I want him back :(

L

longtalltilly

Well-Known Member
Joined
6 April 2008
Messages
2,747
Location
Uk
Visit site
Unfortunatly had my horse PTS this year. At the time, although hard I knew it was the right decision and the best thing for him. Now however I just feel so so guilty and just want him back. I know thats impossible, just wish things were different and needed to share. Now need you all to tell me whats done is done and stop being so stupid!!
 
If you made the decision at the time for the right reasons you need to remember and stand by those reasons. You probably havent finished grieving for him yet. Remember the good times you had and think of him running free now. I always believe in death that its the living that suffer (in their ways of trying to deal with it). Hopefully it will get easier for you x
 
I know exactly how you're feeling :(

I lost my horse one month ago yesterday. I'd do anything to have her back, nothing seems the same and it all just feels a bit pointless.

I cling on to the fact that she had hurt herself SO badly, that I was doing the last possible nice thing for her that I could, and putting a stop to her pain.

Dont waste your thoughts on regret, think on the happy times you had and, like me, cling on the the fact that it WAS the right thing to do.

Chin up, and hugs to you xx
 
i still wish i could have my mare back and i lost her nearly 6yrs ago. some would say i left it too late and i often wonder that myself, that's the hardest part for me. i know when the vet came that i would have to say good bye and it was hard because deep down i thought i should have done it the year before, hard to explain the circumstances around it all but she collapsed a year before and seemed fine afterwards, although became too dangerous to ride, the day she was pts she was found collapsed in the field and couldn't get up, we don't know what happened but i guess i had the tell tale signs her life was coming to an end the year leading up to it.

sorry for rambling! what i'm trying to say is that you made the decision at the time and you wouldn't have made that without good reason. you stopped any suffering.
 
oh this is so sad. Please try and remember the good times you had- you did the right thing but yes it is the loss more than anything. I had one of my rescued/retired x polo ponies pts 2 yrs ago, and i miss him sooo much. He was such a nice horse, amazing to ride and a heart so big im not sure how he carried it around with him!! He had to go due to ongoing lameness issues, but i still think about it all the time.

At the time it was the right decision, just remember all the good times and chin up-there are lots of us that feel the same i promise. It is very hard getting over a loss of an animal, because really we spend more time with them than we do our own families, they depend on us, are always their to comfort us-horses are AMAZING animals and i will never forget each and every one that has moved on to a better place xx
 
I also had my boy PTS this year and still miss him terribly :( I have a new boy who is lovely but I do miss the bond I had with my old boy and his cheeky personality - no one will ever match Legend for that!
 
right now I really dont want another, cant see it ever being there again. I still have some of his stuff and its like I cant let go, keeping it makes it feel he is still here!
 
I know exactly how you feel. My old girl was pts on the 11th of this month, I think about her everyday, but if i think too much I cry. She's the only horse i've ever felt truly confident riding, we used to go all over the place, gallop across big fields, explore new places, everywhere and I never felt at all scared or worried. She was a bit of a bugger at times but I knew she was safe. Now I have no inclination to ride again, I have no confidence and the thought of riding in open spaces fills me with dread. I have 2 other horses, 1 is on loan to a friend and my youngster that I will have to work with and whilst I'm happy to do the groundwork, riding him holds no thrill for me.
I'm sorry I can't offer any encouraging words, I guess it's just one of those things that needs time to come to terms with.
 
I so know how you feel, lost my darling jack 15 months ago everyone said i had done the right thing, but like you nothing could console me,i just wanted him back, deep down i knew it was better for him, i still dream about him a lot but it is getting easier now. I do have another horse who i love just differently. Try not to blame yourself we only do what we think is right for them, i have had others that i should have made that decision for earlier and that made feel even worse. Hugs to you xxx
 
You're not being stupid - you're grieving and hurting. You clearly made the right decision at the time, otherwise you wouldn't have done it.
It's totally natural to feel the way you do - don't beat yourself up about feeling stupid at all, allow yourself to grieve.
Big hug
xx
 
It's that time of year and the only pieces of the Christmas picture that are missing are the ones with our absent friends and family on. Of course you'll be feeling sad.

It's two years since Polly left us and never a day goes by I don't think of her...
 
I too know how you are feeling :( Pharaoh was put down in October and I knew it was the right decision (there was nothing else that could be done to control his illness) but I'm missing him so much now. This month has been the worst though, everyone is asking what I want but all I really want is him. I've also become really protective about his things, some friends are staying in our house as my family and I are staying in devon to see grandparents (and the friends have family near where I live) and I am really worried that they will move things etc. I know I am being really silly but it is all I have left of him :/
 
nataliya said:
right now I really dont want another, cant see it ever being there again. I still have some of his stuff and its like I cant let go, keeping it makes it feel he is still here!
Click to expand...

I went to Olympia last Saturday, where I bought three wooden stable signs. One for Brodie on his door, One for Kit on her door... and one for Starla...because I couldn't cope with the idea of buying something for my other two horses and not her, despite the fact she is no longer alive.

...It now hangs in the haybarn, along with her bridle, saddle and head collar.

Don't force yourself to let go, hang on to what you have for as long as you want to. Who say's you ever have to get rid of his things?

Things will get easier in time, and one day you may well find that you're ready to take on another equine friend. It wont be the same, but different isn't always a bad thing. xx
 
(Please read to the end, not as brutal as it sounds!)

Well, you can't have him back.

...

But you /can/ make something good happen in the world to remember and honour him.

I have a monthly donation to WHW which I make in memory of a horse I was very fond of and various other things for different animals and people. There are lots of good horse charities you could make a gift to (in money or of one of his rugs or some of your time, e.g. for mucking out/helping clear snow/leading RDA horses) in his memory.

