I think I may need a break from horses

[fine_and_dandy]

The last few weeks have been quite difficult and I've felt more and more weighed down by everything that goes on. I've just started having lessons to try and build up the strength in my wrist gradually, and prior to this I hadn't ridden for 7 weeks, and no matter how hard I tried, I ended up thinking way too much about everything and have now convinced myself that I am a crap rider, that Kia would be better off without me etc etc.

The youngsters have decided within the last couple of weeks to be sh!ts - perfect timing as usual

and tonight just absolutely took the biscuit; I got up the yard to find all the electric fencing trashed and neds where they shouldn't be. As trivial as it sounds, I just felt utterly disheartened by everything, and just crumpled in a pathetic heap on the floor. I then - by the feel of it - have torn something in my shoulder trying to get Bailey back on the right side of the field when he was being a gimp.

For the last 2/3 weeks I keep having a recurring dream (I don't normally get recurring dreams unless there is something that is concerning me - whether I am aware of it or not) and the dream is that I go to the yard and there are 2 horses in the field - both "faceless" i.e. I can't make out which horses they are.

People always say that this is too expensive a hobby to be miserable in, and no matter how tough the decision, sometimes one needs to be made.

I don't know whether I want to walk away from horses completely for a while...at least I don't think I do. The more I think about things and wind myself up, the more I think downsizing is the best idea. As soon as I think downsizing is the best idea, all the arguments for not downsizing come flooding into my head. I've been going round and round in circles for a couple of weeks and feel no closer to making a decision.

I honestly just do not know what to do.

 

[scotsmare]

Firstly, ((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

You've had a rough few weeks. Is there anyone you could ask to come and help you for a bit?

I've had the whole downsizing / no downsizing conversation with myself lots of times lately. You ultimately have to do what's best for you and if you're miserable then something's got to give.

 

[madhector]

Aw hun! Sorry you are feeling so down

As far as Kia goes I dont think I could have sold her to a nicer home and think you two are made for each other. She is so sensitive and special that she really needed someone like you who wouldnt push her too quickly. I have no regrets in you having her so you shouldnt either

If you really need a break you could dump her here for a bit, dont want to think of you struggling xx

 

[newhorse]

you poor thing! ir sounds like your having hellish time! I kind of now how you feel as I have been the same until recently but for different reasons (confidence issues) and its horrible when your not enjoying things.

Can anyone help out to relieve some of the pressure? How many horses do you have? Are you able to downsize slightly or put some out on loan?

Hope you come to a decision that is good for you soon

 

[gigs]

Deep breath - think we all have times like this sometimes everything goes wrong !Try to get yourself a bit of help ,do you have a friend who can help you out . Dont be too critical of your riding give yourself time .Above all dont make any decision whilst in this frame of mind . Good luck .

 

[fine_and_dandy]

[ QUOTE ]
Firstly, ((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

You've had a rough few weeks. Is there anyone you could ask to come and help you for a bit?

I've had the whole downsizing / no downsizing conversation with myself lots of times lately. You ultimately have to do what's best for you and if you're miserable then something's got to give.

[/ QUOTE ]

I can't think of anyone off the top of my head; everyone always seems to be uber busy.

I keep thinking back to how complicated it all seems to have become, and where, when and how did it get to be that way? Owning a horse(s) is supposed to be fun, with ups and downs, but at the end of the day feeling as though you would rather have them than not...and I can't honestly say that I feel that way right now. You're right in that something has to give; at this rate it will be me

Making what may or may not prove to be the right decision is so difficult.

 

[fine_and_dandy]

[ QUOTE ]
Aw hun! Sorry you are feeling so down

As far as Kia goes I dont think I could have sold her to a nicer home and think you two are made for each other. She is so sensitive and special that she really needed someone like you who wouldnt push her too quickly. I have no regrets in you having her so you shouldnt either

If you really need a break you could dump her here for a bit, dont want to think of you struggling xx

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank you E, means a lot. I love her to bits and just want to feel as though I am doing right by her. There just seems to be a lot of things which keep making me question myself and each time I do it just seems to push me lower and lower.

Thank you for the offer of a mini Kia holiday too; I will defo consider if I get to the point where I decide I defo need a break xx

 

[muffinino]

I'm allowed to be blunt (would you expect anything else?

) so don't think I'm being mean.

