Im in quite the predicament

BethanyK

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So I’ve had my horse for around 1 year now and for all the time I’ve owned her, I’ve hated riding. She’s too big and far “too much horse” for me. I bought her from a trusted buyer who did say she was quite buzzy. She had been at my livery yard before under a different owner. I wasn’t there at the time however and so I asked some of my friends who were there how she was. Unfortunately for me, they lied to me and said she was the most amazing and perfect horse. So I bought her. It wasn’t only after that they told me how she really was. They made up excuses like: oh we wanted her back and didn’t want to make you nervous. So now I have a dangerous horse that I can’t handle and I have no clue what to do.
 

vhf

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There is absolutely no point in keeping a horse you don't want and don't enjoy. Life is too short and horses are too expensive. Chances are there's someone out there who would really click with this horse, just as there's one out there that would be far more suitable for you.

Just be honest with yourself and everyone else when it comes to selling - and re-buying - for the horses' sakes. Don't make yourself miserable, it's not any sign of failure to admit she's not the horse you need or want.
 

Summit

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This happened to me.....horse didn’t turn out to be as described. It made me miserable and I wouldn’t ride him in the end, I even stopped liking him. I sold him and he’s now doing really well P2P, he’s doing a job which is more suited to him than what I wanted him for
 

pippixox

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They are not real friends if they lied to you. I would always be brutally honest about any flaws of a horse I knew to a friend.
Sell.
 

9tails

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She sounds like my cup of tea, big and buzzy! Find someone to show her off and sell on. Consider sales livery if you think your liveries may jeopardise a sale.
 

be positive

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It is an easy enough decision to make but if she is difficult to handle and ride selling is not as easy as most posters may imply unless she is to be virtually given away, there are people who will enjoy the challenge but finding them is not always that simple so it would be worth finding someone you actually can trust, unlike your so called friends, who will help you by either taking her in to sell or at least advising on how best to advertise her in an honest but good way.
 

dogatemysalad

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Horse ownership and riding should be enjoyable. You are miserable, and your horse is missing out too. Selling to a well matched new owner would be the kindest thing you can do. Give your horse the best chance of a great home by getting her sale ready. Either get a professional or a good rider to get her working well and take some good photos.
 

JillA

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She sounds like my cup of tea, big and buzzy! Find someone to show her off and sell on. Consider sales livery if you think your liveries may jeopardise a sale.

This ^^^^^

Sales livery will get her back on track and find a buyer who is more suited to her. Might cost a bit initially (but you can offset the cost of livery you are paying) but you will probably get that back in increased purchase price - as she is you are unlikely to show her to advantage.

And next time rely on your own judgement, not that of other people
 

catembi

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Sell! I have just sold my ID mare. Good looking horse, huge jump but bargey and stressy on the ground and spooky to hack. I did sell her cheaply, but when you think how much they cost to run per month, a loss is peanuts really. My ID mare has gone to a man who gets on really well with her. She has had a great time hacking, hunting etc and is looked after more fastidiously than I managed! If your ‘friends’ say anything, ask if *they* want to buy her! Sales livery might be worth investigating.

Riding should be fun, not stressful!
 

Megan V1

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I own a Sect D cob that I felt exactly the same way about and haven't ridden for over three years but I bought him and he is now my responsibility. He was never dangerous though just nervous and unpredictable to ride. I have had him 12 years now and he will stay with me until the end, I love owning him and he is a joy to handle so if yours is just difficult to ride but you could work with him in hand perhaps keeping him is an option. Many people sell on and on and these poor animals just end up in worse and worse situations, if he really is dangerous then I would be more inclined to PTS than to pass the problem on.
 

BethanyK

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Thanks so much everyone!
I want to sell her and I think I will. The problem will be finding a suitable buyer. Unfortunately I’ve grown very attached to her so not any home will do. Correct also, I need new friends. I swear that horsey people are the fakest of the lot some times. Although this may sound a bit silly, but one of my main fears of selling her is that people at my livery hard are going to have very bad opinions on me for doing so. My instructor especially, is a scary woman, as much as I appreciate her. She has been through the lot and so to her, my horse is just another buzzy mare. She and the others haven’t seen this horse at its worst however. I’m just going to need to be tough and push through it. You’re all so so helpful, thanks!
 

JillA

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Where are you BethanyK? Someone might be able to point you to a rider who could produce and sell your horse, or a sales livery or.........heaven forbid...........an instructor who is kind and empathetic and helps you to ride your horse with confidence if that's what you would most rather do. Y\our current one sounds too old school, and you may find your mare is just sensitive and will respond to more sympathetic but firm handling and I know from experience that the most strong willed mares, once you have their trust and loyalty, make the best boldest horses to ride.
My go anywhere do anything horse of a lifetime was a right ar*e as a 5 year old, but finding the key taught me a lot (about how to sit a rear for one thing lol). Good luck with whatever you decide, but you do need the right help.
 

Keep Trying

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Firstly, you absolutely have to do what you want to do and what other people think of you selling her is irrelevant - they are not paying the bills or feeling the stress/fear/worry.

Secondly, if the instructor is that keen on 'buzzy' then maybe she'd like to buy??
 

