I'm not a celebrity get me out of here!!!!..............long..........

[Baileysno1]

I haven't posted for a while as life has been a whirlwind of selling horses, arranging travel and preparing my OHs house for sale which was all frazzeling itself, so last saturday off I went to Manchester to fly out here to Austrailia to take up my job as a groom for one of their top eventers, sounds amazing.

So I arrive here on the Monday have a day in a nice hotel then am picked up Tuesday morning to go up to the hunter valley to start new job, which all went swimingly. Arrived at the property which is just beautiful green and leafy the horses all stunning, 30, ranging from broodmares with month old foals at foot, fillys and colts, young horses 2 and 3* eventers.

The accomodation left a little to be desired but I was prepared for that and 'thought' I could handle it ha ha!! It was like a mobile home cut in half and yes I was niavie to think they would have air con lol. I worked most of the Tuesday and my boss drove me to the nearest town to pick up groceries, now rural is not the word, there is honestly nowhere as rural in the uk we're talikng like how I'd imagine texas towns to be, they have rodeos and eveything - at this stange I'm having bouts of anxiety.

Wednesday up at 6am it was 43 degrees and worked till 7.30pm with a 40 minute lunch break, the horses were impecably well mannered, my boss had me fetch them up tack up the they'd be schooled for half and hour or so each, all they do is school, on the flat and over fences then they are XC schooled on the run up to the event the horses aren't galloped until they compete 3 day - I found ths throughly bizarre but my boss assured they had minimal injuries and the schooling itself fittened them enough. It seemed there was ALLOT of sitting collected trot circles going on and on and on...

I got to ride norm a 2* horse with a pony stride he was a dude if a little stuffy they seem to ride them pretty overbent and everything looked on the forehand, even when I 'shock horror' suggested I walked him off around the yard I was instructed to keep him very round as he might spook.

Wednesday afternoon was spent debarking trees to make fence posts very glam. Thursday was a blur of insect bites anti-histamine sweat spending hours on the ground while they schooled over fences, crap food and being dehydrated.

I think on Thursday I had a mini nerbous breakdown which concluded in a teary call to Mum who started my rescue operation, it wasn't the job or the people or the place, it was a culmination of the past 8 weeks which has being a total whirlwind, when Ryu was sold I was numb I didn't even react, I was too busy too, I just focused on the next thing, when I left work again it was surreal and I didn't react either even saying good bye to Mum I think I was just pretending it all wasn't happening. On Thursday reality hit.

I left the yard on Friday my bosses OH was on foal watch and had heard me on the phone upset so sort of saw it coming she was great and sorted me a train to Sydney, my boss cleary though I was completely mental but to me its the most sensible decision I have made over the past weeks.

So I'm here in Sydney in a fancy hotel watching daytime TV, and I need to effectively sort my life out! I have 2 choices really:

Go up to Perth to stay with a family friend and wait for James to sell the bungalow and come out to join me, I could get a casual job for the time being, although I'm worried if James dosen't come out for months I'll have gone out of the frying pan into the fire.

Or go home, then I can come back with James when the house is tied up or stay at Mums while he comes out to oz and gets set up. TBH I think if I go home I won't come back - I feel a bit traumatised!

If you got this far well done, you may think I'm a bit of an idiot for being so niavie and instinctive and I suppose you'd be right. I always watched shows like that shipwrecked and thought god how can you moan in paradise, well you can and I am!

 

[NoCollection]

Have PMed you. You're not alone.

 

[vinnie]

do not go home!!!! keep going, my friend had to get a bloody police escort out of her dutch stable! go to perth, keep going, it will probably get better. you will find better places, i can assure you that not everyone here in Australia trains like that.

 

[Haniki]

I would go up to your friend's in Perth, at least for a bit. You've travelled half way round the world, you might as well have a bit of a holiday there. It will also give you time to talk your situation through with family and friends. I should think you are jet lagged and physically and mentally exhausted. Take a break!
Good luck with everything.

 

[wizoz]

OMG, poor you, it sounds terrifying actually! I think you need to find the nice part of Australia where you can be happy,go search it, it's a wonderful place, (so i'm told!!) My brother has recently come back from a months trip there, he is paralysed from the neck down but he wanted to achieve something and this was his trip of a lifetime, he loved it, in fact he said he could happily have stayed there

Try and find somewhere less primitive, but don't give up, not yet anyway.

Best of luck to you. Keep us well and truly posted

xxx

 

[sweet_decline]

Hi

Keep your chin up! You have been incredibly brave to have done so much in a such a short space of time. I think you should give it time before making any big decisions - and get some rest!

Have PM'd you

 

[Baileysno1]

Thank you for all the supportive messages, its been lovely to vent and not be judged! I think I'm planning to go to Perth, not completely decided yet but it seems the most sensible idea, thanks again guys, I will let you know where end up xxx

 

[dozzie]

Definitely go to Perth and take the opportunity to travel. I would also go to Cairns to swim in the Barrier reef but thats cos Im a dive junkie!!!

Sorry it hasnt worked out for you but now make the most of Oz while you can. Good luck.

 

[TarrSteps]

I can relate to your situation, having moved across Canada (about 3000 miles) when I was younger and having recently (August) sold my house, closed my successful training business, left my old horse, my friends and all my family to move to the UK . . . okay, getting a little depressed now . . .

Sorry, where was I?

Unfortunately you've just endured an almost cliched right of passage in the horse world. Almost everyone I know has at least one story of completely uprooting themselves for a working student position/job/opportunity only to have it not be at all as anticipated, to put it mildly. Some of it is situational - many situations just really suck - some of it is, alas, part of the industry. This is a apprentice based business and, good or not, there is often a feeling people have to "pay their dues" by working in unreasonable circumstances, getting paid pittance, and living in virtual squalor. I know it's no comfort but there are many people who have had your experience. Add to this that the vast majority of people in these situations are homesick, stuck and exhausted with the actual move and it's often not a pretty picture. It's good you realised this was not the situation for you but you're right, now you have to decide on your next move.

First, rest, since you have the opportunity. After a move like you've experienced you can expect about 6 months to a year of fairly severe dislocation but at least a month of non-functioning exhaustion before you even start that stage. If you can at least take a breather you can start to assess the situation rationally again.

I'd advise finding an "ex pat" website and having a look at their board - you might be surprised how common your feelings are! Plus it will give you some connection to home and an idea of how your fellow countrymen are finding their way in their new country.

If you can, try to find a few horse people to talk to. If you want to stay in horses there make sure you really know what you're getting into and if the circumstances can support your desires and ambitions. The horse industry in the UK is very different from just about anywhere else in the world so don't expect things to work the same. You may simply not be able to deal with it.

Give some serious thought to whether or not you want to stay. What are your goals? To become a professional horseman? To live outside the UK? Both? Neither? I'm a big fan of taking leaps of faith (see my history above) but you have to look before you leap. Does your move suit your goals? Can you find what you want there? Was the job the big attraction? Are you homesick or have you really made a misjudgement? Talk to your friends, your family and your OH HONESTLY about what you want and how you feel. Accept you won't be able to get everything exactly how you want it and weigh the various options realistically.

But first, have a rest. There's no sense regretting your decisions thus far as they are done - learn from them and move on. Get out and see some sights if you can, try to remember why you're there in the first place and whether it's as you expected. If you decide you want to go home, go home. There's no shame in accepting you've made a mistake and you simply don't want to compound it. But if you DO want to stay - if your reasons for wanting to move in the first place still exist - accept that you are homesick right now but then try not to let that affect your long term judgement.

Good luck! And get some sleep.