I'm gutted-I feel like a failure and so disappointed!

cblover

cblover

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My youngster is 4 this time round. I've had him since a foal and been through a lot. Bonding issues, feet problems and a bit of separation anxiety. I've always done my best and battled on through all the issues to give him the best start.

He's been backed this spring and hacking out twice a week. He's always been a sensitive boy but happy to learn. Last night he bolted with me on the road near home after some cows came to the gate. I sat that out and stood him quietly until my other horse and my friend caught us up. I decided to get off and walk him the final few meters so took my feet out of the stirrups to dismount and he just exploded.....bronched for England until he dumped me on the road. I'm gutted, sad and feel such a failure.

I've broken a bone in my back and tore ligaments in my heel. I know I'll never trust him again. That's just who I am and I so wish it hadn't happened. I tried my best but I feel I've wasted 4 yrs. I'm trying to be rational but I'm just so disappointed.

He's a big, lovely boy too.
 
You are not a failure, he is a young horse and was acting like one, it's not personal although I appreciate at times it feels like that. You are sore and disappointed but that's not a reason to give up on him after 4 years, like the poster above says, try and find someone else to ride while you can't and give it time !
 
Dont take it personally he just panicked. Get yourself better first then re evaluate when you dont feel so emotional about it.Hope your injuries heal quickly .
 
You've had an awful fright, and must be very sore. Don't make any hasty decisions, just give yourself time to get over your fall.

Try to remember his behaviour isn't personal. He's had a fright and reacted because he's a baby. I came off my youngster the other week, and I bred him ! I couldn't speak to him for 2 days, as I felt just like you. When you've put so much into them, and dreamt for years how it will be, and it goes wrong it's so disappointing.

I agree with the other poster, get someone experienced on him until you are better.

Good luck. OP, it does get better x
 
Hi cblover, please don't feel so disheartened!! You're not the only one who will feel like this from time to time over a horse they love so much and have come so far with.

I recently had an accident on the road with my boy (although I was completely unhurt and he suffered only cosmestic injuries to his legs) we were very very lucky as it was an extremely busy road. He had been with me only a month and I had well and truely fallen for him in every possible way. After a scare on the road he spun, bronched a little, slipped on a drain and fell over. My initial reaction was that he was unsafe and couldn't be trusted.. I was devastated and for several days so upset and adamant he had to go back to his previous home. The other girls at the yard agreed with me and my mind was pretty set although my heart was broken!

After a little time for the shock to die down and after speaking to my parents who were the only ones to encourage me to give him a chance, I realised simply giving up on him was not an option. I needed to build his confidence back up and my own in the process.. I am so so glad I didn't give up on him over one silly mistake that he made. He was young (just like yours) and as horses do, he scared himself and reacted in the only way that they really know how.

I hope that you feel a little better soon, and I agree with twiggy2's advice - don't give up :)
 
Thanks everyone. I agree about an experienced person keeping him going but in the end it's me that has to ride him long term. I've always had mixed feelings about him and I'm not sure I can forget what happened. I'm too old and don't bounce anymore. Lol
 
He's still very young, and you'll need time to heal, physically and emotionally. Get someone to school him on for the autumn, and then just turn him away for the winter. Decide what to do long term in spring :)
 
you mustn't think you are a failure. falling off is part and parcel of riding. these things do happen. sounds like he's still green. if you are really uncomfortable may be you should move on to another horse...
:)
 
Concentrate on getting better and worry about everything else later. I hope you heal up soon and without complications. You poor thing, I sympathise :( I don't think you're a failure at all, you couldn't have predicted this and a bronc got me off last time I had a big fall :(
 
Don't beat yourself up over it whatsoever. You sound like you have done every bit your best by him, and this is just one of those things that happens.

Perhaps get someone to help you when you are ready to get back on, to take some of the pressure off you and help you build your confidence back up again.
 
I really agree with the last couple of posts. Concentrate on yourself and get yourself fit again, heal both inside and out. When you have healed then think about it. You have not wasted four years, there is a lovely backed horse you can either sell or ride, it will be up to you. I also agree you need to find someone to keep him going, that will help you when you make your decision. Now is not the time to make such life altering decisions, once his gone you may not be able to get him back. To be honest any horse could do the same thing.
I really hope you feel better very soon.
 