I think you may have taken on a bit too much, tbh. 3 youngsters + a green horse when you have a full time are hard work, even if you have support. Add to this the operation and the shock of losing Wonka and it's bound to get to you. It's when things are at their hardest that you realise how easily things can get on top of you.
I did tell you at the time that getting another youngster when you already had Bailey was not the best idea, and now you have two more. I also said to get a green horse instead to bring on, which you did, but now you have the others, too. That's a lot for one person to cope with. I know you were thinking of getting a yearling Shire on top of this, which is madness imo. Don't take this the wrong way, it is my honest opinion.
You tend to let your heart lead you too much; this is not a criticism or a bad thing, so do I. I did it with T - taking on an unbacked youngster I'd never seen is crazy - but I was lucky, we were destined, and I only have him. You need to know when to say no and admit that it's too much, which you have.

I think you need to really look at what you are able to cope with; a youngster and a green horse is more than enough to be getting on with. You are not the awful rider you think you are, but you are spreading yourself too thin, which means you can't focus enough time on one or two horses. You can't do yourself or them justice this way, I'm afraid.

 

[fine_and_dandy]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm allowed to be blunt (would you expect anything else?

) so don't think I'm being mean.

I think you may have taken on a bit too much, tbh. 3 youngsters + a green horse when you have a full time are hard work, even if you have support. Add to this the operation and the shock of losing Wonka and it's bound to get to you. It's when things are at their hardest that you realise how easily things can get on top of you.
I did tell you at the time that getting another youngster when you already had Bailey was not the best idea, and now you have two more. I also said to get a green horse instead to bring on, which you did, but now you have the others, too. That's a lot for one person to cope with. I know you were thinking of getting a yearling Shire on top of this, which is madness imo. Don't take this the wrong way, it is my honest opinion.
You tend to let your heart lead you too much; this is not a criticism or a bad thing, so do I. I did it with T - taking on an unbacked youngster I'd never seen is crazy - but I was lucky, we were destined, and I only have him. You need to know when to say no and admit that it's too much, which you have.

I think you need to really look at what you are able to cope with; a youngster and a green horse is more than enough to be getting on with. You are not the awful rider you think you are, but you are spreading yourself too thin, which means you can't focus enough time on one or two horses. You can't do yourself or them justice this way, I'm afraid.

[/ QUOTE ]

It is funny how within a short space of time things just turn on their head. I don't regret for a second getting any of mine, far from it! I love them all to pieces and have learnt from them as well as taught them; the time, work and effort is not the problem, it is me that is the problem.

Whether it is spreading myself too thin or some other underlying problem, I'm not sure. I just know that I am not enjoying myself or them atm and something needs to happen to change that I think. The Shire thing would have been madness which is why we haven't done it - I put the stoppers on that. I miss enjoying my horses

And no H, I wouldn't expect you to be anything but blunt

 

[muffinino]

[ QUOTE ]
It is funny how within a short space of time things just turn on their head. I don't regret for a second getting any of mine, far from it! I love them all to pieces and have learnt from them as well as taught them; the time, work and effort is not the problem, it is me that is the problem.

Whether it is spreading myself too thin or some other underlying problem, I'm not sure. I just know that I am not enjoying myself or them atm and something needs to happen to change that I think...I miss enjoying my horses


[/ QUOTE ]

I'm not saying that you should regret it, or that you don't love them, but that's not the problem. I think you are trying to do too much, that's the problem as far as I can see; you're not enjoying it because you can't cope and it's stressing you out. It's a very hard thing to admit that there's something wrong, so bravo for doing it. I honestly think if you had one youngster and Kia you would enjoy them more because you'd have the time to them justice.

[ QUOTE ]
The Shire thing would have been madness which is why we haven't done it - I put the stoppers on that.

[/ QUOTE ]
I didn't know that put I'm glad you changed your mind, tbh.

[ QUOTE ]
And no H, I wouldn't expect you to be anything but blunt

[/ QUOTE ]
I aim to please

 

[fine_and_dandy]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
It is funny how within a short space of time things just turn on their head. I don't regret for a second getting any of mine, far from it! I love them all to pieces and have learnt from them as well as taught them; the time, work and effort is not the problem, it is me that is the problem.

