to love.

But now I have nothing. My first time horseless in years. I don't want to sound like a sad sob story, but crikey it's way harder than I imagined.

 

[LD&S]

Thank you so much. All these words of reassurance are what I needed. He looked so bright on Wednesday, the picture of health. But I know what might have been, and that I couldn't live with.

Xx

A lot of people find it hard to understand but far nicer to have it happen on a day he is still ok-ish than wait till he can't get up. Hopefully the tears will lessen and the happy memories will be what you will have with you forever.

 

[Spottyappy]

So sorry for your loss.
Thinking if you at this time.

 

[Sukistokes2]

So very sorry for your loss. Your lad was lucky to have you as his friend.

 

[Dazed'n'confused]

What a wonderful owner you are, he was as lucky to have you as you were to have him...
My vet friend always used to say that he wished more owners would take responsibility when it came to old horses struggling, even when they still looked fine most of the time - it really distressed him when he got the call to an old horse that was down and stuck as 99% of the time it transpired that the problems had started long before that day but the owner had been too "selfish" to do what was right by their friend...
It's ruddy hard on us though....

I had my old companion ponies put down in Autumn - one had metabolic issues that, despite my best efforts, got to the point of no return and the kindest thing was to end her suffering, it broke my heart as she had been a star for many reasons. Her pony friend had retired from a lifetime of teaching children to ride and he had lots of old age issues, not least very poor eyesight - I decided to let him go with his friend as he relied on her an awful lot.
I have also just had my wonderful 6yr old put down due to the awful condition that is head shaking....
I'm an emotional wreck!!

Ive had horses for 39 years without a break - I too am at a total loss as to what to do with myself.... The dogs are complaining of over-walking!!

 

[Identityincrisis]

He sounds like my old boy who I lost 3 years ago, he was a wonderful, gentle, kind horse.

He was lucky to have someone who appreciated his qualities, and you were lucky to benefit from them. I honestly look back now and can only be happy as I was so lucky to share my life with him, I hope soon you will be able to do this too.

Sleep well x

 

[Midlifecrisis]

Brave thing to do - well done and be kind to yourself cos strange little things can hurt when you least expect it (like picking their last poo s from the field...)

 

[Sussexbythesea]

Sorry you've lost a much loved friend you've definitely done the right thing. I dread the day I lose my boy I'm not sure how I will survive xx

 

[Carlosmum]

Sadly, with the privilege of having these wonderful creatures in our lives comes the responsibility of knowing when to say goodbye. I believe the animals tell you when it is time. My last dog had 4 months of being not quite right and I knew the time would come, one morning she had a'fit' and I knew then she had had enough. I was gutted but there was no other choice for her even though she wasn't at deaths door.
The love of my horsey life had colic surgery last year, but didn't recover well. Though the vets said they could keep him going for a few more days with drugs, he wasn't happy & I knew he'd had enough fighting it was all so sudden from a happy fit horse to nothing in less than 4 days.

OP it is a horrible time, and I wish you well and hope you have many happy memories.

 

[SEL]

I too dread the day I will have to say goodbye to my old boy and I also dread finding out that I've left it a day too late. Lots of hugs and don't be afraid to have some teary days - they are our family and leave a massive hole when they go xx

 

[mytwofriends]

Wow, just read all your amazingly kind replies. Thank you all so much for your support, and also for sharing your stories too.

A poster above said something poignant - that it would hurt doing the small things. Well, it hurt like crazy yesterday walking round the supermarket and not needing to buy carrots. Something so daft and insignificant.

I have yet to clear his stable. That I know will be horrific, but whereas my friend would do it if I preferred, I think I need to, but it won't be until next week.

It's the end of an era. We're letting our little yard go and it will be rented to someone else. The day we drive away for the last time will be another sad milestone. Why do horses do this to us?

 

[Peregrine Falcon]

They touch our hearts in more ways than we realise. Sorry for your loss but I hope that I can be strong when the time comes for my boy.

I've had him 23 years now. He's semi retired due to an arthritic knee but loves going out for a 20/30 mins whether ridden or in-hand. I don't want him to suffer as he's given me so much over the years I owe him the dignity of a good end.

Look after yourself. X

 

[Dazed'n'confused]

Wow, just read all your amazingly kind replies. Thank you all so much for your support, and also for sharing your stories too.

A poster above said something poignant - that it would hurt doing the small things. Well, it hurt like crazy yesterday walking round the supermarket and not needing to buy carrots. Something so daft and insignificant.

I have yet to clear his stable. That I know will be horrific, but whereas my friend would do it if I preferred, I think I need to, but it won't be until next week.

It's the end of an era. We're letting our little yard go and it will be rented to someone else. The day we drive away for the last time will be another sad milestone. Why do horses do this to us?

We all feel it and no matter how many times it happens it never gets any less painful..

I've just cried emptying my (now clean) car of all the horse stuff that lives in there - spare vetwrap, mini clippers, fence tester, many coats, a spare headcollar, polos, numnahs, massage pad....

When I lost the ponies I could have howled in Morrisons when I didn't buy carrots to grate in the old boy's mush (he had no teeth really)!
I still look for them (& my heart still sinks) as I come over the bridge back towards my now empty stables...
I cried when I saw the snowdrops come up that the pony with teeth always tried to eat much to my horror - this year they are without the bit of fencing that I had to put up round them....

Everything is packed away or about to be washed ..... 39 years worth of stuff just waiting...
I'll eventually find another but until then I'll be just that little bit sad

 

[TandD]

Why do horses do this to us?

I read a lovely line once - horses are loaned to us, they are not ours to keep.
I like to think that when I look up at the stars at night, my late gelding looking down on my 2 mares and me. I got the privilege of (almost) 9 wonderful years with him. And I'd have rather had him for those years than none at all.
I didn't get a chance to say goodbye, he was pts in theatre, but tbh I didn't feel I needed to. I have many special places I can go and visit him, and it always feels like he is just one step behind me.

All the hugs in the world, you never know what's around the next corner!

 

[mytwofriends]

More heartfelt thanks for the kind replies. More tears. I guess the grieving process will continue for good a while yet, as whenever a new milestone or anniversary is reached, raw memories will be unearthed.

I sincerely don't think I'll encounter another horse like my old gentleman. He was my soulmate.

I also cried when I saw the daffodils coming out at home. Why? He'd never been to my home. I suppose it's the thought of spring without him - the first day with no rug, the first day warm enough for a little bath. All the small things that used to be taken for granted.

I need to get a grip. You lovely HHOers certainly help, as you understand. Thank you.

 

[Cortez]

There will be another one. One who needs you and wants to walk with you, not the same but equal. They are part of us, perhaps the best part.....

 

[mytwofriends]

There will be another one. One who needs you and wants to walk with you, not the same but equal. They are part of us, perhaps the best part.....

I hope so - one day. I've always said I'll never get another, but I don't know if I can bear the thought of that now. Incredible animals.

 

[Ceriann]

It is so hard and am so sorry. It never completely goes away but I also don't think it should - if you love them it will always hurt. You looked after him until the end and when he needed you most, you can't do more than that.