Im SO confused, dont know what to do

M

Morrigan_Lady

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18 December 2006
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www.teamterrellshowjumping.co.uk

This could get long, so get comfy!!!

As some of you know, I gave up my crappy, but well paid office job to go and work at a yard as yard manager and took my two horses with me. Basically, I was promised the world, I could compete when I wanted to and my boss would support me, I could use the yard lorry, I would have my horses there free of charge and the list goes on.
To cut a long story short, my boss was using my jumping saddle on one of her horses, which I didnt mind and I did offer, but it was never going to be a permanent thing and she was spose to be looking for a new one. Anywho, I said at the weekend (on my day off) that I didnt want her using my saddle anymore and my god, she totally flipped, laid into me f'ing this f'ing that, telling me how Im taking the p1ss and that Ive now got one stable and to deal with it and to top it off, she told me to pack up my horses and leave the next day.
This obviously left me in floads of tears and very very upset.
Anywho, after a long night of drinking and no sleep, I had arranged to move my horses and be gone from the place the next day. But, my ever level headed husband told me to talk to her and sort things out, basically coz we have bills and a mortgage and we cant afford for me to be out of a job.
So, I text my boss and asked if we could talk.
Me and my husband went to the yard later on and we all talked. Again, to cut as long story short, she didnt want me or my horses to leave and I went back to work on Monday.
Now, my problem is, things are different now. I cant forget the things she said and how she just flipped and laid into me and I just dont feel I have any loyalties to her or the yard anymore. Not to mention how bloody hard I work and long hours, so Im always left with either no time for my own horses, or Im just too sodding tired to do anything with them.
I phoned in sick today, coz I just feel so fed up and dont know what to do. I just wanted a day on my own to try and get my head straight.
Am I over reacting or if in my position would you be looking for a new job?
But that leads my to another problem, if I look for a new job, do I carry on working with horses, or just back to a crappy well paid office job, where I have my weekends back and more time for my horses??
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Awww MoonWalker, I do feel for you because I remember how excited you felt at the prospect of this job which sounded almost too perfect.

I think if she that volatile then you should keep your eye out for something, but tread carefully with current job as the job market is pretty poor right now.

Re the weekends back issue - I am having the same issues right now regarding a different job though. I want my weekends and evenings back. Ultimately, we have to do what is best for ourselves - I also have bills and a mortgage, but really, at the end of the day, I'll be dead in 50 years or so and none of the money crap will matter. All that will matter is the fun I had!
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Good luck.x
 
The answer to your last question is a total personal choice for you. If you are happier outside working with horses but poorly paid then do that. Personally I would rather be in a highly paid office job (not crappy though) and have the spare time and money to spend on my own horses.

With regard to your current situation, your boss went totally OTT for whatever reason. Obviously things have changed for you and I would consider moving in any event but when things suit you not her - so get looking now!
 
Thats quite a predicament! She sounds really unreasonable going off on one like that and your right it probably wont be the same again but as long as things are amicable then this will blow over and the atmosphere will improve.
I personally would not feel comfortable having my life revolve around one persons mood - if you say something she doesnt like again do you lose your job and horses homes again - sod that!
 
i found that when i worked with horses i didnt have time for my own and when i did have time i didnt want to. the only way ive solved that is to have my own yard, divide my time as i please.
I would bide your time in your job now and keep you reye out for something that sounds better, dont leave until you have got something else lined up and somewhere to keep your horses.
 
Oh no poor you. I personally, agree with Dixie, but, you left your office job for a reason, so go with your gut instinct. I would def be on the look out now after that escapade, and remain open minded as to what to do. The market Is though but there are jobs out there. Tread carefully with your current boss, I know there are always 2 sides but this does sound like it could be the first and not the last outburst. If she has another bad day do you bear the brunt? Hoping it all works out for you.
 
I feel so sorry for you and understand how things are not the same. I personally couldn't carry on there so would start looking for another job but stay until I had found one and a new place for my girls.
Good luck, I hope it works out for you.
Anita
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I have to be honest I would be looking to move. I would be on egg shells waiting for the next time she kicks off. If she creates like that over something so silly how on earth is she going to react when something important goes wrong.

I know the job market is tough but your wellbeing is worth more.
 
I've been there and it's horrible. I left an office job to be a YM - horse had "cheap" livery (I was being ripped off), promised the world etc. 3 weeks later I walked - fed up with being spoken to like s***, screamed at for being 5 mins late (with a good reason), and having notes left for me on a board which all the liveries could see.

It wasn't sensible (we were even in the process of moving house and taking out a bigger mortgage!) and we did struggle for 3 months while I found a new job. I did some temp horsey work, which really made me realise that I'd had enough of horses and wanted to just enjoy my own.

So now I'm back in an office and skiving on HHO for too many hours a day lol
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The job market is pretty poor at the mo, but there are jobs out there. There's no harm in looking and applying for jobs, but try to do it without burning any bridges at your current job. No one deserves to be treated like that, and if it's enough to make you take time off sick, then you have to consider if it's worth it in the long run.

As for horsey work v office work...personal choice really. See what's available and take it from there.
 