Whether it is spreading myself too thin or some other underlying problem, I'm not sure. I just know that I am not enjoying myself or them atm and something needs to happen to change that I think...I miss enjoying my horses


[/ QUOTE ]

I'm not saying that you should regret it, or that you don't love them, but that's not the problem. I think you are trying to do too much, that's the problem as far as I can see; you're not enjoying it because you can't cope and it's stressing you out. It's a very hard thing to admit that there's something wrong, so bravo for doing it. I honestly think if you had one youngster and Kia you would enjoy them more because you'd have the time to them justice.

[ QUOTE ]
The Shire thing would have been madness which is why we haven't done it - I put the stoppers on that.

[/ QUOTE ]
I didn't know that put I'm glad you changed your mind, tbh.

[ QUOTE ]
And no H, I wouldn't expect you to be anything but blunt

[/ QUOTE ]
I aim to please

[/ QUOTE ]

The voice of reason (sometimes

) as usual. I've been fairly down since finding out about Wonka; I feel like I can pinpoint feeling as I have done and do to that day. I told myself after that life is too short and to enjoy what I have, and I've been a hypocrite to my own advice.

I think I need to sit down and write everything down to make the best decision I can, and hope it is the best decision for them and for me.

Don't s'pose you fancy another pikey pony do you?

 

[muffinino]

I think sitting down and weighing up pros & cons is the best idea. Think hard about what you need to do - if you really can't part with the youngsters, is there anywhere you could put them on tack (or grass livery as it's called in the less common areas of the world

)

Hmmm, a pair of pikeys is tempting...

 

[Lippyx]

Sorry your having a tough time of it!

Take a deep breathe, and empty your mind! Calm down, and don't panic! I think ALL horsey people have had to make tough decisions once or twice in their horse obsessed life!

I had a TB mare on loan, and had to decide that it was better for her to go back to her owner, due to not having the time to retrain her. Sounds tough enough, but when you think she was MY FIRST OWN HORSE since being involved with horses at the age of 7 (I am now 30!) it was shattering to think I finally get a horse, only to give her back. But then that is no reason to keep a horse... it was becoming a chore as a posed to fun, and thats when you have to take a step back, and make "those" decisions!

No one will think bad of you, if anything they should pat you on the back for making that sort of decision!

I hope you feel better soon!

PS - Don't worry about the dream, thats all it is, and its only because its on your mind!!

 

[tasel]

Hugs!!!

Poor you.... I can't even imagine how it would be. I only have one youngster, and to be honest, when I had a full time career just a few months ago (emphasis on career, not job - i.e. they expected that your work was your life!), I found it so difficult to combine work, commute and the care of a youngster even on full livery simply because I had no time in the day to see her and I was paying so much for her upkeep.

After I got made redundant, she went on part livery and I now do much more with my youngster which showed me that I actually value a better work/life atmosphere more than money itself. I am now hoping that I will be allowed to step back from the career ladder, and do sth. less stressful job-wise.

What I want to say is that you should feel free to take a step back from your current situation... whether it be downsizing, taking a holiday, etc. It is often so much better to just think about it all with a clear mind. And whatever your decision will be as to which path you should venture on, I think it will be the right one for you to take.

All the best...

 

[fine_and_dandy]

[ QUOTE ]
I think sitting down and weighing up pros & cons is the best idea. Think hard about what you need to do - if you really can't part with the youngsters, is there anywhere you could put them on tack (or grass livery as it's called in the less common areas of the world

)

Hmmm, a pair of pikeys is tempting...

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh I'm sorry, when you said "on tack" I thought you meant stand them on a saddle

but then I am in the less *coughs* common areas of the world and call it grass livery

I'm going to compile my pros and cons list and go from there for now. It is going to be tough, no matter what I decide but I hope that when I make the decision, whatever it may be, that I get the relief of a right decision.

And go on. You know you want another one. Just to wind John up

 

[MrsMozartletoe]

Hugs to you hunny. Sometimes it does all just get too much, and no, it isn't fun any more

.

I've recently, i.e. today lol, decided that I'm only going to ride Mon-Fri, that weekends will be for the family (four of us - two are horsey, two are not). We have three neds, and daughter rides Friend's youngster, and that's as much as we can cope with (and that's between two of us!).

Think I've gone into woffle mode. Will shut up and go and drink hot choccy and contemplate an early night (reading a non-horsey book

).