I'm no longer his girl

Sussexbythesea

Sussexbythesea

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Help please - I miss my boy - bit of a long one -I'd offer choccy biccies only I'm on a diet and have none in
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At the beginning of December I moved to a new yard. Its small only 12 horses and at the time only 7 as the owner (my trainer) was taking it over. (old yard about 100) There is only one mare and 6 geldings. My horse was put into the field with two geldings and the mare. They all get on fine at least at the moment. However my horse has really changed personality - If I hadn't had him nearly 5 years I would have thought I'd bought a bit of a bolshy git. He and the mare are totally in love - they call to each other all the time when apart. They are also stabled next to each other with only a partition with bars so basically they are together 24/7 unless being ridden or groomed. He spends a lot of the day keeping the other geldings away and herding her around and never comes to me in the field like he used to - but is not hard to catch. In the main he is well-behaved but we have had a couple of "incidents" which I have put down to change of yard, being kept in because of snow and change of forage was on hay went to haylage now back to hay only, no sugar beet etc. However he really is quite bad mannered and not the softie he once was - I feel I have lost my connection with him.

Do you think its because he's got this mare and thinks he is a bit of alright? Maybe he's stressed because of all the protecting he is doing? Should I ask for them to be separated? - I am a bit worried that they might fight when she comes into season next but on the other hand he would find it so upsetting to be split from her.

I'm not sure what to do - any suggestions?
 
My horse was the same, although the mare was in the next field, they had individual grazing. He would spend all day groming her over the fence and shooing away his field mate (2 to a field) When the mare was in he actually would jump the gate to get back to her. It was a nightmare. Then the YO switched the electric fencing on between them. Two days of elctric shocks later he was best friends with his field companion and forgot all about the mare! But it could go the other way and upset him, so it is a tough one.
 
Exactly the reason we have mares and geldings seperated,my lad would fight like hell with another gelding if you stuck a mare in with them(as would a few of the other lads on the yard
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),over the fence he couldnt give a toss!!
I would seperate them especially as he is becoming bolshy with it!
 
well what do you feel helped you get such a strong bond in the first place? (not saying you didnt have one, I mean just grooming or did you do join up etc?)

If it was something in particular, like join up, or just lots of grooming and one to one tlc then id just go back and start from scratch and do it again and ensure when you do it its just you and him and she is out the way.

If you separate them it might make him worse as he might be pining to get back to her and he may become more moody and bolshier. However, he may also get over it as a reuslt, I couldn't say for sure!
 
He would always gallop down the field to me and we would play chase (probably shouldn't). I would groom and spend quite a lot of time with him - at the moment he is unpleasant to groom in the grooming box because he won't stand still, swings around and screams all the time because he is not with the other woman
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. He is better to groom in stable I am not a softy and am not afraid of him on the ground although he has been a bit wild on a couple of occasions when riding which has put the wind up me! I do not want to get into a battle because I don't think this acheives anything. I have done some Natural Horsemanship stuff but Ive been told as he is normally so connected and sensitive it would really upset him to do join-up.

Moving him worries me as he may hurt himself over the fence or become even more insecure. Problem is also Ive been really busy with work and he's further away aswell meaning I don't see him as much - just my circumstances at the moment. It probably doesn't help.
 
no it probably doesnt help but its one of the problems of work horses and life! they dont always coincide to make it all easy do they! (stupid things!)

I think maybe just doing some more grooming etc would help, dont know if you tie a haynet up whilst you groom? if not maybe try it to keep his attention on that and you rather than the "other woman" (slag! hehe)
He is obviously now not quite so connected etc so i would think that doing a bit of NH with him might help but that is entirely your call! Or even just doing some groundwork with him so when he cries to her or whatever you make him back away from you or do something to get his attention back on you and focussing again.
Another thing someone on here said was when the horse does behaviour X which is unwanted (I tihnk it was going to bite in the convo) you tap the front of the horses cannon with your foot to distract them and make them go "o what was that?!" hence taking away from the unwanted X. However this is a tap, not a boot to the horses shin!
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As the Spring approaches it would be much better to separate mares from geldings to pre-empt trouble. When our 4 mares were at livery a gelding shared their field one winter but we knew it was time to take him out for his own safety in the early spring when as he approached one of the mares and she stood up on her back legs to strike him. Fortunately she took half a step back to get her balance and backed into a wall, which surprised her and she dropped down without attacking him. Your gelding will most likely forget about her and go back to being his usual self as soon as they are kept apart.
 
It sounds like your gelding is very much loved up.The only way to solve this is to separate them as it is obvious he is worried when apart from her that she will go off with one of the other geldings and hence why he is worrying when he is kept away from her. I would suggest perhaps moving her a couple of stables away for a start and separate turnout. Once this mare comes into season there is likely to be even more of a struggle as there is likely to be some arguments between the geldings and injuries are likely to occur to one of them. If you can't practically move them apart then I would suggest getting some electric fencing and putting the mare in a separate bit on her own.
 
I think you and others are right - I think I will have to move him. I broached this with the YO before and she said OK but I wasn't happy with the alternative which was to be turned out with an Andalusian which needs a chifney to turn-out or bring in or a or a two year old which may or may not have manners. We are not allowed to leave a lone horse out if it gets upset and I am not keen on handling either - I want a stress free visit to the yard - that is what I pay for. I am not keen on either of those options. I also worried that he would be injured trying to get to her through the fence if he were in the field directly next door so put off the decision.

However there are a couple of cobs arriving so I think this will mean she will open up another field so maybe he can go out with them then he would be a field away hopefully. And they sound sweet and sane. It makes me sad though - as I know he will be very upset.
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He'll get over it, honestly he will and it will be far better for both of you in the long run.

I had exactly the same problem with my boy when I first got him, we were on a really small yard (only 5 of us) They all had individual turnout and he latched onto the mare in the next field, they would spend all day grooming each other and they were stabled next to each other - he would scream his head off if she was brought in/turned out before him, drag me to and from the field to get to her etc, It was an absolute nightmare!

We're now on a much busier yard and he is out with geldings and is thank god, totally sane! Would never put him out with mares again if it can be helped, it just blew his mind!
 
Hi ya Sussex. My friend had that exact problem when she bought a mare (she had 2 geldings). One of the boys became so posessive over said mare, it got so bad that he was barely manageable, she had to sell her mare! Gelding has gone back to being his normal self now.
Good luck
Kate x
 
My gelding became ridiculously attached to his field mate who was also stabled next door in american barn. He would run around stable kick the walls, rear & buck when being groomed if he didn't know where friend had gone.
I was really worried about how he would react if separated but he was completely fine went back to normal in a couple of day's. But you should change the field and the stable otherwise it probably won't stop.
 
I have a mare who gets ridiculously attached to mares! She has been with the same little gelding for 15yrs and has only a passing interest in him!

But any mare I introduce then she is in love! Acts a little like your gelding in that she has no interest in me either. When they're together in a big field I can't catch her, whereas when she's out with the gelding I can!

Now I'm at a place with hardly any grazing, they have all got to go out together.

It will be much easier if you can have your boy grazed a little away from the mare.

A friend of mine reckons if horses can't touch each other, then they break friendships easily.
 
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