Hello - gutted to hear things aren't going as smoothly as hoped. But, if you can sit tight for now I would - I'm not kidding there are NO jobs out there at the moment. I take the view any job is better then no job
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However, now that this has happened it'll always be in the back of your mind so try to squash it down there but keep an eye open for a flare-up on her part. Fall-outs can happen anywhere - sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and bear it, other times it's right to walk.

Keep your eyes open for any jobs that might appeal to you, office or horsey, whichever you think, on balance, that you would prefer. Then you can try to leave at a time that suits you so that you can do it in an organised manner.

And be warned - she may be narked about you taking a day sick today after the falling-out - if one of my assistants did that I would see through it
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For me, well-paid office job with time for horses is much preferable - as with anything no matter how much you love it, once it becomes work it's not so fun. Depends what the perks are of the horsey job though
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Good luck with whatever you decide xx
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Oh E, i am so sorry its all gone tits-up for you, you were SO excited about this job, and I was so pleased for you. I have to say, I wouldnt want to stay working for someone like that, because as others have mentioned, I'd always be waiting for the NEXT big explosion from her, and thats no way to work.

Why don't you look for jobs in both sectors, horsy and non-horsy, and see what comes up? Office jobs are crappy indeed, but you can do them standing on your head, they pay well, you're (normally) out of the rain and you get your evenings and weekends free to spend time with your horses and compete.

PS. I have a new horse, she is brilliant, and we are at a new yard now. Come over and see her if you fancy !
 
I recently left my horsey job cos i just couldn't take going to another show for a weekend and leaving my two horses behind. I was getting shite money which was meant to be balanced by being able to compete my horses but as usual didn't work out so i left. I tried to hang on till i found something else but on my one day off i was so miserable i barely left my room all day and i realised the money wasn't worth it. In your case you have to think about where your horses will go first but if i were you i'd be seriously looking around for something. There are jobs out there if you look it's just the competitions quite tough but obviously you're experienced in different fields so you'll have a good shot.
 
Being honest, it sounds as if your boss has been harbouring some bad feeling towards you for a while and has used this as an excuse to blow up - fundamentally, in order to stand a chance of happily working there, you really need to improve communication which luckily is not the biggest problem in the world
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It sounds like you have a lovely level-headed OH and that really you DON'T want to go back to office work, so I'd persevere a little longer?

Just have a look at your contract and make sure the priveledges are written in there, so you can calmly point out that the two stables are part of your job description.
 
:hugs: It's a horrible position for you to be in. TBH if i was you, i would be looking for another job too as, like you, i wouldnt be able to forget her blowing up like that and would be terrified if i did anything wrong that she would do the same again.
Keep it quiet, be normal around her and be prepared for not being able to find anything straight away, but as soon as you do, AND find another yard for your horses i would tell her and get the hell out.
I LOVE horses more than anything in the world and have always thought i'd love to work with them, but then i talk myself out of it because i know it is crap pay, long hours and i have 3 friends who have all worked at yards etc and inevitablely all have ended up leaving after a few months because they hated it, the long hours, bitchiness etc.
I think do what you love doing, you don't neccesarily have to work with horses to be able to work outside and not be sat at a desk all day, there's other jobs that allow you to work outside etc. Office work isn't all that bad, think i'd rather do that than be broke and unhappy anyway.
Hope things work out.xxx
 
I think office work is underrated actually.

So long as you are paid well enough, I think it's a nice job to be in. OK so it can be boring and you have the typical office bitch(es), but you go in, you do your work, you come home at the end of the day and leave all your work AT work. You have your evenings, weekends and bank holidays free and you get typical holiday, not hit and miss holiday like I get.

Shift work is rubbish, especially when working 24 hour shifts, and although I have worked and trained to work with children and young people, I would much rather be back in an office environment than in the job I am currently doing. It can be fun as well, I believe!
 
Yes the boss does get to read this......

I would like to put a couple of things straight as I seem to be the boss from hell according to Moonwalker.

Regards the stables she was actually only ever given one stable and I kindly have been paying for her to have 2 stables, hay, straw, grazing etc at no charge and have now requested that in the winter she pays me for one one of the stables to help with the finances.

Regards the lorry I have always said that she can have the use of it to go to competitions however she is not legally licensed to drive it due to her age restrictions which is slightly out of my hands, but I have taken her on different ocassions free of charge to compititions / lessons in the lorry and transported her horses free of charge from her old yard.

Regards the jumping saddle she was kind enough to let me use it on a horse as I have been looking for a new saddle for him. I did not just flip at being told I was no longer allowed to use it, it was the fact that I was accused of lending it to another person which I would never have done.

It is a shame that she felt she had to lie to me and phone in sick instead of just being honest. Also that if she has no loyalties here then I think that she has probably answered her own question.

So before to many people judge me as the boss from hell maybe they should think that there are always two sides and that also I have never knocked her standard of work and always praised her for that.
 
HA HA - looks like you may be looking for another job love.

To be honest im shocked you even posted your problems on an open forum - one would think that as a yard manager you would be more sensible and actually talk to your boss rather than call in sick / text her instead of calling??

Words fail me
 
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