Bless you, of course you're feeling upset and emotional, you've had a shock and a bad injury. Don't blame yourself, it was just one of those crap things that happens, nothing to do with being a failure.

Concentrate on getting yourself right. Perhaps turn him away for winter, then send him for re breaking for a month. When you come to ride again have some lessons on something steady while you build your confidence, then decide if you want to move onto riding him. You don't have to make decisions now.
 
Of course you're not a failure, horses are unpredictable animals. I can understand the disappointment after all the work you have done. Concentrate on mending, get someone to work him for you and when you're ready decide what best for both of you.
 
Thanks folks, you're all so kind. I'm going to get him checked over too incase it was pain related. I owe him that at least. All sorts of things are going through my mind. I did wonder if I'd hacked him too far, I know he felt tired under me towards the end. We went about 2 miles. Saying that....I'm not happy if that was the reason and he exploded to get me off just because he was tired.

I keep replaying it in my mind to work out what happened....I can't of course! Lol
 
Please don't think you are a failure, we all have awful days with our youngsters that make us question ourselves, them, ownership at times!! Take some time and get well and as someone suggested do you have someone that could exercise him for you so he's kept in work. Try to focus on his far you have come so far with him in his lifetime and your hard work will pay off. Sending you lots of good vibes. Xx
 
Please don't think you are a failure :( I backed my mare myself and had 2 completely dreamy years with her where she even taught a 5 and 7 yo to ride. Then one day she threw her toys out of the pram and put me on the floor fracturing my hip. She hadn't done it before then and hasn't done it since.

Youngsters will be youngsters and we need to never take that for-granted. When you are mended get someone on the ground with you who will be happy to hop on if you start having problems and ride him through it - you'll have your confidence back in no time :)
 
So sorry that this has happened. I too would be worrying that the trust had gone. BUT please don't keep playing it over and over in your mind. You will make it a HUGE incident (not that it wasn't awful) - train your brain into not replaying it - as soon as you start to play it 'whisk' it away into the universe! Try not to discuss it with others because this will keep you replaying it in your head. It is very hard to do but practice practice practice - I promise it will help you in the long run - hope you get better soon x
 
cblover, I bred my boy - he is now 4 - and he has been my delight and tbh no trouble. First time I hacked him out last September, after he was professionally broken in, he dumped me. I know he was only being a baby but he is 17hh and I am 45 and I haven't sat on him since. I will never ride him (unless one day he is old and decrepit and I have been on the gin). Mine is on loan and having a great time. I appreciate I was lucky to be able to do that.
There is no shame in admitting 'failure' (not that it is).
 
You poor thing, what a horrid experience. I don't know how old you are or what level you ride at. Im 52 and 2 years ago bought an 8yr old highland pony as I thought he would be a suitable type as I get older and less bouncy! He is the easiest, most adorable boy to do absolutely anything with, in fact I have started cantering through the woods and going to local shows with him, both things I thought Id never do again....but, earlier this year I ended up in A&E after coming off him out hacking and knocking myself out. Somehow I managed to call a friend to come and rescue me as I had no idea where I was or what had happened :( I still have no memory whatsoever of the fall or the next 30 minutes or so. I am fairly sure he tripped and propped me off the front and I just fell badly as the last thing I do remember was walking through a gateway. He might have bucked as that is a stretch of bridleway where we do often canter and he sometimes bucks for the joy of life when we pop into canter. My point is that because I cant remember what happened I had no issue with getting back on him, I cant believe it was malicious, hes just not like that. Because you remember the events, even though you cant be sure what caused them I can quite understand you not wanting to get back on. It doesn't sound as if you have a nasty horse, just a sensitive one who maybe over reacted to something. Will he do it again? Maybe a lot, maybe never, that's the thing isn't it, you never can tell with horses. You do need to give yourself some time I think, don't rush into a decision. I know I don't have the confidence, or the ability really, to bring on a young horse, so I don't even go there, but I still managed to do myself more damage than ever before on a generally steady, easy horse. Take your time, think about how you really feel and don't be afraid to admit he is more than you can cope with now if that really is the case. Our needs change as we get older, you still have the ability and knowledge to educate a youngster, maybe just not the body to keep up :) Good luck with making your decision x
 
I know someone who, in her early twenties, backed and rode away a home-bred, who for various reasons had been left unbroken until he was 7. On a ride around the fields at home, he dropped her and she broke her ankle. She never sat on him again, although she continued to ride many other horses, with no issue. BUT the horse went on to do RDA and was absolutely fabulous at that job and in the RS. He never dropped another rider deliberately.