Everyone deals with grief in different ways but I usually find whilst I can't make anything positive of the death itself it helps to celebrate the life and spread a little joy to say thanks for that.
 
I had my beautiful boy Albert PTS in October 2008 and i still think about him and miss him every day. I too had dreams about him regularly up until a few months ago, and still occasionally now. I don't think you ever get over the loss of someone that special, as one of the previous posts has said, you spend so much time with them and form such a strong bond, almost maternal/paternal in some cases.

I spent a long time looking for a similar horse to fill the gap he left, and when I eventually accepted that the gap would always be there regardless it broke my heart even more. I have other horses, all of which I have owned for longer than I had him, but that doesn't change how much I love him and will always miss him.

Remember the good times, and don't try to move on if you don't want to. I never want to 'move on' from Albert, every day I miss him and think of him he is with me in my heart.
 
Leg_end said:
I also had my boy PTS this year and still miss him terribly :( I have a new boy who is lovely but I do miss the bond I had with my old boy and his cheeky personality - no one will ever match Legend for that!
Click to expand...

Same here....I *think* I'm doing fine and then its daft things that upset me.....like watching a film with a white horse in.....I was in tears watching the Narnia film on TV last night......:(

OP.....you will always miss him and want him back. Hugs hun.
 
you made the right decision and its hard to cope with i had my mare pts 19 months ago . and at the time it was the right decision i couldnt even look at another for at least 2 months wouldnt ride eneybodys or go near the yard i cried for months even when i bought ny new horse i missed her madly . and took my anger of loseing her out on everybody else i as gutted and felt some things just werent the same even when i bought my new lad id of traded him in a second if i thought i could of had her back . in the 15 years of owning her i knew one day she;d go but never in a million years thought id of took it as bad it was awfull . then one day i realised id stoped crying and thought shes gone and wont be comeing back and thought of all the good times we had . when eneyone speaks of her i smile and always have done . and i was lucky to find my new lad hes a saint and helped me loads he is lovely to be around and such a dream to ride ect ect if id bought a bit of a pig id of probably sold up and never botherd again
 
I know how you feel. We sadly had to have our old boy PTS in July. :( We still miss him lots and think about him everyday but Christmas will be a particularly difficult time. Just remember that you made the best decision for your horse and remember all of the good times you had together. He will be looking down on you now and he will be proud of you.
 
Its a year next month since i lost lila, and it still hurts everyday.
I do have another horse now who i adore and as weird as it was getting another i actually love him as much as i loved her which i never thought was possible.

I'd love to have her back just for one day, (tomorrow would be perfect) but she's here in my living room and i still talk to her all the time.
 
I put it off and put it off reading this thread, as I knew I'd end up in tears.

I lost my old girl on June 22nd this year, and I've cried every day since. I had her for 28 years and I can't remember life before her as I was only at Junior School when we got her. I miss her terribly and would give anything to have her back BUT I wouldn't want her back and suffering. It was definitely her time and the only comfort I have is that she isn't in pain, and that I let her go with dignity before life turned bad for her.

I don't think I will ever get another horse, I could never have the bond I had with her with another one. I still have her WHW shetland companion, who now has his own WHW shetland companion (much to OH's disgust!!!), but that's it. I just can't do it again, it hurts far too much.

Don't have any regrets, for whatever reason you made that decision, I'm sure it was the right one as you clearly cared deeply about him.

xxx

Starla Of Bethlehem said:
I went to Olympia last Saturday, where I bought three wooden stable signs. One for Brodie on his door, One for Kit on her door... and one for Starla...because I couldn't cope with the idea of buying something for my other two horses and not her, despite the fact she is no longer alive.

...It now hangs in the haybarn, along with her bridle, saddle and head collar.

/QUOTE]

That made me sob, what a lovely thought :)
Click to expand...
 
I like what mymare said: you wouldn't want him back and suffering. My huge sympathy to you and I honestly know how you feel, having had my first horse PTS over 2 years ago. I hated being asked what to do, hated having to make that horrible decision, but was relieved for him because he would no longer be in pain and I knew I gave him the best life.

Keep thinking that you gave your lad the best and that you took a hard but good decision. It's not stupid to want him back or to miss him hugely: I cried in the supermarket yesterday because it really hit me that this Christmas I won't have my Jake (one of my beautiful dogs) here opening his presents tomorrow.
 
Good news is... that never goes away.

8 years this march. I still stop and cry at the hoplessness of not being able to have her back. I hate that all the snapshots of our lives were lost because I didn't have a camera. Every year I get more and more afraid of forgetting her.

And I still can't sing "there you'll be" by Faith Hill without crying.

*hugs*

But we're that exclusive club of horse owners who have been through hell to ensure their horses don't. Makes it a little sweeter to swallow (especially with Carrie, who was a rescue).
 
nataliya said:
right now I really dont want another, cant see it ever being there again. I still have some of his stuff and its like I cant let go, keeping it makes it feel he is still here!
Click to expand...

I know how you feel hun. I still want my boy back and I let him go a year and a half ago. I still have his saddle, bridle and headcollar hanging up in my tack room but still can't bring it home as it feels like he is still at the yard with me.

My heart goes out to you. x
 
I miss my mare Tia so much still. I lost her at end of June when I had no choice but to have her PTS as she had a tumor in her chest. She was only 9 and i'd had her for 2 yrs. We had such a good bond. She was the most affectionate horse i've ever met.

I took the decision to buy a new horse. He is a lot different and I know you really shouldnt compare your new one to your last. He is lovely but saddle and weather problems has stopped us really getting on with things. Am hoping 2011 will be the year I get on really well with my new one.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top