BethanyK

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Where are you BethanyK? Someone might be able to point you to a rider who could produce and sell your horse, or a sales livery or.........heaven forbid...........an instructor who is kind and empathetic and helps you to ride your horse with confidence if that's what you would most rather do. Y\our current one sounds too old school, and you may find your mare is just sensitive and will respond to more sympathetic but firm handling and I know from experience that the most strong willed mares, once you have their trust and loyalty, make the best boldest horses to ride.
My go anywhere do anything horse of a lifetime was a right ar*e as a 5 year old, but finding the key taught me a lot (about how to sit a rear for one thing lol). Good luck with whatever you decide, but you do need the right help.
I’m in Scotland. Unfortunately it’s not the problem of her being a green horse needing handling. She’s 15 years old and I’ve seen her at her worst and her best. Unfortunately there’s way more bad moments. I normally hack out and honestly I’m scared from the moment I go to get on and then as soon as I get off. I can tell some days when she’s hyper and then other days where she is just being. Well. Bad. There’s no other way to put it when she almost killed me, herself and 3 other people along with a dog and another horse. I’m honestly just terrified of her and she’s way too big for me. My main thing preventing me from selling her is my instructor. Yes, I’m that scared of her.
 

RachaelJC

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If you are concerned or scared of what your instructor will say or think, the best bet for your mental state would be to move your horse to a sales livery yard, as others have said.

That way, your horse will be sold for (hopefully) a much higher price due to being shown off in the best light by a rider that isn't over-horsed, you'll have removed yourself from the yard and so won't be around to hear any opinion. I'd suggest researching some yards and getting out as soon as you can.

You never know, your horse may calm down when out of the current yard environment and can't sense the tension in you and any other tension/drama on the yard
 

BethanyK

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If you are concerned or scared of what your instructor will say or think, the best bet for your mental state would be to move your horse to a sales livery yard, as others have said.

That way, your horse will be sold for (hopefully) a much higher price due to being shown off in the best light by a rider that isn't over-horsed, you'll have removed yourself from the yard and so won't be around to hear any opinion. I'd suggest researching some yards and getting out as soon as you can.

You never know, your horse may calm down when out of the current yard environment and can't sense the tension in you and any other tension/drama on the yard
I feel like I’m portraying my instructor and yard in a bad light here. I love my yard and the people at it. Sure it’s run down and I would like to move in the future but I know and have people here to help me as of now so I won’t move for another year or so as it is. My instructor is a great and wonderful person who has helped me so much but she just has very strong opinions about some things.
 

Summit

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So your instructor is happy for you to continue riding a horse that frightens you and, in your own words, nearly killed you?

This... :eek:

But your friends lied? Move the horse on and change yards.....you’ll end up very seriously injured otherwise.
 

Arzada

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I feel like I’m portraying my instructor and yard in a bad light here. I love my yard and the people at it. Sure it’s run down and I would like to move in the future but I know and have people here to help me as of now so I won’t move for another year or so as it is. My instructor is a great and wonderful person who has helped me so much but she just has very strong opinions about some things.
It's difficult to see what other light there is given that your friends lied, your instructor scares you and no one seems able to help your mare. I expect professionals eg an instructor to keep some of their stronger opinions to themselves unless eg someone is in a dangerous situation. You are in a dangerous situation so what does your instructor advise?
 

Goldenstar

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At 15 she’s not going to be easy to to sell .
But sell is what you need to do just get on get it done then find a new horse and some new friends .
Just do it you will feel much better when it’s done .
 

dogatemysalad

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Your instructor and your horse may be wonderful, but neither are right for you. Horses and instructors are in partnership with you. Sometimes the dynamics just don't work and it isn't a blame game.
You sound lovely and very intuitive, but you don't seem to have the support on the yard from people who understand what's happening here. It often seem that everyone likes to portray themselves as a fearless hero, while the reality is very different.
Once you've made your decision, make a plan of action and do your best for your horse and yourself. Selling a horse that you love, is scary but I think you'll be very relieved.
 

BethanyK

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Your instructor and your horse may be wonderful, but neither are right for you. Horses and instructors are in partnership with you. Sometimes the dynamics just don't work and it isn't a blame game.
You sound lovely and very intuitive, but you don't seem to have the support on the yard from people who understand what's happening here. It often seem that everyone likes to portray themselves as a fearless hero, while the reality is very different.
Once you've made your decision, make a plan of action and do your best for your horse and yourself. Selling a horse that you love, is scary but I think you'll be very relieved.
Thank you! Thanks everyone. I have decided to sell her. A friend of mine is possibly interested as she can handle her much better than I can. I feel so cheated out of my friends and the fact that they encouraged me to buy a horse they knew I would be nervous on. I’m not a confident person and I will admit that. Everyone tries to act like they’re super amazing at everything but at the end of the day, when I offer them to ride my horse they all refuse. Hmm. I am wanting to move yard and there’s this beautiful one near me. I still live with my parents so I have discussed this with them and they’ve agreed that the best option is to sell and that they’ve been thinking the same for a long time. Part of me wishes to keep her but I have to think of what’s better for both of us. Thanks everyone, I’ll keep you updated!
 
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