If, when your injuries have healed, you still feel that you would rather not ride him, that's fine and definitely not a failure but for now, take your time to get better, get him checked over and make your decision when you are a position to really choose what you will do with him, rather than a knee-jerk reaction. Could the saddle have slipped a bit during the shenanigans, so that it upset him as you made to dismount?
 
cblover said:
Thanks everyone. I agree about an experienced person keeping him going but in the end it's me that has to ride him long term. I've always had mixed feelings about him and I'm not sure I can forget what happened. I'm too old and don't bounce anymore. Lol
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Maybe its time for him to move on then.... I would send him to a professional to sell ASAP.
 
:-( so sorry to hear this and I wish you a speedy recovery.

I guess everyone is different and if you really feel you don't have it in you to get back on him at some point then don't feel guilty about that but while you're out of the saddle don't make any quick decisions, take a bit of time to decide what you want to do.

I've been breaking and bringing on youngsters for some years and believe me what happened to you isn't at all unusual. You have NOT failed!!! I broke my pelvis 18 months ago after being ejector seated from a youngster I was backing, but bones mend, its often our nerve that takes the biggest knock. Don't chuck in the towel yet, it will get better :)

First of all do all the usual stuff of getting his back,teeth checked etc to rule out any other cause and then as others have mentioned, keep him working, interested and well mannered, have someone competent with youngster experience ride him and you do plenty of groundwork, lungeing etc with him (when you feel fit), making sure he is listening to you all the time and not putting up with any little displays of bolshyness or challenges for dominance. Youngsters often behave like terrible 2's children, You back them, they seem to be going ok for a while (while their inexperienced brains are so exhausted and preoccupied making sense of it all) but they once they find their feet, will often go through a stage of 'trying it on'. Not all do, but some (particularly the intelligent ones) like to test your boundaries a bit, so always expect the unexpected from them for the first year or two.

People tend to forget just how inexperienced youngsters are, especially when they have spent a lot of time around shoolmasters and riding school horses. Every day brings new challenges for them to get their heads around. Instinct tells them to run from anything they don't understand that could be a threat, in the wild they wouldn't stick around to find out more, but we ask them to. Their ability to trust us and over-ride their flight instinct is incredible, but they get terrified and unnerved too by the big asks we make of them some times, so don't write your boy off just yet.

You didn't do anything wrong, a horse bolting can be terrifying and knackering! so getting off wasn't a wrong decision, he may well have picked up on your adrenalin vibe and was probably feeling the same way himself... **** happens, horses can be ******* and no one can every truly say they trust any horse all the time, even the most reliable schoolmaster may come upon something that is way outside their previous experience. Remember he didn't do it on purpose, he is just an inexperience baby and intended no malice, so don't be scared of him.

Once you feel fit and able, get riding again of friend's reliable horses and go for some lessons with a good instructor (not on him yet) and talk through with the instructor what happened and how its left you feeling. Your instructor should help you get your bottle back, when you feel up to getting back on yours, do that with an instructor first, in an enclosed school. Baby steps. When you get to the point of hacking him out again, do it first on a lead rope with someone walking and with just one other horse & rider, a safe, quiet plodder who will be a good influence. Build up to riding out without a leader, but have a good steady influence horse and rider with you. Horses learn a lot from each other (including the bad habits!) so a group ride can incite some herd behavior and maybe be too excitable to begin with.

Do it all at your own pace, don't feel pressured. If you have a few experienced people around willing to help, this will just be a mere blip in a few months time.

and it goes without saying when dealing with youngsters, Always wear a body protector and helmet when riding and when doing groundwork the same + gloves and steel toe capped boots.

Good luck and keep us posted
 
I was just thinking about you guys this morning. So sorry to hear about your fall. I really hope you're feeling better soon. I know how it feels to feel so disheartened.

It does sound like he was genuinely scared of the cows, which is completely normal for a young and inexperienced horse and perhaps he hadn't quite recovered from this when you decided to dismount?

Perhaps sending him away for schooling / bringing on (paying particular attention to introducing him to real life scary situations) would be beneficial. I was surprised at how little this costed when I had to do it with Starsky when I broke my foot. Then make a decision on his future with you once you are fixed. Perhaps he could be broken to drive? (and if done properly, this would make him more bombproof)

I really hope you're not too sore. Take care. You know where I am if you want to chat xx
 
I know how you feel OP I have been there many times with various young horses over the years, the horse I have at the moment I have also had since a foal & is sharp & v. spooky, I came off him about 40 times between the ages of 5/6 with his spooking/dropping shoulder, I still come off here & there and I dont bounce either too old ! Im sure he did not bronk you off re tiredness if hes like mine, reactional, I expect the bolting experience brought him to the edge, so when you took the feet out of stirrups, bang off he went, its so diappointing I know, thats how it seems to go with horses who ever you are, when the professionals have accidents it often seems to involve a young horse. I hope you heal up quickly
 
cblover said:
Thanks everyone. I agree about an experienced person keeping him going but in the end it's me that has to ride him long term. I've always had mixed feelings about him and I'm not sure I can forget what happened. I'm too old and don't bounce anymore. Lol
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IF it were me I would sell him and find something older you can trust. Not just because of the fall but because of the mixed feelings you have, I had those about my last horse and I ignored them and kept riding him despite being scared half the time. In the end he dumped me again and broke my hand. I sold him and got myself a lovely Welsh Cob mare. Best thing I EVER DID. Like you I am too old and broken and dont bounce
hugs
 
CBFan said:
I was just thinking about you guys this morning. So sorry to hear about your fall. I really hope you're feeling better soon. I know how it feels to feel so disheartened.

It does sound like he was genuinely scared of the cows, which is completely normal for a young and inexperienced horse and perhaps he hadn't quite recovered from this when you decided to dismount?

Perhaps sending him away for schooling / bringing on (paying particular attention to introducing him to real life scary situations) would be beneficial. I was surprised at how little this costed when I had to do it with Starsky when I broke my foot. Then make a decision on his future with you once you are fixed. Perhaps he could be broken to drive? (and if done properly, this would make him more bombproof)

I really hope you're not too sore. Take care. You know where I am if you want to chat xx
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My CBx mare was petrified of a horse lying down next to the manege the other day. Took my instructor fifteen mins or so to get her down that end of the school. She's 13 yrs old though :-(. Lol!

OP honestly, it really doesn't sound like anything you have done, or haven't done, whatsoever, so don't blame yourself in any way (and I'm not known for being nicey nicey or withholding my opinion on here as you know). There is nothing I can remotely see from your description of what happened which suggests you have failed at all with your horse.

Take it easy, recover, and make yourself an action plan for when you get going again with him. A good calm instructor would be invaluable if they would not only do lessons for you both, but perhaps if they will get on and ride/school/hack too? Like I say, this will take some pressure of you, as you will need to get your confidence back slowly. Don't feel guilty or ashamed about that - we all go through it at some stage, some more than others. I lost my confidence on my mare a couple of years ago when she fell in canter and we hit the deck. I gradually started cantering less and less on her in the school, and eventually we had real canter issues in there - I could barely get more than a side of the school on her because she had almost forgotten how to canter. My fault completely. As it turns out, I then got pregnant at the beginning of this year, and I asked my instructor to start schooling her each week. Couldn't have worked out better - she's a completely transformed horse, working beautifully after lots of hard work from him, and I also have sat through every session and watched, and am now feeling very confident to get back on and start working her properly, with his help, after I have my baby (perhaps with a very good seat saver... ;-) ).

But as someone has said already, if you find over time, that you don't recover that confidence and things become too much, then don't feel guilty about making a decision on moving onto a different horse and finding your horse a new home either....it's not your fault.
 
Get well soon!!!
Lots of Cleveland Bay wishes :)
Mum has lost her nerve now, and im slowly slowly bringing on an 8 yr old mare for her - I'm convinced she will never get on it - but for now she is a lovely sane ride for me!

Just focus on you - Sounds jolly painful physically and mentally.
 
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